en	Min-seo
zh-hans	旼瑞

en	Akarsha
zh-hans	阿卡莎

en	Ester
zh-hans	埃斯特

en	"Yuki"
zh-hans	“玉奇”

en	"Sakura"
zh-hans	“萨库拉”

en	Dad
zh-hans	爸爸

en	Pratik
zh-hans	普拉蒂克

en	Amma
zh-hans	妈妈

en	Chun-hua
zh-hans	春花

en	Ah-gong
zh-hans	阿公

en	???
zh-hans	？？？

en	Jun-seo
zh-hans	俊秀

en	Hayden
zh-hans	海登

en	npc
zh-hans	非玩家角色

en	npc2
zh-hans	非玩家角色2

en	Global Warming
zh-hans	全球变暖

en	9th grade
zh-hans	九年级

en	Get up bitch! It's ready!
zh-hans	快过来！它烤完了！

en	Finally! Outta the way, you'll get burned.
zh-hans	终于好了！你快让开，当心烫。

en	Akarsha gingerly pulls the molten chocolate cake from the oven.
zh-hans	阿卡莎小心翼翼地把巧克力蛋糕从烤箱里取了出来。

en	Thank god...It looks edible this time.
zh-hans	谢天谢地...这回终于成功了。

en	This is our second try. Diya ruined the first one by forgetting to add flour.
zh-hans	这已经是我们烤蛋糕的第二次了。迪亚上次忘加面粉了，效果比较糟糕。

en	What're all those specks on it? It's like the batter wasn't properly mixed.
zh-hans	蛋糕上面的那些小点是什么？感觉像是刚才没把面糊搅拌均匀。

en	We worked so hard mixing it though?
zh-hans	没有吧？我们搅拌的特别努力...

en	It's probably fine.
zh-hans	应该没事的。

en	Yeah, whatever. We don't have enough time to redo it at this point, anyway.
zh-hans	对，别管了。反正我们现在也没时间重新做蛋糕。

en	All we gotta do now is write "Happy Birthday Noelle" on it.
zh-hans	现在只需要用糖霜写“生日快乐诺奥”，蛋糕就完成了。

en	Yeah, yeah, naturally.
zh-hans	嗯，让我来吧。

en	Akarsha pipes icing letters onto the cake as Min checks her phone.
zh-hans	阿卡莎开始用糖霜在蛋糕上写字，而旼看了看手机。

en	Hurry up, Diya says they'll be here any second.
zh-hans	你快点，迪亚说她们马上就到了。

en	Easy. I'm done icing the first word already.
zh-hans	别慌，我已经写完第一个词了。

en	Why the fuck did you write "Noelle" first!?
zh-hans	你他妈的为什么先写“诺奥”！？

en	Aw shit, I got ahead of myself.
zh-hans	我靠，写错了。

en	I'm going to fucking kill you!
zh-hans	我要他妈的杀了你！！

en	Akarsha frantically adds 'BIRTHDAY' to the cake.
zh-hans	阿卡莎连忙将“快乐”两字加了上去。

en	Wait, what're you doing?
zh-hans	哎！你在干嘛？

en	If you hadn't done that, we could've salvaged this with "Noelle Happy Birthday"!
zh-hans	你要是没搞成这样，我门还可以用“诺奥生日快乐”来弥补它！

en	DON'T ASK ME! THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR RUSHING ME!!!
zh-hans	别问我啊！！是你催我才会这样！！！

en	What do we write now?! "Noelle Birthday Happy"???
zh-hans	那我们现在怎么写？！“诺奥快乐生日”？？？

en	It's gonna look like we had a goddamn stroke icing this!
zh-hans	看起来就像我们写着写着中风了！！

en	The doorbell rings. Min and Akarsha freeze.
zh-hans	门铃一响，旼和阿卡莎愣住了。

en	It's them!
zh-hans	她们来了！

en	Gimme the icing bag! You're not allowed to have it anymore!!
zh-hans	快把裱花袋给我！你不许再用了！！

en	Okay, fair. I don't trust myself anymore, either.
zh-hans	确实，我也不太敢让自己写了。

en	I'll go stall them instead.
zh-hans	我去拖住她们。

en	Yeah, keep Noelle outside. I just need like, five minutes to figure out how to fix this.
zh-hans	对，别让诺奥进来。给我五分钟，让我再想想办法。

en	Akarsha sprints to the front door and throws it open.
zh-hans	阿卡莎冲到门廊，推开大门。

en	Brought her.
zh-hans	来了。

en	Well well well, if it isn’t fancy meeting what the cat finally decided to show up.
zh-hans	好吧，如果猫并不想露面来一个碰面。

en	...What on earth are you saying...
zh-hans	...你说什么呢。

en	Noelle narrows her eyes suspiciously at Akarsha, then tries to peer past her into the house.
zh-hans	诺奥用怀疑的眼神盯着阿卡莎，然后试图探望她身后的房间。

en	Is this your house? Diya wouldn't explain why we were walking here.
zh-hans	这是你家吗？迪娅没告诉我为什么要走路过来。

en	Sure is. To be honest, Frenchman, we're here because... uh...
zh-hans	没错呢。说实话啊，法国人，其实我们...呃...

en	We're not ready to reveal the birthday cake yet. I gotta do something to distract her!
zh-hans	生日蛋糕还没准备好，我得赶紧想个办法拦住她！

en	Fake your own death
zh-hans	装死

en	Propose to her
zh-hans	求婚

en	Ough! I've been poisoned!
zh-hans	噢！我中毒了！

en	Akarsha theatrically collapses and lies facedown on the floor.
zh-hans	阿卡莎戏剧性地倒下了，面朝下趴在地上。

en	???
zh-hans	？？？

en	........

en	Used to Akarsha's antics, Diya and Noelle step over her motionless body without comment.
zh-hans	已经熟悉了阿卡莎的恶搞的迪亚与诺奥一言不发地跨过她的躯体。

en	W-wait a minute!
zh-hans	等...等一下！

en	Akarsha crawls to Noelle on all fours and seizes her leg with shaking hands.
zh-hans	阿卡莎爬过去用颤抖的双手抓住诺奥的腿。

en	LET GO OF MY LEG.
zh-hans	放。开。我。的。腿。

en	Wait. I seriously just threw up all over the floor in the kitchen.
zh-hans	等等。我刚才真在厨房吐了一地。

en	What?? Why?!
zh-hans	啊？？为啥？！

en	That's what I gotta do to get your attention?
zh-hans	我这样才能引起你的注意力？

en	I didn't even throw up.
zh-hans	我都没吐呢。

en	.........

en	Noelle wrenches Akarsha off her leg, then wipes her hands on her shirt like she just touched a slug.
zh-hans	诺艾尔把阿卡莎从腿上拽开，然后像刚刚碰了一条鼻涕虫一样地在衣服上擦了擦手。

en	You're gonna just ignore me?
zh-hans	你就这么无视我？

en	I'm throwing up again!
zh-hans	我又要吐了！

en	Akarsha gets down on one knee. Noelle looks warily down at her.
zh-hans	阿卡莎单膝跪下，诺艾尔警戒地看着她。

en	Noelle, will you marry me?!
zh-hans	诺艾尔，你愿意嫁给我吗？！

en	....??!
zh-hans	....？？！

en	What's wrong with you?!
zh-hans	你有病吧？！

en	Akarsha grabs Noelle's hand and tries to force a rubber band onto her finger.
zh-hans	阿卡莎抓住诺艾尔的手，试图把一根橡皮筋塞到她手指上。

en	WHAT IS THAT?!?!
zh-hans	那什么东西啊？！？！

en	Your engagement ring!
zh-hans	你的订婚戒！

en	I DIDN’T AGREE TO THIS! WE’RE NOT ENGAGED!
zh-hans	我。没。同。意！！我们没有订婚！！

en	You didn’t say no!
zh-hans	你没说不！

en	NO!
zh-hans	不行！！！

en	Too late! You didn’t say it right after I asked you!
zh-hans	太晚啦！我问的时候你又没拒绝！

en	THAT’S NOT HOW IT WORKS, YOU DOLT!
zh-hans	订婚不是这么订的，你个傻帽！！！

en	Is that any way to address your future wife?
zh-hans	对待未婚妻还用这种态度？

en	Noelle flings the offending rubber band into the bushes.
zh-hans	诺艾尔把橡皮筋摔到草丛里。

en	.........

en	Diya just stands there in confusion. Noelle suspiciously looks from her to Akarsha.
zh-hans	迪娅一脸疑惑地站在那里，诺艾尔怀疑地看着她们俩。

en	What's really going on?
zh-hans	到底是怎么回事？

en	There's no way you made me walk for an hour just to act out this inane skit.
zh-hans	你们让我走了一个小时过来，肯定不只是为了演这种荒唐的小品。

en	It only took that long because you wouldn't run.
zh-hans	你要是肯跑步就不会花这么久。

en	Once you run at least three miles without walking, you'll see how fun it is.
zh-hans	一旦你能不间断地跑5公里，你就知道有多好玩了。

en	I'm sorry, Diya, but that's never happening.
zh-hans	抱歉，迪娅，但那是不可能的。

en	SURPRISE!!!
zh-hans	大惊喜！！！

en	Oh, we're doing this? The cake must be ready now!
zh-hans	啊，已经开始了吗？蛋糕一定是准备好了！

en	Surprise! Happy Birthday Frenchman!
zh-hans	大惊喜！生日快乐，法国人！

en	Surprise.
zh-hans	惊喜。

en	We put together a party for you.
zh-hans	我们给你办了个生日派对。

en	Oh. You...{w=0.35}what?
zh-hans	哦，你们...[w=0.35]啊？

en	Noelle is lost for words.
zh-hans	诺艾尔说不出话。

en	You shouldn't have...
zh-hans	你们没必要这样...

en	Shut the fuck up! You're not the boss of me!
zh-hans	你他妈的闭嘴！你管不了我！

en	It...{w=0.35}it's MY birthday, so shouldn't I have some say here?!
zh-hans	我......{w=0.35}我生日不应该我说的算吗？！

en	Anyway, I haven't said anything about not liking it.
zh-hans	总之，我没说我不喜欢它之类的话。

en	She grimaces like there's something disgusting in her mouth.
zh-hans	她扭曲着脸，像什么东西堵住了她的嘴。

en	I sincerely....{w=1.0}appreciate....{w=1.0}you all doing this.
zh-hans	我真的....{w=1.0}很感谢....{w=1.0}你们为我做的这些。

en	Oooh, I like this! Go on.
zh-hans	噢噢噢，我喜欢！继续！

en	There's nothing more to "go on" to. That was all.
zh-hans	没有什么“继续“。我说完了。

en	It was nice while it lasted.
zh-hans	它很不错。

en	Come inside. We baked you a cake!
zh-hans	快进来。我们给你做了个蛋糕！

en	You did?
zh-hans	是吗？

en	Wha...{w=0.35}what kind of save was this...
zh-hans	唔哇...{w=0.35}这是哪门子弥补啊...

en	What's that red squiggly under it? A heart monitor?
zh-hans	它底下的红曲线是什么？心电图吗？

en	Why does it look like it's flatlining toward the end?
zh-hans	为什么它看上去最后变成了直线？

en	It's hard to control the icing, okay?!
zh-hans	用糖霜很难的好吗？！

en	And this was all Akarsha's fault in the first place.
zh-hans	而且这一开始全是阿卡莎的错。

en	MY fault? All I did was drive the train off the rails. You were the one who crashed it!
zh-hans	我的错？我做的不过是把火车开出轨了，而你是那个让它撞毁的人！

en	Driving off the rails still sounds like a pretty big mistake...
zh-hans	把火车开出轨听起来依旧像是一个超级大错误…

en	Oh yeah?? Well, ultimately, this is Noelle's fault for being born. Who's the real culprit now???
zh-hans	是吗？？好吧，说到底，这就是诺艾尔出生的错，现在谁才是问题的起因？？？

en	Huh, good point. Okay, let's go with that.
zh-hans	哈，好角度。好吧，就这么想。

en	Good point?!
zh-hans	好角度？！

en	We've won. Two against one.
zh-hans	我们赢了，二对一。

en	Democracy! U.S.A!
zh-hans	民主！美国！

en	Once everyone's had a slice of cake, Akarsha brings everyone to the living room.
zh-hans	每个人都吃了一块蛋糕后，阿卡莎带着她们来到了客厅。

en	This was originally gonna be a sleepover, but I think some of your parents would've said no.
zh-hans	本来是想过夜的，不过我想有人的家长不会同意。

en	Diya nods.
zh-hans	迪亚点了点头。

en	My mom's never let me go to one before. She's worried it'll turn me lesbian.
zh-hans	我妈妈之前都不让我去，她担心这会把我变成蕾丝边。

en	Too bad for her, I already did.
zh-hans	太可惜了，我已经把你掰弯了。

en	Yeah...
zh-hans	是啊…

en	Akarsha, I'm surprised your parents let us come over unsupervised at all.
zh-hans	阿卡莎，我很惊讶你的父母竟然对我们的到来完全不惊讶。

en	Eh, they trust me. They should be back any minute now, anyway.
zh-hans	呃，他们相信我。反正他们随时可能回来。

en	They're in San Ramon watching my bro's red belt test for Taekwondo. It must be taking longer than they thought.
zh-hans	他们在圣拉蒙观看我弟弟跆拳道红带的考试，这肯定花了比他们预计更长的时间。

en	Test? I didn't realize you had to pass formal examinations to advance in Taekwondo.
zh-hans	考试？我都不知道跆拳道进阶需要参加正规考试。

en	Ya, you gotta memorize forms and stuff. I've never seen them fail anyone, though.
zh-hans	嗯，你要记住一些招式和别的什么。虽然我也没见过谁考试不通过。

en	Anyway, us being home alone means we can go BUCK WILD. We're about to throw the party of a LIFETIME, Frenchman!
zh-hans	不管怎么说，就我们几个在家意味着可以疯。玩。我们要过一个一生难忘的派对，法国人！

en	Akarsha crouches at the foot of the TV and turns the GameCube on.
zh-hans	阿卡莎在电视机旁蹲下，打开了游戏机。

en	Mario Golf, baby.
zh-hans	马里奥高尔夫，亲爱的。

en	Golf? Are you sure Noelle will like that?
zh-hans	高尔夫？你确定诺艾尔会喜欢？

en	I don't know what you're talking about. Mario Golf is the best game in the world.
zh-hans	我不知道你在说什么。马里奥高尔夫是世界上最棒的游戏。

en	I only have two controllers, though. I usually just play against my bro.
zh-hans	但我只有两个手柄，我通常只和我弟弟玩。

en	Noelle should get to play first because it's her birthday.
zh-hans	诺艾尔应该第一个玩，今天是她生日。

en	Yeah, and the rest of us should take turns playing against her.
zh-hans	对，剩下的应该和她轮流对决。

en	Won't that feel like everyone ganging up against me?
zh-hans	这不像是每个人联合起来对抗我吗？

en	Nonsense! You're getting the maximal amount of fun here, Frenchman.
zh-hans	扯淡！你会得到最大份的乐趣的，法国人。

en	Akarsha hands Noelle one of the controllers. Min grabs the other one and curls up on the couch with Diya.
zh-hans	阿卡莎递给了诺艾尔其中一个手柄。小旼抓起另外一个，蜷坐在迪娅旁。

en	Akarsha, this better not be like your copy of Melee.
zh-hans	阿卡莎，这最好不是你的副本。

en	You didn't even have any of the characters unlocked except Marth.
zh-hans	你甚至除了马尔斯一个角色都没解锁。

en	Who needs "Falcon" or whatever when Captain Falcon is right there? Same thing, really...
zh-hans	谁需要什么“法尔孔”当法尔孔队长在这？我说真的…

en	You mean {i}Falco{/i}?! There's no fucking character called Falcon!
zh-hans	你说法尔孔？没有一个角色叫他妈的法尔孔！

en	Jeez, calm yourself! I unlocked everything this time. See?
zh-hans	天，冷静！我这次解锁了所有角色，看到了吗？

en	Min, choose Wario. We're team Wario.
zh-hans	小旼，选瓦里奥，我们是瓦里奥队。

en	Why should I?
zh-hans	我干嘛这么做？

en	Don't you trust me?
zh-hans	你不信我吗？

en	I guess, whatever...
zh-hans	是吧，随便…

en	I suppose I'll be this pink princess.
zh-hans	我想我会选这个粉色的公主。

en	Akarsha glances over at Noelle. She's placed her controller flat on the sofa and is pressing down on the buttons like she's playing piano.
zh-hans	阿卡莎瞟了眼诺艾尔。她把她的手柄放在地上，像弹钢琴一样按着按钮。

en	What're you doing???
zh-hans	你在干嘛？？？

en	Shut up! I can adjust the control stick with greater precision like this!
zh-hans	闭嘴！这样我可以精准地控制按钮！

en	Noelle pinches the control stick between her thumb and index finger like a crab with a pebble between its pincers.
zh-hans	诺艾尔用她的拇指和食指敲着按钮，像钳子里夹了石头的螃蟹。

en	Ohhhh my godddd! Why are you like a grandma who's never seen a video game before?!
zh-hans	噢——我的天——吶——！你为什么像一个从来没见过电子游戏的老奶奶？！

en	Min selects a dark, lava-ridden course. An animation panning to the stage's first hole plays onscreen.
zh-hans	小旼选了一个黑漆漆的、充满了岩浆的场景。过场动画将镜头移动到场景里的第一个球洞。

en	Wait, that looks difficult. I don't even know how to play this yet!
zh-hans	等一下，这看起来好难啊，我都还不知道怎么用这个！

en	Sink or sizzle, Frenchman.
zh-hans	要么生要么死，法国人。

en	That doesn't sound like something you should be saying to someone on her birthday.
zh-hans	这听起来不像是你该对寿星说的话。

en	Noelle hastily mashes buttons at random on her controller. Her character manages to hit the golf ball safely across a lava pit.
zh-hans	诺奥迟疑地随机按了手柄上的几个按钮，她的角色成功越过了岩浆将球打进洞。

en	Oh, so it's just luck.
zh-hans	哦，纯粹的运气。

en	It's not luck. It's physics.
zh-hans	这不是运气，这是物理。

en	Big words from someone who was protesting she didn't know how play ten seconds ago.
zh-hans	十秒前有人还在抗议她不知道怎么玩。

en	After a few swings, Min successfully putts her golf ball into the first hole. The words "BOGEY" appear onscreen.
zh-hans	几杆后，小旼成功把她的球打进了第一个洞。“好球”出现在屏幕上。

en	The fuck is a "bogey"?
zh-hans	这他妈的是“好球”？

en	How should I know? Aren't you and Diya the sports enthusiasts here?
zh-hans	我怎么知道？你和迪亚的运动激情不在这吗？

en	I like real sports, not fake old people sports like golf.
zh-hans	我喜欢真正的运动，而不是假的老年人运动，就像高尔夫。

en	Me too.
zh-hans	我也是。

en	Noelle finishes the hole with a triple bogey. Onscreen, Princess Peach collapses and shakes her head, devastated.

en	HAHAH! LOSER!!!
zh-hans	哈。哈。哈！！你。输。了！！！

en	YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH!!!
zh-hans	闭。嘴！！！！

en	Min hands Diya the controller for the next hole, kissing her adoringly on the cheek as she does.
zh-hans	小旼把手柄递给迪亚打下一球，如她所愿亲了亲她的脸颊。

en	Diya furrows her brows, considering her options...
zh-hans	迪亚满脸通红，思索着她的选择……

en	.......
zh-hans	……

en	Diya launches her ball straight into the lava.
zh-hans	迪亚直直地把球打进了岩浆里。

en	At last! My chance to make a comeback.
zh-hans	终于！我反超的机会来了。

en	I'm weaker today because I'm not Luigi.
zh-hans	我今天很菜，因为我没有用路易吉。

en	If you insist.
zh-hans	随你怎么说。

en	Noelle immediately hits her ball into the lava, too.
zh-hans	诺奥随即也把球打进了岩浆。

en	NGOOOHHGHH!!!
zh-hans	不。要！！！！！

en	I can't wait to see your face when we play Monopoly later.
zh-hans	我迫不及待地想看看一会玩地产大亨时你的脸色。

en	We're playing {i}Monopoly?{/i} Why?
zh-hans	我们要玩{i}地产大亨？{/i} 为什么？

en	What, you don't like it?
zh-hans	等等，你不喜欢吗？

en	There's no skill involved! It's pure luck!
zh-hans	这其中没有任何技术可言！只有纯粹的运气！

en	Silence, demon! It's fun to fantasize about owning property someday!
zh-hans	住嘴，恶魔！想象我们未来自己的财产很有趣！

en	The game was not even designed to be fun!
zh-hans	这个游戏甚至不是为了有趣而被设计出来的！

en	It was created to educate people on the dangers of capitalism!
zh-hans	它是为了让人们认识到资本主义的危害！

en	But I like collecting the deed cards...They're such nice colors.
zh-hans	但是我喜欢收集契约卡……它们的颜色很好看。

en	Noelle, let's make a deal. If you win the next hole against me, we won't play Monopoly.
zh-hans	诺奥，我们打个赌。如果你下一杆赢了我，我们就不玩地产大亨。

en	How is that fair? You've played Mario Golf countless times before.
zh-hans	这怎么会公平？你之前已经玩过好几次马里奥高尔夫了。

en	Hey, I've only tried this course once or twice! Honest!
zh-hans	嘿，我之前只玩过这个场景一两次！真的！

en	Noelle ponders this as Diya hits her golf ball straight into the lava for the third time.
zh-hans	诺奥沉思着，同时迪亚第三次把球直直地打进岩浆。

en	...Fine. Deal.
zh-hans	……好吧，成交。

en	Oh, no. I roasted my golf ball again.
zh-hans	哦不，我又毁了我的高尔夫球。

en	After countless attempts, Noelle manages to complete the hole first.
zh-hans	好几次尝试之后，诺奥成功第一次把球打进洞。

en	Yay. You win.
zh-hans	嗯，你赢了。

en	It's a good thing your athleticism doesn't translate to skill at sports games.
zh-hans	你的运动员精神没有转移到运动游戏上真是太好了。

en	Diya putts the ball into the hole with her next swing. She passes the controller to Akarsha.
zh-hans	迪亚下一杆把球打进了洞，把手柄交给了阿卡莎。

en	Your turn.
zh-hans	轮到你了。

en	Diya totally just let Noelle win.
zh-hans	是迪亚让着诺奥赢了。

en	Unfortunately for Frenchman, {i}I{/i} don't believe in going easy on the birthday girl.
zh-hans	很不幸，法国人，{i}我{/i}不相信寿星会幸运。

en	I'm pulling out all the stops!

en	The words "Press A to skip" appear as the animation showing the next hole begins to play...
zh-hans	“按A跳过”的字样在动画显示下一个球洞时出现了。

en	"Accidentally" press A as you take the controller
zh-hans	拿着手柄时“不小心”按到了A。

en	Akarsha presses A to skip the animation before it can reveal the hole's location.
zh-hans	阿卡莎在动画显示球洞位置之前按A跳过了动画。

en	You cut it off early...
zh-hans	你提前把它跳过了……

en	Whoopsie daisy! I got too impatient.
zh-hans	哦不！我太没耐心了。

en	AKARSHA!!! WHERE'S THE HOLE!!
zh-hans	阿！卡！莎！！！球洞在哪！！

en	I wonder...
zh-hans	我想想……

en	YOU WORTHLESS SCAMMER!!!
zh-hans	你这个没用的骗子！！！

en	Akarsha smugly putts her ball, but it rolls smoothly into the lava.
zh-hans	阿卡莎得意洋洋地放了她的球，但它滑溜溜地滚进了岩浆。

en	NOO!!! NOOOO!! AAUAAGGH!!!
zh-hans	不！！不要！！！啊啊啊啊啊！！！

en	Serves you right.
zh-hans	你活该。

en	Noelle tries to set up a trick shot against a wall.
zh-hans	诺奥试着对着墙发一个技巧球。

en	Whoa! Geometry!
zh-hans	哇哦！几何学！

en	Be quiet. I'm concentrating.
zh-hans	安静点，我正专注着呢。

en	Noelle hits the ball with a measured swing.
zh-hans	诺奥将球打出了一个计算好地弧度。

en	Instead of glancing off the wall at the intended angle, it just ricochets back the way it came.
zh-hans	没有根据设想的角度被墙反弹，球只是原路被弹了回来。

en	Well done, Noelle! You're back where you started!
zh-hans	干得好，诺奥！你回到起点了！

en	I HATE YOU! YOU SCUMBAG!!!
zh-hans	我恨你！卑鄙小人！！！

en	I STILL DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE THE HOLE IS!!!
zh-hans	我。还。不。知。道。球。洞。在。哪！！！

en	Watch and learn, my friend.
zh-hans	好好看好好学，朋友。

en	Akarsha expertly angles her shot so the golf ball rolls up a hill, then drops straight into the hole.
zh-hans	阿卡莎专业地调整着角度，高尔夫球滚过了一个山丘，直直地进了洞。

en	That's how it's done.
zh-hans	是这么做的。

en	My days playing this stage against my bro have finally paid off!
zh-hans	我天天和我弟弟打这张图，终于有了回报！

en	Days?! You said you only played this stage once or twice!
zh-hans	天天？！你说你只玩过一两次！

en	Noelle scowls, but Akarsha can tell from the way the corners of her mouth crinkle that she's fighting back a grin.
zh-hans	诺奥皱紧眉头，但阿卡莎，从嘴角的弧度可以分辨出在笑。

en	You liar! What do you have to say for yourself?!
zh-hans	你这个骗子！你还有什么好为自己辩解的吗？！

en	Huh? Suddenly, I can't hear...My ears are failing!
zh-hans	嗯？我突然听不见了……我的耳朵掉了！

en	Hawwo? Hawwo?
zh-hans	哈喽？哈喽？

en	AKARSHAAAAA!!!!!!
zh-hans	阿！！卡！！莎！！！！！！

en	Wario slaps his butt as the words "PAR" appear onscreen.
zh-hans	“标准杆”字样出现在屏幕上，瓦里奥对着镜头拍拍他的屁股。

en	See? This is why Mario Golf is the best game in the world.
zh-hans	看到了吗？这就是为什么马里奥高尔夫是世界上最好的游戏。

en	Noelle turns away so Akarsha can't see her face, but by now she's shaking with barely suppressed laughter.
zh-hans	诺奥转身不让阿卡莎看到自己的脸，但她抖动着身体，伴着几不可闻的笑声。

en	I win! I broke her!
zh-hans	我赢了！我让她破功了！

en	I'M GOING TO BEAT THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS OUT OF YOU!!!
zh-hans	我要夺去你生活的阳光！！！

en	Akarsha yelps as Noelle pelts her with slaps.
zh-hans	阿卡莎大叫，诺奥用手拍打她。

en	Halp! Murder! Murder!
zh-hans	救命！谋杀！谋杀！

en	So, Monopoly?
zh-hans	所以，地产大亨？

en	You got it.
zh-hans	是的。

en	Ya HA! I got Boardwalk!
zh-hans	呀哈！我拿到了Broadwalk！

en	Welcome to my Santa Cruz of Death. I'm using my entire savings to pile four houses on it.
zh-hans	欢迎来到我的撒旦死亡十字口，我要用我的全部积蓄在这买下四套房子。

en	Oh, no. If I land on it right now, I'll go broke.
zh-hans	哦不，如果我到了这，我就破产了。

en	Well, chances are, you won't.
zh-hans	嗯，大概率你不会。

en	Unloading all your money on a single property is pure folly this early in the game.
zh-hans	在这个游戏，一开始就在一个地产上使用了你所有的积蓄是很愚蠢的。

en	Diya rolls the dice and breathes a sigh of relief when she safely passes Akarsha's killer Boardwalk tile.
zh-hans	迪亚投骰子，安心地叹了口气，走过了阿卡莎的致命Broadwalk。

en	After a few spaces, her dog token lands on Min's property. She begins to shell out the rent, but Min stops her.
zh-hans	几格后，她的狗狗落在了小旼的地产上，她拿出钱，但小旼阻止了她。

en	You don't have to pay me.
zh-hans	你不用给我钱。

en	?!
zh-hans	？！

en	I don't?
zh-hans	不用？

en	It's my house, so I'm in charge. You can stay there for free.
zh-hans	这是我的屋子，我来决定规则，你可以免费通过。

en	....

en	Not so fast. That's not allowed!
zh-hans	没这么快，这是不允许的！

en	When you land on property owned by another player, the owner has to collect rent from you.
zh-hans	你落到其他玩家拥有的地产上时，那个玩家必须向你收钱。

en	Akarsha flips open the rulebook and pretends to adjust an imaginary pair of glasses on her face.
zh-hans	阿卡莎打开了规则书，假装推了推脸上并不存在的眼镜。

en	Actually, it says here...
zh-hans	其实，这里说……

en	"The owner may not collect the rent if he/she fails to ask for it before the second player following throws the dice."
zh-hans	“房产拥有者没有在下一个玩家投骰子之前收租，他/她可能得不到钱。”

en	That's so confusingly worded.
zh-hans	这也太混淆了。

en	Basically, it's sayin' if the owner doesn't ask for rent, the renter doesn't have to pay it!
zh-hans	基本上，它在说，如果房产拥有者没有主动收钱，落在这的人不需要付钱！

en	Ha! So Diya CAN sleep at my house!
zh-hans	哈！所以迪亚‘可以’睡在我家！

en	What kind of buffoon penned these rules?! If the renter and owner are in cahoots, the other players are at a disadvantage!
zh-hans	哪个小丑制定的这些规则？！如果落在这的人和房产主人结伙了，对其他玩家就不利了！

en	Unless the odd ones out form an alliance to counter it, too.
zh-hans	除非剩下的人也结伙和他们对抗。

en	HmmMMMMM...Wanna be in {i}cahoots{/i} with me, Frenchman?
zh-hans	嗯嗯嗯嗯嗯……想要和我{i}结伙{/i} 吗，法国人？

en	Not a chance.
zh-hans	没门。

en	Don't say I didn't ask ya.
zh-hans	别说我没问过你哦。

en	You'll be singing a different tune once you land on my Killer Boardwalk.
zh-hans	等你落在我的杀人Broadwalk时你就不会这么想了。

en	Noelle's phone buzzes, and her face pales when she checks it.
zh-hans	诺奥的手机响了，她的脸色在看到消息时变得煞白。

en	Oh, great.
zh-hans	哦，太棒了。

en	What's wrong?
zh-hans	怎么了？

en	I told my mom I'd text her when I got to Akarsha's house.
zh-hans	我告诉了妈妈，到阿卡莎家时就会给她发短信。

en	But I was having so much fun, it completely slipped my mind.
zh-hans	但我刚才玩得太开心，把这件事给忘了。

en	Akarsha catches a glimpse of Noelle's phone screen. It's filled with panicked texts from her mom...
zh-hans	阿卡萨看了一眼诺奥手机的屏幕。短信软件上全都是诺奥妈妈慌里慌张的短信...

en	{nw}

en	12:29 PM
zh-hans	下午12:29

en	Are you having fun
zh-hans	你玩的开心吗

en	Hello
zh-hans	你在吗

en	1:00 PM
zh-hans	下午1:00

en	Hello Noelle how are you doting
zh-hans	你好诺奥你怎么养

en	I meant not doing not doting :)
zh-hans	打错了，把样打成养了:)

en	2:30 PM
zh-hans	下午2:30

en	You may consider to call us when you can
zh-hans	你有空时能给我们打个电话吗

en	2:51 PM
zh-hans	下午2:51

en	Is everything okay ?
zh-hans	你没事吧？

en	Where are you? You said you would text us, It's been almost two hours
zh-hans	你在哪里？已经过了两个小时，都没给我们发短信

en	2:55 PM
zh-hans	下午2:55

en	How come you're not picking up your phone?
zh-hans	你怎么不回信了？

en	We're about to call the police
zh-hans	我们要报警了

en	Jesus...
zh-hans	天啊……

en	There's four missed calls, too. I think we were all shouting so much, I didn't hear any of them.
zh-hans	还有四通未接来电，我想当时我们喊太大声了，我没听见。

en	Diya jumps in surprise as her cell phone starts ringing.
zh-hans	迪亚突然跳起来，她的手机响了。

en	She stares at it with trepidation before fearfully pressing it to her good ear.
zh-hans	她还没听到铃声，就开始恐慌地盯着它。

en	........

