en	npc2

en	Get up bitch! It's ready!

en	Finally! Outta the way, you'll get burned.

en	Akarsha gingerly pulls the molten chocolate cake from the oven.

en	Thank god...It looks edible this time.

en	This is our second try. Diya ruined the first one by forgetting to add flour.

en	What're all those specks on it? It's like the batter wasn't properly mixed.

en	We worked so hard mixing it though?

en	It's probably fine.

en	Yeah, whatever. We don't have enough time to redo it at this point, anyway.

en	All we gotta do now is write "Happy Birthday Noelle" on it.

en	Yeah, yeah, naturally.

en	Akarsha pipes icing letters onto the cake as Min checks her phone.

en	Hurry up, Diya says they'll be here any second.

en	Easy. I'm done icing the first word already.

en	Why the fuck did you write "Noelle" first!?

en	Aw shit, I got ahead of myself.

en	I'm going to fucking kill you!

en	Akarsha frantically adds 'BIRTHDAY' to the cake.

en	Wait, what're you doing?

en	If you hadn't done that, we could've salvaged this with "Noelle Happy Birthday"!

en	DON'T ASK ME! THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR RUSHING ME!!!

en	What do we write now?! "Noelle Birthday Happy"???

en	It's gonna look like we had a goddamn stroke icing this!

en	The doorbell rings. Min and Akarsha freeze.

en	It's them!

en	Gimme the icing bag! You're not allowed to have it anymore!!

en	Okay, fair. I don't trust myself anymore, either.

en	I'll go stall them instead.

en	Yeah, keep Noelle outside. I just need like, five minutes to figure out how to fix this.

en	Akarsha sprints to the front door and throws it open.

en	Brought her.

en	Well well well, if it isn’t fancy meeting what the cat finally decided to show up.

en	...What on earth are you saying...

en	Noelle narrows her eyes suspiciously at Akarsha, then tries to peer past her into the house.

en	Is this your house? Diya wouldn't explain why we were walking here.

en	Sure is. To be honest, Frenchman, we're here because... uh...

en	We're not ready to reveal the birthday cake yet. I gotta do something to distract her!

en	Fake your own death

en	Propose to her

en	Ough! I've been poisoned!

en	Akarsha theatrically collapses and lies facedown on the floor.

en	???

en	........

en	Used to Akarsha's antics, Diya and Noelle step over her motionless body without comment.

en	W-wait a minute!

en	Akarsha crawls to Noelle on all fours and seizes her leg with shaking hands.

en	LET GO OF MY LEG.

en	Wait. I seriously just threw up all over the floor in the kitchen.

en	What?? Why?!

en	That's what I gotta do to get your attention?

en	I didn't even throw up.

en	.........

en	Noelle wrenches Akarsha off her leg, then wipes her hands on her shirt like she just touched a slug.

en	You're gonna just ignore me?

en	I'm throwing up again!

en	Akarsha gets down on one knee. Noelle looks warily down at her.

en	Noelle, will you marry me?!

en	....??!

en	What's wrong with you?!

en	Akarsha grabs Noelle's hand and tries to force a rubber band onto her finger.

en	WHAT IS THAT?!?!

en	Your engagement ring!

en	I DIDN’T AGREE TO THIS! WE’RE NOT ENGAGED!

en	You didn’t say no!

en	NO!

en	Too late! You didn’t say it right after I asked you!

en	THAT’S NOT HOW IT WORKS, YOU DOLT!

en	Is that any way to address your future wife?

en	Noelle flings the offending rubber band into the bushes.

en	.........

en	Diya just stands there in confusion. Noelle suspiciously looks from her to Akarsha.

en	What's really going on?

en	There's no way you made me walk for an hour just to act out this inane skit.

en	It only took that long because you wouldn't run.

en	Once you run at least three miles without walking, you'll see how fun it is.

en	I'm sorry, Diya, but that's never happening.

en	SURPRISE!!!

en	Oh, we're doing this? The cake must be ready now!

en	Surprise! Happy Birthday Frenchman!

en	Surprise.

en	We put together a party for you.

en	Oh. You...{w=0.35}what?

en	Noelle is lost for words.

en	You shouldn't have...

en	Shut the fuck up! You're not the boss of me!

en	It...{w=0.35}it's MY birthday, so shouldn't I have some say here?!

en	Anyway, I haven't said anything about not liking it.

en	She grimaces like there's something disgusting in her mouth.

en	I sincerely....{w=1.0}appreciate....{w=1.0}you all doing this.

en	Oooh, I like this! Go on.

en	There's nothing more to "go on" to. That was all.

en	It was nice while it lasted.

en	Come inside. We baked you a cake!

en	You did?

en	Wha...{w=0.35}what kind of save was this...

en	What's that red squiggly under it? A heart monitor?

en	Why does it look like it's flatlining toward the end?

en	It's hard to control the icing, okay?!

en	And this was all Akarsha's fault in the first place.

en	MY fault? All I did was drive the train off the rails. You were the one who crashed it!

en	Driving off the rails still sounds like a pretty big mistake...

en	Oh yeah?? Well, ultimately, this is Noelle's fault for being born. Who's the real culprit now???

en	Huh, good point. Okay, let's go with that.

en	Good point?!

en	We've won. Two against one.

en	Democracy! U.S.A!

en	Once everyone's had a slice of cake, Akarsha brings everyone to the living room.

en	This was originally gonna be a sleepover, but I think some of your parents would've said no.