en	Diya frantically hands Noelle the phone like it's a hot potato.
zh-hans	迪亚把手机像烫手山芋一样递给了诺奥。

en	Alright. I'll deal with it.
zh-hans	好吧，我会解决的。

en	Noelle answers the phone and leaves the room with a sigh. Akarsha can faintly hear her side of a frustrating conversation...
zh-hans	诺奥接通电话，留给房间一声叹息。阿卡莎可以断断续续听到她的对话……

en	A few minutes later, she returns to the group, her face sour.
zh-hans	几分钟后，她回来了，脸上酸溜溜的。

en	We've cleared up the misunderstanding. I let them know I'll be here for a few more hours.
zh-hans	我们消除了误会，我让他们知道我会在这多几个小时。

en	I'm sorry my mom called you, Diya. That was humiliating.
zh-hans	很抱歉我妈妈打给你，迪亚。这太丢脸了。

en	It's okay. Good thing she didn't report you missing yet.
zh-hans	没关系，还好她没有上报你失踪。

en	I know she means well, but it's honestly irritating how often she wildly overreacts to perfectly harmless situations.
zh-hans	我知道她是为了我好，但她总是对完美无害的情景作出过度反应。

en	She has no friends or hobbies, so all her brain power is spent on obsessing over me.
zh-hans	她没有朋友或爱好，所以她用所有的精力过度监视我。

en	Sorry we got you in trouble...
zh-hans	很抱歉我们让你惹了麻烦……

en	It's not your fault. You couldn't have known.
zh-hans	这不是你们的问题，你们都不知道。

en	I should've remembered to text her once I arrived at your house.
zh-hans	我应该记得一到你家就给她发消息。

en	Noelle's joints crick as she sits back down at the Monopoly board between Diya and Akarsha.
zh-hans	诺奥坐回迪亚和阿卡莎之间，膝盖轻轻碰在一块。

en	Is it just me, or are all the "cool" kids at our school just the ones whose parents let them do the most stuff?
zh-hans	是只有我觉得，学校里所有的“酷”小孩都有一个管很少的家长？

en	Yeah, it's the girls who're allowed to wear make-up and hang out with their friends all the time.
zh-hans	是啊，那些化妆天天和朋友们出去的女孩们。

en	That's not always true. My parents are pretty chill, but I'm still uncool.
zh-hans	并不全队，我的父母不管我，但我依然不酷。

en	I'm just unpopular cuz I'm weird.
zh-hans	我只是因为我很怪所以不受欢迎。

en	Don't forget perverted and annoying.
zh-hans	还有开黄腔的和暴躁的。

en	I would like to add that you're a compulsive liar.
zh-hans	追加一个说谎惯犯。

en	Geez, wow! I didn't realize everyone had their own theories for why I'm not popular...
zh-hans	哦天哪！我之前都没意识到每个人对于我不受欢迎有自己的看法……

en	A few turns of Monopoly later, Akarsha moves her top hat token to the Reading Railroad.
zh-hans	几轮地产大亨后，阿卡莎移动她的高帽到了瑞丁铁路。

en	Whose is this?
zh-hans	这是谁的？

en	Mine.
zh-hans	我的。

en	Diya, bromie, please...I have a starving family and eight children at home...
zh-hans	迪亚，好朋友，拜托了……我家里还有八个挨饿的孩子要养……

en	$25. Hand it over.
zh-hans	25元，交上来。

en	You're murdering the babes, Diya! How about $24? Just one dollar can save a life...
zh-hans	你在谋杀婴儿，迪亚！24元怎么样？一元就可以救活一个生命……

en	I like how since we found out it's possible to not pay rent, this turned into Akarsha begging and haggling with everyone to not charge her.
zh-hans	自从我们发现不收钱的可能性后，阿卡莎就一直在央求别人不要收她钱。

en	Wait, Diya, I'll roll you for it. Double or nothing.
zh-hans	等下，迪亚，我们再投一次，翻倍或者免费。

en	So now this is a casino?
zh-hans	所以现在这是个赌博？

en	Diya assesses the thick stack of Monopoly money she's accumulated from not having to pay rent on Min's properties.
zh-hans	迪亚看了看她自从不用付钱给小旼后，厚厚的一沓地产大亨钞票。

en	Okay. I'll try my luck.
zh-hans	好吧，试试我的运气。

en	Diya shakes the dice in her hands and drops them onto the board with a clatter. She got...
zh-hans	迪亚在手里甩了甩她的骰子，把它们扔到了板子上。她投到了……

en	[diyaRandomNum].

en	[diyaRandomNum]...There's no way I'll lose to that!
zh-hans	[diyaRandomNum]……我不可能输的！

en	[diyaRandomNum].
zh-hans	[diyaRandomNum]。

en	[diyaRandomNum]?! That's gonna be tough to beat...
zh-hans	[diyaRandomNum]？！这很难赢……

en	[diyaRandomNum].
zh-hans	[diyaRandomNum]。

en	Yee, [diyaRandomNum]'s not too bad. I got this!
zh-hans	耶，[diyaRandomNum]没那么糟，到我了！

en	Roll the dice
zh-hans	投骰子

en	Holding her breath, Akarsha rolls the dice...
zh-hans	屏住呼吸，阿卡莎投了骰子……

en	[akarshaRandomNum]! WINNER!!!!
zh-hans	[akarshaRandomNum]！赢了！！！

en	...
zh-hans	…

en	I live another day!
zh-hans	我又活过了一天！

en	[akarshaRandomNum]...Alas.......
zh-hans	[akarshaRandomNum]…哎呀……

en	!!
zh-hans	！！

en	$50. Fork it over.
zh-hans	五十元，交出来。

en	I'll have you know little Timmy died of starvation last night 'cause of you.
zh-hans	我会让你知道小汤米昨晚因为你饿死了。

en	His ghost is now haunting you...
zh-hans	他的鬼魂现在正缠着你…

en	Okay. Sure.
zh-hans	嗯，好的。

en	OooOOooOoO...Why did you kill me when I'm only a small child?
zh-hans	噢噢噢噢…为什么要在我还是个孩子时杀了我？

en	You're so annoying. I hope your next turn kills you.
zh-hans	你好吵，我希望你的下一局你破产。

en	If I'm so annoying, why do you keep hanging out with me?
zh-hans	如果我真的很吵，为什么你还出来和我玩？

en	Because I love to watch you fail.
zh-hans	因为我喜欢看你失败。

en	It's Noelle's turn. She rolls a 12.
zh-hans	到诺奥了，她投了12。

en	Noelle only moves her iron token a couple spaces before she starts to lose it. That's how Akarsha knows she's landed on Boardwalk.
zh-hans	诺奥仅仅动了她的铁块几步，阿卡莎就知道她会落在Broadwalk。

en	Uh oh...Spaghetti-O's...
zh-hans	哦不……太糟了…

en	SHUT UP! YOU DON'T NEED TO RUB IT IN!!!!
zh-hans	闭嘴！你不用强调！！！！

en	She nearly knocks over all the houses Akarsha's piled up on the space as she slams her token down.
zh-hans	她几乎把阿卡莎的房子全都弄倒了。

en	How much is it?
zh-hans	多少钱？

en	Oh, only $1700.
zh-hans	哦，只要1700元。

en	To Akarsha's amazement, Noelle dissolves into laughter on the couch — actual, honest-to-god laughter.
zh-hans	出乎阿卡莎的意料，诺奥开始笑——真实地诚实到家的笑。

en	Dang! I gotta figure out how to do that again!
zh-hans	哇！我要琢磨怎么才能再来一次！

en	As Min rolls next, Akarsha hears the sound of the front door opening.
zh-hans	到了小旼，阿卡莎听到前门被打开的声音。

en	Oh, they're finally back from Taekwondo!
zh-hans	哦，他们从跆拳道回来了！

en	Her little brother runs into the living room, wildly swinging his new red belt in the air like a whip.
zh-hans	她的弟弟跑进客厅，在空气中不断挥舞着他的新红带。

en	HOWL, ZABIMARU!
zh-hans	哇啊，斩魄刀！

en	He flails his red belt, whapping the floor, couch, and everything else within a three foot radius of him.
zh-hans	他用红带扫过了离他三步内的所有东西。

en	OW! OW!!!
zh-hans	哇哦！哇哦！！！

en	This is my bro Pratik. He's basically me but a guy.
zh-hans	这是我弟弟帕拉提克，他就是男版的我。

en	I see you passed your "test"...
zh-hans	我看到你通过了“考试”…

en	A voice booms through the house from the garage.
zh-hans	车库透过屋子里传来一阵声音。

en	{i}BETI!!!{/i} HELP CARRY GROCERIES IN!!!
zh-hans	{i}贝蒂！！！{/i} 过来把杂物搬进来！！！

en	WE STOPPED BY COSTCO AND BOUGHT NACHOS FOR THE PARTY!!
zh-hans	我们被给派对的好市多的玉米片困住了！！

en	YEH!!!!
zh-hans	耶！！！！

en	Should we help?
zh-hans	我们要去帮忙吗？

en	Nah, he's talkin' to me. Be my guest!! Relax!!!
zh-hans	不用，他在和我说话，安啦！呆在这！！！

en	No, I insist. It is my birthday you're going through the trouble for.
zh-hans	可是这是我的生日派对，是它给你造成了麻烦。

en	Fine, hard to argue with that...Frenchman, let's go!
zh-hans	好吧，很难不同意……法国人，我们走！

en	Akarsha hastily stuffs her socked feet into her mom's sandals and waddles into the garage with Noelle in tow.
zh-hans	阿卡莎穿着她妈妈的拖鞋走去车库，因为穿着袜子，姿势怪怪的。

en	Is Pratik your only sibling?
zh-hans	帕拉提克是你唯一的同辈吗？

en	Naw, I have a big sis too.
zh-hans	不，我还有个姐姐。

en	But she's like, way, way older. She's in medical school already.
zh-hans	但她，嗯，更年长些，她已经在医学院了。

en	That {i}is{/i} a lot older.
zh-hans	那{i}是{/i} 很年长。

en	I was definitely an accident. But I think I was so awesome that it reminded my parents how cool kids are, and then they made my bro on purpose.
zh-hans	我只是一个意外，不过我觉得我太棒了，以至于我的父母又特意生了我弟弟。

en	That. Is FAR too much information.
zh-hans	嗯，很多信息。

en	So your sister intends to become a doctor?
zh-hans	所以你的姐姐要成为医生？

en	A {i}neurosurgeon{/i}.
zh-hans	一个 {i}神经外科医生{/i}。

en	Like, good for her, but it's almost kinda frustrating how perfect she turned out. She's just as bad as you.
zh-hans	为她好，她看起来太完美了。她其实和你一样坏。

en	I can't even say my parents have unrealistic expectations 'cause my sister actually met them.
zh-hans	我甚至不能说我父母有些不合实际的期待，因为我姐姐遇到了他们。

en	Akarsha's dad walks over from the trunk of the minivan with an armful of groceries.
zh-hans	阿卡莎的爸爸从迷你货车上下来，抱着满满的杂物。

en	Oh god, what is he wearing?!
zh-hans	哦天啊，他穿着什么？！

en	Hoo hoo! So this is the birthday girl.
zh-hans	吼吼！这就是寿星。

en	Thanks god you are here.
zh-hans	谢了上帝你在这。

en	My dad always says "Thanks god" instead of "Thank god". I dunno why...
zh-hans	我爸爸一直把“感谢上帝”说成“谢了上帝”。不知道为什么…

en	Well...It's my surprise party, so I don't have much choice in the matter.
zh-hans	额…这是我的惊喜派对，所以我也没有太多选择。

en	Akarsha said you don't like surprises, so you might go home already.
zh-hans	阿卡莎说你不喜欢惊喜，所以你这会可能已经回家了。

en	Like my co-worker Carrot last week. When we threw her a retirement party, she only stayed for half an hour.
zh-hans	就像我的前同事卡罗特，上周我们为她举办了退休派对，她只呆了半小时。

en	Your co-worker is called "Carrot"...?
zh-hans	你的前同事叫卡罗特…？（胡萝卜）

en	Dad, her name is {i}Karen.{/i} I really hope you weren't calling her that at the office.
zh-hans	爸爸，她叫 {i}卡伦。{/i}我希望你没有在办公室这么叫她。

en	Akarsha's dad tries to clear a path through the heap of shoes by the garage door. Meanwhile, Akarsha and Noelle each grab a couple grocery bags from the trunk.
zh-hans	阿卡莎的爸爸试着请出一条通往车库门的路，同时，阿卡莎和诺奥从后备箱一人拎了一袋。

en	Your dad looks very...patriotic.
zh-hans	你爸爸看起来非常…爱国。

en	Yeah, he thinks being American is really cool so he likes to buy stuff with eagles and flags on it sometimes.
zh-hans	是啊，他觉得成为美国人很酷，所以他有时喜欢买一些有老鹰和国旗的东西。

en	I see...Is he really into politics?
zh-hans	知道了…他对政治很感兴趣吗？

en	No, my parents don't know anything about politics.
zh-hans	不感兴趣，我的父母不懂政治。

en	Every election they have one of them vote for the Republican candidate while the other votes for the Democrat, so they cancel each other out.
zh-hans	每次选举，他们其中一个投给共和党，另一个投给民主党，这样就等于没有投。

en	Why do they bother voting if they don't care who wins?
zh-hans	他们不在乎谁赢，为什么还要投票？

en	They just wanna feel included, I guess? It's pretty silly.
zh-hans	我猜他们是想要参与感？这太蠢了。

en	Akarsha's mom smiles at Noelle as she steps out from the passenger seat.
zh-hans	阿卡莎的妈妈从车座中出来，对着诺奥笑了笑。

en	Oh my god. She was sitting in the car the whole time fixing her hair and reapplying her lipstick...
zh-hans	我的天，她坐在车里是为了整理她的头发和补口红…

en	No one cares, Mom!
zh-hans	没人会在意的，妈妈！

en	I'm sorry we're late. We thought we'd be back before everyone came.
zh-hans	抱歉我们迟到了，我以为我们能在你们来之前回来。

en	It's that stupid GPS's fault. It wanted us to go on all these strange routes.
zh-hans	都是那个该死的导航的错，它想让我们走奇奇怪怪的路。

en	If you'd just followed its directions all the way, it probably would've been faster.
zh-hans	如果你老老实实跟着导航走，也许我们会更快。

en	No, I could predict there would be traffic on the 680. I would know, I've lived here for twenty years.
zh-hans	不，我能料到680公路上会堵车，因为我在这住了二十年。

en	Speaking of driving, I have a great idea for an invention.
zh-hans	说到开车，我有一个发明好主意。

en	Cars should zap bad drivers.
zh-hans	汽车应该攻击坏司机。

en	.......Zap? As in, with electricity?
zh-hans	……攻击？用电吗？

en	Just through the steering wheel. Not enough to kill them, but enough to hurt.
zh-hans	通过方向盘。不至于杀死他们，但会很疼。

en	Steal my parking spot..."EeeeYAHHH!!!"
zh-hans	偷我的车位…“咦咦呀啊啊啊！！！”

en	Akarsha's dad mimes being shocked with electricity.
zh-hans	阿卡莎的爸爸模仿被电击中。

en	..........
zh-hans	……

en	Dad, oh my god! Stop it!
zh-hans	爸爸，天啊！停下！

en	With all due respect, that sounds like a terrible idea.
zh-hans	没有恶意，但它听起来像是个坏主意。

en	But everyone would learn so fast.
zh-hans	但每个人都会学的很快。

en	Hasn't Akarsha told you I'm a genius? Her smarts run in the family.
zh-hans	阿卡莎没告诉过你我是天才吗？她智慧的基因来于我。

en	I should patent my car zapper along with my telephone idea.
zh-hans	我应该把汽车电击器的主意和我的电话想法一起申请专利。

en	Telephone idea?
zh-hans	电话想法？

en	It's the same thing except the telephone shocks telemarketers.
zh-hans	差不多的道理，不过是电话电击推销商。

en	I'm dubious the patent office will approve either of those.
zh-hans	我很怀疑专利官方同意这些。

en	What, don't you think it's a great idea?
zh-hans	什么，你不觉得这是个好主意吗？

en	"Hello, will you buy our product? OOoouughh!!!"
zh-hans	“你好，要买我们的产品吗？哦哦哇啊啊啊！！！”

en	Akarsha's dad shakes his arm as if being shocked again as he walks into the house.
zh-hans	阿卡莎的爸爸像又被电击了一样晃动手臂，颤颤悠悠走进了屋子。

en	What's wrong with you...
zh-hans	你有什么毛病…

en	Akarsha's mom follows him inside with an exasperated expression on her face.
zh-hans	阿卡莎的妈妈恼怒地跟着他走了进去。

en	Finally they're gone! I thought I was gonna die of embarassment...
zh-hans	他们终于走了！我差点以为我要尴尬而死…

en	Noelle is still staring after Akarsha's dad, fascinated.
zh-hans	诺奥仍盯着阿卡莎的爸爸，思考着什么。

en	Your dad is such a character. He's so outgoing.
zh-hans	你爸爸很有趣，他很外向。

en	Oh yeah, he loves talking SO much. He never shuts up.
zh-hans	哦对，他喜欢说很多话，从来不闭嘴。

en	I feel like this explains a lot about you...
zh-hans	我感觉这可以解释你的很多事情…

en	Really? Like what?
zh-hans	真的吗？比如？

en	I see where you get your sense of humor from now.
zh-hans	我知道你从哪得来的幽默细胞了。

en	Huh? No, my jokes are TOTALLY different!
zh-hans	哈？不对，我的笑话和这些完完全全不一样！

en	You can't deny there are some similarities.
zh-hans	不可否认它们有相似之处。

en	From my observation, parents have a lot of influence on their kids' personalities.
zh-hans	依我来看，父母对孩子性格有很大影响。

en	No way, I'm way funnier than my dad!
zh-hans	不可能，我比我爸爸幽默多了！

en	I'm an enigma. You'll never figure me out.
zh-hans	我是谜，你永远看不透我。

en	Actually, I think I already have.
zh-hans	事实上，我觉得我有。

en	For instance, your worst fear is earnestly trying at something and failing.
zh-hans	比如，你最深的恐惧是用尽全力尝试，但是失败了。

en	So even though you're perfectly intelligent, you use your goofy disposition to premptively make a fool of yourself on purpose.
zh-hans	所以即使你很聪明，你用滑稽的姿势故意让你看起来像个傻子。

en	I do not?? Give me an example.
zh-hans	我没有？？给我个例子。

en	When we play Monopoly you sink all your funds into Boardwalk. When we play poker you eat your cards.
zh-hans	我们玩地产大亨时，你把所有财产花到了Broadwalk上；玩扑克时，你吃了你的卡。

en	When we play baseball you clutch your head and claim you're having a "psychic brain attack".
zh-hans	打棒球的时候，你抱紧你的脑袋，说你有“精神脑病”。

en	Hey, I just like providing fun for the whole family.
zh-hans	嘿，我只是在给他们带来乐趣。

en	I doubt that's it. This extends to every facet of how you present yourself to the world.
zh-hans	我很怀疑。这延伸到了你对待这个世界的每一面。

en	You're insecure about your appearance, so you go out in this outlandish hairdo with this windbreaker and flip-flops outfit.
zh-hans	你对自己容貌的焦虑，所以你总是用这古怪的发型和夹克，还有显目的穿搭。

en	You're worried people won't like you, so you act like a circus clown.
zh-hans	你担心人们不喜欢你，所以你演得像马戏团小丑。

en	Rather than risk rejection, you set yourself up for failure to feel in control of the situation.
zh-hans	比起承担拒绝的风险，你把自己放在觉得自己可以掌控失败的情境。

en	What the...I feel weirdly exposed??
zh-hans	什么…我感觉自己被看穿了？？

en	You're one to talk about fear of failure, Miss "I Argue With the Teacher That My Multiple Choice Answer Was Technically ALSO Right".
zh-hans	你是第一个和我说失败的恐惧的，“和老师争辩我的选择题答案技术上来说也是对的”小姐。

en	I would contend that makes me more adept at sensing that trait in others.
zh-hans	我认为这让我更熟练的感知到他人的特征。

en	Sweating profusely, Akarsha lets out a nervous laugh...
zh-hans	汗流浃背，阿卡莎挤出一个紧张的笑…

en	Her read on me is scarily accurate?! No one's ever seen through me like this before!
zh-hans	她解读的很准确？！之前没人把我看得这么透彻！

en	How much attention is she paying to me??
zh-hans	她在我身上放了多少注意力？？

en	Usually you don't watch someone that closely unless you like them.
zh-hans	通常你不会如此近距离地观察别人，除非你喜欢他/她。

en	Unless...???
zh-hans	除非…？？？

en	Akarsha watches Noelle closely as they haul the food inside.
zh-hans	阿卡莎看着诺奥，她们一起把食物搬进室内。

en	She can't help but grin as Noelle ascends the garage's concrete steps with the grace of a vacuum cleaner.
zh-hans	诺奥笨重地走上台阶，像一个吸尘器，阿卡莎控住不住笑。

en	Suddenly, Noelle turns to her and gives her an unreadable look.
zh-hans	突然，诺奥转向她，面无表情。

en	......
zh-hans	……

en	What?
zh-hans	怎么？

en	Akarsha's heart skips a beat as Noelle reaches out to her windbreaker sleeve and plucks something from the fabric.
zh-hans	诺奥伸向阿卡莎夹克的袖子，从袖子上拽下来什么，让阿卡莎心脏漏了一拍。

en	There was a grain of rice stuck to your jacket. It was bothering me.
zh-hans	你夹克上黏有一粒米，我看它很烦。

en	Noelle holds up the offending grain of rice between her fingers.
zh-hans	诺奥两只手指捏着这粒米。

en	Oh, that's an accessory. Put it back.
zh-hans	哦，这是一个装饰品，放回来。

en	Akarsha feels a jolt of euphoria as Noelle rolls her eyes and lets the corner of her mouth quirk up for the briefest moment.
zh-hans	诺奥翻了翻白眼，嘴角短暂地扬了扬，阿卡莎感到一阵喜悦。

en	Ah, shit...No...
zh-hans	啊，糟了…

en	Not this shit again...Nooooo.......
zh-hans	不要再来一次…不…………

en	Monday, before school
zh-hans	周一，课前

en	Akarsha daydreams about Noelle as she uses one of the library's computers.
zh-hans	阿卡莎用着图书馆的电脑，神游想着诺奥。

en	I'm so fucked. I can't stop thinking about her...
zh-hans	我完了，我停不下来地想着她…

en	We haven't even known each other for a whole year yet, but she already knows so much about me...
zh-hans	我们俩甚至没有认识满一年，但她已经很了解我…

en	I bet we're closer than a lot of couples who really {i}are{/i} dating!
zh-hans	我敢打赌我们比很多{i}正在约会的{/i} 情侣更亲密！

en	She can tell when I'm about to say something annoying before I even open my mouth.
zh-hans	我甚至还没开口她就知道我要说些惹人烦的话。

en	She knows I have a big sister, which is like a rare Akarsha fact cuz she's so much older than me.
zh-hans	她知道我有一个姐姐，这可是稀有的阿卡莎情报，她实在太大了。

en	Heck, she's met my parents already...That's a couple-y thing, right??
zh-hans	该死，她还已经见了我的父母…这是情侣间才有的事情对吧？？

en	The heck are you doing?
zh-hans	你到底在干嘛？

en	Gyah!
zh-hans	噶！

en	You scared me!
zh-hans	你吓到我了！

en	I said hi like, twice. You must really be out of it.
zh-hans	我说了两次嗨了，你肯定神游了。

en	I-I was just focused on the computer!
zh-hans	我-我在专心用电脑！

en	Akarsha points to the screen to try to sell her point.
zh-hans	阿卡莎指指屏幕，她正尝试改她的成绩。

en	I'm editing my report card in MS Paint. I intercepted it before my parents checked the mail yesterday.
zh-hans	我正在修改我成绩单的成绩，我昨天在我爸妈检查邮箱之前把它截了下来。

en	Watch this!
zh-hans	看好了！

en	On the computer, Akarsha photoshops her B+ in English into an A-.
zh-hans	电脑上，阿卡莎把它英语的B+修改成了A-。

en	A-? Why not just change it to an A+?
zh-hans	A-？为什么不改成A+？

en	Naw, A- is more realistic.
zh-hans	额，A-更真实。

en	Now I just gotta print this out.
zh-hans	现在我要把它打印出来。

en	Don't tell anyone I did this, okay?
zh-hans	别告诉别人我做了这件事，好吗？

en	Who do you think I am? Noelle?
zh-hans	你以为我是谁？诺奥吗？

en	You're not even changing your actual grades, so you're not REALLY cheating.
zh-hans	你甚至没有改你实际的成绩，所以你不是真的作弊。

en	You're right...I'm just cheating my parents' brains! Mind hack...
zh-hans	你说的对…我只是在欺骗我父母的大脑！大脑修改…

en	Akarsha pulls her new and improved report card from the tray. It's still warm from the machinery, like fresh laundry.
zh-hans	阿卡莎从托盘中拿出崭新的修改过的报告单。它还温热，像刚洗好的衣服。

en	I'll do your report card too if you give me $20.
zh-hans	给我二十元，我帮你修改你的。

en	Nah, can't be bothered. I don't care what my parents think.
zh-hans	没门，我不在乎我父母怎么想。

en	Wow. You're not worried about disappointing them?
zh-hans	哇哦，你不担心你让他们失望吗？

en	Why should I be? They don't seem that worried about disappointing ME.
zh-hans	为什么担心？他们都不担心让我失望。

en	Dude, that's deep...
zh-hans	老兄，好深奥…

en	Even though Min gets horrifying grades, she's pretty smart in some other ways.
zh-hans	即使小旼成绩很糟糕，她在别的地方很聪明。

en	She DID manage to get together with Diya, after all. Maybe she has tips for this kinda thing.
zh-hans	毕竟，她确实和迪亚在一起了。也许她对此有些经验。

en	Actually...Can I ask you a question?
zh-hans	啊...我能问你一个问题吗？

en	Yeah, what?
zh-hans	可以。咋了？

en	Hypothetically...if you had a crush on a friend, what would you do?
zh-hans	假设...你喜欢上了一个朋友，你会怎么做？

en	You have a crush?! Who is it?
zh-hans	你有喜欢的人了？！ta是谁？

en	I can't tell you, it's embarrassing!
zh-hans	太尴尬了，我不想告诉你！

en	Is it someone I know?
zh-hans	我认识这个人吗？

en	Seriously, I'm not tellin' you! NO ONE can know.
zh-hans	我真的不会告诉你！没人会知道。

en	Is it Diya??????
zh-hans	是迪亚吗？？？？？？

en	WHAT???? No, I'm not trying to get my throat slit by you.
zh-hans	什么？？？？不，我还不想被你割喉。

en	Is it me???
zh-hans	是我吗？？？

en	No, but no more questions! I'm not exposing myself!
zh-hans	不是，别问了！我不会暴露自己的！

en	What happened to being a "love expert" or whatever when I was trying to kiss Diya?
zh-hans	怎么了，“恋爱专家”？

en	Why don't you just follow your own shitty advice?
zh-hans	为什么不试试你自己的那些狗屎建议？

en	Admitedly, it's easier said than done...
zh-hans	我得承认，说容易做难。

en	Look, it's exactly like what you guys said when I was on that date. Don't overthink it.
zh-hans	听着，这就和你们在那场约会和我说的一样。别多想。

en	Just be straightforward and tell them how you feel.
zh-hans	只要直白地告诉ta你的感受。

en	You sure?? They don't feel the same way, this could end up destroying our friendship.
zh-hans	你确定？？如果ta和我的感受不一样，这会毁了我们的友谊。

en	Yeah, just do it.
zh-hans	对，做就完了。

en	You can even try one of the stupid fucking pickup lines you keep "practicing" on my girlfriend.
zh-hans	你甚至可以试试你一直对我女朋友“练习”的那些他妈的俏皮话。

en	Okay, okay, I promise I'll stop doing that for real!
zh-hans	好吧好吧，我发誓我不会再做了！

en	I just feel like hitting on my crush directly is a massive risk though...
zh-hans	我只是觉得对我喜欢的人打直球风险太大了…

en	Well, it worked out for me. You'll never know unless you go for it.
zh-hans	嗯，反正这对我有用，你不试试就永远不会知道。

en	What's the worst thing that could happen? They reject you?
zh-hans	最糟能糟到哪里去呢？ta拒绝你？

en	Getting rejected is a huge deal! It'll make everything so awkward!
zh-hans	被拒绝这件事很大！它会让所有事都变的尴尬！

en	I mean, yeah, but that's just a risk you gotta take.
zh-hans	我意思是，是啊，但它就是你要承担的风险。

en	You don't get it, this isn't just me being paranoid. This has literally happened to me before.
zh-hans	你不知道，这不是我的妄想，这之前真的发生在我身上。

en	None of you went to the same middle school as me, so you don't know.
zh-hans	你不知道，你们和我不在一个中学。

en	Not only did my crush start avoiding me, but she told the rest of our friend group and they stopped talking to me, too.
zh-hans	不仅是我喜欢的人开始避开我，她还告诉了我们朋友圈里的所有人，让她们也开始不和我说话。

en	What the? That sucks.
zh-hans	什么？这烂透了。

en	Yeah, no kidding. I try not to think about it much.
zh-hans	是啊，没开玩笑。我试着没想很多。

en	Well, that wouldn't happen this time.
zh-hans	嗯，这次不会发上了。

en	Even if it blows up in your face, you'd still have me, Diya, and Noelle.
zh-hans	就算它闹到了你脸上，你还是有我，迪亚和诺奥。

en	Haha, right, obviously...
zh-hans	哈哈，是啊…

en	The bell rings.
zh-hans	上课铃响了。

en	Nah, being direct about it still feels too risky...
zh-hans	哎，它风险还是那么大…

en	I'm not even sure Noelle likes girls.
zh-hans	我甚至都不确定诺奥喜欢女孩。

en	Heck, I've never seen her express any kind of attraction to anyone at all. Is she just hella repressed?
zh-hans	该死，我都没见过她对谁表现出兴趣，她是在压抑着感情吗？

en	In any case, I don't wanna embarrass myself...
zh-hans	不管怎么说，我不想让自己尴尬…

en	The only safe way to do this is to seduce Noelle so hard, she's compelled to confess to me first!
zh-hans	唯一安全的方法是尽力诱惑她，让她先对我表白！

en	That way, if it doesn't work, I can write off all the flirting as a joke.
zh-hans	这样，如果没奏效，我也可以说这是一个玩笑。

en	There's no way this can go wrong.
zh-hans	这不可能出错。

en	(Use the mouse to interact!)
zh-hans	（使用鼠标来互动！）

en	Examine bookshelves
zh-hans	检查书柜

en	Look at desk
zh-hans	看向桌子

en	Leave library
zh-hans	离开图书馆

en	Min crosses her arms as Akarsha browses through the shelves.
zh-hans	小旼抱着手臂，看着阿卡莎浏览书柜。

en	I fucking hate libraries.
zh-hans	我他妈的狠图书馆。

en	Wh.......Wha?? What's there to hate about libraries?
zh-hans	什……什么？？图书馆有什么好恨的？

en	It's free books?
zh-hans	它的免费图书吗？

en	Well, I guess the books are okay, but librarians are the worst.
zh-hans	嗯，我觉得书还好，但是图书管理员很不好。

en	Why?
zh-hans	为什么？

en	This one time when I was like seven, I looked up a bunch of bad words on the school library's computer.
zh-hans	我七岁的时候，有一次，我用学校图书馆的电脑查询了一堆脏话。

en	The librarian saw my search history and got me banned from there for a month!
zh-hans	图书管理员看到了我的搜索记录，禁止我入内一个月！

en	What words did you look up??
zh-hans	你查了什么词？？

en	It was just a bunch of swears I was curious about! Like "damn" and "fuck".
zh-hans	就是一些让我好奇的！像“该死”和“他妈的”。

en	I remember I searched "middle finger" too.
zh-hans	我记得我还查了“中指”。

en	I love that you thought "middle finger" was a bad word.
zh-hans	我喜欢你认为“中指”是一个脏话。

en	Yeah, I was so innocent as a kid.
zh-hans	是啊，我小时候太单纯了。

en	Hrm...I'm not sure "innocent" is the right word.
zh-hans	嗯…我不确定是“单纯”。

en	Is Noelle still fake-tutoring you to trick your parents into letting you out of the house?
zh-hans	诺奥还在假装辅导你，好让你的父母允许你出门吗？

en	She actually tutors me for real sometimes.
zh-hans	事实上她真的教了我些什么。

en	Wow, really?
zh-hans	哇哦，真的？

en	I haven't failed a single test since we started!
zh-hans	自我们开始起，我没不及格过！

en	She looks so proud, but not getting an F is a super low hurdle...
zh-hans	她看起来很自豪，不过没拿到F是一个很低的标准…

en	Alright, protect your hearing.
zh-hans	好吧，捂好你的耳朵。

en	Min nods and covers her ears as Akarsha walks through the library scanners by the door.
zh-hans	小旼点头，在阿卡莎走过图书馆门口的扫描器时捂住了耳朵。

en	The book scanner alarms go off!
zh-hans	书籍扫描器警报响了！

en	The librarian looks up, sees that it's Akarsha, and impatiently waves her through.
zh-hans	图书管理员起来查看，看到是阿卡莎，不耐烦地摆摆手让她走。

en	That seriously happens every single time you walk through the scanners?
zh-hans	真的每次通过扫描器，它都会响吗？

en	Are you {i}sure{/i} you don't have any library books on you?
zh-hans	你 {i}确定{/i}你没有带着图书馆的书吗？

en	Of course. There's even a photo of me taped by the door now because after the first few times they searched me, they confirmed I don't have any.
zh-hans	当然，查了我几次过后门口甚至还贴着我的照片，他们确认了我没有。

en	It almost feels like my backpack is haunted by the ghost of a library book.
zh-hans	这就像是我的背包被图书馆鬼魂缠上了。

en	How would that happen? Pissed off any books lately?
zh-hans	怎么会这样？你最近惹毛了什么书吗？

en	No...Unless maybe Noelle counts as a book...?
zh-hans	没有…除非也许诺奥也算一本书…？

en	And because I annoy her daily the books are...mad at me...?
zh-hans	因为我天天烦她，书籍…对我很生气…？

en	Are you hearing how crazy you sound right now?
zh-hans	你知道你现在在说什么吗？

en	Yeah, I'm embarrassed I even said that out loud.
zh-hans	嗯，我有点尴尬把它说出口。

en	It's probably just one of those things. Like my magic rosin.
zh-hans	这也许就是那些东西中的一种，就像我的神奇松香。

en	Your what??
zh-hans	你的什么？？

en	Never mind, forget I mentioned it.
zh-hans	没什么，忘了我说的。

en	The librarian gives Akarsha a death glare from behind the counter as the alarms go off again.
zh-hans	图书管理员在警报响的时候从柜台给了阿卡莎一个死亡凝视。

en	Is that really necessary? It's not like I can help it!
zh-hans	这真的有必要吗？我又不能控制它！

en	Here goes nothing! Sorry, librarian lady!
zh-hans	啥也没有！对不起了，图书管理员小姐！

en	The book scanner alarms go off!
zh-hans	图书扫描器的警铃响了！

en	The librarian leaves the counter and begins powerwalking at Min and Akarsha!
zh-hans	图书管理员离开了柜台，气势汹汹地朝小旼和阿卡莎走来！

en	Oh crap!
zh-hans	哦糟了！

en	We are SPEED!!! RUN!!!
zh-hans	快点！！！跑啊！！！

en	Akarsha and Min sprint out of the library in a panic.
zh-hans	阿卡莎和小旼心急如焚地跑出图书馆。

en	As they escape, Akarsha trips over her own flip-flops.
zh-hans	她们逃跑时，阿卡莎被自己地鞋子绊倒了。

en	AAUUGH!!
zh-hans	啊啊啊！！

en	Akarsha throws her hands forward to break her fall onto the hard concrete.
zh-hans	阿卡莎手向前伸，狠狠摔在硬水泥地上。

en	MAMA MIA!! OW!!
zh-hans	妈妈咪呀！！哎呦！！

en	This is SO typical! Why do these things always happen to me?
zh-hans	这太经典了！为什么这些事老发生在我身上？

en	Shit, dude. You okay?
zh-hans	靠，你没事吧？

en	Akarsha stops sobbing for a second to assess the damage.
zh-hans	阿卡莎停止抽噎，评估伤势。

en	Oh. Actually, I'm fine.
zh-hans	哦，我很好。

en	Look at the locker room
zh-hans	查看锁住的房间

en	Go to the bathroom
zh-hans	去卫生间

en	Walk to the courtyard
zh-hans	走去庭院

en	Return to the school library
zh-hans	返回学校图书馆

en	I don't have gym until later in the day. And the baseball club doesn't meet til after school.
zh-hans	我一会没有体育课。棒球社放学前不会开始。

en	By the way, our baseball team is called...
zh-hans	顺带一提，我们的棒球社叫…

en	The Bagels
zh-hans	贝果

en	The Chicken Nuggets
zh-hans	鸡块

en	The Death Bagels
zh-hans	死亡贝果

en	Semes

en	{cps=0}By the way, our baseball team is called...{/cps}
zh-hans	{cps=0}顺带一提，我们棒球社叫…{/cps}

en	Bagels
zh-hans	贝果

en	That name was Diya's idea. We sound so friendly and tasty.
zh-hans	这是迪亚的主意。我们听起来友好又可口。

en	Chicken Nuggets
zh-hans	鸡块

en	That name was Diya's idea. We sound so friendly and tasty.
zh-hans	这是迪亚的主意。我们听起来友好又可口。

en	That name was Noelle's idea. I bet the more time passes, the scarier our team name will be.
zh-hans	这是诺奥的主意。我打赌时间过得越久，我们的队名就越可怕。

en	Death Bagels
zh-hans	死亡贝果

en	That name was Diya and Min's idea. Personally, I think it sounds pretty corny.
zh-hans	这名字是迪亚和小旼的主意。个人觉得它听起来很粗俗。

en	That name was my idea. I'm glad our team is so cultured.
zh-hans	这名字是我的主意。很高兴我们队这么有文化。

en	Right now, I need to go to first period and terrorize Noelle.
zh-hans	现在啊，我要去第一期吓诺奥。

en	Ah, the public school girls restroom. Possibly the most disgusting place on earth.
zh-hans	啊，公共女子厕所。可能是世界上最恶心的地方。

en	You're going back to the library? The alarms will go off again.
zh-hans	你要回图书馆吗？警铃会再响的。

en	So? I'm nothing if not an agent of chaos.
zh-hans	所以？我是混乱的代理人。

en	Ready or not, here I come!
zh-hans	管他呢，我来了！

en	The book scanner alarms sound as Akarsha and Min reenter the libary.
zh-hans	阿卡莎和小旼再次进入图书馆时，图书扫描器的警铃响了。

en	Sounds like the library ghosts haunting me are alive and well.
zh-hans	听起来纠缠着我的图书馆鬼魂活得很好。

en	Again? You're kidding.
zh-hans	又来？你在开玩笑。

en	I've never been more serious in my life.
zh-hans	我这辈子从没这么认真过。

en	The blare of the book scanner alarm announces Akarsha and Min's return to the library.
zh-hans	图书扫描器警铃刺耳的声音宣告着阿卡莎和小旼又一次回到了图书馆。

en	The librarian looks up, sees that it's Akarsha yet again, and slams her fist onto the countertop with surprising force.
zh-hans	图书管理员抬头查看，看到又是阿卡莎，用惊人的力量把拳头砸在了柜台上。

en	Oh, that librarian is definitely pissed now.
zh-hans	噢，那图书管理员现在是真的生气了。

en	My life will probably be in danger if I go back again.
zh-hans	如果我再回去，我的生命可能会有危险。

en	Maybe tomorrow.
zh-hans	也许明天。

en	Look outside the locker room
zh-hans	从外面看锁住的房间

en	Go to class
zh-hans	去教室

en	Aight, imma head to class now.
zh-hans	好吧，我现在要去教室了。

en	Adios, bitch.
zh-hans	再见，贱人。

en	She's probably gonna go find Diya now.
zh-hans	她现在应该会去找迪亚。

en	I feel like she's chilled out a lot since they started dating.
zh-hans	我感觉自从她们开始约会后，她放松了很多。

en	I guess knifing people is less exciting than kissing your girlfriend.
zh-hans	我猜用刀威胁人不比亲吻你的女朋友刺激。

en	Look at your reflection
zh-hans	看你的倒影

en	Eavesdrop on classmates
zh-hans	偷听同学

en	Enter classroom
zh-hans	进入教室

en	How is it that everyone else has bomb-ass hair while mine's all sad and thin?
zh-hans	为什么人人都有一头蓬松的头发，而我的又塌又细？

en	What happened??? Gene catastrophe...
zh-hans	发生了什么？？？基因灾难…

en	The other day I saw my side profile in a photo and was like, "wugh!"
zh-hans	一次我从照片里看到了我的侧脸，我的感觉就像，“恶！”

en	I really go around looking like that all day?
zh-hans	我真的长成这样成天晃来晃去吗？

en	Wish I could get plastic surgery...
zh-hans	希望我能做整容手术…

en	Dat me.
zh-hans	传输我。

en	Male student
zh-hans	男学生

en	Female student
zh-hans	女学生

en	I hate how my parents yell at me for studying late at night.
zh-hans	我恨我的父母，他们昨晚吼我，因为我学很晚。

en	If I slept early instead of cramming, I'd probably fail! And then I'd get yelled at for not studying.
zh-hans	如果我早睡而不是死记硬背，我会不及格！然后我会因为没在学习被吼。

en	Ugh! That's so gay.
zh-hans	恶！那太“gay”了。

en	At our school, it's really popular to say "gay" when you mean "stupid" or "uncool".
zh-hans	在我们学校，说“gay”当你想说“愚蠢”或“不酷”时真的很流行。

en	So you hear it all the time. Whenever people don't like something, they go "that's so gay."
zh-hans	所以你以至能听到它，当人们不喜欢一个东西时，他们会说“那好gay噢。”

en	Noelle and Diya aren't here yet.
zh-hans	诺奥和迪亚还没到。

en	I managed to set up a special surprise the other day. Hopefully everything's still in place.
zh-hans	我成功在前几天设置好了一个特别的惊喜，希望一切顺利。

en	A few minutes later, Akarsha looks through the window. Outside, Noelle and Diya are approaching the classroom.
zh-hans	几分钟后，阿卡莎透过窗户往外看。外面，诺奥和迪亚朝着教室走来。

en	Yes...Come, my here, my sweet...
zh-hans	是的…快来吧，我的甜心…

en	Suddenly, a water bottle whizzes through the open door and hits the floor with a loud smack!
zh-hans	突然，一个水瓶旋转着穿过开着的门，砸在地上发出了巨大的声响！

en	It rolls across the classroom until it hits the wall.
zh-hans	它滚过教室，直到撞在墙上。

en	Uh?!
zh-hans	嗯？！

en	So it's not saran wrap today...
zh-hans	所以今天不是保鲜膜陷阱…

en	Noelle peers suspiciously into the classroom from the doorway. She experimentally reaches one hand inside and feels along the doorframe, apparently searching for abnormalities.
zh-hans	诺奥怀疑地从门廊看进教室。她尝试性地伸出一只手去感受门框，显然在寻找不寻找之处。

en	What's wrong, Frenchman? Afraid to come in?
zh-hans	怎么了，法国人？害怕进来？

en	What did you do this time?
zh-hans	你这次做了什么？

en	What makes you think I did anything?
zh-hans	你为什么会觉得我做了什么？

en	Maybe the fact that you've done something every morning this month.
zh-hans	也许是你这个月每天早上都做了什么的事实。

en	Two against one! Cheater! Cheater!!
zh-hans	二对一！作弊！作弊！！

en	That's what you get! You worthless pest!
zh-hans	这是你应得的！你这个没用的害虫！

en	Diya retrieves the sacrificial water bottle.
zh-hans	迪亚拿回了牺牲的水瓶。

en	Meanwhile, Noelle haltingly walks to her desk with an arm outstretched ahead of her, bracing for all manner of assault, whether it be liquid, solid, gaseous, or psychological in form.
zh-hans	同时，诺奥犹豫地走向她的座位，张开双臂在她身前，来抵御任何形式的攻击，不管是液体，固体，气体还是任何物理形态。

en	After thoroughly inspecting her desk, she apprehensively sits.
zh-hans	在检查过她的座位后，她小心翼翼坐下了。

en	.....
zh-hans	……

en	.....
zh-hans	……

en	After a few tense seconds, Noelle seems satisfied that the act of sitting down didn't trigger anything.
zh-hans	几秒后，诺奥放心接受了坐下并不会触发任何机关的事实。

en	Breathing a sigh a relief, she hefts a bulky laptop from her messenger bag.
zh-hans	呼出一口气，诺奥从书包里拿出了一个沉重的笔记本电脑。

en	Yes! She didn't notice the extra wireless mouse USB I plugged into her computer last Friday.
zh-hans	太棒了！她没注意到我上周五插在她电脑上的无线鼠标USB接口。

en	I have the mouse hidden in my pocket.
zh-hans	我把鼠标藏在我的口袋里。

en	Diya takes a thin plastic folder from her backpack and flops it back and forth so it makes a wopwopwopwop sound.
zh-hans	迪亚从背包拿了个薄薄的塑料文件夹，来回挥动来发出呜呼呜呼的声音。

en	............
zh-hans	…………

en	Did you work on the PowerPoint?
zh-hans	你用ppt了吗？

en	I added a slide on sharks and dolphins as another example of convergent evolution.
zh-hans	我添加了一个鲨鱼和海豚的幻灯页，作为收敛进化的另一个例子。

en	Noelle scrolls to the slide in question. It's a solid wall of text with no images.
zh-hans	诺奥带着困惑翻动着幻灯片，上面满满全是字，没有图片。

en	This is gonna put everyone to sleep!
zh-hans	这会让所有人睡着的！

en	Noelle's so confident that she's good at public speaking, but she has zero charisma or self-awareness.
zh-hans	诺奥对于她的公开演讲能力很自信，但是她零感召力和自我意识。

en	She just drones on and on forever, oblivious that she lost the audience ten minutes ago.
zh-hans	她只是不停地讲啊讲，很明显她十分钟前就失去了观众。

en	I love her...
zh-hans	我喜欢她…

en	Wait. I already made a slide about that. Swimming.
zh-hans	等等。我已经做了关于那个的幻灯页，游泳的那个。

en	Diya scrolls to the previous slide.
zh-hans	迪亚翻到了先前的一页幻灯页。

en	It features a photo of dozens of fish and dolphins swimming in the ocean, cryptically captioned "Good shape".
zh-hans	它包含了一群鱼和海豚在海里游泳的图片，隐秘的标注着“好身材”。

en	Good shape...
zh-hans	好身材…

en	I hate to break this to you, Diya, but literally no one but you is going to understand this.
zh-hans	我不想说破，迪亚，但是除了你没有人会理解这个的。

en	Neither of them are paying attention to me right now. Time to shine.
zh-hans	现在她们都没放注意力在我身上。闪耀时刻。

en	Jiggle the cursor
zh-hans	移动光标

en	Close the PowerPoint presentation
zh-hans	关闭ppt

en	Akarsha jiggles the mouse in her pocket as Noelle tries to edit the slide.
zh-hans	阿卡莎在诺奥编辑幻灯片的时候移动口袋里的鼠标。

en	........
zh-hans	……

en	What was that?
zh-hans	那是什么？

en	What was what?
zh-hans	那是什么？

en	Didn't you see it? The cursor just jerked on its own.
zh-hans	你看到了吗？光标刚刚自己动了。

en	Maybe it's lag?
zh-hans	也许是因为时间间隔？

en	I bet it's 'cause you typed too many words on one slide.
zh-hans	我打赌是你在这一页幻灯片上打了太多字。

en	Even Bill Gates didn't see this coming.
zh-hans	即使是比尔盖茨也没见过这阵仗。

en	That can't be it. I've fit more words than this on one slide before.
zh-hans	这不可能，我之前在一页装过比这更多的字。

en	...You have?
zh-hans	…是吗？

en	Noelle moves the mouse again. This time Akarsha does nothing.
zh-hans	诺奥又动了动鼠标，这次阿加莎什么也没做。

en	Looks fine to me.
zh-hans	在我看来很正常。

en	How strange...
zh-hans	好奇怪…

en	While Noelle is busy typing an essay-length caption, Akarsha clicks another textbox so she's editing the wrong part of the slide.
zh-hans	诺奥正忙着敲单词时，阿卡莎点了另一个文本框，让她在错误的地方编辑文字。

en	Akarsha swiftly moves the cursor to the X button and closes the document.
zh-hans	阿卡莎快速地移动光标到x按钮，关掉了文件。

en	.........
zh-hans	……

en	What was that?
zh-hans	那是啥？

en	Think it crashed.
zh-hans	我想它崩溃了。

en	I bet it's 'cause you typed too many words on one slide, Noelle.
zh-hans	我猜你在一页幻灯片上打了太多字了，诺奥。

en	Even Bill Gates didn't see this coming.
zh-hans	即使是比尔盖茨也没见过这阵仗。

en	Noelle re-opens PowerPoint and squints suspiciously at the slide in question.
zh-hans	诺奥重新打开了ppt，怀疑地眯着眼睛看着幻灯片。

en	That can't be it. I've fit more words than this on one slide before.
zh-hans	这不可能，我之前在一页上写过比这更多的字。

en	...You have?
zh-hans	…是吗？

en	Good thing we just saved. We didn't lose any significant progress.
zh-hans	幸好我们保存了，我们没有丢失进程。

en	While Noelle is busy typing an essay-length caption, Akarsha quickly closes the program again.
zh-hans	诺奥正忙着敲单词时，阿卡莎快速地又关掉了程序。

en	??!
zh-hans	？？！

en	SEE, THERE IT IS AGAIN! WHAT IS GOING ON?!
zh-hans	看到了吗，又发生了！到底怎么了？！

en	You've been hacked, Noelle!
zh-hans	你被黑客入侵了，诺奥！

en	Don't tell me...You fell for those pop-ups advertising hot single ladies in your area?!
zh-hans	别告诉我…你点过那些什么火热单身美女的广告？！

en	As if! Look, it's moving on its own again!
zh-hans	最好是！你看，它又自己动了！

en	Noelle clenches her mouse harder, as if that'll help her regain control of the rogue cursor.
zh-hans	诺奥使劲拖动她的鼠标，好像这会帮她重新拿到光标的控制权。

en	Akarsha makes it drift toward the Control Panel...
zh-hans	阿卡莎让它滑向了控制台…

en	Heheheh...
zh-hans	呵呵呵…

en	Akarsha wiggles the mouse in her pocket. Diya's eyes flicker to the movement of fabric on Akarsha's windbreaker.
zh-hans	阿卡莎在口袋里移动着鼠标，迪亚注意到了阿卡莎夹克里的异样。

en	......

en	Oh shit! Oh no!!!
zh-hans	哦操！哦不！！！

en	Diya grabs Akarsha's wrist and yanks it out of the pocket, revealing the wireless mouse in her hand.
zh-hans	迪亚抓住阿卡莎的手腕，并把它从口袋里拉了出来，无线鼠标正在她的手上。

en	It was yoOOOUU!!!
zh-hans	是！你！！！！！

en	Wait, I just happened to have a mouse in my pocket! There's no proof this is connected at all!
zh-hans	等等，我只是碰巧口袋里有一个鼠标！根本没证据证明它们是相连的！

en	Diya wrenches the mouse from Akarsha's hand, but not before Akarsha uses her precious final moments to click on the Control Panel and change the mouse speed to the slowest setting.
zh-hans	迪亚从阿卡莎手中拿走了鼠标，但在这之前，阿卡莎成功用光标点到了控制台，把光标速度调到了最慢。

en	Pathetic. I can revert your changes within moments.
zh-hans	可悲，我可以马上复原你的变化。

en	You sure about that? Why don't you go ahead and try it?
zh-hans	你确定？你为什么不试试呢？

en	Noelle tries to navigate back to the Control Panel. The cursor inches across the screen so slowly, the movement is barely perceptible...
zh-hans	诺奥想调回控制台，光标很慢地在屏幕上移动，几乎很难察觉到移动…

en	AKARSHAAAAAAAA!!!
zh-hans	阿卡莎啊啊啊啊啊啊！！！

en	The bell rings! This concludes Noelle and Akarsha's daily morning scream fest.
zh-hans	上课铃响了！这包含了诺奥和阿卡莎每天早上地日常。

en	Once everyone is seated, the morning announcements play over the intercom.
zh-hans	每个人就坐，内部早广播开始播放。

en	Morning announcements
zh-hans	早广播

en	The first practice session for Senior Bhangra is today after school in the gym. Don't forget your t-shirt order forms.

en	Our school has this tradition where the seniors do a bhangra dance at the end of Multicultural Week.

en	Guess that means we'll get to see Chryssa and Liz dance.
zh-hans	我猜那意味着我们会看到克莉萨和利兹跳舞。

en	The Japan Club's first meeting is today after school in N6.
zh-hans	今天放学后是日文社的第一次N6会议。

en	Unlike the Anime Club, besides discussing anime, we ALSO eat Japanese snacks and learn Japanese manners and language.
zh-hans	不像动漫社，除了讨论动漫，我们也吃日本零食，学习日本礼仪和语言。

en	That doesn't sound like that significant of a difference...
zh-hans	那听起来也没差…

en	Our school may not have a football or baseball team anymore, but it does have hella new clubs popping up all the time.
zh-hans	我们学校也许没有足球社和棒球社了，但一直都有很多新社团冒出来。

en	It's 'cause everyone wants to be able to put "founder and president" on their college apps.
zh-hans	那是因为每个人都想把“创立者和社长”放到自己的简历上。

en	Come to think of it...Didn't Chryssa and Liz start the baseball club during application season?

en	No way...
zh-hans	不会吧…

en	Well, good for them. Even if they had ulterior motives, it's been fun.

en	This Valentine's Day, the Muslim Student Association is kicking off their annual rose fundraiser.

en	For $5, we'll deliver a rose to your special someone with a message of your choice.
zh-hans	五美元，我们就会为你特别的某人送上一支玫瑰，和一条你选的消息。

en	You can even make it a bouquet for $20. Order forms will be distributed in 3rd period today.

en	Hah, like anybody's getting me one of those...

en	Akarsha surreptiously glances at Noelle, who's sitting beside her.

en	To her surprise, Noelle is listening to the intercom as intently as if she were being graded on it.

en	Wait, maybe this is my chance!
zh-hans	等一下，这也许是我的机会！

en	I should act {i}really{/i} pitifully down about being single and drop hints that getting a rose would make me happy.
zh-hans	我应该表现得 {i}真的{/i} 苦恼单身，不断暗示收到玫瑰会让我开心。

en	After seeing the love of her life (me) in such a miserable state, Noelle will feel guilty that she hasn’t gotten me one!
zh-hans	在看到她的一生挚爱（我）如此苦恼之后，诺奥会觉得很愧疚没有给我一个！

en	Akarsha sighs heavily and slumps in her desk.
zh-hans	阿卡莎重重叹口气，趴在她的桌上。

en	What's the matter with you?
zh-hans	你怎么了？

en	I always feel the the worst about being single on holidays where I have no one to celebrate with.
zh-hans	我在节假日总是感觉很糟糕，一个人，没有人和我庆祝。

en	Like, Valentine's Day is supposed to be the happiest, most romantic time of the year, but it just reminds me of how no one's ever loved me...
zh-hans	就像情人节，应该是一年中最开心的，最浪漫的时间，但那只会提醒我没有人爱我…

en	I bet Diya's getting roses this year. Must be nice...
zh-hans	我打赌迪亚今年会拿到玫瑰，肯定很棒…

en	What is there to envy? Flowers serve no practical purpose.
zh-hans	有什么好嫉妒的？鲜花并没有实际用途。

en	They wither up within days and wind up in the garbage. What a waste of money.
zh-hans	它们几天内就枯萎了，然后被扔进垃圾桶。真是浪费钱。

en	Of course you would think so, you uptight spoilsport...
zh-hans	你当然会这么想，你这个木头脑袋…

en	It's the thought that counts, though.
zh-hans	心意更重要。

en	I, personally, wish someone would send me a rose...
zh-hans	我希望有人会给我一束玫瑰…

en	Heh...
zh-hans	哈…

en	What? Did I say something funny?
zh-hans	什么？我说了什么很好笑的吗？

en	Not at all.
zh-hans	没有。

en	Noelle goes back to reading her metamathematics puzzle book.

en	Hm. So that didn't go as expected...
zh-hans	嗯，所以并没有像预期那样发展…

en	Time to revisit my tactics. Improvise. Adapt. Overcome.

en	After the day's usual math lesson, the teacher brings out a stack of test papers.
zh-hans	一节普通的数学课后，老师拿出一叠试卷。

en	Teacher
zh-hans	老师

en	Alright everyone, clear your desks.
zh-hans	好了各位，清空你们的桌子。

en	!
zh-hans	！

en	Aw, what, a pop quiz?
zh-hans	啊，等下，一场测验？

en	You know, I should've done that. But no, it's just a CAML today.
zh-hans	你知道我不会这么做。只是普通的测试。

en	Oh, thank god.
zh-hans	哦，谢天谢地。

en	The CAMLs are these Math League contests we do every few months.

en	They're 30-minute tests consisting of weird problems that don't have much to do with our current course material.

en	It's just for fun, so they don't affect our grades or anything.
zh-hans	它们只是为了玩乐，所以它们不会影响到我们的成绩或者别的。

en	Akarsha scans the 6 problems on her test.
zh-hans	阿卡莎扫了眼她试卷上的六道题。

en	Usually three of the problems are freebies you'll get right if you have a brain.
zh-hans	通常前三题是只要你有脑子就能做出来的程度。

en	And then there's two you have to think about, and one hella tough one.
zh-hans	有两道你需要想想的，还有一道巨难的。

en	Better get to work...
zh-hans	最好开始写了…

en	On the way to lunch, Akarsha, Noelle, and Diya check notes on their answers.
zh-hans	去食堂的路上，阿卡莎，诺奥和迪亚在对答案。

en	What did you all get on the last question?
zh-hans	你最后一题写了什么？

en	The one about the diagonal passing through the 2012 x 2015 unit grid.

en	I drew the whole grid the best I could. Guessed 3800 based on that.
zh-hans	我尽可能画了一道好看的对角线。我猜是3800。

en	Aghast, Noelle drops her lunchbox as she pulls it from her locker, but Diya manages to catch it before it hits the ground.

en	You DREW the grid?! There were thousands of units on each side!
zh-hans	你画了对角线？！它的边有好几千格！

en	Only roughly. I was running out of time.
zh-hans	只是粗糙的画了一条，我没时间了。

en	Had one minute left and didn't know where to start.
zh-hans	只剩下一分钟，我还不知道从哪里开始。

en	The answer was 4026, right?
zh-hans	答案是4026，对吗？

en	The diagonal goes through the first square at (0,0), and then another 2014 squares horizontally and 2011 squares vertically.

en	That's what I got too!
zh-hans	我也是这个答案！

en	Yes! If {i}you{/i} got that, it's gotta be right.

en	Min gives them a weird look as she joins them.
zh-hans	小旼加入她们时奇怪的看着她们。

en	The fuck's wrong with you...How excited can you get over a math problem?
zh-hans	你他妈的有病吧...你怎么对数学题这么兴奋？

en	Clearly you've never known the high of finding out you got the same answer as the smartest kid in the class.

en	Noelle preens a little at the compliment.

en	That's an exaggeration.
zh-hans	你别这么夸张。

en	No, it's not.

en	No one else in our class got all six right last time.

en	Wait, you got all six?!

en	Don't they publish your name on a list or something online when that happens?

en	They do.

en	Dude, that's so impressive. The most I've ever managed was five.

en	Five is still perfectly respectable, though.

en	It means you're better at math than the vast majority of high schoolers. And that's including all the way up to grade twelve, not just our grade.

en	Yeah, I guess so...

en	It's seriously amazing that she's basically one of the smartest kids in the whole state.

en	We're so different, but at the same time there's so many ways we're alike??

en	We're so compatible with each other...We're so perfect for each other...

en	Min holds a door open for Diya as they walk over to their usual table.

en	After you, princess.

en	Thanks...

en	Hmm...Min always treats Diya like this even though Diya's strong enough to just smash a hole through the wall like the Kool-Aid Man.

en	I guess Diya finds it romantic that Min is protective of her and stuff?

en	Maybe if I try a move like that, Noelle'll fall for me!

en	Once they've sat down, Noelle struggles to open her water bottle.

en	Ugh!

en	Diya must not have opened it for her like usual this morning! This is my chance!

en	Here, I got this babe.

en	Akarsha snatches the bottle away from Noelle and tries to open it.

en	*grunts* Nrg! Shit!

en	Urk! This is surprisingly hard!

en	And they say chivalry is dead.

en	You disgust me.

en	Whuh?! I was just tryin' to help!

en	You were smirking condescendingly as you took the bottle from me!

en	Was not!

en	Was too. You were smiling weird.

en	Wha...was I?!

en	Noelle hands the water bottle to Diya with a huff.

en	Okay, that could've gone better.

en	Luckily, I've got one last trick up my sleeve.

en	Before fifth period begins, Akarsha schemes at her desk.

en	Acting sad 'cause no one was into me didn't work, so I should try the opposite tactic.

en	I'll make Noelle think dudes are falling for me left and right.

en	So if she likes me, she'll feel pressured to take action or else I'll be stolen from right under her nose!

en	I won't be on the market for long. I'm a limited time offer!

en	Akarsha goes over to annoy Noelle at her desk. Noelle puts down the thick tome she's reading to give Akarsha her undivided attention.

en	Yes?

en	Can I tell you something?

en	...I'll allow it.

en	"I'll allow it"?? Who talks like that? What are you, a judge?

en	I love you...

en	So yesterday, I was RPing with one of my online pals, Xx_ChibiAzn_xX, on AnimeCrazy.net. And he asked me to be his forum GF!

en	I turned him down, of course.

en	But I'm so popular, this happens all the time!

en	...Never mind. Forget I asked.

en	Huh?! She doesn't sound remotely interested!

en	Suddenly, a sharp tremor rattles Noelle's desk.

en	Quit shaking my desk.

en	But I'm NOT shaking it?

en	Noelle and Akarsha look at one another, then at their violently shaking surroundings.

en	{big=+20}THERE'S A GHOST?!?{/big}

en	YOU MEAN {big=+20}{i}EARTHQUAKE???{/i}{/big}

en	Oh, yeah, earthquake!

en	There's a commotion as Diya and the others crawl under their desks for cover as taught by years of earthquake drills.

en	Without thinking, Akarsha dives under Noelle's desk, leaving Noelle sitting dumbly in her chair.

en	AKARSHA!!! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO HIDE UNDER NOW??!

en	Oops! Why don't you squeeze under here, too?

en	Akarsha tries to make room for Noelle as she stiffly crawls under the desk.

en	Every single one of Noelle's joints pop as she crouches into place. They're so close, Akarsha can feel the heat radiating off Noelle's skin.

en	Is it just me, or is this like, really romantic??

en	Nah, I'm just overthinking it...I gotta look at this objectively...

en	Scowling, Noelle readjusts herself and brushes her hand against Akarsha's.

en	No way...Does this mean what I think it means?!

en	She must've done that because she secretly likes me! Confirmed!!

en	.......

en	.......

en	I think it's stopped.

en	Noelle clambers back to her feet in a hurry.

en	I can't believe you!

en	I could have perished because of your selfishness!

en	But you didn't! Talk about a win-win situation.

en	What're the odds of an earthquake happening right as we were talking to each other?

en	Maybe it's a sign from the universe that we're soul mates!

en	I mean, think about it. What's more likely, that this was a coincidence? Or that the world revolves around me, and it's trying to tell me something?

en	It's obviously the second one!

en	Akarsha comes home giddy with the private conviction that Noelle likes her back.

en	In spurt of reckless courage, she boots up the family desktop in the computer room after dinner.

en	Okay...I'm gonna confess my love to her!

en	I have a really good feeling about this!

en	{nw}

en	hey

en	do u have a minute

en	Why is your display name "Certified Brain Genius"?

en	uh becuase i am one? duh

en	WHAT DIFFERENCE IS THERE BETWEEN A GENIUS AND A "BRAIN GENIUS"??

en	IT'S A POINTLESS DISTINCTION!

en	no no they're obviously different

en	Did you change it to this just to annoy me?!

en	idk what ur talking about and i dont appreciate u questioning my certification -_-

en	we ladies need to uplift each other!!

en	no point in having 2 queens fight

en	QUEENS??

en	RIGHT NOW I SEE YOU AS NOTHING BUT AN ENEMY TO BE OBLITERATED.

en	ok can we circle back to this later?

en	thats not why messaged you

en	Why did you message me, then?

en	i have to tell yuo something

en	What is it?

en	i

en	uh

en	man this is hard to say

en	^__^;;;;;;

en	i kinda have a crush on you
zh-hans	我喜欢你

en	Er...
zh-hans	呃...

en	What?

en	You're joking, right?
zh-hans	你在开玩笑吧？

en	Akarsha's stomach drops as Noelle's flat response flashes on the screen.

en	Crap. That's not what I was expecting...

en	If she really liked me, she would've jumped at the chance to say she felt the same way!

en	I know {i}I{/i} would've...

en	Which means...I was overthinking all our interactions after all...

en	I'm not a certified brain genius anymore. I've made a grave mistake!!

en	Abort mission! Abort!!

en	uh

en	just kidding!!!

en	that was my brother xD

en	Your brother...?

en	ya he took the keyboard and typed that as a joke

en	i cant believe he did that o.O

en	like id ever say anything that crazeh! e_e

en	I see...

en	just forget this ever happened ok? my bros so random lolll

en	i gtg now bye!!

en	Akarsha powers the family desktop off, her heart pounding a mile a minute.

en	That was a close one...I somehow salvaged that and escaped unscathed...

en	Apart from my heart being broken into a thousand smithereens, I mean...

en	Akarsha dramatically throws herself onto the sofa in the living room.

en	Used to this, her brother offers her a piece of candy.

en	Want a Hi-Chew?

en	No, thanks.

en	Don't eat too many of those. They have dangerous oils in them.

en	Okay, Dad...

en	Her mom goes into the room Akarsha just left to switch off the light.

en	What is this — Diwali?!

en	Oops. Sorry, I was having a meltdown and forgot...

en	Want to watch a funny movie with us? It'll make you feel better.

en	What's the movie?

en	She's the Man. We just need to wait two minutes, it starts on TV at seven.

en	The movie kicks off with the teenage heroine making out with her boyfriend.

en	Ew. Gross.

en	I dunno...{w=0.35}Wish that were me...

en	We would've been so cute together......

en	We belong together! We should be dating!

en	I was hoping so bad Noelle could see that, too.

en	It just really hurts to know she doesn't feel the same way.

en	Oh! This actress makes a very handsome boy.

en	She would've tricked me.

en	She would've tricked you?!

en	Beti, do you know how to do this?

en	Do what? Disguise myself as a guy?

en	What kind of question is that? You're so weird.

en	It's a fun movie, but watching all the characters happily pair up after their wacky teen hijinks just makes Akarsha's chest ache even more.

en	Seeing the forlorn expression on her face, her dad pats her on the shoulder.

en	Cheer up.

en	If you really don't want to be a doctor, you can become a movie star instead.

en	What are you saying?!

en	I think it will be cool if Akarsha becomes a famous movie star. If she's rich, we can live in the mountains.

en	We can be like, in the wild.

en	Why would we want that???

en	You can do it, beti. I believe.

en	My parents have such high hopes for me, but all I do is waste the opportunities they worked so hard to give me.

en	I have literally nothing going for me...I'm legitimately such a waste of time and resources.

en	How do people manage to have their first kiss in kindergarten and stuff?

en	Why doesn't anyone wanna kiss {i}me{/i}?? Am I that unlikeable?

en	It feels like such a remote thing that I can't imagine it {i}ever{/i} happening to me.

en	I've never even held someone's hand or been in any kind of relationship.

en	At this rate I'm gonna go through my entire life without ever getting kissed.

en	What's even the point of me staying alive? There's nothing for me to look forward to.

en	Everything just feels so unattainable.

en	Once the end credits roll, she dejectedly texts Min on her phone.

en	{nw}

en	i read online that its healthy to wallow in sadness

en	for up to 1 hour a day

en	and that hour begins nOW YAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

en	WTF

en	AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

en	SHUT UP

en	AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

en	what happened???????

en	I CONFESSED AND IT DIDNT GO WELL TT_____TT

en	o shit

en	luckily the second i saw things were going south

en	i was able to backtrack n play it off as a joke

en	i said it was my brother pranking me

en	wait

en	hold on

en	you did it thru TEXT???

en	ya

en	why???

en	idk it seemed like a good idea at the time :(

en	and that way I could say it wasnt me if i chickened out

en	wtf

en	DO IT PROPERLY

en	IN PERSON

en	and deal with the consequences of my actions??

en	no thank u

en	well if your not sinsere about it, then what you get back isnt going to be real either

en	your like someone who went to vegas, spent 1 penny and got spooked and left

en	You need to take risks if you wanna win anything

en	too scawwy :(

en	coward

en	whats the point? i know theyre not interested in me anyway

en	weaksauce move

en	and i cant even blame them

en	who'd wanna waste time with a loser like me ;___;

en	what am i then motherfuker?? chopped liver?

en	IM wasting time with yuo right now

en	but u like wasting time with diya MORE

en	see??

en	*is die*

en	well its not a contest

en	ok but it kinda is??

en	idk like...having 1 person in the world think im worth loving would be nice

en	i feel like i've spent my entire life wanting people and being rejected while nobodys ever felt anything for me

en	like am i really that ugly and boring that no one would ever fall in love with me

en	im just a waste of space

en	seriosly stop saying shit like that

en	i was just kidding XD im so random

en	its not funny

en	xD

en	dont xD me you son of a bitch

en	i just wanna do normal high school things

en	like date and go to parties n stuff....

en	i feel like im missing out on this whole fun exp everyone else is having

en	look dumbass

en	theres probably like 3 couples in our entire grade including me and diya

en	bunch of socially stunted fob nerds

en	most of us arent even allowed to date until college anyways

en	great

en	so not only am i an undesirable weirdo but im not even special

en	not special is good sometimes

en	if your not special it means your not alone

en	ok yeah yeah i get it

en	u right

en	did you wanna play maplestory tonight?
zh-hans	你今天晚上想玩冒险岛Online吗

en	i need a distraction to stop thinking about my epic fail OTL

en	sry i cant
zh-hans	玩不了

en	juns using the computer right now
zh-hans	俊秀在用电脑

en	:/

en	how about we play through text then?

en	what do you mean through text

en	\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ ‘-‘_@_

en	its a snail
zh-hans	蜗牛

en	\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ ‘-‘_@_

en	oh ok
zh-hans	哦

en	attack

en	ninja star

en	it's hitting you!!!!

en	-5 HP

en	HUH

en	WHY

en	use emoticons like me

en	oh

en	uh

en	*

en	wuts that supposed to be

en	your butthole??

en	WHY WOULD IT BE MNY BUTTHOLE?????

en	ITS THE NINJA STAR

en	SICKO

en	oh ok

en	22 damage

en	*

en	25 damage

en	\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ ‘-‘_@_

en	ITS COMIG CLOSER AND CLOSER AGAIN

en	=O

en	thats my fist punching

en	2 damage

en	=O

en	4 damage

en	-3 HP

en	what the..the snail should be dead by now

en	they dont have that much hp

en	F9

en	fine ur not damaged

en	($)

en	ok great

en	im gonna try doing the kerning city pq

en	yee good choice

en	Akarsha feels a bit better after talking to Min, but once she's logged off, the heartache in her chest returns.

en	That night, Akarsha reads the entirety of Azumanga Daioh for the first time on an illegal manga scanlation site in an effort to forget about everything.

en	It doesn't work.

en	The next morning

en	Diya's house

en	Akarsha cracks a weak smile as Diya answers the door.

en	Ayyy...Ready to walk to school together?

en	Diya gives her an odd look as they start heading down the sidewalk.

en	Are you okay?

en	Y-yeah?? Why do you ask??

en	You didn't send me a weird message this morning like usual.

en	Also, your eyes are red.

en	Oh, that's nothing! I got shampoo in them while showering.

en	You should get L’Oréal Kids. No tears.

en	Are you making fun of me??

en	Yeah.

en	Oh. All your jokes are so deadpan it's hard to tell sometimes...

en	It must be nice to be pretty. I wish I didn't have to be funny all the time to get people to like me.

en	It sucks being so pathetic that you fall hopelessly in love with anyone who pays even the slightest bit of attention to you.

en	Especially unattainable straight girls. God, I'm stupid...

en	I can't believe I was so desperate that I convinced myself she liked me back. Literally delusional...

en	Sigh...

en	At school, Akarsha nervously waits in the first period classroom before Noelle and Diya arrive.

en	I wonder how facing Noelle again will go...

en	A water bottle flies through the doorway and ricochets off the floor.

en	Coast is clear.

en	You don't need to keep doing that, y'know. I wouldn't reuse the same set-up twice.

en	Noelle cautiously sticks a long twig through the doorframe, her eyes narrowed at Akarsha.

en	Then what is it this time, you putrid worm?

en	Wouldn't you like to know?

en	Phew...She's acting like nothing happened last night!

en	She must've believed what I said about my little brother sending the message.

en	Thank god. Sorry, Pratik.

en	Now I just gotta ignore my feelings until they eventually die out.

en	I have a special present for you, Frenchman. Come closer...

en	What? No, keep it to yourself.

en	Don't be shy! I know you want your very special present!

en	I DON'T WANT THIS "PRESENT"! DON'T COME NEAR ME!

en	As Noelle enters the classroom suspiciously, she tries to give Akarsha a wide berth. Akarsha discreetly pulls her secret weapon out of her pocket...

en	HERE YOU GO!!!!

en	It's a spinning light toy Akarsha got from Disneyland in elementary school.

en	Noelle recoils as its rubber arms repeatedly whack her face.

en	GYAHHHH!!!!!!!

en	THOUSAND ENERGY BEAMS ATTACK!!!

en	I used to annoy my brother like this all the time.

en	AKARSHAAAAAA!!! I HATE YOU!!!!

en	Akarsha gulps as Diya approaches the crime scene and towers over her.

en	.....

en	C'maaahn, this isn't fair!

en	Just look! I'm so small, look how small I am compared to you!

en	Noooo, it's also my birthday, you can't be mean on my birthday!

en	............

en	Is that true?

en	She's lying. Her birthday isn't until April.

en	Akarsha yelps as Diya snatches the spinny toy out of her grasp.

en	Seeing that Akarsha's unarmed, Noelle menacingly starts walking toward her.

en	Hey, calm down!

en	I was doin' you a favor, testing your reflexes for you! Like at the doctor!

en	........

en	F-free! Free reflex test!

en	Akarsha breaks into a run as Noelle chases after her.

en	COME BACK HERE!! YOU CRETIN!!!

en	Oh shit, baseball practice actually made her faster!

en	Oh shit, she's catching up to me. Oh shit!!!

en	When Akarsha comes to baseball practice, she hears whispering in the locker room.

en	{i}(...So the plan is, we all pitch in?){/i}

en	{i}(If we split it up eight ways, it's only $1.50 per person.){/i}

en	{big=+20}But I don't see why I should have to pay.{/big}

en	{i}Shhh!{/i}

en	{i}(You have to pay because it'll be hilarious. She'll never guess who it is.){/i}

en	{i}(And here I thought we were trying to do a good deed.){/i}

en	{i}(Do you ALWAYS have to be engaging in some kind of psychic mind battle with her?){/i}

en	What're they scheming about? I want in.

en	Akarsha walks over to where the others are furtively huddled together. A hush falls over the team...

en	.........

en	Why, hello there, Akarsha!

en	We were just talking about...

en	...how Vampire Knight is getting an anime.

en	..............

en	We're acting so natural right now.

en	Okay, clearly they're up to something...

en	The question is, what?

en	After jogging around the track and stretching, [teamName!t] runs fielding drills.

en	After jogging around the track and stretching, the [teamName!t] run fielding drills.

en	While Akarsha takes a breather in the dugout, she watches Noelle haplessly flail about on the field.

en	Within moments, the object of her affection misjudges the trajectory of a fly ball and gets bonked on the head.

en	Ow!!

en	Baseball champion...

en	I would do anything for you...If only you'd let me...

en	Akarsha lets out a wistful sigh as Noelle performs her signature move, throwing the ball almost directly into the ground.

en	It sucks having a sad hopeless crush...I just want gorlfriend...

en	So dramatic. Konnichiwhat's up?

en	I'm just bummed 'cause I've never experienced love.

en	No one ever likes me back. I feel like I'm missing out on so much...

en	It's okay, being rejected is a part of life.

en	You should learn to love yourself. It's a lie that people can only be happy when they're in a relationship.

en	Ester glances up from the drawing she's scribbling on her sketchbook.

en	Those are surprisingly wise words coming from someone with zero love experience.

en	I learned that life lesson from Card Captor Sakura.

en	The main character experiences unrequited love even though she's a great person. That means it can happen to anyone.

en	Even our sugoi Akarsha-chan.

en	That does make me feel less alone. Thanks, senpai...

en	Ugh.

en	Ester vigorously erases something on her page, making countless grey eraser shavings rain down on the dirt beneath the bench.

en	Ester, what're you drawing?

en	A chapter title page for a webcomic I'm starting.

en	A webcomic? Like on SmackJeeves?

en	Akarsha peers over at Ester's sketchbook, but she recoils, looking bashful.

en	Don't look, I'm not done yet!

en	Akarsha manages to glimpse a spiky-haired character on the page before Ester angles her sketchbook away from prying eyes.

en	She's pretty good though...If she posted that on DeviantArt I bet she'd get like, two hundred views.

en	Is that from an anime?

en	Ester frowns, aghast.

en	No, it's just a regular guy.

en	It's like those iPod ads, see? He's wearing white earbuds, and I colored his silhouette in black.

en	Ester is the type of weeaboo who tries to hide the fact that she likes anime because she's embarrassed by it, but it's still super obvious.

en	I hate to break it to you, but even from his silhouette you can tell it's an anime guy.

en	It's probably his hairdo. No real guys have bangs that go down to their chin.

en	They should, though. Life would be way less boring.

en	Ugh. Guys with short hair are so hard to draw...

en	Akarsha turns her attention back to the field, where Diya and Min are passionately kissing.

en	I think they're trying to keep their relationship a secret, but they keep forgetting.

en	Do you have to do that in front of us?

en	Just you watch. I'm gonna rub my gay hands all over her.

en	..........

en	I'm so jealous...I wanna be in love too...

en	Someday everyone else is gonna get married except me, and I'll be the one sad single friend.

en	Me too...

en	Me three...

en	If that happens, we should all pitch in to buy a mansion and live as otaku together.

en	That definitely doesn't sound like the kind of life my parents were envisioning for me when they immigrated here....

en	But that sounds incredible.

en	Doesn't it? We could put up all our anime prints and display our figurines with no shame.

en	Speak for yourself. I don't have any of that stuff, my room is normal.

en	You don't have anything?? You've never been to an anime convention before?

en	Fanime is like, right there in San Jose...

en	Ooh, we should all go together this year! We can all cosplay the same series!

en	Yeah!! Maybe like, Soul Eater or Haruhi Suzumiya!

en	What, at Fanime? Admission is probably too expensive anyway.

en	Ester scoffs like she's not interested before furtively writing something tiny on the side of her sketchbook page.

en	She didn't write small enough...It says "Fanime"...

en	She's probably gonna Google it later.

en	Hey, all you slackers sitting down doing nothing! Get over here and practice!

en	Ya!!

en	Upperclassman

en	Valentine's Day

en	Akarsha scoffs as a few upperclassmen come in to deliver the goodies people ordered.

en	We should have a reverse Valentine's Day where we give annoying, terrible gifts to our enemies on purpose.

en	You mean, {i}what you already do to me every single day of my life?{/i}

en	Oh, true...

en	A few of their classmates receive ribboned roses, but someone comes in holding an entire bouquet...

en	Are you Akarsha? This is yours.

en	Huh????

en	Bewildered, Akarsha accepts the bouquet and notices there's a note tied to it with a ribbon.

en	It reads:

en	{i}Roses are red Violets are blue{/i}

en	{i}Love never crossed my mind Until the day I met you{/i}

en	{i}-Your secret admirer{/i}

en	Secret admirer? Who???

en	I can't believe it...Is this some kinda joke??

en	Akarsha looks wildly around the room in case her paramour is watching her reaction from afar.

en	But no one seems to be acting out of the ordinary except Diya and Noelle, who are beside themselves with amusement.

en	Someone sent {i}you{/i} flowers?

en	I told you I was a hot commodity! I charmed the pants off someone without even knowing it!

en	What's the note say? Let me read it.

en	Wh-why do you care? You jealous?

en	In your dreams.

en	I bet she won't show us because they misspelled her name as "Arkasha".

en	Why're you so mean today?! I'm gonna tell the teacher you're bullying me!

en	Maybe I can deduce who the sender is like a detective!

en	The poem is one hint. There's gotta be others.

en	Akarsha flips the note over. It's blank...except for a small dark smudge on the back.

en	Clue??

en	Maybe it's from food? Like blackberries?

en	Akarsha sniffs the note, but it's hard to single out any scent over the fragrance of the roses.

en	What're you doing.
zh-hans	你在干嘛。

en	Quiet, meanie!! I'm trying to crack the code!

en	You're interrupting my mind palace technique!!!

en	There's only two possibilities here. Either someone is secretly in love with me...

en	Or it's a prank. But it's kinda a lot of money to spend on a prank...?

en	It's either fake or real.

en	You don't say? Thanks for narrowing it down for us.

en	B-be quiet!
zh-hans	闭...闭嘴！

en	Flustered, Akarsha scans the room one more time for good measure.

en	She catches Diya looking away a beat too late, smiling to herself.

en	...

en	What're you smiling about?

en	Nothing. Just happy for you.

en	3rd grade
zh-hans	三年级

en	Diya, Min, and Jun wait at the horseshoe for their parents to pick them up from school.

en	Why does it always take Mom so long to get here?

en	I'm so hungry I would even eat a pizza with pineapple!

en	Mom should just let us walk home ourselves! It'd be way faster.

en	Especially if she buys us Heelys!

en	But if you did that, I'd have to wait for my mom alone. It'd be so boring.

en	Oh, I thought of that already. We can chat on walkie-talkies while I'm rolling away on my Heelys.

en	That sounds fun...

en	The three of them peer down the horseshoe at the long line of cars, hoping to catch sight of their rides.

en	My mom's car is tan colored.

en	They should make cars in better colors like sky blue or pink.

en	Yeah...I bet if they did, they'd sell a lot more.

en	It's 'cause adults are boring and have bad taste.

en	They should sell cars with pictures of dolphins on them. Everyone would want one.

en	Diya perks up as a beige Toyota drives into the horseshoe, but it's the wrong model.

en	.......

en	Did you hear about Barry Bonds? He's in trouble because he did steroids!

en	What're "steroids"?

en	They're drugs that make you really buff. It's cheating.

en	I don't see why they don't let you use them. If they're so good, everyone should use steroids.

en	Baseball would be more fun if everyone was super strong and super fast.

en	Suddenly, Min jolts upright and shouts as a silver sedan pulls up to the curb.

en	I see our car! Bye Diya!

en	Heat rushes to Diya's face as Min hugs her tightly before dashing off.

en	Bye...

en	Wait, that car has a side thingy under the door that ours doesn't have!

en	Min flings the car's passenger seat door open, revealing a stranger inside.

en	{big=+20}WHO'RE YOU??!!{/big}

en	Min hastily slams the car door shut and stomps back to Diya and Jun, who are both wheezing with laughter.

en	THAT WAS THE WRONG CAR!

en	I told you!

en	........

en	Diya, I think your car is over there, though.

en	!

en	Thanks. Bye for real this time.

en	See you tomorrow!!!

en	As Diya buckles up in her mom's sedan, she peers out the window, smiling a little when she sees Min waving frenetically at her outside.

en	How was your day at school?

en	Okay.

en	We had to write about an invention we'd make in class today.

en	What did you invent?

en	A better bed that makes it so your stuffed animals can never accidentally roll off it.

en	I thought of it because last night while I was sleeping, Horny fell on the floor.

en	H-horny?? Who's that?

en	My cow plushie. He's one of Snakey's older brothers.

en	He was all cold and alone for hours and I didn't know.

en	Maybe you should give "Horny" a different name, like Moo Moo.

en	Why? It'll be hard for him to get used to it.

en	You must have the most loved stuffed animals in the entire world.

en	What else did you do at school?

en	I tried to take an Accelerated Reader quiz on the Boxcar Children book I read.

en	But I accidentally clicked the wrong book. So it made me take the quiz of a book I never read before.

en	It didn't let you quit out? What bad design.

en	Yeah. My classmates all tried to help me, though.

en	Hayden read the book a year ago, but he could barely remember anything.

en	So even with everyone's help I got a 2/10.

en	Oh no!

en	Mr. Armstrong said he wouldn't count it for my grade, though.

en	That's a relief.

en	The boy waving at you earlier — was that Hayden? The classmate who helped you?

en	You mean Min? She's not a boy.

en	Huh? The one wearing a hoodie?

en	Yeah. She's a girl.

en	To Diya's surprise, her mom wrinkles her nose in disgust.

en	That was a girl?! She's a freak.

en	You should make friends with more normal girls.

en	Huh??

en	That's not very nice.

en	But it's true, she looks like a boy. Stay away from her or you'll catch it, too.

en	Catch what? It's not like she has a disease.

en	You're too young to understand. Only freaks look like that.

en	It's bad to judge people by what they look like.

en	You don't even know her. She's really nice to me.

en	I don't need to know her, there's clearly something wrong with her.

en	She's only acting nice because she has impure thoughts toward you.

en	What's that supposed to mean?

en	Even if she has problems, I can tell her and she'll fix them.

en	We're friends, so she'll listen to me.

en	You can't change people. Especially not weirdos like that.

en	If they're bad, they're bad. It's a waste of time to try.

en	If you can't change people, then how can she change me into looking like a boy?

en	You can't have it both ways.

en	You're normal, so you have to stay away from weirdos like that.

en	I don't care. She's my friend.

en	No, you can't be friends with her anymore.

en	If I see you talking to her again, you're in big trouble.

en	........

en	6 years later

en	After baseball practice

en	Min pushes Diya back against the locker room wall, kissing her again and again.

en	JSFDAKJJJK??!! DFJSKJHFJ!!!!!

en	Wow!!! This is great!!!!!

en	They break apart, both panting for air.

en	A pleasant shiver runs down Diya's spine as Min grins sharply at her.

en	Oh, you like this, don't you?

en	.......................

en	Diya is too embarrassed to admit it, so she just nods, her cheeks blazing.

en	You don't need to be shy.

en	It's just me.

en	I feel like I absolutely can't say it aloud though.

en	Sorry...

en	Min presses a kiss to her cheek and whispers in her ear, voice low. Diya can feel her smiling, her breath warm on her cheek.

en	It's okay, you're so cute when you're like this. I almost can't stand it.

en	................

en	It's so surreal dating a friend you've had a crush on forever.

en	Sometimes I get scared that us getting together was just a dream, and when I wake up we'll just be friends again.

en	But it's real! Somehow a miracle happened and now I'm her girlfriend!

en	Min holds Diya's hand as they wait for their rides home.

en	No one knows about us except the baseball club. And maybe the workers at the dessert place we had our first date at.

en	So we end up kissing in the locker room a lot because the lockers block the view, and you can hear if other people walk in.

en	But it's still fun. I love spending time with Min...

en	She can almost even make me forget I have a presentation tomorrow in Biology.

en	Assignments that make you talk in front of the class should be outlawed.

en	What's wrong? You look worried about something.

en	?!

en	You can tell?

en	Of course I can. What kind of girlfriend would I be if I couldn't even tell if something was bothering you?

en	You're like a mind reader. Psychic.

en	Nah, I just know you. You got all tense and quiet.

en	So what's up?

en	If someone's bothering you, I'll kill them, no questions asked.

en	You probably should at least ask one or two questions.

en	Killing people is wrong.

en	Okay. Then if someone's bothering you, I'll...be really mean to them.

en	So who is it?

en	It isn't anyone.

en	It's just that my group presentation is tomorrow. In Biology.

en	Oh, that PowerPoint you've been working on with Akarsha and Noelle?

en	Diya nods.

en	We're supposed to elaborate on what we put on our slides.

en	But I get so nervous in front of everyone that I blank out.

en	What's there to be nervous about? You know all the stuff, don't you?

en	Even if I know all the facts in my head, I can't improvise at all.

en	It's hard to string words together on the spot.

en	I always have to write out everything I'm going to say word-for-word beforehand, and memorize it.

en	Their conversation is abruptly cut short when a beige sedan turns the corner into the school.

en	My mom's here!

en	She picks me up after the baseball club if it ends late enough for her to be done with work.

en	I'll hide!

en	Bye!!!

en	Min roughly pulls Diya close for one last kiss before dashing out of sight.

en	!!!!!!!!

en	Diya tries to slow her shaky breathing to a normal pace.

en	I'm calm...I need to look normal...

en	Diya gets uncharacteristically clumsy after making out with Min, like a dog who's still woozy after surgery.

en	She staggers over to her mom's car as it pulls up to the curb.

en	I'm scared of how my mom will react if she finds out I'm talking to Min again. Let alone that I'm dating her...

en	So it's a secret for now.

en	Pop song

en	Diya reaches for the door handle, misses, and slams her hand directly into the side of the car.

en	!!!

en	What's the matter with you?

en	Nothing.

en	Diya hastily pulls the door open and gets into the passenger seat, trying to look natural.

en	..........

en	..........

en	How was your day at school?

en	Okay.

en	..........

en	..........

en	On the radio, a woman sings to a catchy beat.

en	{font=times.ttf}♫{/font} I'm curious for you...Caught my attention... {font=times.ttf}♫{/font}

en	{font=times.ttf}♫{/font} I kissed a girl and I liked it! {font=times.ttf}♫{/font}

en	What the...?? Did she really just say that?

en	{font=times.ttf}♫{/font} The taste of her cherry chapstick... {font=times.ttf}♫{/font}

en	{font=times.ttf}♫{/font} I kissed a girl just to try it! {font=times.ttf}♫{/font}

en	Is she allowed to say that on the radio? It doesn't break any laws?

en	Diya shifts uncomfortably in her seat as her mom frowns at the lyrics.

en	"I kissed a girl...?" What kind of terrible song is this?

en	Disgusted, Diya's mom changes the station.

en	............

en	...........

en	You know how in the movies, superheroes have to hide their identity to their families?

en	I'm doing that in real life, all the time.

en	............

en	............

en	The other day, I saw Akarsha and her mom at Safeway.

en	She was so outgoing! She even told me about the Biology project you're working on together.

en	I didn't even know you were doing a project until Akarsha said so.

en	Why can't you be more like her? I like knowing things about you.

en	If Akarsha was her daughter, she'd disown her for being bi. Not that she'd know that.

en	............

en	............

en	I never really know how to fill the silence when I'm with my mom.

en	I don't know what I can talk about with her.

en	She really loves me, but she comes from such a different time and culture that talking to her feels kind of unpredictable.

en	Sometimes, she'll surprise me by getting upset over something I didn't expect would cause problems at all.

en	So my safest bet most of the time is just to stay quiet.

en	It's annoying how she's raised me to be afraid of talking, yet expects me to magically turn out like a child who was raised normally.

en	That night, Diya tosses and turns in bed, anxious about her presentation the next day.

en	I wish I could time travel to this time tomorrow, after the Biology presentation is already over.

en	........

en	I need to stop thinking about this. It's making my mind race. I can't relax enough to sleep.

en	Diya checks her alarm clock.

en	It's midnight already. And I need to wake up at seven tomorrow!

en	I need to fall asleep right now! Or else I'll get less than seven hours of sleep.

en	Count sheep

en	Take deep, calming breaths

en	Imagine being hugged by Min

en	Diya squeezes her eyes shut and starts counting.

en	One...two...three...

en	Four...five...six...

en	Six...Giant pandas have six fingers...

en	And their thumbs are opposable like primates' thumbs. These similar features are called analogous structures.

en	...Shoot, I was supposed to be counting sheep.

en	What number was I on again?

en	Let's start over.

en	One...two...

en	Two...Birds and bats are two groups that evolved flight independently...

en	Diya keeps trying to count without getting sidetracked, but after an hour, she's more awake and frustrated than ever.

en	I looked up some breathing exercises that're supposed to make you sleepier.

en	Diya squeezes her eyes shut, inhaling slowly and steadily...

en	Now I'll breathe out on a count of one...two...three...

en	Four...five...six...

en	Six...Giant pandas have six fingers...

en	And their thumbs are opposable like primates' thumbs. These similar features are called analogous structures...

en	Shoot, I started thinking about the presentation again.

en	Let's start over.

en	One...two...

en	Two...Birds and bats are two groups that evolved flight independently...

en	Diya keeps trying to breathe without getting sidetracked, but after an hour, she's more awake and frustrated than ever.

en	Sometimes when I can't sleep, I fantasize that Min is hugging me and saying nice things to me.

en	Usually this works.

en	Diya hugs herself with one arm and squeezes her eyes shut.

en	Min is holding me really close, and telling me I'm going to fall asleep in her arms...

en	And she's stroking my side with her hand...

en	Hands...Primates have hands, too...

en	And their thumbs are opposable like pandas' thumbs. These similar features are called analogous structures...

en	Shoot, I started thinking about the presentation again.

en	Forget the presentation! Just think about Min.

en	Min is holding me really tight and saying nice things to me...

en	And we're all alone together...It's just the two of us...

en	Two...Birds and bats are two groups that evolved flight independently...

en	Diya keeps trying to imagine Min comforting her without getting sidetracked, but after an hour, she's more awake and frustrated than ever.

en	There's so much anxious energy pent up in my body, I feel like running a marathon.

en	Maybe if I release all that energy, I can finally doze off.

en	Diya frantically starts doing sit-ups in bed.

en	After a few sets, she switches to doing jumping jacks in the middle of her room.

en	Yeah! Become tired!!

en	After several minutes of frenzied exercise, Diya lies back down in bed, her heart pounding...

en	Phew. Hopefully that didn't just make me even more awake.

en	Diya wearily checks her clock again.

en	It's two in the morning! I need to fall asleep right now so I can at least get five hours of sleep!!!

en	Diya ends up lying awake for a few more hours...

en	Just as the sun begins coming up, she loses consciousness from sheer exhaustion...

en	After what feels like a few minutes of sleep, Diya's alarms go off.

en	....................

en	Diya hits all her alarms without even bothering to open her eyes.

en	I don't feel rested at all...Barely got any sleep.

en	Her morning routine includes lying in bed for ten minutes thinking about how tired she is.

en	{cps=0}Her morning routine includes lying in bed for ten minutes thinking about how tired she is. {/cps}

en	Do it

en	Nnnnnooooooooo...

en	I'm so anxious I feel like I'm gonna explode...

en	I don't have Biology till fifth period. So I'm going to be stewing in this dread for hours...

en	Ugghhhhhghghhhghhh...Ggggggh...

en	Ten minutes pass like this.

en	Finally, Diya drags herself out of bed and steels herself for the terrifying day ahead.

en	Akarsha messaged me. That normally means she's on her way to my house.

en	Check your computer

en	{nw}

en	ay diya

en	:^)

en	{image=diyaTheHedgehog.png}

en	????

en	What is that

en	i googled Diya the Hedgehog and thats what came up

en	Diya has gone offline.

en	..........

en	How can she act so normal on a day like this?

en	I wish I was all outgoing and good at talking like her...

en	Diya goes outside.

en	Yo! Ready to blow everyone outta the water with our amazing group presentation?

en	No......

en	Diya nervously strides off, forcing Akarsha to jog to keep up with her.

en	Hey, hold your horses!

en	Slow down! Some of us have average-length legs, yanno!

en	........

en	Miss long legs...

en	Or should I say Daddy Long Legs...

en	Don't call me that.

en	You're so cold to me, bro. I'm dyin' here...

en	Why would you die if you can't call me Daddy Long Legs. Weirdo.

en	So dark and cloudy today. Think it's gonna rain...

en	Ay Diya...

en	What do you think {incoherent}( ? ? ? ){/incoherent}

en	I wish real life had captions like on TV. No clue what anyone's ever saying to me.

en	What?

en	What do {incoherent}( ? ? ? ){/incoherent}

en	What?

en	What do you think happens {incoherent}( ? ? ? ){/incoherent}

en	............

en	Oh wait, sorry. I forgot about your ear...

en	Akarsha switches to Diya's other side so she can hear her over the sound of traffic.

en	What do you think happens to a Teletubby when its screen gets destroyed?

en	Nothing

en	It dies

en	Why...

en	{cps=0}What do you think happens to a Teletubby when its screen gets destroyed?{/cps}

en	Why would anything happen?

en	It's not like it needs the screen to live.

en	But the fact that it's called a Teletubby implies the television is part of its body, doesn't it?

en	That doesn't mean it needs it to live.

en	You could dye a bluebird pink and it'd still survive. It'd just be a pinkbird.

en	If you get rid of a Teletubby's screen it just becomes a Tubby.

en	Destroying the screen is a way bigger change than changing something's color, though. It's like, built into its stomach.

en	So? TV's not a living part with cells and stuff. More like hair or fingernails.

en	It's not painful to get haircuts.

en	Speak for yourself. I've gotten some extremely catastrophic ones before.

en	Okay...But you can't die from it.

en	...Or can I? Challenge accepted.

en	That wasn't a challenge.

en	It'd be like punching it in the heart or something.

en	Damn, that's dark.

en	You asked.

en	I dunno...Screens are so fragile, though.

en	If it's that important, you'd think the Teletubbies would've evolved a ribcage over it or something to protect it.

en	But they can't. They couldn't see what's on the screens if they were covered.

en	Must be like why our eyes don't have bones over them even though they're delicate.

en	We wouldn't be able to see.

en	Whoa, you might be onto something.

en	You should become a scientist. A Teletubby scientist.

en	I doubt the world really needs Teletubby scientists...

en	Where is this even coming from.

en	Have you been watching Teletubbies lately or something?

en	What? No!

en	It's called having a healthy curiosity about the world around us, my friend.

en	Doesn't sound healthy to me. What kind of person thinks of destroying Teletubbies.

en	They're so colorful and friendly. Messed up.

en	Wow, geez! I see you're not ready for my cutting-edge Dragon Tales theories, either.

en	As Diya and Akarsha arrive at school, Diya feels something cold and wet drop onto her shoulder.

en	It's raining!

en	Gah! I'm heading inside.

en	Akarsha scurries off as the rain picks up. Soon, torrents of water are pelting the ground.

en	I still need to get my things from my locker.

en	Use locker

en	I need to get my stuff from the locker first.

en	Noelle is hunched over in front of their shared locker and frowning at its contents.

en	Good morning.

en	We need to remove our books from the locker or they'll get soaked in the rain.

en	Oh, no.

en	Won't the roof overhang block it?

en	No, look at it. The wind's blowing the rain inward.

en	Yeah...We're even getting damp standing here right now.

en	Diya takes a mini travel umbrella from her backpack and opens it.

en	As Diya diligently holds it over the two of them, Noelle holds her daily water bottle out to her without looking.

en	Also, can you open this water bottle?

en	Take the water bottle

en	Diya holds the umbrella with one hand and grabs the water bottle with the other.

en	Don't have enough hands to open it...

en	Diya carefully balances the water bottle on top of Noelle's head as she continues pulling her library books from their locker.

en	......

en	......

en	Diya grips the bottle's cap with her index finger and thumb while pressing the bottle down on Noelle's head with the rest of her hand.

en	She manages to twist it open without spilling any of the water.

en	....!

en	I'm pretty proud of myself for pulling that off.

en	She closes the cap and gives it back to Noelle as she slots the last of her novels into her bookbag.

en	Thank you.

en	I've finished rescuing all my water-sensitive items. It's your turn.

en	Diya peers into her and Noelle's shared locker.

en	Diya opens her and Noelle's shared locker.

en	Get your school stuff

en	Look in Noelle's lunchbox

en	Take Valentine's Day card

en	Look at rosin

en	Close locker door

en	I'm ready to head to class when you are.

en	Wish I could just head home and go to bed...

en	Diya slips her books and binders into her backpack.

en	This is rosin for string instruments.

en	The first time Noelle showed it to me,{w=0.10} I tried to eat it.

en	Why do you have this, anyway?

en	You only play piano.

en	It's the same kind Akarsha uses. She plays the cello in her orchestra class.

en	Whenever she drops and cracks the one she's using, she leaves it in her locker, and I secretly replace it with an identical copy.

en	.....?

en	How do you get it in her locker?

en	I figured out her locker combination.

en	Can't she tell it's just new rosin?

en	No, I always scratch up the top and make it look worn, so it looks identical to the one she dropped.

en	This is the third one.

en	By now, she's convinced her rosin has self-healing abilities.

en	Noelle goes to such lengths just to mess with Akarsha sometimes...

en	I don't really know what to make of it.

en	This is rosin for string instruments.

en	It looks like you can eat it,{w=0.10} but you can't.

en	Out of curiosity, Diya checks what Noelle has for lunch today.

en	Rice porridge. Noelle really likes this.

en	I shouldn't eat it. I don't have much of an appetite today, anyway.

en	Deeper in the lunchbox, there's also a Ziploc bag of neatly peeled apple slices.

en	Thoughtful of your mom to do that.

en	Do what?

en	Peel the apple and slice it.

en	Most people just eat them whole.

en	I guess she has to show me she loves me somehow.

en	Since she lacks the emotional maturity to communicate it through words, she's left to express it through actions.

en	Funny, that sounds like someone else I know.

en	Are you insinuating I'm the same as her?

en	Maybe.

en	I wish I could deny it...

en	Does your mother do the thing too, where after you have an argument, instead of apologizing, she just silently leaves you a plate of fruit to eat?

en	!

en	I thought it was just my mom who did that.

en	It must be an immigrant mother thing.

en	This is waterproof, right?

en	If not waterproof, at least water-resistant.

en	Okay. Just checking.

en	It's the Valentine's Day card Min made for me this year.

en	Every time I see it, I feel happy.

en	You still haven't taken that home?

en	I'm paranoid my parents will find it if I do.

en	Min said a lot of stuff in it...Even if she were a boy, I don't think they'd be okay with it.

en	I see...

en	Guess I have to move it out of the locker or it'll get soaked and wrinkly, though...

en	Diya carefully slips it into her binder's inside pocket.

en	Speaking of Valentine's Day. How's Akarsha's investigation of her secret admirer going.

en	Awful. And by that, I mean wonderful.

en	She's utterly lost.

en	Her list of suspects includes a random guy in our History class, a sophomore she's never uttered a word to before...

en	...And even the lunch lady who once gave her two slices of pizza that were stuck together instead of one.

en	Wow.

en	We really can keep this up every Valentine's Day without her realizing it's us.

en	Yes, as long as we don't accidentally let it slip at some point.

en	Diya loves the sound of rain when she's indoors, especially the drum of water on metal.

en	Unfortunately, today she's so consumed with dread over her presentation that she's totally unable to enjoy it.

en	Her next few hours pass in a sleep-deprived haze...

en	Diya's stomach churns with dread as she finally walks into her Biology class.

en	It's here...The period of doom...

en	To her surprise, she finds Min leaning against her desk, waiting for her.

en	?

en	Why're you here?

en	You're about to do your presentation, right?

en	I thought I'd swing by and try to pump you up for it.

en	Oh. Thanks.

en	How do you feel?

en	I'm so nervous, my stomach hurts.

en	I even forgot to eat my gummy vitamins this morning.

en	Each day, Diya looks forward to eating two gummy vitamins.

en	Min gives her hand a reassuring squeeze.

en	It'll be okay! You're gonna kill it.

en	You're so cute, there's no way the teacher can give you a bad grade.

en	If the teacher really graded like that he'd be in jail.

en	Well, if I were in charge, I'd give you an A.

en	Anything I can do to help?

en	Can I have a hug? And a kiss.

en	Yeah! Of course!!!

en	Won't people see, though?

en	It's an emergency.

en	Min's face lights up, and she eagerly envelopes Diya in a tight, warm hug.

en	..........

en	..........

en	Min pulls her in for a kiss, but Diya rears back when she smells cigarette smoke on her breath.

en	Because Diya's so tall, when she doesn't want Min to kiss her, all she has to do is stand up straight.

en	Yuck. Were you smoking again?

en	Huh? Yeah...

en	You should stop.

en	It's bad for you. Didn't you ever see a D.A.R.E. presentation in elementary school?

en	They came to my class, and it was so scary I pledged not to do drugs or peer pressure forever.

en	You don't think it looks badass?

en	No. Dare to resist drugs and violence.

en	How'd you even start doing it?

en	Back in Florida, I mostly hung out with a group of guys who smoked.

en	And we'd set things on fire and do other dangerous stuff.

en	..........

en	I'm really glad she's over here with me now...

en	But those guys aren't here anymore. So why keep doing it.

en	It was a pain to get the cigarettes in the first place, since stores won't sell them to people under 18.

en	So it feels like a waste not to use them.

en	And I thought it'd make me look hot.

en	You look hot when your hair's all messed up from kissing me.

en	Not when your mouth tastes bad and I can't even kiss you.

en	Noelle scowls as she sits down at her desk.

en	You're seriously still smoking?! You need to get your life in order.

en	I don't need to hear it from you, too!

en	I don't even do it that often!

en	Aren't you going to be tardy for your class? The bell's going to ring in about a minute.

en	Oh, shit! I better run.

en	Go, I'll live. Probably.

en	Tell me how it goes later!

en	Min sprints off!

en	Seconds later, the bell rings.

en	D'you think she made it?

en	I couldn't care less.

en	Min is so cool. But I hope she stops smoking...

en	They say people don't change, but I hope that's not true.

en	It's too sad if it is.

en	As another group starts presenting at the front of the class, Diya wipes her clammy palms on her hoodie.

en	We're gonna get called up any minute now...

en	Diya, please try not to panic.

en	When you're not speaking, you can hide behind me if you have to. Just don't bolt off.

en	Okay.

en	Can I hide behind you too?

en	NO.

en	No fair! How come Diya gets to, but not me?

en	There's no reason for you to! We'll look like we're doing those dances where everyone's standing behind one person and waving their arms!

en	And you'd better not do that horrendous British accent.

en	Why not? It'll be a hit.

en	More like a hit on our grade. Accents aren't a proper example of divergent evolution.

en	But we need stuff to spice our presentation up. It's drier than the Sahara Desert.

en	So? This is a Biology project, not a circus performance.

en	Before Noelle can press Akarsha any further, the first group finishes their presentation to scattered applause.

en	Alright, it's our turn.

en	Come on, Diya, let's do this.

en	!!!!!!!!!!!

en	Diya feels like she's having an out-of-body experience as she follows Noelle and Akarsha to the front of the class.

en	As Noelle brings up their PowerPoint on the computer, Diya hides behind her and nervously looks out at the class sitting before them...

en	I should've worn clothes that blended in with the classroom better so no one can see me!

en	Like beige colored! I should've thought of that earlier!

en	It's over...It's curtains for me...

en	Hello, everyone. We've been tasked with reviewing the patterns of macroevolution.

en	The audience begins to nod off as soon as Noelle flicks to a slide with an essay crammed onto it in ten point font.

en	Let's begin with the obvious question...What is macroevolution? To understand this, we must first consider...

en	By the time Noelle is done droning through her last tome of a slide, half the classroom is asleep.

en	Akarsha shakes her head and sighs as she clicks to her first slide. It opens with an illustration of a finch's head.

en	Aight. So, divergent evolution...

en	An explosion sound effect plays as five more finches with different beak shapes blast onto the screen, jolting their classmates back awake.

en	It's when populations from a common ancestor adapt to different pressures and become more different over time.

en	Just like how yer average New Yawker tawks like dis! Different from ova heah!

en	She just switched it from a British accent to a New York one...

en	Oh, well. Maybe the teacher will think it's funny.

en	...................

en	You can let this slide, Noelle. Just hold it in until after the presentation's over.

en	ACTUALLY, accents don't count as divergent evolution. New Yorkers aren't another species from us!

en	They're not so different they can't produce fertile offspring with other humans!

en	But if dey keep tings up at dis rate, dat might change.

en	Dink about it. Would {i}you{/i} reproduce wit someone who tawks like dis??

en	Wh...what?! I don't see how that's relevant!

en	Just admit your example is invalid already!

en	Oh, yeah?

en	Akarsha clicks the mouse. A stock photo of a gravestone appears on the slide with the pinwheel transition.

en	What if dat was your gravestone? What then?

en	DID YOU ADD THIS TO THE POWERPOINT JUST TO USE AS A COMEBACK?!

en	The class giggles as Akarsha clowns through her slides, but Diya's stomach churns as they stare at the front of the room with renewed interest...

en	I don't wanna be here...I wish I could time travel to 30 minutes from now...

en	And wit dat, I pass tings ova to my buddy Diya.

en	.........!!!!

en	When Diya doesn't move from her hiding spot behind Noelle, Noelle steps to the side, exposing her to the audience's view.

en	Diya takes a deep shaky breath before quickly rattling off the speech she's mentally rehearsed hundreds of times over the past 24 hours.

en	{small}Convergent evolution is the independent evolution of similar traits in species that are only distantly related. For example, giant pandas have six fingers and their thumbs are opposable like primates' thumbs. These similar features are called analogous structures.{/small}

en	After barrelling through the slide in a matter of seconds, Diya quickly flips to the next one, her hands shaking from nerves.

en	{small}Another example of convergent evolution are birds and bats. Birds and bats are two groups that evolved flight independently...{/small}

en	She manages to zoom through the rest of the presentation in about a minute flat.

en	After their classmates give them a tepid round of applause, Diya follows Noelle and Akarsha back to her seat in a daze...

en	Well, at least that's over with...

en	It's over!!! I'm free!!!!

en	See? That wasn't so bad, was it?

en	Actually, it was.

en	Think I'll be quiet for the rest of the day to recover from that...

en	After school

en	To Diya's relief, the weather clears up just in time for the baseball club meeting.

en	"Sakura" goes up to bat, and Diya readies herself to catch Min's next pitch.

en	Besides Min's signature knuckler, the only pitch she knows is a fastball.

en	It's pretty mediocre compared to her knuckleball, so she rarely uses it except during practice like this.

en	Min hurls one of those fastballs to "Sakura"...

en	!

en	"Sakura" flinches as she gets drilled on the shoulder by the baseball.

en	Ow!

en	Shit, oops...

en	You okay over there?

en	Yeah, I'm good. I don't think that broke anything.

en	Walk it off!

en	At least if this were a game, you'd get to head over to first base as a consolation prize.

en	Wait...So getting hit is like a free pass to first base?

en	It's not free. It hurts!

en	"Sakura" walks off, rubbing her shoulder. Akarsha eagerly takes her place at the plate.

en	Min throws a pitch her way...

en	But instead of swinging the bat, Akarsha purposefully leans in toward the ball!

en	?!

en	It narrowly misses her, and Diya manages to recover from her surprise in time to catch it.

en	The fuck's wrong with you?!

en	I'm becoming a hit-by-pitch specialist.

en	If I can master getting beaned as much as possible, it'll guarantee I always make it to first base.

en	Why would you do that instead of just hitting the ball?

en	Hitting the ball is so fun.

en	Hit me! I know you wanna!

en	Stop making this weird!

en	Homophobic hate crime...

en	What???

en	The B in LGBT stands for Baseball. Just sayin'...

en	Yeah??! WELL I THINK THE B IS FOR BITCH!!!

en	Having lost her patience, Min beans Akarsha on purpose.

en	Owie!!!

en	.........

en	If you keep this up, the B in LGBT is gonna stand for Broken Bones...

en	After practice, Diya slings a big equipment bag over each of her shoulders and hauls them to the locker room.

en	I'm being so helpful.

en	I hope someone notices how many bags I'm carrying.

en	Wow, Diya, you're carrying two bags at once!

en	Thank you for helping!

en	.........

en	Diya happily heads up the hill with a spring in her step.

en	Say, Diya, do you watch The Bachelor?

en	Bewildered, Diya shakes her head.

en	What is that? A show?

en	I don't watch much TV except sports, Animal Planet, and the Discovery Channel.

en	So when people talk about movies and shows, I usually don't know any of them.

en	You should try it, we need more people to talk about it with!

en	My mom and I started watching it this season and we're obsessed.

en	What's it about?

en	Basically, thirty women try to date the same guy at the same time.

en	Each week, the guy eliminates some of them until finally, he proposes to the last one standing.

en	My mom would definitely never watch that with me. She'd be so scandalized.

en	Your mom likes watching shows like this?

en	Yeah, she's the one who got into it first.

en	She spread it to us like a virus and now we're infected too.

en	The way you put that makes it sound like a zombie apocalypse...

en	Wish I had something like that with my parents.

en	I feel like I have nothing in common with them.

en	They don't try to get you into the things they like?

en	Not really.

en	For instance, I initially got into baseball 'cause my dad is...well...

en	Alright, there's no nice way to put this. My dad's really weird.

en	There definitely could've been a nicer way to put that.

en	Whenever he drives, he makes us listen to radio broadcasts of Mariners games.

en	The Mariners? You're not even from Seattle.

en	Ichiro is an incredible player, though.

en	But he's a weirdo...The guy only decided to stay in Seattle because his dog told him to.

en	So? I would stay in Seattle if my dog told me to, too.

en	He does grow on you. They're all such strange lil' guys.

en	I think that's just your Stockholm Syndrome speaking.

en	Who knows, maybe it is.

en	As for my mom, her thing is Madonna CDs. I could sing every word of True Blue since kindergarten.

en	Isn't the first song about a teenage girl not wanting to get an abortion?!

en	I didn't say I {i}understood{/i} every word.

en	Maybe listening to all that Madonna did something to you as a little kid.

en	Excuse me? What was that?

en	I take it back! I take it back!

en	I have no clue what kind of music my mom likes. All I know are which songs she hates on the radio.

en	And she doesn't know what kind of music I like, either. Or my favorite movie, or favorite color, anything like that.

en	I've known her my whole life and we still don't even know basic facts about each other.

en	That's so sad. I wanna have a good relationship with my parents, too...

en	Diya listens to her teammates chat as she changes out of her baseball uniform.

en	Kyaaa! Don't look at my hairy legs!

en	I haven't shaved for like, two days.

en	You shave that often? I just do it when it starts looking gnarly.

en	Your hair's not all coarse and gross like mine.

en	I have to do it every other day or I start looking like a gorilla.

en	Girls are supposed to shave...??!

en	????????????????????

en	I've always wondered why no one's leg hair is really obvious except for mine.

en	That must be the secret...

en	Good thing I'm wearing long pants that cover up my legs.

en	Suddenly self-conscious, Diya inspects her arm hair...

en	Even my arm hair is pretty obvious. My hair's just all really thick and dark...

en	There's even hair on my fingers...Is that normal?!

en	Maybe everyone's secretly judging me when they see it...

en	After the club meeting, Diya gets into her mom's car with renewed determination.

en	How was your day at school?

en	Okay.

en	Did the presentation go well?

en	Think so. Just glad it's over.

en	When I grow up I'm going to find a job where I never have to talk to people.

en	Diya's mom smiles knowingly and shakes her head.

en	I'm the same way. I'm embarrassed of my accent, and it makes phone calls so scary.

en	Talking to workers in stores makes me so nervous, too.

en	Me, too. I wish we could write questions on a piece of paper and they have to write their answer back, too.

en	Yes! It'd be the best if you could slip the paper through an opening in the wall, so they don't even know what you look like.

en	Wow...I'm enjoying talking to my mom!

en	I guess it's only natural that we have some things in common. I forget that sometimes.

en	She used to do long-distance running in India, and she always encouraged me to play sports because it was good for my health.

en	Maybe I can ask her about something else that's been bothering me.

en	Emboldened by her success, Diya speaks up as they sit at a red light.

en	Can you get razors next time you go shopping?

en	Razors?! What for?

en	To shave. My leg hair is really long.

en	Diya's heart sinks as her mom wrinkles her nose with distaste.

en	Don't do it. Shaving will make the hair grow back thicker and darker.

en	That doesn't sound true. Pretty sure that's a myth.

en	No, it's true. Shaving is a terrible idea.

en	But all the other girls at school are doing it.

en	That's because it's Christian culture. Our family doesn't follow those rules.

en	Why do you want to shave so bad, anyway?

en	Are you trying to show yourself off to boys?

en	??? No...

en	You're too young. Who is it for?

en	Do you have a boyfriend?!

en	No.

en	Are you sure?? Look at me.

en	Good thing I can actually answer this honestly.

en	I'm not lying. I don't have a boyfriend.

en	Her mom scrutinizes Diya's face for a moment before turning away, seemingly satisfied.

en	Good, because you need to focus on school. The right time to date is in college.

en	That's when you'll be able to find a nice boy who meets all the requirements.

en	...Requirements? What requirements.

en	You know, just the regular ones.

en	Someone who's Hindu like us, doesn't smoke, and has high income.

en	...Yeah, I definitely can't tell her about Min.

en	What if I wanted to date someone different? Like a non-Indian person?

en	No, a white person wouldn't understand our culture.

en	Plus, whites do drugs and don't know how to save money.

en	Just remember no BMWs. No Blacks, Muslims, or Whites.

en	That's so racist...I don't even wanna know what she thinks of Korean people.

en	What you want is unrealistic.

en	How can you immigrate to a country where we're less than 1%% of the population and then expect me to marry the way you did in India?

en	It's not unrealistic, my friend Himaja's daughter did it.

en	You're not any less pretty or smart than she is! You can find a way too.

en	It's not that easy. I can't control who I fall in love with.

en	If I fall in love with someone who doesn't match your criteria, I'm not going to turn them away just for you.

en	No, that's not right. If you marry a waste fellow, what will other people think?

en	Wh...Why does it matter what "other people" think?

en	My opinion should be the most important one.

en	No, this is bigger than just you. You have to consider how it affects everyone, like your parents.

en	If you marry a white man, everyone will think you're a self-hating Indian, and your parents didn't raise you with correct values.

en	It already looks bad enough that we let you quit Carnatic music because you wanted to play baseball.

en	So you're asking me to give up my whole life in exchange for ten seconds of approval from some aunties??

en	I had to marry within my parents' requirements too.

en	Just because you put up with mistreatment from them doesn't mean I should put up with the same thing from you.

en	{i}Mistreatment?{/i} I turned out perfectly fine, how can it be mistreatment?

en	I don't think you turned out fine at all...

en	Your way of thinking about this, that's the way of thinking from Christian countries.

en	Indians aren't like that. They're not so selfish.
zh-hans	印度人不是这样的。他们并不自私。

en	Well, this isn't India. I'm American.

en	What, you think you're white?

en	It doesn't matter where you are, you're still Indian. You have to honor your culture.

en	Why do I have to follow the rules of a country I've never lived in before?

en	As long as you're under our roof, you will. This is an Indian household.

en	...............

en	Could it be that my mom thinks people don't change...because SHE doesn't change?

en	It's like her opinions are frozen in time, from twenty years ago when she left India.

en	And they never shifted to match the world around her. They're just stuck.

en	They spend the rest of the drive home in stony silence.

en	The next day

en	.......!!!!!

en	Diya hits her alarms and flops back in bed.

en	Her morning routine includes lying in bed for 10 minutes thinking about how tired she is.

en	{cps=0}Her morning routine includes lying in bed for 10 minutes thinking about how tired she is. {/cps}

en	Ugghhhhhghghhhghhh...Ggggggh...

en	Suddenly, her bedroom door squeaks open.

en	I need to head out early today.

en	Here, I'll put your lunch into your backpack.

en	Diya's blood runs cold as her mom unzips her backpack.

en	!!!

en	She'll see the Valentine's Day card!

en	Diya bolts upright and snatches the backpack from her mom's grasp.

en	I'll put it in myself.

en	Why are you being so secretive?

en	I can't even look in my own child's backpack anymore?

en	I'm not a baby. I should get to have privacy, too.

en	Diya's mom sighs as Diya puts her bagged lunch into her backpack.

en	You know, it's really hurtful that you hide everything from me.

en	You're so quiet. I wish you would talk to me like my friends’ kids talk to them.

en	My friend’s son even tells them about the girls he likes. He tells them everything!

en	It makes me sad. I wish we had that kind of relationship.

en	You think I wanted it to be like this?

en	I didn't just decide not to talk to you all on my own.

en	What're you going on about?

en	How are you not able to put two and two together??

en	I want to be able to talk to you, too.

en	But I don’t feel like I can. Every time I open up to you, I regret it.

en	You always have some bad reaction to something I say.

en	Huh? Like what?

en	Like...like the time I told you about my friend, and you said I wasn't allowed to talk to her anymore.

en	What are you talking about? That never happened.

en	Yes, it did. After school, when I was in third grade.

en	Third grade?! You really go through life collecting pointless grudges from years ago?

en	How can you use something I don't even remember to argue against me?

en	How can two people perceive the same conversation so differently?

en	To me, it was one of the worst memories of my life, one that still affects how I act around her every day.

en	But to her, it was an uneventful car ride.

en	I need to give a different example.

en	You didn't only make mistakes in the past, you never changed.

en	Like yesterday, I asked you to buy razors for me and you lectured me about dating.

en	I'm your mom, I'm supposed to say no when you want something that's bad for you.

en	If your own parents won't tell you when you're doing something wrong, who will?

en	Of course you're supposed to stop me from doing really bad things.

en	But I feel like you think your only job as a parent is to lecture me every chance you see.

en	Sometimes I just want to have a normal, not-negative conversation.

en	What do you want me to do, just keep my opinion to myself and agree with everything you say?

en	If I were your friend, sure, I could do that.

en	But that's not my role. I'm your mother, I'm supposed to help you.

en	Tears well up in Diya's eyes from frustration.

en	Oh, great. Not now!

en	I hate how I can't argue with anyone without crying.

en	You think you're helping me, but all you do is give me anxiety.

en	I feel like every time I speak to you honestly, I'm punished for it.

en	So me speaking my mind is "punishing" you?

en	How can you not allow me to say what I think? How do you think that makes {i}me{/i} feel?

en	Both of them freeze as the doorbell rings.

en	It's Akarsha!

en	I can't let her see me like this!

en	Yo...

en	Diya flings open the door and darts past Akarsha.

en	Whoa!

en	Homie, wait up!

en	Diya ignores her and sprints down the sidewalk.

en	The frenetic slap of flip-flops on concrete behind her gets louder and louder until suddenly, a hand grabs her forearm!

en	*Wheeze* Gotcha!

en	!!!!

en	Diya reluctantly slows to a stop and lets Akarsha catch her breath.

en	*Gasp* *Wheeze*

en	....HA....HAH.....

en	............

en	What's with you today? Usain Bolt...

en	Got in a fight with my mom...

en	Diya wipes her tear-streaked face with a sniffle.

en	She gave up her whole life for me. I'm the person she loves the most in the world.

en	But we can't even have a normal conversation without hurting each other.

en	It's just sad.

en	It takes a few seconds for Akarsha to recover enough to choke out a response.

en	Bro...that sucks.

en	........................

en	Do your parents know you're bi?

en	Sorta?

en	We haven't really had that conversation yet, but they definitely know I'm a lil funky.

en	How do you think they'll react when you tell them?

en	I dunno...But they're pretty open-minded, so I think they'll get over it.

en	Lucky...

en	My parents will freak out if I come out.

en	But I feel like a bad gay person for hiding it.

en	Why?

en	Instead of trying to educate them, I'm living a lie.

en	Dude, it's not your job to educate your parents if it'll ruin your life.

en	The gays aren't gonna come arrest you.

en	It's not bad to, like, worry about surviving first.

en	................

en	Sooner or later we're gonna get caught, though. We're so bad at keeping things secret.

en	And if I wanna live with Min someday, that's going to be impossible to hide.

en	Especially since we're gonna move really far away.

en	Huh? Where are you going?

en	Don't know yet. But somewhere far from her parents, so she doesn't have to see them unless she wants to.

en	When we do that, my parents will notice I'm gone, too.

en	Ya, but by then you'll be an adult. They won't be able to stop you from doing anything.

en	But they'll still be really upset, and I don't want that either.

en	They'll get over it eventually.

en	Dealing with desi parents is like the five stages of grief. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

en	You don't know that. My parents aren't like yours.

en	Do your parents really love you?

en	Yes.

en	Then it's still the same. It might take ages, but they'll get over it eventually.

en	Like...in baseball speak, you're not tryin' to hit a home run off a single pitch. It's more like a nine inning baseball game.

en	You gotta be in it for the long haul and wear them down over time.

en	................

en	Is that the best I can hope for, though?

en	I wish I were closer to my mom.

en	But it's hard to feel loved by someone who doesn't really know you.

en	It's like our relationship was built on air. There's nothing there, because she's always loved a version of me that doesn't exist.

en	When they're waiting at a crosswalk, Diya takes the chance to dig a tissue out of her pocket and blow her nose.

en	It's not even like my parents are as bad as Min's.

en	They're not violent or abusive, and they try to support my interests.

en	My mom was never trying to hurt me. She just doesn't know any better.

en	In the grand scheme of things, I'm spoiled. I live in a nice house and my mom cooks me delicious food every day.

en	But it still hurts to think about the kind of parents I COULD have had.

en	Akarsha smacks Diya on the back as they near the school.

en	C'mon, dude, cheer up.

en	10,000 gay people are born every second.

en	In the time since we left your house, three million gay people drew their first breath.

en	That can't be right...

en	If people were born that fast, the population would grow by billions every month.

en	Where'd you get those numbers from.

en	I made them up for dramatic effect.

en	.............

en	Hey, Diya...

en	Do you think it's possible for a baseball player to mold her hair into a huge bowl shape, and use it to catch the ball?

en	{cps=0}Do you think it's possible for a baseball player to mold her hair into a huge bowl shape, and use it to catch the ball?{/cps}

en	Diya nods!

en	Why not.

en	Right??

en	It'd make fielding grounders way easier. We'd just have to lie facedown on the dirt and wait for the ball to roll in.

en	Maybe our whole team should grow our hair out and try this.

en	I feel like between this, the gene doping, and Min's steroids idea, the sport of baseball isn't ready for us.

en	Diya shakes her head.

en	Why not?

en	What do you mean why not. It'd look so dumb.

en	But it'd be convenient!

en	How would they fit the batting helmet over it?

en	They can mold their hair into the batting helmet shape when they're on offense.

en	What kind of weirdo would do that.

en	Akarsha grimaces as they reach the school campus.

en	I have this huge cramp from chasin' you earlier...

en	I'm all sweaty now too...

en	Not my fault. Get in shape.

en	I'm gonna go wash up and take a tinkle.

en	...Can you not say it like that........

en	Not say it like what?

en	The "tinkle" thing.

en	Too descriptive.

en	Unfortunately, Akarsha is already out of earshot and saunters off without answering.

en	I need to get my stuff from the locker first.

en	As she opens her locker, Min comes up behind her.

en	Good morning!

en	{font=tamil.ttf}காலை வணக்கம்!{/font}

en	{font=korean.ttf}사랑해...{/font}

en	........

en	Min taught me that phrase a long time ago. It means "hi" in Korean.

en	Maybe she's touched that I still remember it?

en	Diya laces their hands together.

en	I like teaching each other all these phrases.

en	It's like a secret code.

en	Yeah! We can even say romantic stuff without other people knowing.

en	Like spies.

en	Min brings Diya's hand to her lips and presses a kiss to her knuckles.

en	KGHSFDH?? FGFJH!!!

en	Min is so romantic...She's like a prince...

en	Suddenly, Diya realizes how close of a view Min is getting of her hand.

en	I have hair on my hands and fingers! She's going to see it!

en	Diya frantically wrenches her hand out of Min's grip.

en	Huh???

en	What's wrong?

en	...........

en	I guess Min likes me so much, nothing bad's gonna happen if I tell her.

en	There's hair on my hands...I didn't want you to see...

en	Min looks utterly dumbfounded.

en	...What???

en	They're hairy. My arms, too. When I wear short sleeves, you can even see it from far away.

en	Really? I never noticed.

en	??!

en	I thought Min of all people would've noticed. She spends so much time staring at me.

en	I'll show you, my leg hair is even worse.

en	Diya nervously rolls up one of her leggings to reveal her hairy legs.

en	I mean, yeah, I see it now...But it's just hair.

en	I'm glad you're not grossed out by it.

en	But it still might make me feel better to shave it.

en	I won't stop you, but you really don't have to...

en	You're drop-dead gorgeous with or without it.

en	Like, think about those poodles you like. The ones with curly hair.

en	!!!

en	Carpet dogs.

en	Yeah, whatever you wanna call them.

en	They have fur all over their legs, don't they?

en	Doesn't it look so bad and weird when people shave their legs bare?

en	Yeah...

en	How's your leg hair any different? It's just a normal part of you, it doesn't make you any less cute.

en	I guess that kinda makes sense.

en	It makes total sense! It's the other way around that doesn't make sense!

en	It really pisses me off when I notice all the crap the world tries to force on girls.

en	Min gets really fired up when she talks about this stuff.

en	Like this leg and armpit shaving shit, and making them think they have to like pink and have long hair.

en	If you have a brother like I do, the difference is really obvious.

en	It's all fake.

en	Min is so smart...

en	Thanks. I feel a little better now.

en	Good.

en	If anyone makes fun of you for it, I'll kill...I mean, be really, really mean to them.

en	No one's around right now...I really wanna kiss her...

en	Diya leans in, and Min catches her lips in a fierce kiss.

en	When they break apart, Min looks very proud of herself.

en	Notice anything different?

en	That was a really nice kiss? But I have no idea what she's talking about...

en	I got rid of the rest of my cigarettes!

en	You threw them away?

en	No way, I sold them to some junior for fifteen bucks.

en	That's not good...

en	Well, at least it's not me smoking them anymore.

en	That's true...Was it hard to quit?

en	I mean, it's not like I was addicted, so it wasn't that bad.

en	I was a little worried she wouldn't listen, but now that she did, I almost feel guilty.

en	Thanks...

en	...But I feel a bit bad I made you change just for me.

en	Huh?

en	You didn't make me do anything. I decided to quit 'cause I figured it'd make me happier if I got to kiss you more.

en	Noelle kept sending me these annoying as fuck studies gloating that she was gonna live longer than me, too.

en	Honestly, it was worth it just to make her shut up about it.

en	But still...If you weren't dating me, you wouldn't have quit.

en	I guess not?

en	But isn't that what people mean when they say a couple's good for each other?

en	Like, they bring out the best in each other.

en	Oh.

en	I guess people do say that too.

en	I'm happy you quit. Think I'm just not used to being listened to like this.

en	I mean, I'd be a pretty shitty girlfriend if I didn't care when something was bothering you.

en	I know you'd do the same for me.

en	That's true.

en	I can't believe that worked. I'm glad I said something.

en	........

en	But isn't it common sense? That you can't change people.

en	Huh? That sounds so cynical.

en	But sometimes it does happen. Sometimes you want someone to change, and they won't.

en	I mean, I guess it's TECHNICALLY true. You can't change people.

en	All you can do is tell them how they make you feel, and then it's up to them to change.

en	Some people will make that leap for you, but others won't.

en	Yeah...

en	I think I just need to make my peace with that.

en	I'll always make that leap for you!

en	Even if it was from a car to a truck while they're still driving really fast, like in The Matrix.

en	...That sounds scary. I hope that never happens.

en	But I wouldn't get hurt at all, and I'd look really badass doing it.

en	You already look badass doing normal stuff like pitching. Why this.

en	Diya's heartrate quickens with excitement as Min pulls her into another kiss.

en	Diya shudders as Min slips a hand up her shirt, sliding her warm palm across the small of her back.

en	GFKJGJK;LKK????????

en	Is this okay?

en	................

en	Min's hand is hot against her bare skin.

en	Once you get over the initial shock of it, it feels nice...

en	Want me to stop?

en	Diya shakes her head, hiding her burning face in the crook of Min's neck.

en	Min withdraws her hand, looking uncertain.

en	I'm not gonna do it unless you say you want me to.

en	I just need to spit it out...It's not fair to always make her guess whether I'm having fun or not.

en	Even if she's good at it, I need to help her out sometimes...

en	It's just Min, nothing bad's gonna happen...

en	...Please don't stop...

en	A wicked grin crosses Min's face, sending a rush of heat through Diya's body.

en	Good. Then I won't.

en	May I PLEASE get my textbooks?

en	You're blocking the locker.

en	!!! Sorry.

en	That evening, Diya is doing her homework when her bedroom door opens.

en	.............

en	.............

en	Her mom silently places a bowl of sliced mango on Diya's desk and leaves the room.

en	Diya nibbles on the fruit and continues working on her assignment.

en	.............

en	4th grade

en	Florida

en	Don't get too close to the water!

en	Oh, c'mon! What's the point of a field trip to a bayou if we don't even get to splash around in it a little?

en	I mean, there might be alligators in there...It's probably dangerous.

en	Min sullenly trudges along the edge of the bayou with the rest of her classmates.

en	I miss California...

en	We just moved here a couple months ago.

en	Before, the only white people I knew were Hayden and my teachers.

en	But now, everyone single kid in our class is white except me and Jun.

en	I can't believe Hayden was right! Our school in California really {i}wasn't{/i} anything like the rest of America.

en	This bayou has a lot of biodiversity. Does anyone know what that means?

en	Jun-seo raises his hand. Their teacher pauses awkwardly before nodding to him.

en	Er, sorry, how do you pronounce your name again?

en	Jun-seo.

en	Can you repeat that?

en	Yeah, Jun-seo.

en	She nods with her brows furrowed, still looking lost.

en	Uh...Is it okay if I call you John instead?

en	...Okay...

en	Okay??!

en	Looking embarrassed, Jun ignores her and answers the question like nothing happened.

en	Biodiversity is when there's a lot of different kinds of plants and animals living somewhere.

en	That's right, John!

en	A variety of animals thrive in this habitat...Let's see which ones we can spot from here.

en	Yes, Sarah?

en	Classmate

en	I see a fish in the water!

en	Min hisses to her twin under her breath as the lesson continues.

en	What was that?! Now the teacher's gonna think it's ok to call me Minnie or something!

en	If people start calling me Minnie Mouse, that'll be the absolute worst!

en	I don't think that's gonna happen...

en	It better not, I hate Minnie Mouse! She's weak and wimpy looking.

en	I bet if someone punched her in the gut, she'd just DIE.

en	I'll go make the teacher call you the right name.

en	No, don't! I don't wanna make a huge deal out of it.

en	But you SHOULD make a huge deal out of it! It's your name!

en	It's fine, John's close enough...

en	It looks like the Ant Walk is ready for us now. Everyone, follow me!

en	Their class continues down the trail, passing a group from another school. Many of the kids gawk at her and Jun with unabashed curiosity as they pass by.

en	One boy pulls his eyes into slits with his fingers as his friends giggle.

en	Random Boy

en	Herro!

en	Me no speak Engrish...

en	WHAT THE...

en	You wanna go, dickhead!? FIGHT ME!

en	Oh, he's mad! Me no rikey!

en	I DON'T SOUND LIKE THAT! BITCH!!!

en	Enraged, Min punches the kid in the face!

en	He topples backward! There's a huge splash as he lands on his butt in the shallows of the bayou.

en	Oof!

en	Min seizes his head before he can get up and dunks it into the muddy water.

en	Get him, gators!!!

en	Min, stop it!

en	Hey, get off him!

en	Half an hour later

en	Min sits seething in the backseat as her dad drives her and Jun home.

en	WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU!? ARE YOU BRAIN DAMAGED??

en	Now look, I have to pick you up in the middle of work because you couldn't behave yourself!

en	I was good...I don't see why {i}I{/i} have to be punished, too.

en	I didn't do anything wrong either!

en	Your teacher said you tried to drown a boy!

en	HUH?? THAT'S A LIE!!!

en	I was only holding him underwater so the alligators would bite him!

en	That's not any better...

en	Their dad curses and lays down the horn as a Honda changes into their lane.

en	{font=korean.ttf}개새끼{/font} = Son of a bitch

en	{font=korean.ttf}개새끼!{/font} HE CUT ME OFF!

en	The car lurches forward with squealing tires. Her dad is racing to catch up to the offending Honda, his eyes wild.

en	What's he doing?! He's gone nuts!

en	A horrible cold wash runs down Min's spine as her dad maintains his breakneck speed beside the Honda and lays down the horn.

en	AaaAAAH!

en	Jun screams as their dad violently swerves into the Honda, threatening to collide with them. The other driver is forced to veer off the road to avoid crashing.

en	What's wrong with you?!

en	He was at fault! I wasn't going to let him get away with it!

en	What're you, crazy?! You could've crashed!

en	IT'S YOUR FAULT FOR MAKING ME SO MAD IN THE FIRST PLACE!

en	IT'S BULLSHIT! HOW COME NO ONE ELSE HAS KIDS AS BRAIN DAMAGED AS YOU?!

en	Disrespect me again and I'll really make you regret it!

en	Min remembers the time her dad threw a three pound paperweight at her head because she cut her hair short, and goes quiet.

en	Fuming, her dad pulls over on the side of the road so he can focus on yelling at them.

en	Tomorrow at school, you say sorry to your teacher for causing so much trouble!

en	WHY SHOULD I HAVE TO APOLOGIZE?! I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG!

en	That jerk was asking for it! He was being racist and saying we didn't know English!

en	It doesn't matter what he said! What's gonna happen, you'll lose an arm if you don't hit him?!

en	Don't go crazy when things like that happen!

en	What about what YOU just did?! You just went ballistic five minutes ago!

en	Can't you be more like your brother?

en	Jun is so well-behaved.

en	You don't understand! You weren't there!

en	You think you're the only one who's had a hard time in the world?!

en	People wouldn't even hire me because of my accent! Who wants a manager who's an immigrant?

en	When I got rejected from job after job, what was I gonna do? Complain? Cry like a baby?

en	Why do I have to sit through this lecture, too? I didn't even do anything...

en	Be quiet, it's an important life lesson. Just listen.

en	If I got mad like Min-seo and beat up all the people who rejected me, you know what would've happened?

en	I would've landed in jail and you'd all starve to death!

en	But that's not what happened. Instead I just worked harder.

en	I got certifications, studied day and night, and got rid of my accent.

en	And then I was so much more qualified than all the white guys, companies were forced to see how skilled I was.

en	See? You have to be smart.

en	Wasting time whining about it is never going to solve anything.

en	This is you, whining!

en	Min's dad imitates her in a high-pitched voice.

en	"Wah, so unfair! No fair!"

en	"Wah! Wahhh! Crybaby!"

en	Someday I'm going to kill you...{w=0.35}Someday I'm going to kill you...

en	At home, Min and Jun hold an emergency meeting in their room.

en	This is an emergency meeting of the "I Hate Dad" Club.

en	Club President and Strike Force Commander Min will read out our agenda today.

en	Our agenda today is, COMPLAIN ABOUT HOW MUCH DAD SUCKS!!!!!

en	If he's so good at not getting mad at work, how come he gets mad at {i}us{/i} all the time?!

en	I mean...I feel like it's all connected.

en	Whaddya mean?

en	Maybe he bottles up all his bad feelings at work, so when we do anything, he blows up on us.

en	In his head, maybe it's okay for him to yell at us because he's our dad.

en	Well, he's not allowed to yell at me for getting mad when he's not any better!

en	I can't believe he sided with the teacher instead of me! Coward!!

en	I hate racists! They should all die!

en	I feel like he had a point about the fight you got into, though...

en	WHAT?!! You're demoted!

en	You can't demote me! I'm the Chief Demoter, remember?

en	Screw that! You're my own twin and you're betraying me?!

en	You were there too! You of all people should get how I feel!

en	It's your fault I got in trouble!

en	Dad's right that we shouldn't react like that to bullies. We should try to be the bigger person.

en	NO!!! THEY HAVE TO DIE!!!

en	If other people are bad, we should get to be just as bad.

en	Didn't you learn anything today?! We don't {i}get{/i} to be bad!

en	It'll just get us in trouble!

en	And when you talk back to Dad, it just makes him go crazy! When're you gonna learn?

en	He's just like Mom. How come no one will stand up against him except me?

en	What's your idea then, genius? Be a wimpy loser like him??

en	I dunno...

en	Maybe if we just laugh along, the other kids will wanna be our friends.

en	...........

en	5 years later

en	California

en	Min. Can you act?

en	I guess. Why?

en	Can you be in a video we're making? For English.

en	Sure, what's the video?

en	Diya reties her ponytail, but most of her short hair immediately falls out of the elastic and ends up framing her face.

en	Min gently tucks a curly lock behind Diya's ear, making her girlfriend blush as her fingertips brush her skin.

en	We have to make a video about current events.

en	So we chose saving the gray wolves.

en	Who's "we"?

en	Us and Noelle.

en	How come you guys keep getting these three person group projects?

en	My teachers usually do groups of four.

en	They {i}are{/i} four person projects. It's just that usually, no one else wants to be in our group.

en	Oh.

en	That's why we need more people to act out the skit we wrote.

en	Actually, if we just made a few simple cuts to the script, three people would be more than enough.

en	Your feelings on the subject matter are distorting your judgement.

en	No. We need three people for the wolf family alone.

en	There's no point in showing an entire family of wolves! Just a single wolf will suffice!

en	No. It's more sad if there's also a mommy and daddy.

en	Yeah, stop censoring our artistic vision!

en	I've never seen you two gang up on Noelle like this before.

en	It's because she's wrong about this.

en	If we're gonna make a video, it's our chance to create a masterpiece!

en	We can make it so funny!

en	...Funny? That doesn't sound like the same thing Diya's going for.

en	I want it to be like How to be Ninja.

en	What's that?

en	You haven't seen it?

en	No?

en	You have to watch it!

en	It's the funniest video I've ever seen! I found it on this website called YouTube yesterday.

en	I even converted it to mp4 online so I could watch it on my iPod!

en	Narrator

en	Second boy in video

en	Min puts in one of Akarsha's earbuds so she can hear the video. Akarsha takes the other.

en	In a living room, two teenage boys do cartwheels and kip ups to the song "Kung Fu Fighting".

en	Oh, they're both Asian? They look about our age.

en	Hey you! Wanna learn how to defend yourself?

en	Aren't you tired of bullies picking on you all the time?

en	Well, then...How To Be Ninja is the DVD for you.

en	Boy in video

en	A boy in the video bows.

en	Herro everyone....My name is Hanete wakuso shiseo tadashite teriyaki suzuki honda civic.

en	Herro...My name is Bob.

en	I dunno if I've ever seen two Asian kids like me starring in anything before.

en	And they're being funny and everything!

en	The first {i}resson{/i} in being a ninja...

en	Already, Akarsha is cracking up so hard at the kid's line delivery, the iPod is quaking in her hands.

en	Is to make loud, unnecessary sounds when you hit things.

en	Hoo! Kikiki YAH! Wah! Hooooo!

en	I've never seen a video like this my whole life! It's hilarious!

en	You must be able to transform into anything.

en	An animal...a tree...a fag...You must be able to imitate ANYONE!

en	After a kung-fu battle that culminates in one of the kids resorting to using fake gun, the bloopers play.

en	And we will be teaching {i}youuuuuuu...{/i}

en	The boys repeatedly dissolve into laughter over the accent they're doing.

en	They look like they had so much fun making this.

en	Right? It's so inspirational!

en	They're, like, our age, and they made such an awesome video.

en	If they can create something that iconic, so can we!

en	Must I remind you that this is a school assignment? That we're being GRADED on?

en	We're still following the grading rubric.

en	Are you? I didn't see "gun for an Academy Award" on there.

en	The script you two have written is wildly overambitious.

en	Nyeh!

en	Under the table, Akarsha immobilizes one of Noelle's feet by sandwiching it between two of her own feet like tongs.

en	Gotchu. Captured.

en	I'm not captured!

en	Noelle wriggles her foot free. When Akarsha tries to trap it again, Noelle retaliates by pinning one of Akarsha's feet against the leg of the table.

en	No fair, I'm wearing flip-flops while you have real shoes. You gotta go easy on me.

en	YOU CHOSE THE BATTLEGROUND! YOU DON'T GET TO COMPLAIN!

en	What the hell? They always act so demented around each other.

en	When you're done playing footsies, can we talk about what you guys actually need from me?

en	Akarsha and Noelle freeze, looking embarrassed.

en	What?

en	Hello? Because I'm acting in your project?

en	Can you meet us at the park this weekend?

en	Ya, that's where we're filming. There's a kinda woodsy lookin' spot at the edge of it.

en	Do I need to bring anything?

en	No, just you.

en	We're still working on the script, so we'll give it to you there.

en	We'll take care of the costumes, too.

en	"Sakura" and "Yuki" have a ton of stuff we can use, so they're gonna bring it all.

en	Cool, I'll be there.

en	The park

en	When Min gets there, she spots Akarsha waiting in the shade under a tree.

en	Where is everyone?

en	Noelle said Diya's mom just picked her up.

en	It's so annoying how Diya's mom has always been fine with Noelle but not me.

en	And "Sakura" and "Yuki" are running late 'cuz they couldn't find a hat they wanted to bring.

en	We don't need Chryssa and Liz til the fourth scene or so, so I told them they could show up whenever.

en	Wait, they're acting in it, too?

en	Ya, we pretty much ended up summoning the entire baseball club to help.

en	Min joins Akarsha under the shade.

en	So any progress on your crush?

en	Didn't I already tell you I got rejected?

en	You told me you half-assed a confession through fucking TEXT before chickening out and passing it off as a joke.

en	Well, I was flirting pretty hard before that happened. So either way, they should've gotten the message, at least subliminally.

en	Subliminally?!

en	Have you been listening to a thing I've been saying?! Go big or go home!

en	I literally can't even tell who it was you were flirting with.

en	Okay, I know, I know...

en	What's next? Confessing to them on April Fool's Day?

en	Actually, that's not a bad idea...

en	You've got to be kidding me...

en	When Diya and Noelle show up, Min runs over and presses a kiss to Diya's cheek.

en	...!

en	I love you.

en	{font=korean.ttf}사랑해.{/font}

en	I told Diya that phrase meant "Hi" a really long time ago.

en	Maybe I should come clean about it now that we're actually dating.

en	I don't want her to stop saying, it, though...

en	Noelle wearily hands Min her script.

en	While we're waiting for the others, you can at least familiarize yourself with your lines.

en	It's unseasonally hot out, so Min fans Diya with the script.

en	Who am I playing?

en	The Evil Hunter.

en	Whoa, sick!

en	So what do I do?

en	Are you illiterate? Just read the script.

en	I will, just gimme the SparkNotes version first.

en	To summarize, gray wolves are set to be removed from the Endangered species list.

en	I'll be playing a reporter. First, I'll interview an environmentalist, Diya.

en	Next, I'll interview you, an Evil Hunter.

en	Lastly, I'll interview a...family of wolves on their opinion.

en	During this last interview, the Evil Hunter kills the Wolf Pup, played by Akarsha.

en	You {i}really{/i} don't like this script, huh?

en	It's clearly biased.

en	It doesn't make sense to extend special treatment to wolves just because they're "cute" and "fuzzy".

en	It makes sense in my heart.

en	From an objective, numerical standpoint, their populations have recovered enough that these protections are no longer needed.

en	Humans have a thriving population, too. Does that mean aliens are allowed to hunt us for sport?

en	Min reads the script as they argue. It's physically battered and marked with edits.

en	They must've been fighting over this for hours.

en	Guys, wait, I have another idea.

en	I just saw a video of a guy setting a pile of leaves on fire, and it exploded.

en	Can we try to work that into the video too?

en	NO.

en	Diya slips her hand into Min's as Akarsha and Noelle argue.

en	.........

en	Looks like we have some time to kill before everyone else arrives.

en	Min looks around the park...

en	Throw rocks at dead tree stump

en	Look at dead tree stump

en	Search for rocks

en	Look at picnic table

en	Look at the dog

en	Look at playground

en	There's just sand here. No rocks.

en	I'm sad we're too big for playgrounds now. They should make playgrounds for teens and adults.

en	Yeah, all the scenarios we'd come up with while playing pretend were so fun!

en	My favorite was the one where we pretended we were runaways starting our own clan.

en	That one was so popular, some of the kids joining in weren't even our friends.

en	Sucks that the teachers made us stop because everyone was digging huge holes in the ground and making stuff out of mud.

en	Was that why? I thought it was because it got too big.

en	I remember like, thirty of us were doing it.

en	Maybe it was a combination of both? I dunno.

en	I didn't even dig anything. My house was just a bunch of pine needles I arranged in a circle shape.

en	You mean OUR house? We were married.

en	In the pretend world, I mean.

en	?????

en	We were?

en	I saved you from being kidnapped by bandits and I made you marry me as a reward.

en	You did the exact same thing as the bandits then.

en	No, I didn't! The bandits wanted you for bad reasons, but I wanted you for nice reasons ONLY.

en	And didn't you say this game was your favorite? You must've liked it.

en	...............

en	Realizing that Min's right, Diya is so embarrassed that she doesn't respond.

en	Dog Owner

en	Min scours the ground for rocks. Meanwhile, Diya is almost in tears watching a dog run in circles round the park.

en	Diya is almost in tears watching the dog run in circles round the park.

en	He looks like a banana dipped in chocolate and he doesn't even know it.

en	God, the way you think is so fucking cute...

en	The dog catches a frisbee with its mouth and brings it to its owner.

en	Bucket! Good boy!

en	Bucket...

en	Want me to ask if we can pet it?

en	No, I think I can do it. Thanks.

en	Oh, sure. Go for it!

en	Don't worry, I'll take over if they don't let you pet it.

en	Diya nods and hesitantly approaches the dog's owner.

en	She stands about a foot behind him, unnoticed.

en	....

en	.........

en	She must be psyching herself up to do it.

en	............

en	.....................

en	Can I pet your dog?

en	Wugh!

en	You scared me!

en	Sure, you can pet him.

en	Bucket happily rolls over on his back, exposing his belly.

en	!!!!!

en	Diya gives the dog a hearty belly rub as he blissfully writhes around in the grass.

en	Sweetheart/darling; used between lovers

en	{font=korean.ttf}자기야.{/font}

en	Do you wanna pet it too.

en	She's talking to me!

en	Pet the dog

en	Don't pet the dog

en	Min rubs the dog's belly with both hands. His rough fur is a little smelly.

en	When she stops, the dog looks up at her expectantly.

en	He's asking for more.

en	You're still petting him, too! He really wants a whole crew massaging him at once?

en	It's okay. I'm happy just watching you.

en	Diya keeps rubbing Bucket's belly with both hands, but he keeps looking up at Min expectantly.

en	He's asking you to join.

en	You're already petting him! He really wants a whole crew massaging him at once?

en	After a solid five minutes, Bucket still hasn't had enough pets.

en	It's okay, you can stop...I don't wanna keep you guys all day...

en	Oh, okay. Thanks.

en	Wait, have you seen any huge rocks around here?

en	Uh...How about the one over there?

en	He points at a slab of rock lying in the dirt.

en	Yeah, perfect!

en	Now we just need to find a rock for me, too.

en	This one's for me?

en	This one's for you.

en	Min squeezes Diya's hand as the guy walks off with his dog.

en	You did good talking to that guy!

en	I'm trying to get better at it.

en	Used to think I was just awkward because of my ear, but I think I partially picked it up from my mom.

en	She's old and still scared of answering the phone and talking to strangers.

en	I wanna be different.

en	Oh, I get that feeling. I don't want to be like my dad, no matter what.

en	That's why I'll never have kids. I'd never wanna do the things he did to me, to someone else.

en	You wouldn't be like him. You're not a bad person.

en	But I'm worried it's easy to do it by accident...

en	Min scours the ground for rocks. Meanwhile, Diya watches the dog running around.

en	I don't see any more rocks around here.

en	We should look somewhere else.

en	If I were in charge of naming that dog, I'd name him "Banana Dipped in Chocolate".

en	That's way too long!

en	His first name can be Banana. Middle name Diptin, last name Chocolate.

en	That's still the exact same length!

en	There's a decently big slab lying in the dirt.

en	We both have rocks now!

en	Let's go throw them at the tree stump!

en	Okay.

en	This rock'll work!

en	Now we just need to find one for me, too.

en	This one's for me?

en	This one's for you.

en	It's a dead husk of a tree stump.

en	Diya! Let's throw rocks at this tree stump!!!

en	I bet we can knock the bark off of it!!!

en	Okay.

en	They survey the ground for rocks to throw, but there's only dirt and twigs.

en	We should look around for big rocks.

en	Good idea.

en	It's a dead husk of a tree stump.

en	We don't have enough rocks to throw at this yet.

en	Diya and I each need one, otherwise it's not fair.

en	We still need to find some big rocks to throw at it.

en	Ester is seated at the bench, fiddling with a camcorder.

en	Oh, you're here too?

en	Yeah, I'm being the cameraman.

en	Akarsha kept insisting I'd be good at it 'cause I'm "artsy", so...

en	Did she do something to her hair? It looks way different than usual.

en	Wow, your hair's so flat today.

en	........Thanks...???

en	Ester gives her a weird look.

en	Meanwhile, Diya searches the ground for big rocks.

en	Ester raises her eyebrows as Diya and Min search the ground for big rocks.

en	Ester's playing with the camcorder settings.

en	What're you doing?

en	Looking for rocks.

en	Have you seen any.

en	There's a pretty big one over there.

en	Ester points to a large stone on the ground.

en	!!!

en	Thanks.

en	This one's as big as my fist!!!

en	Yeah, this'll work!

en	Work for what...??

en	YAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!

en	Min hurls a rock at the dead stump!

en	It hits it with a {i}thwack{/i}, causing a small piece of dry bark to fly off.

en	!!

en	Cool.

en	Yeah...She's so impressed by me!

en	I bet she wants to kiss me so bad.

en	Diya follows Min's lead and fires a rock at the stump!

en	It slams into the stump so hard, its top half explodes in a shower of bark shards.

en	WHOA!!!!!

en	THAT WAS SO BADASS!

en	Thanks.

en	She's the most perfect girl in the world!

en	Min has to hold herself back from grabbing Diya and kissing her senseless.

en	I wish we didn't have to hide that we're dating.

en	I get why we have to. But I wish I could just shout it from the mountaintops, that you're my girlfriend.

en	It's still true even if you can't say it.

en	But it'd be nice to say it so everyone knows.

en	Yeah...I know what you mean.

en	I wish we could go on more dates. I want to go everywhere with you.

en	The aquarium, PetSmart...Home Depot lights section...Airplane...

en	Airplane?? Why, do you like flying?

en	Not really. I like looking out the window and eating the pretzel packet.

en	And Southwest gives you a little stirrer with your drink that's shaped like a heart. But that's it.

en	We haven't done it together before though, so I think it'd be fun.

en	I wanna see how you react to it.

en	Me, too. I want to see your face when they give you the heart-shaped stirrer thing.

en	We should each ask for a different free beverage and share, so I get to try two drinks instead of just one.

en	Imagining it makes Min's heart feel like it's going to explode.

en	Forgetting her surroundings, Min surges forward to kiss her just as Diya does the same, causing their mouths to crash together unexpectedly hard.

en	Ough!

en	Sorry. Got too excited.

en	That was the worst kiss ever.

en	Let's redo it.

en	Wait, won't people see us?

en	Oops. I forgot.

en	Maybe we should lie down in the grass.

en	Huh? Why?

en	That way, it'll look like we're just wrestling.

en	Diya lies down, and Min gets on top of her and starts making out with her. It doesn't look anything like wrestling.

en	Diya clutches at Min's back as Min presses kiss after kiss to her lips.

en	..........

en	You're so cute. Do you know that?

en	Maybe a little...

en	Diya goes still underneath her, suddenly looking uncomfortable.

en	What's wrong?

en	A bug crawled under my shirt.

en	Diya sits up and unsuccessfully gropes around under her hoodie for the bug.

en	Every neuron in Min's brain misfires as Diya hikes her hoodie all the way up over her bra, exposing her bare torso.

en	Oohhhhhh........

en	I'm looking respectfully...I'm looking respectfully...

en	Don't know where it went...

en	Min is so distracted that it takes her a few seconds to notice the bug crawling on Diya's chest.

en	Oh, it's just a beetle. I got it.

en	She grabs hold of it just as Akarsha and Noelle come jogging up to them.

en	Everyone has arrived. We should get in costume now.

en	...!!!

en	Diya frantically pulls her hoodie back on.

en	Uh...Whoa...

en	I was just helping her, a bug crawled up her shirt.

en	...Where was it gonna crawl next? Down her pants??

en	What the fuck? That's not what was happening!

en	Look, the bug's right here!

en	Min raises her hand to show it to them, but it's gone.

en	............

en	It must've flown off.

en	I mean, I'm not judging. If I had a ticket to Boobs City I know what I'd be doing too...

en	But literally HERE, in broad daylight? Really??

en	Oh, for fuck's sake! We literally weren't doing anything!

en	Diya's face is still flushed pink as they walk over to the others, hand in hand.

en	..........

en	Hey, was she making you uncomfortable?

en	I can make her stop.

en	...No, it's okay.

en	Thanks for asking. I feel pampered with you.

en	Good, 'cause you deserve to be pampered.

en	The group gathers around "Sakura" and "Yuki" as they haul a pile of clothes and props out of a duffel bag.

en	Sorry we're late, I was turning my closet upside down trying to find everything.

en	Any objections if I play music from my phone?

en	Are you gonna play anime openings?

en	.........Maybe.........

en	Then yes.

en	How about K-Pop?

en	I just discovered this amazing group called Super Junior.

en	I don't know what that is. You can play ONE song.

en	Yosh!

en	She plays a song from her phone speakers and tries to untangle a Nerf gun from a coat belt.

en	K-Pop song

en	The people around me tell me...

en	{font=times.ttf}♫{/font} {font=korean.ttf}주변 사람들은 말해{/font} {font=times.ttf}♫{/font}

en	I’m too aggressive...

en	{font=times.ttf}♫{/font} {font=korean.ttf}내가 너무 적극적{/font} {font=times.ttf}♫{/font}

en	............

en	Oh, this isn't so bad.

en	Isn't it great? Korean guys are so much better than American guys.

en	How so?

en	They're all so beautiful and kind-hearted. Not smelly pervs like the guys here.

en	I need to find myself an Oppa...

en	This is weird...Should I say something?

en	I guess she doesn't mean any harm by it...She's trying to appreciate the culture.

en	Here, Min, this trenchcoat's yours.

en	It's my brother's Yoite costume. It's supposed to have a hat too, but I think he lost it.

en	Yo-eeteh...? The fuck is that?

en	From the amazing series Nabari no Ou, duh.

en	Wait a minute...Is this all anime stuff?!

en	I believe the correct term is "cosplay".

en	WHAT?!

en	Akarsha! I thought you meant normal costumes! Like Halloween costumes!!

en	You didn't ask, so...

en	WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU WEARING?

en	My baby wolf costume.

en	How do I look?

en	Like someone wearing cat ears. Is this really gonna come across as "wolf"?

en	Yuki, this would've been more convincing if you had fursuits.

en	Fursuits are so expensive, though. I might become a doctor just to be able to afford them someday.

en	Also, you guys don't have to call me Yuki anymore.

en	I realized a few days ago that going by a Japanese name in real life is kinda weird if you're not actually Japanese.

en	Me too, actually. Even if we love anime, it's a bit much.

en	It took you all the way til now to realize that...?

en	Well, better late than never. Thank god.

en	So what {i}are{/i} your names?

en	Grace

en	Sayeeda

en	Grace.

en	Grace?! What the...

en	And my real name is Sayeeda.

en	At least that one sounds {i}kinda{/i} like Sakura.

en	Akarsha, what does your outfit have to do with being a wolf?

en	You only need the ears and paws to get the point across.

en	So you're saying I should be naked?

en	NO, I'M NOT!

en	Diya holds up her "environmentalist" costume.

en	Where do I change?

en	I used the restroom over there. It's just the one family room, so you'll all have to take turns getting changed.

en	Unless, y'know, you want Min to "get more bugs off you"...

en	YOU FREAK WHORE!!! YOU'RE DERANGED IF YOU THINK I'M FUCKING HER IN A PARK BATHROOM!!!

en	One way ticket to Boobs City...

en	WHA— STOP CALLING MY GIRLFRIEND "BOOBS CITY"??!

en	WHY'RE YOU SO OBSESSED WITH THAT PHRASE NOW?

en	...I'll go now...

en	In the meantime, Min, can you help me pitch this tent? It's going to be the setting of your first scene.

en	Ugh, fine.

en	I can help, too. Since I don't need to get in costume.

en	Min helps Ester and Noelle carry the box with the tent in it.

en	I don't understand why Akarsha keeps making those crass jokes about you two.

en	It's not as if two girls can actually have sexual relations.

en	...What the hell are you talking about? Yes they can?

en	Are you dense? Humans weren't evolved for that.

en	The anatomy makes it impossible.

en	How's it impossible? You can use other body parts, like your fingers.

en	Fingers?! You must be mistaken.

en	Are we really having this conversation right now?!

en	No, it's true. I mean, girls' love manga is a thing...

en	...What...?

en	Did you think lesbians gave up sex for life???

en	....................

en	Is she serious?! How sheltered is she??

en	Noelle is so shocked that she doesn't speak for a while.

en	Ester wipes sweat off her brow and points at a clearing in the dry grass.

en	That spot over there might look nice on film.

en	Isn't it a bit close to the ravine, though? There's a steep downhill slope right behind it.

en	So? It's not like the tent's gonna teleport backwards after we've nailed it down.

en	Yeah, unless a typhoon blows us over I think it'll be fine.

en	Alright, I see that I'm outnumbered.

en	But don't say I didn't warn you.

en	Min hears rustling behind her. She turns around and sees Akarsha making a leaf pile.

en	Heheheh...

en	Wait, is she trying the exploding leaf thing?

en	AKARSHA!!! THAT'S NOT ALLOWED!!!

en	As Noelle chases after Akarsha, Min and Ester lay out their tent in the spot they picked.

en	She's so friggin' anal. She's probably sexually attracted to laws.

en	I bet she loses her mind whenever she sees jaywalkers.

en	She DOES!

en	It's like she thinks someone's gonna go "Good job Noelle, you're the best at following the rules!" and give her a gold star for it.

en	Min squints in confusion at the steps to set up the tent.

en	I can't picture this shit...Where do the poles go?

en	They criss-cross in the middle, see?

en	Here, just hold that end and stick it through the metal ring.

en	Like magic, the tent pops out into the third dimension.

en	Holy shit. You're like a camping progidy.

en	I mean, all I did was follow the instructions...

en	Now we just have to drive the stakes into the ground.

en	Min pounds each stake into the dirt with a large stone, enthralled that hitting something is actually constructive for once.

en	Fuck yeah!!!

en	Meanwhile, Ester takes her sketchbook out of her backpack and starts writing in it.

en	What're you doing?

en	Ester stops, looking embarrassed.

en	I'm writing down what you said earlier as inspiration for my webcomic. Like, for character dialogue.

en	I've started doing this whenever something interesting happens so I can remember later.

en	Huh? What'd I say that was interesting?

en	You said I was a camping "progidy." Y'know, instead of a "prodigy."

en	What's so special about that? They're pretty much the same anyway.

en	I dunno, I just thought it was a neat detail.

en	Obviously I'll only use it if you're okay with it, though!

en	I mean, sure, I don't really care.

en	What's it for, again? A comic?

en	Yep.

en	What, like Garfield?

en	Huh?? No, it's nothing like that.

en	It's still a work in progress, but basically...it's about a bunch of teenagers who have the power to shift into alternate dimensions.

en	It's kinda sci-fi-y, I guess.

en	Oh, so like a superhero comic?

en	No, there's no supervillains or anything. All their problems come from the way they use their own powers.

en	Like, while you're in the parallel universe, you're gone from your original universe, right?

en	But what if you get tied up with something while there, and can't come back?

en	That'd suck ass.

en	I wouldn't get to see Diya or my friends anymore.

en	Exactly! No one from the world you left behind would know why you disappeared, and you'd become a missing person there.

en	I always get so stressed out about that when reading Narnia and time travel stories.

en	I've never heard her talk this much before.

en	She must really be hyped about her webcomic.

en	...Anyway, a lot of miscommunication happens between the characters because of issues like that.

en	No offense, but I can't stand stories that revolve around misunderstandings.

en	It's so frustrating when the whole problem is literally just people being bad at talking.

en	If you hurt someone, it should be on purpose.

en	But those kinds of problems are the most realistic.

en	In real life, people hurt each other by accident all the time.

en	Like how?

en	You know how before our school became 93%% Asian, it used to have a football team?

en	They died 'cause Asians don't care about football, right? Same as the real baseball team.

en	Yeah. No one would go to the games.

en	As a last-ditch effort to help them last year, my math teacher offered us two points of extra credit for coming to a football game.

en	So I went, to help my grade.

en	But as soon as I got home, my dad yelled at me for going to a game instead of studying.

en	He didn't get that we had the exact same goal, me getting good grades.

en	Wait, what ethnicity are you?

en	Huh? I'm Black and Chinese.

en	And your dad's the Black one?

en	Uh...Yeah, he is?

en	I didn't know Black people cared about grades.

en	.......That's like...pretty racist of you to say...

en	Bewildered, Min completely misses the tent stake she was trying to hit.

en	Huh?! How is it racist??

en	Why would you assume Black people don't care about their grades?

en	I didn't mean it as a diss or anything.

en	{i}I{/i} don't care about grades either, it's not like I was looking down on them.

en	But...but why even bring my race into it like that??

en	I was just asking a question!

en	Didn't {i}you{/i} bring up race first? You were talking about Asians!

en	I'm Asian so I'm allowed to say that!

en	Sure, whatever. If I knew you'd be so fucking sensitive about it, I wouldn't have asked in the first place.

en	Wow...So instead of saying sorry, you're insulting me?

en	Wh—Why the hell should I apologize?

en	I wasn't even trying to be offensive! It's not like I purposefully called you the N word or something.

en	WOW, THANKS FOR NOT CALLING ME THE N WORD????

en	I'm just saying you're overreacting!

en	There's REAL racist people out there who hate minorities, and you're calling ME racist just because I accidentally made one little mistake?!

en	It's not just one little mistake! You say weird, ignorant stuff like this all the time!

en	No, I don't! Like what?

en	Like when you randomly told me my hair was flat!

en	What was I even supposed to say to that?? "Yours too"???

en	GET A GRIP! THAT'S NOT EVEN REAL RACISM!!!

en	You're seriously trying to explain what racism is to ME? A Black and Chinese person???

en	Look, I'm a minority too! Us even fighting is so dumb!

en	You being Asian doesn't mean you're not racist!

en	The worst racism I've EVER seen was when I went to China!

en	God, you're being so stupid!

en	Ester throws her stake down and storms off!

en	Dumbfounded, Min just stands there with her heart racing a mile a minute.

en	How did it blow up like this?! I wasn't even trying to start something!

en	Shit! Did anyone else hear us fighting?

en	Min nervously looks around, paranoid that her friends heard what happened.

en	It's hard to tell if they did...

en	Min frantically hammers the last stake in place, her stomach churning with a mixture of shame and panic.

en	She hears footsteps behind her, and nearly has a heart attack when she turns to see Chryssa walking over.

en	OH FUCK!!!

en	What if Ester told Chryssa I'm racist against Black people? She's Black too!

en	I don't want her to hate me! She might even kick me off the team!

en	Need any help with the tent?

en	Nah, I'm good.

en	I guess you could say it's...not tent to be.

en	I should be extra careful not to offend her...

en	Ha...ha...Great joke...

en	Thank you! I feel like not enough people appreciate my puns.

en	Having donned her "reporter" costume, Noelle returns to place a sleeping bag inside the tent.

en	Min, it's your turn to get changed.

en	Where did Ester go? We're about to start shooting.

en	I can't tell her Ester left because she thinks I'm racist!

en	Uh......She just randomly walked off.

en	What? How come?

en	Who knows? She's so weird.

en	In the park's restroom, Min quickly changes into her "Evil Hunter" get-up.

en	I'm going to be sweating buckets wearing all this in this weather.

en	Thank god they couldn't find the hat, or it would've been even worse.

en	Diya perks up when Min rejoins the group.

en	You look cool.
zh-hans	你看起来好帅。

en	You should get a coat like that for real.

en	Normally, this would send Min over the moon, but she feels so sick to her stomach, she can't properly appreciate it.

en	Thanks...
zh-hans	谢谢...

en	It's me, your racist girlfriend...

en	Diya definitely wouldn't want to be with me anymore if she found out I was racist...

en	Do I look okay?

en	You look so cute in glasses.
zh-hans	你戴眼镜的样子真可爱。

en	Is this a character from something? It does kinda give off "nerdy animal lover" energy.

en	No idea.

en	Ester, I like your hair.
zh-hans	埃斯特，我喜欢你今天的发型。

en	Oh yeah? Thanks.
zh-hans	啊？谢谢你。

en	Bun buddies.

en	Bun buddies...

en	They begin shooting the first scene in front of some trees.

en	Reporter

en	This is the Channel 2 News, reporting from Boise, Idaho.

en	Environmentalists have been in an uproar ever since the Obama Administration approved the delisting of gray wolves from the Endangered Species list...

en	Even replaying the conversation in her mind is getting Min worked up again.

en	I can't believe Ester had the nerve to call me racist!

en	When we were in Florida, kids used to call me and my brother Chinks, and tried to beat us up!

en	Why would I be racist when I hate racists more than anyone?! It doesn't make sense!

en	I wasn't even trying to insult her!

en	Like, good luck going through life getting offended by every tiny thing you see.

en	Right?! Are my standards just totally messed up or something?

en	Min stomps on a random twig and crushes it into tiny pieces beneath her combat boots.

en	.............

en	What's wrong?

en	Ugh. I'm just having a weird day...

en	Do you think I'm racist?

en	...??

en	No...?

en	How come?

en	You're good to me, and curious about other cultures.

en	Why?

en	No reason. Just checking...

en	Okay, we got it. Let's move on to the next shot.

en	Diya goes over to stand in front of the camera.

en	Ma'am, can you introduce yourself?

en	Environmentalist

en	{small}I'm an environmentalist with a degree in wildlife ecology. My research has led me to believe that...{/small}

en	Bro, can you speak up a little?

en	After a few takes, they manage to capture a halfway audible clip of Diya talking. They move on to the next scene...

en	Soon, it's time for the Evil Hunter's interview. Min reviews her lines before getting into place.

en	Okay, I'm set up. Action.

en	Next, I'm interviewing a hunter who's camped out in the Idaho wilderness.

en	Hello there. How do you feel about the removal of gray wolves from the Endangered Species list?

en	Ester could straight up ruin my whole life if she said something right now...

en	Evil Hunter

en	I...Uh...

en	...Yes?

en	Gimme a minute, I just woke up.

en	...It's the afternoon.

en	The sleeping bag I was sleeping on was full of rocks.

en	.......

en	Anyway, I feel ecstatic about the delisting!

en	I can't wait to kill tons of wolves!!!

en	Hold up, cut!

en	Ya skipped a line.

en	What line?

en	The part about how the delisting removed protections for wolves from hunters.

en	Oh, right.

en	Hello there. How do you feel about the removal of gray wolves from the Endangered Species list?

en	I feel ecstatic! The delisting removed protections for wolves in Idaho and...and...

en	Sweating profusely, Min tries to focus and remember her line...

en	.............

en	...Ma'am? Hello?

en	Don't call me ma'am.

en	Wha...Why not?!

en	I don't like it. I'm not a woman or something.

en	Are we talking about your character, or in real life?!

en	Cut! C'mon, don't break the fourth wall.

en	After Min botches their tenth try, Noelle looks about ready to explode.

en	Are you even trying right now? We're going to be stuck here all day because of you!

en	Shut up! I am too trying!

en	Why don't we take a little break? It'll probably help us all reset.

en	Yeah, let's go stare at the lake or something.

en	We can hide all our backpacks and stuff in the tent.

en	I guess it can't hurt...

en	The group trudges over to the lake. Diya sits down with Min by the water's edge...

en	Look at the lake

en	Study your lines again

en	Glance over at Ester

en	Ugh...I hate nature-y lakes like this.

en	Why?

en	It's nice here.

en	It just reminds me of shit that happened to me in Florida.

en	What happened?

en	I mean, it's pretty much the same as the other stories I told you.

en	I was just on a field trip that got ruined by racists.

en	So now places like this are cursed.

en	..........

en	What did you mean earlier? About not being a woman.

en	Do you mean age-wise?

en	Oh...It's hard to explain.

en	I've never really told this to anyone before. It's probably going to be confusing.

en	That's okay.

en	I don't really like being thought of as a girl.

en	But I'm not 100%% removed from it, if that makes sense?

en	Being called a woman or a lady is way worse. Like, disgusting.

en	I definitely don't want strangers seeing me to think "Oh, that's a woman."

en	...What do you want them to think?

en	...I dunno...

en	I'm still figuring that part out.

en	Diya tilts her head, perplexed.

en	............

en	Don't get me wrong, "girl" is my favorite gender! Like, you're a girl, and you're the best thing that ever happened to me.

en	I just only feel any connection to {i}being{/i} a girl in really specific situations.

en	No, I know.

en	Sorry. Just trying to wrap my head around it.

en	...Can I still call you my girlfriend?

en	Yeah! I like being your girlfriend.

en	And I like being lesbian. I'm not that into the "being a girl" part, but I relate super hard with the "no interest in men" part.

en	It's more stuff like being called "ma'am" or "Mrs." that really skeeves me out.

en	I know it doesn't make that much sense. Like, gender's not real in the first place, so...

en	No, it makes sense.

en	Feel like I already knew that before you said it.

en	You're okay with it?

en	To Min's relief, Diya nods.

en	It's very you.

en	It's kind of cool. You're like a gender outlaw.

en	Yeah! That's me.

en	I'm so lucky to have the sweetest, kindest, purest girlfriend in the world who has to be protected at all costs...

en	I definitely can't let her find out about the racist thing...

en	Min continues watching the clear, rippling water.

en	All of a sudden, Noelle yelps and turns indignantly to Akarsha.

en	Did you just throw a rock at me?!

en	Nope? Maybe it was the water.

en	The WATER threw a rock at me??

en	It was just a lil pebble, right? I bet the waves could've picked it up.

en	She definitely threw the rock at her.

en	Chryssa sighs from the bench she and Liz are sitting on.

en	Why is it that wherever we go, we end up babysitting people?

en	Do you think it's firstborn child syndrome?

en	You might be onto something.

en	My siblings are pretty immature, so it's usually up to me to make sure the house doesn't burn down.

en	What if we started acting really immature too? Then someone else'll be forced to pick up the slack.

en	How do you propose we do that?

en	I dunno...Maybe we should just start talking with no filter.

en	Instead of thinking about what we say, we just say whatever pops into our minds first.

en	Very interesting...

en	Min rereads the script.

en	When she reaches the end of the packet, she flips it over to make sure there's nothing on the back.

en	To her horror, the backside is covered with a dense array of numbers and numerical operations.

en	The heck is this?! It looks like a serial killer wrote on it.

en	Oh, it's just a puzzle I made up.

en	Using the digits 1, 2, 5, and 7 only once each, you create expressions using any operations that result in each integer from 0 to 100.

en	What in the actual hell would possess you to do that?

en	It's called curiosity.

en	When I look at a clock, I like to make the numbers do this.

en	When I look at a clock, it's 'cause I wanna know what time it is.

en	God, you're fucked in the head.

en	Ester is sitting with Grace and Sayeeda on a nearby log.

en	Should I try to talk to her?

en	That might piss her off even worse. I probably shouldn't.

en	I wish my hair would go prematurely grey. Having white hair would be so cool.

en	Me too...

en	Even though no one else would see it?

en	That's not true, I can show my hair to my family and other girls.

en	It's true, she used to charge other girls $20 to see her hair in the girls bathroom.

en	How'd you know? Did you pay to see it?

en	Yup.

en	If you're interested, Ester, I'll let you see it for a special discount of $10.

en	I'll pass.

en	You sure? Limited time offer.

en	Why's it limited time? Your hair's always gonna be there.

en	For all you know, I could be dyeing it a crazy new color every day.

en	It could be blue, purple, pink...And you'll never know unless you check!

en	Oh, crap. Maybe I should pay to see it again...

en	You're seriously falling for that?!

en	After the brief break, the group gets back to filming.

en	Take 11. Action.

en	Hello, how do you feel about the removal of gray wolves from the Endangered Species list?

en	I feel ecstatic! The delisting removed protections for wolves in Idaho and Montana.

en	Now it's legal for me to hunt them. I can't wait to kill tons of wolves!

en	When they finally get through the whole scene, Diya rewards Min with a quick peck on the cheek.

en	Good job.

en	I'm all sweaty and nasty right now, you don't have to do that.

en	You're not nasty. I don't mind it.

en	Noelle grumbles as she sits next to Akarsha at the picnic table and takes a sip of water.

en	I still can't believe you threw a rock at my face.

en	Hey, that is a GROSS exaggeration.

en	Wait, so you admit it was you who threw it now?

en	First of all, I LOBBED it. Second of all, I lobbed it at her neck, not her face.

en	WELL, IT HIT MY FACE!!!

en	Intent matters here! You're makin' it sound way worse than it really was!

en	Yeah, intent does matter! I didn't mean to hurt Ester's feelings either!

en	Min uneasily glances over at Ester. She's reviewing the footage on the camcorder.

en	..........

en	I wish the whole thing never happened...

en	Okay, we're good to start the wolf family interview.

en	Yiss!!!

en	I call being the Wolf Mom!

en	Wait, I wanted to be the mommy, too.

en	Well, I definitely don't want to be the dad.

en	It can be two moms. Adopted.

en	Wolf Mom and Wolf Mom #2.

en	Wolf Mom #2 definitely sounds like the inferior one, though.

en	There's gotta be a way to make them sound equal.

en	Like how there's always two versions of Pokemon, like Diamond and Pearl.

en	Does this really matter??

en	Hey, this is the scene where I kill Akarsha, right?

en	Aren't I supposed to have a gun?

en	Oh, I brought a Nerf gun you can use.

en	It's in the tent with the other stuff.

en	Okay, I'll go get it.

en	Min rummages through the duffel bag of costumes in search of the Nerf gun.

en	Wait, Min-seo, is the microphone in there too?

en	I dunno, look for it yourself.

en	Noelle sneezes as she steps into the dusty tent.

en	Achoo!

en	Shut up.

en	Shut up???

en	Noelle joins Min by the duffel bag.

en	Suddenly, Noelle frowns at her.

en	.........

en	What? You got a problem or something?

en	For one heart-stopping moment, Min's sure she's been exposed as racist somehow, but she soon realizes Noelle is just glaring at the dirt that she tracked into the tent.

en	You wore your boots inside?! You're getting dirt everywhere!

en	Oh, that's it?

en	It's barely anything!

en	You got a leaf on the sleeping bag already. See?

en	So brush it off! Who cares?!

en	I care! You were the one responsible, so {i}you{/i} should be the one to brush it off!

en	It's just one fucking leaf! Stop splitting hairs over nothing!

en	You're the one being difficult here! Just apologize and get the leaf off!

en	YOU REALLY WANT ME TO GET THAT LEAF OFF!? TAKE THIS!!!

en	Min grabs one end of the sleeping bag and swings it at Noelle!

en	It whaps Noelle in the torso!

en	HEY! I'M TELLING ON YOU!!!

en	{big=+20}GO AHEAD AND TRY IT, TURBONERD!!!!{/big}

en	Noelle seizes a handful of the sleeping bag as Min tries to land another blow!

en	YOU GORMLESS BRUTE!!!

en	THE FUCK YOU MEAN I'M WORMLESS??? TAKE THAT BACK!

en	Min yanks on the sleeping bag, hard! It slips from Noelle's grasp, sending Min hurtling backwards.

en	WHOA!!

en	Min loses her balance completely and falls backwards into the wall of the tent.

en	She hits the ground butt-first, pinning the fabric of the tent down with her weight.

en	The tent collapses, blanketing its occupants in nylon. Min feels herself sliding backwards down a slope...

en	THE TENT'S ROLLING DOWN THE HILL!

en	Min and Noelle blindly tumble down the hill with their limbs wrapped in tent, screaming all the way.

en	Min and Noelle

en	AAAAGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

en	Eventually, they crash into a large bush at the bottom of the ravine.

en	Min crawls out of the tangled mess, spitting dirt and twigs out of her mouth.

en	Pwah! Pwah!

en	Oh, how I despise you...

en	Noelle gathers the tent into her arms and tries to trudge back up to the park in her socks.

en	What happened to your shoes?

en	I took them off before coming into the tent, like a civilized person.

en	See, this is why keeping them on is better.

en	I win.

en	No, you don't! This situation would never arise under normal circumstances.

en	Look how much faster I'm walking than you.

en	See? Loser.

en	Min looks back and sees how far behind Noelle is.

en	She looks pretty pathetic dragging the tent through the dirt...

en	...........

en	Min reluctantly goes back and yanks the tent away from her.

en	...........

en	What's the matter with you today?

en	What?

en	Generally speaking, you strike me as someone who can't take criticism.

en	But you haven't blown up on me like this for months.

en	Did something happen between you and Ester?

en	WHAT?

en	NO, WHY?

en	During our scene, you kept eyeing her like she was going to bite you.

en	Oh, hell. If even fucking NOELLE can tell, I might as well be wearing a neon sign around saying what happened.

en	We sorta got in a fight.

en	She got all offended by something I said.

en	What did you say?

en	...I don't even wanna say it...It's so fucking embarrassing...

en	I kinda was like...I didn't know Black people cared about grades...

en	What?! Why???

en	I don't know...None of my classes ever had Black people in them...

en	So I felt like I was learning something new from the story she was telling me. I was just trying to express that.

en	So you decided to TELL HER you held a bigoted belief that only changed after a random anecdote she shared???

en	I wasn't thinking, okay?! It's easy to pick apart now in hindsight, but the whole thing happened in like five seconds!

en	I didn't even have anything against her! Or Black people in general!

en	C'mon, you know me. When I hate someone, I let them know!!!

en	Yes, I'm well aware of that.

en	So it should've been obvious I didn't mean anything bad by it!

en	When people do Asian accents or say weird stuff about Koreans, {i}I{/i} don't flip out!

en	You don't...?

en	That time we were walking around and got Konnichiwa'd, you were furious.

en	That was coming from a white creep, and it was clearly hateful.

en	But if it's just a joke, or something worded insensitively, it doesn't always mean the person ACTUALLY hates Asians.

en	I'm not sure I follow your logic here...

en	Are you saying that as long as something's not {i}intentionally{/i} hateful racism, it doesn't bother you?

en	Yeah, it doesn't. 'Cause I'm not a sensitive crybaby.

en	But if you had a choice, wouldn't you rather they not say those things?

en	Well, duh. If you could press a button and magically no one ever said that stuff again, that'd be cool.

en	...Then it {i}does{/i|} bother you?

en	Okay, yeah, maybe it would bother me a little, but I wouldn't make a huge stink about it.

en	If it bothers you, doesn't it make sense to complain about it?

en	If I were some weakass sissy, sure. But I'm not, so I don't sweat that kinda small stuff.

en	But we just established that you {i}are{/i} bothered by it.

en	You just deny it because in your eyes, it's weakness to admit you're hurt. Because of the tough guy act you have going on.

en	Noelle's got this insufferably smug expression on her face, like she's discovered a misprint in an exam that no one else has found yet.

en	I think I understand now.

en	Understand what?? You weren't even there.

en	You think Ester is overreacting because in similar situations, you do nothing.

en	When she told you your response was racist, you became enraged by her audacity to complain about things you suffered through in silence.

en	Admitting that you genuinely hurt her feelings would require the admission that you've been hurt before, too.

en	And your fragile ego cannot allow that.

en	...................

en	Shit...Maybe she's onto something...

en	In conclusion, Ester's right, you're wrong, and you're racist.

en	This sucks so bad.....

en	Covered in dirt and twigs, Min struggles to put the tent back up.

en	?!

en	Are you okay.

en	Not really. I feel like absolute dogshit.

en	Oh no.

en	I just wanna hide what I did.

en	I wanna dig a hole and bury the terrible truth where no one will ever find it.

en	What happened?

en	I don't really wanna talk about it.

en	............

en	At a loss for how to handle the situation, Diya quietly helps her pitch the tent.

en	...?

en	Oh no...

en	Huh?

en	Look.

en	Diya points to a malformed looking butterfly clinging to the tent fabric.

en	Oh, ew.

en	What's wrong with its wing? It's all crinkled.

en	Think it's stuck like that...That's so sad.

en	Maybe it's because of the false spring.

en	False spring?

en	It's when it's super warm, but it's still winter.

en	It messes up a lot of animals because they think it's spring when it's not.

en	Maybe the weird environment messed it up while it was forming.

en	Diya tries to get the deformed butterfly to crawl onto a twig. It's hard to watch.

en	Is that what I'm like? Because I grew up with racists and got taught the worst lessons ever?

en	I feel like I went through hell and came out the other side in the most monumentally fucked shape.

en	?

en	What do you mean?

en	Diya...You wouldn't ever break up with me, right?

en	? No.

en	What if I did something bad?

en	I mean like, really bad.

en	What did you do?

en	Are you SURE you wouldn't break up with me, though?

en	What. Did. You. Do.

en	Min tells Diya what happened, bracing herself for the worst...

en	...And that's why Ester is mad at me...

en	............

en	That wasn't very nice of you.

en	Sounds like something racist my mom would say.

en	Yeah, I know...

en	Poor Ester. Her comic sounds cool, too.

en	Do you hate me now?

en	I mean...It was bad. But at least you realize it.

en	Everyone makes mistakes.

en	Not everyone makes RACIST mistakes.

en	But it's not like people are born knowing things, either?

en	Everyone has blind spots.

en	How come you've never offended someone like I did, then?

en	I don't talk to people very much...

en	So most of the mistakes just happen in my mind.

en	Well...then how come Noelle doesn't offend people??

en	I mean...she was pretty ignorant about gay people before we started dating.

en	When people said the narrator of {i}The Great Gatsby{/i} was gay in our English class, she got all scandalized and argued against it.

en	She kept insisting there had to be another explanation. But I think she just was grossed out by the thought of it.

en	That's not as bad as insulting someone's entire race, though.

en	Not trying to say she messed up worse.

en	My point is she got better about it. She wouldn't do that anymore.

en	So I don't hold it against her. Just because you were ignorant about something doesn't mean you're bad forever.

en	I dunno...It doesn't undo the fact that I was racist to Ester already, and now she hates me.

en	Did you say sorry?

en	.........No.....

en	She might not forgive you. But you should at least tell her.

en	Min feels such anguish upon hearing Diya's suggestion that it takes her a moment to sputter something out.

en	But...But...No one ever apologized to ME!

en	To Min's horror, her eyes fill up with tears.

en	So many people did way worse things to me, and THEY never said sorry!

en	None of my racist bullies ever said sorry. My dad never said sorry.

en	Why is it only ME who has to say sorry, when what I did wasn't even as bad?

en	It's not fair!

en	Diya pulls her into her arms and hugs her very tightly, as if trying to squeeze all the grief out of her body.

en	Min leans into her warmth, letting her familiar touch and the steady rhythm of her heartbeat calm her down.

en	What happened to you wasn't fair.

en	But that doesn't mean you should be unfair, too. Or you'll just continue the cycle.

en	You can apologize even if they don't.

en	But it's not fair...

en	I want them to suffer. I want them to die.

en	If I just forget about them, that means they got away with everything.

en	That means they won, and I lost.

en	........

en	But isn't it losing {i}worse{/i} to let people you hate keep controlling your life?

en	It's like that saying. If you seek revenge, dig two graves.

en	Is it worth it? To hurt yourself in the name of fairness.

en	....................

en	Is that what I'm doing?

en	Crashing the car just to get back at them?

en	...The two graves are you and the person you got revenge on, by the way.

en	Not two different people you killed.

en	No, I got that.

en	You're right...

en	Why should I let those pieces of shit keep controlling me even years later?!

en	If nothing they did mattered, that'll show them!!

en	Yeah.

en	Yeah!!!!!

en	Min dashes off and finds Ester setting up the next scene.

en	What took you so long?

en	Everyone's ready to do the wolf death scene.

en	Can we talk first?

en	Ester gives her a guarded look.

en	That depends...

en	Sorry I was an asshole earlier.

en	I shouldn't have said that racist stuff about Black people, and the weird stuff about your hair.

en	Yeah, you shouldn't have.

en	You're right, I should've known better.

en	I know how much it sucks looking different from everyone else.

en	Ester lets out a sigh, looking exhausted.

en	You'd think people would know, but they don't...

en	It's like being kicked on both sides. I go through all the same stuff as everyone else at this school, but no one sees me as one of them.

en	Everyone thinks because I'm not "pure" Asian, I'm not as smart or I don't study as much.

en	Don't worry, I don't think that.

en	I learned my lesson. I'm not racist anymore.

en	Uh...Yeah, you are?

en	Huh......??????

en	You're literally still racist, all you did was apologize for one specific thing.

en	But...What else am I supposed to do then?!

en	Try to educate yourself and not say random crap about other ethnicities?

en	And say sorry the next time you're racist instead of being all rude and defensive.

en	Next time?! That makes it sound like this is gonna happen again.

en	Honestly, it probably will.

en	So...you're saying I'll ALWAYS be racist no matter what I do?!

en	Min looks so horrified that Ester gives her a pitying look.

en	I mean, literally everyone on earth is ignorant to some degree about SOMETHING.

en	For my webcomic, I tried to research albinos and double amputees the best I could, but I'm still not sure I portrayed everything right.

en	Double amputee...? What the fuck is going on in her comic?

en	No one's perfect. You just gotta do your best and learn from your mistakes.

en	Oh...okay...

en	But I hate thinking I'm gonna make a DIFFERENT mistake at some point and have to apologize again.

en	It's fucking mortifying.

en	I mean, it shouldn't be mortifying to admit you were wrong about something.

en	...I guess it shouldn't be...

en	Ay! Are we ready to party?

en	Yeah, let's do it.

en	So are we good for now?

en	I guess.

en	Can I still use the "progidy" thing you said earlier?

en	Huh? Yeah, knock yourself out.

en	Wolf Pup

en	Wolf Mom LeafGreen

en	Wolf Mom FireRed

en	Min hides behind a tree with her Nerf gun, waiting for her cue.

en	How has your pack helped balance the ecosystem here?

en	We prevent the elk population from exploding and overgrazing.

en	Before we were reintroduced, many biologists were concerned about eroding and plants dying off.

en	Unfortunately, many ranchers and hunters don't understand this.

en	In fact, the state of Idaho is planning to kill hundreds of wolves this winter.

en	This is where we always screw up and have to start over.

en	Every time Akarsha makes eye contact with Chryssa, she starts laughing.

en	Mom LeafGreen, I'm scared...Are we gonna die?

en	Holy shit. She finally did it!

en	Goo goo ga ga...

en	Noelle's eye twitches as she recites her next line.

en	Who is this...adorable little thing?

en	This is our wolf puppy! Normally mated pairs produce a litter per year, but we adopted her!

en	We love her soooooooo much!

en	I'm only four months old!

en	DIEEEEEEEE!!!

en	Min leaps out from behind the tree and shoots a flurry of Nerf pellets at Akarsha!

en	No!!! I only kill a very small number of cattle per year!!!

en	Urk!

en	Akarsha goes down, and Min continues shooting her ass with the Nerf gun.

en	Nooooo! Our innocent puppy!

en	MUAHAHA!

en	I'll be back to kill the rest of you!!

en	Min runs off-screen, leaving Chryssa and Liz crying very unconvincingly over Akarsha's body.

en	How could this happen? If only we were still on the Endangered Species list!

en	Noelle turns solemnly to the camera.

en	Today, I learned that delisting of grey wolves from the Endangered Species list would have devastating consequences.

en	...And that's a wrap!

en	FINALLY!!! WE'VE BEEN HERE FOR SIX HOURS!!!

en	And we may have just produced the worst video ever...

en	Relieved to be back in her regular clothes, Min looks around.

en	Seems like people are packing up.

en	Look in the tent

en	Sit at the picnic table

en	Look at tree stump

en	Walk to the lake

en	The tent flap's already open.

en	Min climbs inside. To her surprise, Akarsha's already there.

en	Shhhh, look!

en	She points to Noelle, who's sound asleep on the sleeping bag.

en	Zzzzzzzz...

en	Damn, she must've been pretty tired to just conk out like this.

en	Listen, I have the biggest brain in the world...

en	Akarsha gleefully lies down on the ground next to Noelle.

en	Help me braid our hair together.

en	I have short hair, dipshit. Do I look like I know how to braid hair?

en	I can't do it myself, it's too hard when I'm lyin' down like this.

en	C'mon, pwetty pwease...

en	God, when you talk like that I just wanna smash your head with a rock.

en	Min crawls over and grabs a lock of Akarsha and Noelle's hair in each hand.

en	It's easy, ya just gotta split it into three strands and alternate which one goes on top.

en	Like this??

en	Confused, Min just randomly twists their hair together.

en	The instant she lets go, the "braid" loosens and unravels.

en	Shit!
zh-hans	靠！

en	Noelle scowls in her sleep as Min tries again.

en	Akarsha!
zh-hans	阿卡莎！

en	Akarsha and Min freeze, but Noelle just turns on her side, mumbling to herself.

en	Zzz...Just because it's "suitable for all large primates"...doesn't mean you should eat it...

en	What is she dreaming about??
zh-hans	她梦到了什么奇怪的玩意儿？？

en	Ester sticks her head in the tent.
zh-hans	埃斯特把头伸进帐篷里。

en	Can you hand me my backpack?
zh-hans	你能把书包递给我吗？

en	...Wait, what're you guys doing?
zh-hans	...你们在干嘛？

en	Psst! Halp...

en	Ester, do you know how to braid hair?
zh-hans	埃斯特，你会编辫子吗？

en	Ester assesses the situation for a moment before shrugging.

en	Okay, why not?

en	Thank you!!!
zh-hans	谢谢你！！！

en	After a few minutes, Ester manages to weave Akarsha and Noelle's hair into one giant, messy braid.

en	You did it!

en	I wonder when she's gonna realize.

en	Noelle stirs on the sleeping bag. Her head gets jerked back by her hair, which is now bound to Akarsha's.

en	Mrph...

en	She blearily rubs her eyes.

en	Bonjour...

en	Noelle bolts upright, screaming.

en	AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!

en	What's wrong, Frenchman? Bad hair day?

en	AKARSHAaaaAAAA!!!
zh-hans	阿卡莎啊啊啊啊啊啊啊！！！！

en	WHY?! GET ME OUT OF HEREEEE!!!!

en	Whoa, calm down.

en	CALM DOWN?! YOU LITERALLY ATTACKED ME IN MY SLEEP!!!

en	I mean, you can just unbraid it. It's not that bad.

en	Yeah, tons of people in the world have it way worse than you.

en	SHUT UP! I HATE ALL OF YOU!!!

en	She surges toward Ester and Min with an aura that can only be described as murderous.

en	Akarsha calmly lies back down, dragging Noelle down with her.

en	AAAAAAAAAAA!!!

en	I'll hold her back! Run!!

en	Nice knowing you, bye!

en	Bro, I will never forget your sacrifice.

en	Ester and Min make their escape.

en	Inside the tent, there's a muffled scream followed by a crash.

en	The tent stakes pop out of the ground as the tent rolls over and goes tumbling down the hill again.

en	Noelle and Akarsha

en	AAAUGHHHH!!!!!!!

en	Again?!

en	There it goes...

en	Min and Ester peer down at the bottom of the hill, where Noelle, Akarsha, and the tent have landed in a tangled heap.

en	..........

en	..........

en	..........

en	Suddenly, something dawns on Ester and she straightens up, her eyes shining.

en	I can use this!

en	In my comic! It totally fixes the part I was stuck on!

en	The hell kind of story are you writing where you can even use this?

en	Some kind of camping disaster?

en	You don't understand, it's perfect! I gotta write this down!

en	Isn't your sketchbook and everything down there though? Inside your backpack?

en	...Crap, you're right.

en	I guess I'll go grab it.

en	Ester sighs and heads down the hill to retrieve her things.

en	I don't really get it, but good for her.

en	Grace is trying to squeeze the costumes back into her bag.

en	Hey Min!

en	Do you know if your brother's single?

en	Oh, great.

en	Do you think you could introduce us?

en	I mean, I'm not sure he even likes girls.

en	Oh...Darn.

en	What exactly do you like about him?

en	He's so cute. He looks kinda like G-Dragon.

en	.......

en	Do you like my brother just because he's Korean?

en	W-what?

en	Can you chill out a bit with the whole Korea thing?

en	Sorry!! I just get so excited about K-Pop...

en	Liking K-Pop is fine, but just...be normal about it.

en	...Sorry...

en	You don't have to keep apologizing, it's annoying.

en	As long as you get it.

en	Okay, yeah. I'll be normal now.

en	Chryssa and Liz are staring at the decimated tree stump.

en	What happened to this? It looks like a cannonball hit it.

en	Beats me.

en	I should probably keep my mouth shut.

en	Well, I suppose it's not our problem.

en	Speaking of problems...What'd you think of your afternoon as an irresponsible person?

en	That was even more tiring than being responsible.

en	Did you see them knock the tent down the hill? Twice?

en	Did you see them knock the tent down the hill?

en	Yeah, I just ignored it.

en	Me, too.

en	We probably could've finished a couple hours ago if we'd just wrangled them like we normally do.

en	Yep...Man, I thought I was really onto something.

en	Min turns to walk away, but to her surprise, she hears footsteps running up behind her.

en	Wait, Min!

en	Min stops to let her catch up.

en	What?

en	I couldn't help but overhear some of what you were saying to Diya. At the lake.

en	Liz scribbles something on a scrap of paper and hands it to Min like a doctor giving a prescription.

en	You need to go on the internet.

en	The internet...?

en	Min scrutinizes the scrap of paper. It says "genderfork.com".

en	It's a blog you might like.

en	How the hell would you know what I like?

en	I'm trans.

en	HUH?

en	I mean, not that being genderqueer is necessarily the same as being trans...

en	But I'm here if you'd ever like to talk.

en	Have fun!

en	Liz pats Min on the head and leaves her standing there clutching the little scrap of paper in absolute shock.

en	I guess I should look that up when I get home...

en	Diya is watching the water.

en	When Min joins her, Diya tilts her head at her.

en	You said this place was cursed, right?

en	Min sighs and wraps her arms around Diya's waist.

en	Yeah...

en	Diya rests her forehead against Min's, her long lashes tickling Min's skin as she blinks.

en	What if we uncursed it?

en	Huh? How?

en	By making new memories. Together.

en	Diya hugs her tighter, squishing Min's face directly into her chest.

en	Oooh...........

en	It's so soft.............

en	I love you...

en	{font=korean.ttf}사랑해...{/font}

en	Min's mind is in such a state of disarray that it takes her a second to process what Diya is saying.

en	In a herculean feat of self-control, she manages to stop rubbing her face against Diya's chest and meet her gaze.

en	Wait...You know what that means?

en	Diya nods, her cheeks tinged pink.

en	It was in a lot of the K-pop songs that Yuki...I mean, Grace played.

en	So I asked her.

en	And found out what it really meant.

en	Sorry I lied to you...

en	No, it makes me happy you wanted me to say that.

en	Because I do. Love you.

en	Even now...Now that you know what an asshole I am?

en	...You think I didn't know that before?

en	I guess I {i}was{/i} always hitting and threatening people.

en	Then why do you still like me?

en	Because you're also really brave and resilient, and cool.

en	I feel like...The world tries to make people into certain shapes.

en	But you fight it on purpose. You try as hard as you can.

en	And I think that's amazing.

en	And subconsciously, I think I understood.

en	Understood what?

en	You're always telling me you'll protect me and kill the people who hurt me. Because you wish someone did that for you.

en	Min is stunned speechless. It feels like a curtain was suddenly pulled back on something shameful and hidden, exposing it to the blazing sun.

en	But Diya doesn't flinch away, just gazes into her eyes.

en	I love you.
zh-hans	我爱你。

en	Blinking hard, Min smiles back at her.

en	I love you, too.
zh-hans	我也爱你。

en	Teach me how to say it?

en	{font=tamil.ttf}நான் உன்னை காதலிக்கிறேன்.{/font}

en	Man, that's a mouthful.

en	Nan unnai katalikkiren...?
zh-hans	难乌耐卡塔里科拉音...？

en	{font=tamil.ttf}நான் உன்னை காதலிக்கிறேன்.{/font}

en	{font=tamil.ttf}நான் உன்னை காதலிக்கிறேன்!{/font}

en	5th grade
zh-hans	五年级

en	Saturday Chinese School
zh-hans	周六汉语学校

en	The first phrase is "mirror."
zh-hans	[用汉语] 第一个词是“镜子”。

en	{font=traditional_chinese.otf}第一個詞是：「鏡子」。{/font}

en	Noelle copies down the unfamiliar characters on the board stroke by stroke.
zh-hans	诺埃尔将白板上陌生的字一笔一笔抄下来。

en	What did it look like again?
zh-hans	怎么写来着？

en	{font=chunhua_chinese.ttf}鍺子{/font}

en	{font=chunhua_chinese.ttf}錢子{/font}

en	{font=chunhua_chinese.ttf}鏡子{/font}

en	Noelle writes it down, then checks it against the writing on the board.

en	I got it wrong...
zh-hans	我记错了...

en	Noelle writes it down, then checks it against the words on the board.
zh-hans	诺埃尔把汉子写下来，然后根据白板上的词语检查。

en	I got it right! Now for the next one...
zh-hans	我写对了！然后下一个是...

en	The next phrase is "admit."
zh-hans	[用汉语]第二个词是“承认”。

en	{font=traditional_chinese.otf}第二個詞是：「承認」。{/font}

en	You should already know "recognize."
zh-hans	[用汉语]“认”你们应该已经会了。

en	{font=traditional_chinese.otf}「認」你們應該已經會了。{/font}

en	{font=traditional_chinese.otf}承{/font}'s meaning is "to bear" or "to carry"...
zh-hans	{font=traditional_chinese.otf}承{/font}的意思是“承担”或者“承载”...

en	{font=traditional_chinese.otf}「承」的意思是「to bear」or 「to carry」……{/font}
zh-hans	“承”的意思是「to bear」或者「to carry」......

en	This would be easier if Chinese words used an alphabet like most languages.
zh-hans	中文要是和大部分语言一样用字母就会简单多了。

en	It infuriates me how you can't tell how a Chinese character is pronounced by the way it looks.
zh-hans	令我恼火的是光看一个汉子不能告诉你它的发音。

en	You're forced to learn every single word twice — how it sounds, AND what it looks like. It's wildly inefficient.
zh-hans	每个词必须要学两遍 — 读法与写法都要知道，效率低得过分。

en	A couple hours into the lesson, a kid toward the back of the room raises his hand.

en	Teacher, how many Chinese characters are there?
zh-hans	[用汉语]

en	{font=traditional_chinese.otf}老師，中文字總共有幾個？{/font}
zh-hans	老师，中文汉字总共有多少个？

en	At least 80,000.
zh-hans	[用汉语]

en	{font=traditional_chinese.otf}至少八萬個。{/font}
zh-hans	至少八万个。

en	80,000?!
zh-hans	八万个？！

en	Don't worry, most educated people only know about 8,000.
zh-hans	[用汉语]

en	{font=traditional_chinese.otf}別擔心，有上過學的人平均也只認得八千個字左右。{/font}
zh-hans	别担心，受过教育的人平均也只认识八千个字左右。

en	8,000 is still a mindboggling number...

en	After school, Noelle does her weekly packet of Chinese homework at the kitchen table.

en	I've spent every Saturday since kindergarten tediously memorizing a few characters at a time, but it's barely even made a dent.

en	After all these years, I still can't even read a book or the newspaper.

en	At this pace, it's hard to imagine I'll ever be able to.

en	Noelle! What is this?!
zh-hans	诺艾尔！这是什么？！

en	Noelle looks up to see her Mom holding the sample packet of pads and tampons she got from school.

en	Oh, that's from the Sex Ed talk we had in class. The girls received a presentation about menstruation.

en	The school gave you this?!

en	Using a tampon is the same as having sex!

en	That's not what the teacher giving the talk said...

en	It's just a tool for absorbing blood.

en	No! You'll be able to feel it the whole time, and it goes into...

en	Her mom can't even bear to say it.

en	It's the same as having sex with a man.

en	The woman giving the talk said plenty of girls use it.

en	American girls get their periods so early because they're thinking sexual thoughts at a young age.

en	It's not natural. You shouldn't be thinking about these things until you're married.

en	After throwing away the immoral tampons, her mom goes off to the living room to watch a Chinese variety show.

en	It's hard growing up trusting very little of your parents' judgment.

en	My mom doesn't believe in mental illness, yet genuinely believes in superstitions like auspicious dates. And no amount of proof or argument can sway her.

en	Is Chinese society just decades behind the West? I've yet to meet a white person whose mind works this way.

en	Noelle glances over at the show her mom is watching.

en	Colorful words and cartoons fly across the screen as cheesy sound effects play.

en	So tacky...

en	It's one of those shows where they interview a panel of foreigners who can barely speak Mandarin.

en	Noelle cringes as silly "boing" noises are overlaid over the host's jokes.

en	They're just laughing at the foreigners for not understanding the questions they've been asked...

en	Why is this popular? It's so juvenile and embarrassing.

en	I feel like I'm losing brain cells as I listen to this.

en	Disgusted, Noelle returns to scrutinizing the impenetrable paragraph of Chinese she's supposed to be analyzing for homework.

en	What am I even going to use Chinese for? Watching drivel like that?

en	I have no interest in the backwards culture that produced my pathetic, narrow-minded parents.

en	When a commercial break comes on, she throws down her pencil.

en	I want to quit Chinese school.

en	Her mom whirls around from the couch, alarmed.

en	What?! Why?

en	I hate it! It always takes up my entire Saturday!

en	They assign so much homework every week on top of the regular homework I get from school.

en	Noelle's dad looks up disapprovingly from the newspaper he's reading.

en	Well, you can't quit. What kind of Chinese person can't even speak Chinese?

en	We'll lose face if you don't learn!

en	Other people will think we're bad parents.

en	Why does it matter what other people think?!

en	{i}I'm{/i} the one whose limited time is being sucked away by it! My opinion should be the one that matters the most!

en	No, you have to listen to your parents.

en	It's for your own good. You're too young to understand.

en	Almost nothing drives Noelle up a wall more than being told she's not old enough to understand something.

en	Stop treating me like a some feeble-minded little kid. I read at college-level already!

en	It doesn't matter, you don't have the life experience yet.

en	Some things you can only know from being as old as your parents are.

en	What, so just because you're older than me you're automatically smarter than I am?

en	Yes.

en	I don't accept that.

en	It's your culture. You can't just throw it away.

en	Yes, I can. It's a poorly constructed, archaic language.

en	That's not true. If it's so bad, how come it's worked for thousands of years?

en	You should take more pride in your culture.

en	What is there to be proud of?

en	I'm stuck learning the worst, most pointlessly complicated language in the world.

en	Exasperated, Noelle's parents exchange a look.

en	You're still going to Chinese school. We already paid for your classes this year.

en	Can I quit at the end of the year then?

en	If you still feel this way by the end of the year, fine. You can quit.

en	I can?

en	Huh?! No, she can't!

en	Think about it. If she goes to Chinese school with that kind of attitude, she won't learn anything anyway.

en	It's impossible to teach someone who doesn't want to be educated. We might as well at least save money.

en	Yes! The end of the year is pretty far away, but at least the end is in sight now!

en	Quitting Chinese school will significantly free up my schedule. I can probably read a few more books every week!

en	It'll be so worth it. When I'm older, I'll be so thankful that I quit.

en	Noelle is so elated that she doesn't even mind being dragged along to 99 Ranch with her mom, a trip she normally gripes is a waste of time.

en	As they browse the fishball aisle, her mom's Nokia rings. She quickly brings it to her ear.

en	Hello?

en	{font=chunhua_chinese.ttf}喂？{/font}

en	There's a pause. Her mom's face falls.

en	What is it?

en	Ah-ma = Taiwanese term for grandma

en	Ah-ma passed away.

en	Oh.

en	I know I should be sad...but I haven't seen my grandmother for years.

en	I've never had a real conversation with her before. It's like being told a stranger died.

en	Spring Break

en	Noelle isn't allowed to close her bedroom door, so she's on high alert as she uses the computer.

en	It sounds like my mother's busy washing vegetables in the kitchen. Here's my chance!

en	Noelle quickly searches "Homosexuality" on Wikipedia.

en	I skimmed this page once as research, after Akarsha started insisting Diya and Min-seo were romantically involved.

en	But I'm POSITIVE there was no mention of it being possible for two women to have sexual relations!

en	I would have remembered it!

en	Wikipedia page

en	Re-read the Wikipedia article

en	Click the "sexual intercourse" hyperlink

en	Click the "lesbian" hyperlink

en	Much of the page is devoted to the historic and modern-day oppression of gay men.

en	There's mentions of sodomy being criminalized, along with an image of Ancient Greek pottery depicting of two nude men embracing that Noelle scrolls past very quickly.

en	Wait, this might be something.

en	Anthropologists Stephen Murray and Will Roscoe reported that women in Lesotho engaged in socially sanctioned "long term, erotic relationships".

en	What exactly do they mean by "erotic"? They need to be more descriptive!

en	She clicks on the citation, but the source is a book called "Boy Wives and Female Husbands: Studies of African Homosexualities".

en	There's no way the library carries this book...

en	Click the "Lesotho" hyperlink

en	Noelle scrolls through the page, but there's no mention of the "erotic relationships".

en	This is a dead end.

en	I could try googling it, but it might bring up obscene results.

en	The link leads to a more general page called "Human sexual intercourse".

en	To Noelle's disgust, it features a painting of a man and woman copulating.

en	This is repulsive. I'd really rather not stay on this page for long.

en	Sexual intercourse commonly refers to the act in which the male reproductive organ enters the female reproductive tract.[[1][[2]

en	In recent years penetration of non-sexual organs or by non-sexual organs (fingering, fisting) are also sometimes included in this definition.

en	What on earth is "fingering"? Is this the finger thing Min-seo was referring to?

en	Click the "fingering" hyperlink

en	The page opens. At the top, there's a simple illustration of a naked woman stroking the genitals of another woman.

en	Noelle scrolls through the page.

en	Most this page just details historical lesbian relationships.

en	They lived such tragic, tortured lives. I hope Diya knows what she's signed up for...

en	Before the late 19th century, the word "Lesbian" referred to any derivative or aspect of Lesbos, including a type of wine.

en	In 1890, however, the term was used in a medical dictionary as an adjective to describe tribadism (as "Lesbian love"): sexual gratification of two women by simulating intercourse.

en	What on earth is "tribadism"? Is this the finger thing Min-seo was referring to?

en	Click the "tribadism" hyperlink

en	The page opens. At the top, there's a simple illustration of two naked women scissoring.

en	WHAT IS THIS???!?!!

en	This is...this is so risqué!

en	Noelle breaks into a feverish sweat as she reads the page as quickly as possible.

en	Then, in a panic, Noelle closes the tab, erases her web history, and shuts the computer down.

en	Min-seo was right...I can't believe it...

en	Should such erotic content be allowed on Wikipedia?! Anyone can read it!

en	I must destroy all evidence that I've visited that page!

en	Should I uninstall the browser? Delete my user profile? Perhaps set the computer on fire for good measure?

en	This better not awaken anything in me...

en	Noelle jumps in her chair when she receives a text.

en	Check your phone

en	{nw}

en	is it just me or does king dedede look kinda sexy in this drawing

en	{image=DeviantArt.png}

en	??????

en	anyone else?? hello???

en	anyone care to raise a hand

en	YOURE INSANE

en	WOULD ANYONE ELSE HIT IT??? HELOLO?

en	noelle???

en	(banging on your door)

en	if u would fuck king dedede (a penguin?)

en	ur braver than the U.S. marines

en	Diya has left the chatroom.

en	Min has left the chatroom.

en	welp

en	Why are you like this??

en	im so bored TT_TT

en	ive been stuck at home all day

en	Unfortunately for you, I can't entertain you for long either.

en	I have to leave for the airport soon.

en	oh yeah ur visiting taiwan right?

en	how long ru gonna be there again?

en	I'll be there for the entire week. My mom and I will return Sunday afternoon.

en	My dad is staying for an additional week there for business purposes.

en	can i still message u when ur there?

en	do u have to use a vpn or something?

en	No, as long as I have internet access, we should be able to chat like usual.

en	rly? but isnt there like hella censorship o_0

en	No, there's nothing like that in Taiwan. It's not as if I'm going to China.

en	right right

en	uhhh also

en	whats the difference between china and taiwan again ^_^;;

en	/shot

en	i mean i know taiwans an island

en	but is it like

en	You said you were shot, yet you're still talking like nothing happened?

en	its own country?

en	i have high pain tolerance

en	No, you don't.

en	anyway i tried to ask in geography class once and everyone started arguing

en	Everyone started arguing because it's a political question.

en	Whether Taiwan is a part of China or a separate country is an extremely controversial issue.

en	y tho?

en	To be honest, I'm not clear on the details.

en	As I understand it, the dispute is the result of a civil war that was never properly resolved.

en	huh....

en	so ru taiwanese? or chinese?

en	or both?

en	Well,

en	I went to Chinese school as a child.

en	And my parents told me Chinese folktales.

en	is that how it works?

en	just bc i speak english doesnt mean im english

en	To be frank, I'm floundering because I've never given it any thought.

en	lol oops

en	i didnt mean to give u an identity criss

en	*crisis

en	Even if I say I'm Taiwanese, hardly anyone knows what that means, even other East Asians.

en	hm

en	that kinda sounds like how most americans dont rly get desi identities

en	How so?

en	like, they think about it based on country

en	like ur pakistani, or indian, etc

en	but the countries werent split on racial lines

en	like an indian punjabi isnt rly the same ethnicity as an indian guju

en	but its all the same to nondesis bc they dont know the difference lol xD

en	Oh...You're right, I don't know the difference.

en	wait

en	WAIT I KNOW

en	the answer to what u are

en	What is it?

en	ur french

en	bc ur frenchman <3

en	THAT DOESN'T HELP ME AT ALL.

en	no?

en	NO.

en	Later that day, Noelle sits in the backseat as her dad drives them to the airport.

en	She feels a flash of rage when she sees a passing car sporting a "Proud Parent of an Honor Roll Student" bumper sticker.

en	Why would you brag about such an unremarkable accomplishment on your car?

en	You're {i}supposed{/i} to be on the Honor Roll. It's like buying a bumper sticker that says, "My child breathes air."

en	My parents would never even bother mentioning such a banal thing.

en	Noelle's mom squints at the airport signage as it passes them by.

en	Noelle, watch the signs for us.

en	Why me? I don't even know how to drive.

en	You were born here, you read faster than us.

en	Alright...

en	How is it that after living here for twenty years, they still haven't mastered English?

en	My mom can't even speak English well enough to carry a conversation with a stranger.

en	What have they been doing this whole time?

en	Which way is parking? Which lane?

en	Just follow the arrows. Turn right.

en	See? Even though I have a Ph.D, ever since you were in second grade, you could read highway signs faster than me.

en	Good thing we have Noelle with us. The signs go by so fast.

en	Noelle's dad scratches his head as she directs him through the airport's labyrinthian roads.

en	Where is it? It feels like we're just going in circles.

en	We're not, see that sign there? The parking's past the cargo area.

en	Do I turn here?

en	Noelle's heart stops as her dad starts to turn into a street labeled with "Do Not Enter."

en	IT SAYS "DO NOT ENTER"! KEEP STRAIGHT!

en	Oh!

en	Her dad swerves sharply to stay in his lane. Noelle massages her temples, her heart pounding.

en	I'm surrounded by illiterate idiots!

en	Why does it rest on me, a literal child, to ensure we don't drive into oncoming traffic??

en	They have endless energy when it comes to obsessing over my studies. Why can't they work on their own English instead?!

en	As the car rolls into a parking lot, Noelle jolts up in her seat.

en	Wait, this isn't the correct garage! Turn around!

en	Huh? How do you know?

en	That sign says "Premium Parking!"

en	"Premium" means something of exceptional quality; superior.

en	So? Isn't that good?

en	Not right now when we are looking for the regular, run-of-the-mill parking lot.

en	In this context, premium parking means special parking that's more expensive.

en	Oh!

en	Make a U-turn! We're going to miss our flight!

en	Noelle's mom sighs as the car makes a series of turns.

en	This would've been easier if you could talk to us in Chinese.

en	This would've been easier if your English was better, too.

en	Noelle crosses her arms in the backseat, fuming.

en	Why am I the one responsible for making sure we're not separated by a language barrier?

en	You were the ones who chose to move here in the first place.

en	Sixteen hours later

en	Taipei

en	Noelle and her parents take a taxi from the airport to an alley lined with parked scooters.

en	Ah-gong = grandpa

en	This must be Ah-gong's apartment. We're staying there for the week.

en	Her mom presses the buzzer.

en	We're here!

en	{font=chunhua_chinese.ttf}我們到了！{/font}

en	Come in, come in!

en	快進來、快進來！

en	After huffing and puffing up four stories of stairs, Noelle is drenched in sweat.

en	Da Ah-yi

en	Hey!

en	哈嘍！

en	Yay!! You're finally here!

en	耶！！ 你們總算來了！

en	Chun-hua, you've grown so big!

en	{font=chunhua_chinese.ttf}春花，你長大了！{/font}

en	Yeah, I must've been in elementary school the last time you saw me!

en	對啊！你上次見到我的時候，我還在念小學呢！

en	This must be one of my cousins.

en	Noelle, don't be rude. Introduce yourself in Chinese.

en	Hi marryone...I four Le-ying.

en	{font=chunhua_chinese.ttf}大嫁好……我四樂映。{/font}

en	My pronunciation is so atrocious, I don't know if they can even understand me.

en	What'd you say?

en	妳說什麼？

en	Lair am Le-ying.

en	{font=chunhua_chinese.ttf}窩是樂映。{/font}

en	Can I just talk in English?

en	Ah-gong doesn't speak English. He only knows Japanese, Taiwanese, and Mandarin.
zh-hans	阿公聽不懂英語。他只會說日語，臺語，和普通話。

en	Even the Mandarin, he's nearly forgotten.

en	他連國語都快要不會講了。

en	Da Ah-yi gestures at her daughter. She's wearing thick glasses and carrying a huge brick of a book.

en	Noelle, you speak English with Chun-hua.
zh-hans	諾艾爾，妳能用英文跟春花談話。

en	She want go college in America, so she very happy practice speaking.

en	Yes! You can call me Literature!

en	Is that a name she chose herself...? Chinese people have such odd taste in English names.

en	That's alright, Chun-hua is fine.

en	We are the same ages, right? Who do you think is more tall?
zh-hans	我們兩是一樣的歲數吧？妳覺得誰比誰高？

en	Chun-hua eagerly stands back-to-back with Noelle so the others can judge.

en	Wait, you're standing on your tip-toes! That's cheating!

en	Huh? No, I am not.

en	Wow, you two are the exact same height!

en	They're both skin and bones. They really are cousins.

en	{font=chunhua_chinese.ttf}兩個怎麼都瘦得跟竹竿一樣。果然是表姐妹。{/font}

en	One U.S. version, one Taiwan version.

en	一個美版，一個台版。

en	Noelle glances at Chun-hua and realizes with a start that she's right.

en	It's like meeting a version of myself from a universe where my parents never went to America.

en	A stranger with my face.

en	You're SURE I'm not taller?

en	Yes, we sure.

en	{incoherent}( ? ? ? ){/incoherent}

en	{incoherent}( ? ? ? ){/incoherent}

en	That must be Taiwanese...

en	Chun-hua gives him an affectionate hug as Noelle awkwardly watches from the sidelines.

en	Meanwhile, the adults launch into an animated conversation in Taiwanese.

en	{incoherent}( ? ? ? ){/incoherent}

en	{incoherent}( ? ? ? ){/incoherent}

en	I wonder what they're talking about.

en	My Taiwanese is even worse than my Mandarin. I don't know a single word.
zh-hans	我的臺灣話比我的普通話還差。我一句話都說不了。

en	...Actually, wait, isn't "Ah-gong" Taiwanese?
zh-hans	...哎，等會兒... “阿公”這個詞是來由臺灣話的吧？

en	They didn't cover it in Chinese school. Could it be a term exclusively used in Taiwan?

en	It's really a special sort of confusion, not knowing what language you're speaking.

en	Da Ah-yi leads Noelle's parents to the spare bedroom so they can put their luggage away.

en	This reminds me how I used to assume Japanese curry was a Chinese dish because my mom made it regularly.

en	If you have a distant relationship with your parents, your culture becomes a nebulous cloud.
zh-hans	家長和孩子的關繫比較疏遠的話，那妳對自己的文化背景會比較模糊不清，像濃厚的雲霧一樣。

en	Is it Chinese to believe pseudoscience? Is it Chinese to have an outdated and sexist worldview?

en	Or is that just my parents, in my particular?

en	How do I distinguish between things peculiar to my life and Chinese culture?

en	Chun-hua brightly takes a seat next to Noelle.

en	Anything you have questions about, you can ask me!

en	Ask about the area

en	Ask about her book

en	Ask about the photos on the wall

en	Tell me about the surrounding area.

en	Let's look outside!
zh-hans	我們嚮外看吧！

en	Chun-hua goes over to the window and points as Noelle peers outside at the street below.

en	That way is my house. Me and my mom, we walk over all the time.

en	You must live pretty close by if you're able to come on foot.

en	Yes, we are only a few streets away from Ah-gong.

en	Every weekend, me and my cousins spend here.

en	That's so different from my experience...

en	When you are all settled, the 7-Eleven, we go and grab breakfast.

en	Breakfast...from 7-Eleven?

en	What, you've never had it? It's good!

en	It is...? It won't be all greasy?

en	No? They have fresh tea eggs, hot yams, oden...If you want a prepackaged breakfast, they'll heat it for you, too.

en	In America is it not like that?

en	No, American 7-Elevens are just junk food stores.

en	Chun-hua points at the train as it rushes by.

en	There's a train station near to us. We take it a lot.

en	You don't use the car to get around?
zh-hans	妳不使用汽車出行嗎？

en	Not much. When we can't use the train, we ride our scooter.

en	What are you reading?

en	It's a Chinese translation of a Russian novel.

en	What it's called in English, I don't know.

en	「卡拉馬助夫兄弟們」。

en	Something something brothers.

en	There's brothers, and it's Russian...

en	The Brothers Karamazov?

en	Yes! That sounds correct.

en	I've read it before, too.
zh-hans	我也讀過這本書。

en	This is exciting! I've never met anyone else my age who's read it.

en	Did you like it?

en	The religious themes were of little interest to me, but I found some of its other ideas thought-provoking.

en	For example, it argues that humans are so deeply shaped by others that everyone bears some responsibility for the sins of everyone else.

en	Everything we do is the result of a huge, interwoven chain reaction of human interactions, and as a result, a crime is never truly one person's fault.

en	It's a societal failure.

en	To Noelle's disappointment, Chun-hua nods, looking lost.

en	.....I see.....

en	I guess what I said was beyond her English level. I need to scale back to a simpler topic.

en	Do you like reading?
zh-hans	妳喜歡讀書嗎？

en	I like reading.
zh-hans	我喜歡讀書。

en	Are you nerdy?

en	The sudden question baffles Noelle.

en	...Er...? Yes, I suppose so.

en	Good, me too!

en	On the wall, there's even a photo of me that...

en	...........

en	That...? That what?

en	Actually, I change my mind!

en	Don't look too much at the photos on the wall, they're embarrassing.

en	Are you SURE? There's really nothing else you would rather know?

en	Ask about something else

en	Tell me about the photos

en	{cps=0}Are you SURE? There's really nothing else you would rather know?{/cps}

en	On second thought, there is something else I'm curious about.

en	What else do you want to know?

en	Tell me about these photos.

en	Okay...If you're sure...

en	They go over to look at the pictures on the wall. The first one's of Ah-gong and Chun-hua at the park.

en	There's a small chestnut-colored warbler sitting on Chun-hua's arm.

en	That bird, at the park we found him abandoned.

en	It was because he fell out of his nest and broke his wing.

en	After it got better, we taught him to fly so he could go back to the wild.

en	I see. That's very noble of you.

en	It was Ah-gong's idea.

en	He's quiet, but he is so nice actually.

en	You seem very close to your grandpa.
zh-hans	妳與妳祖父的關繫看起來很密切。

en	"Your" grandpa? He's your grandpa, too.

en	Oh......that's right.

en	To hide her embarrassment, Noelle quickly moves on to the next photo.

en	It looks old. A swarm of children are building a sand castle as smiling adults look on in the background.

en	This is me, Wan-ping, and Wan-zhong.

en	Wan-ping and Wan-zhong are my older cousins. They're my uncle's children.

en	Wan-zhong's working right now.

en	Too bad Wan-ping is travelling right now. Or else we could have hung out.

en	Where is he visiting?

en	Japan. It's his honeymoon.

en	Honeymoon? Did he get married?

en	Yes? A month ago.

en	Oh. I had no idea.

en	In the picture, the people behind us is Jiu Jiu, Ah-gong, and Ah-ma.

en	We didn't knew it, but that weekend was our last one with Ah-ma.

en	I can't help but feel jealous they had {i}any{/i} weekends together.

en	While she was spending every Saturday with her cousins and grandparents, I was at school struggling to learn an entire language so I could even begin to communicate with them.

en	Chun-hua reluctantly gestures at the last photo, which she was clearly saving for last.

en	And this one is of me with all my anime figures.

en	H-haha!

en	Oh, so this is what she meant by nerdy.

en	It's alright, I have a good friend who's interested in this sort of thing, too.

en	Really? And she's American?

en	Yes.

en	She sounds cool. I want to meet her.

en	Y-you do?

en	Once Noelle turns away from the photos, Chun-hua points to a framed certificate hanging on the wall behind her.

en	You should look at this award, too. It's your mom's.

en	What? Really?

en	Yeah, in college she win a bunch of poetry contest. She was even in the newspaper.

en	I had no idea.

en	This is going to sound extremely mean, but I never suspected my mom had any sort of creative talent.

en	All I've ever known her as a strict, close-minded housewife.

en	Here, you should read her things! She's very skilled.

en	Chun-hua pulls a magazine out from a cabinet and flips it open to a page of poetry.

en	..............

en	See what I mean? Some people just have a way with words.

en	It's a big waste she quit. I guess there wasn't enough reason to keep doing it over in America.

en	Noelle stares blankly at her mom's poem.

en	I can't read any of it...
zh-hans	我一句都读不了...

en	That evening, Noelle and her parents walk to the subway.

en	Here's our train. We should reach the night market in a few stops.

en	Ugh, I hate taking public transit. The trains are always filthy and poorly maintained.

en	As they board the MRT carriage, Noelle steels herself for the stench of vomit, urine, and cigarettes she's grown to expect from American subways.

en	But to her amazement, the car's shiny floors and seats look so squeaky-clean you could eat off of them.

en	It's absolutely spotless...

en	Pleasantly surprised, she sits beside her parents in a gleaming plastic seat.

en	Intercom

en	{font=chunhua_chinese.ttf}石牌...{/font}Shipai Station.

en	You can actually clearly hear what they're saying! It's not indistinct mumbling like on BART!

en	An LCD screen right across from her neatly displays the names of the previous, current, and next stations.

en	This is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen...

en	Her phone buzzes. Her heart leaps when she sees that it's Akarsha.

en	{nw}

en	{image=frysSmall.png}

en	...Why did you send this?
zh-hans	...这是什么意思？

en	:(
zh-hans	😢😢

en	I thought you liked me
zh-hans	我以为你喜欢我的

en	Even if I hypothetically did like you why would I want to see this awful picture of you?

en	personally i think it's very hot and sexy of me to play video games against little kids at Frys Electronics and lose

en	Is that what you're doing?

en	nah im back home now playing the game i bought

en	its called Portal

en	dude youd love it

en	I don't play computer games.
zh-hans	我不玩电脑游戏。

en	NO YOUD LOVE IT TRUST ME
zh-hans	你会爱上它的！！就相信我一次好吗

en	its not like other games where ur some guy shooting stuff

en	ur a girl and its a puzzle game

en	ITS IN A SCIENCE RESEARCH FACILITY

en	Oh?

en	ill give u the CD

en	just play it

en	I'll consider it after I return from my trip.

en	o yeah youre in taiwan
zh-hans	哦对你还在台湾那里

en	whatre u up to rn?
zh-hans	你现在在干嘛

en	I'm riding the subway with my parents.

en	how is that?

en	i hope they arent giving you a hard time

en	Actually, ever since we've arrived in Taipei they've been in good spirits.

en	I've never seen my mother so relaxed before.

en	She must be happy to be back home to see her family.

en	oh dang!

en	thats good

en	We're on the way to the night market right now.

en	I feel paranoid that everyone can tell I'm a foreigner.

en	LOL i get what u mean

en	when im in india they can tell im american before i even open my mouth

en	just from the way I carry myself

en	Her mom sighs as Noelle taps out her response on her phone.

en	There you are, addicted to your phone.

en	...How am I addicted? Compared to other teenagers, I barely use it.
zh-hans	...我怎么上瘾了它？跟其他孩子比的话，我手机用的并不多。

en	You spend so much time talking to your friends.
zh-hans	你每天都会浪费这么多时间，就不断的跟朋友聊天。

en	But friendships are only temporary. As soon as it's inconvenient, they'll all disappear.

en	After I moved to America for your future, not a single one kept in touch with me.
zh-hans	我搬到美国的时候，没有跟我保持联系的朋友。

en	The only people you can trust is your family. And I was so far away from all of mine...
zh-hans	唯一能相信的人就是自己的家人。而我当时离家是如此遥远...

en	The life of an immigrant is a lonely one.
zh-hans	移民的生活真是孤独的一生。

en	.........

en	Is she hoping I'm going to console her? Or thank her for making such a brutal sacrifice for my sake?

en	It was her own decision as a full grown adult to move here. It wasn't up to ME.

en	Her mom sighs heavily and stares out the window.

en	There's a message she's always trying to impart on me: I'm lonely because of you.

en	Noelle watches the scenery fly by.

en	After half an hour, the train arrives at their destination precisely on time.

en	Let's look for clothes. You need new ones.

en	But I have plenty of clothes already.

en	They all have holes in them! You should just throw them away already!

en	Noelle browses through a sea of clothing racks with her parents.

en	A hideous pair of beige pants catches her eye.

en	This would compliment many items in my wardrobe.

en	She turns it over in her hands, searching for its price tag, but it's missing.

en	I'm going to ask how much these trousers are.

en	Do you know how?

en	Are you serious? Of course I know how.

en	Miffed, she marches up to the stall's cashier and shows her the pants.

en	Stall Worker
zh-hans	摊位工人

en	Light I ask how much are these pants?
zh-hans	[用汉语]

en	{font=traditional_chinese.otf}輕問這條褲子多少錢？{/font}
zh-hans	轻问这条裤子多少钱？

en	Two hundred NTD.
zh-hans	[用汉语]

en	{font=traditional_chinese.otf}兩百塊。{/font}

en	That's only about seven dollars! What a bargain.
zh-hans	那只约7美元！真便宜。

en	I waist buy this.
zh-hans	[用汉语]

en	{font=traditional_chinese.otf}我腰買這個。{/font}
zh-hans	我腰买这个。

en	{font=traditional_chinese.otf}你說什麼?{/font}
zh-hans	[用汉语] 你说什么？

en	Urk! I stumbled over the pronunciation!
zh-hans	呃！我把发音搞糊涂了！

en	This...I want to buy this.
zh-hans	这个...我想买这个。

en	OK.
zh-hans	OK。

en	Ashamed, Noelle doesn't dare speak another word as the cashier bags her purchase.