en	Diya nods.

en	My mom's never let me go to one before. She's worried it'll turn me lesbian.

en	Too bad for her, I already did.

en	Yeah...

en	Akarsha, I'm surprised your parents let us come over unsupervised at all.

en	Eh, they trust me. They should be back any minute now, anyway.

en	They're in San Ramon watching my bro's red belt test for Taekwondo. It must be taking longer than they thought.

en	Test? I didn't realize you had to pass formal examinations to advance in Taekwondo.

en	Ya, you gotta memorize forms and stuff. I've never seen them fail anyone, though.

en	Anyway, us being home alone means we can go BUCK WILD. We're about to throw the party of a LIFETIME, Frenchman!

en	Akarsha crouches at the foot of the TV and turns the GameCube on.

en	Mario Golf, baby.

en	Golf? Are you sure Noelle will like that?

en	I don't know what you're talking about. Mario Golf is the best game in the world.

en	I only have two controllers, though. I usually just play against my bro.

en	Noelle should get to play first because it's her birthday.

en	Yeah, and the rest of us should take turns playing against her.

en	Won't that feel like everyone ganging up against me?

en	Nonsense! You're getting the maximal amount of fun here, Frenchman.

en	Akarsha hands Noelle one of the controllers. Min grabs the other one and curls up on the couch with Diya.

en	Akarsha, this better not be like your copy of Melee.

en	You didn't even have any of the characters unlocked except Marth.

en	Who needs "Falcon" or whatever when Captain Falcon is right there? Same thing, really...

en	You mean {i}Falco{/i}?! There's no fucking character called Falcon!

en	Jeez, calm yourself! I unlocked everything this time. See?

en	Min, choose Wario. We're team Wario.

en	Why should I?

en	Don't you trust me?

en	I guess, whatever...

en	I suppose I'll be this pink princess.

en	Akarsha glances over at Noelle. She's placed her controller flat on the sofa and is pressing down on the buttons like she's playing piano.

en	What're you doing???

en	Shut up! I can adjust the control stick with greater precision like this!

en	Noelle pinches the control stick between her thumb and index finger like a crab with a pebble between its pincers.

en	Ohhhh my godddd! Why are you like a grandma who's never seen a video game before?!

en	Min selects a dark, lava-ridden course. An animation panning to the stage's first hole plays onscreen.

en	Wait, that looks difficult. I don't even know how to play this yet!

en	Sink or sizzle, Frenchman.

en	That doesn't sound like something you should be saying to someone on her birthday.

en	Noelle hastily mashes buttons at random on her controller. Her character manages to hit the golf ball safely across a lava pit.

en	Oh, so it's just luck.

en	It's not luck. It's physics.

en	Big words from someone who was protesting she didn't know how play ten seconds ago.

en	After a few swings, Min successfully putts her golf ball into the first hole. The words "BOGEY" appear onscreen.

en	The fuck is a "bogey"?

en	How should I know? Aren't you and Diya the sports enthusiasts here?

en	I like real sports, not fake old people sports like golf.

en	Me too.

en	Noelle finishes the hole with a triple bogey. Onscreen, Princess Peach collapses and shakes her head, devastated.

en	HAHAH! LOSER!!!

en	YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH!!!

en	Min hands Diya the controller for the next hole, kissing her adoringly on the cheek as she does.

en	Diya furrows her brows, considering her options...

en	.......

en	Diya launches her ball straight into the lava.

en	At last! My chance to make a comeback.

en	I'm weaker today because I'm not Luigi.

en	If you insist.

en	Noelle immediately hits her ball into the lava, too.

en	NGOOOHHGHH!!!

en	I can't wait to see your face when we play Monopoly later.

en	We're playing {i}Monopoly?{/i} Why?

en	What, you don't like it?

en	There's no skill involved! It's pure luck!

en	Silence, demon! It's fun to fantasize about owning property someday!

en	The game was not even designed to be fun!

en	It was created to educate people on the dangers of capitalism!

en	But I like collecting the deed cards...They're such nice colors.

en	Noelle, let's make a deal. If you win the next hole against me, we won't play Monopoly.

en	How is that fair? You've played Mario Golf countless times before.

en	Hey, I've only tried this course once or twice! Honest!

en	Noelle ponders this as Diya hits her golf ball straight into the lava for the third time.

en	...Fine. Deal.

en	Oh, no. I roasted my golf ball again.

en	After countless attempts, Noelle manages to complete the hole first.

en	Yay. You win.

en	It's a good thing your athleticism doesn't translate to skill at sports games.

en	Diya putts the ball into the hole with her next swing. She passes the controller to Akarsha.

en	Your turn.

en	Diya totally just let Noelle win.

en	Unfortunately for Frenchman, {i}I{/i} don't believe in going easy on the birthday girl.

en	I'm pulling out all the stops!

en	The words "Press A to skip" appear as the animation showing the next hole begins to play...

en	"Accidentally" press A as you take the controller

en	Akarsha presses A to skip the animation before it can reveal the hole's location.

en	You cut it off early...

en	Whoopsie daisy! I got too impatient.

en	AKARSHA!!! WHERE'S THE HOLE!!

en	I wonder...

en	YOU WORTHLESS SCAMMER!!!

en	Akarsha smugly putts her ball, but it rolls smoothly into the lava.

en	NOO!!! NOOOO!! AAUAAGGH!!!

en	Serves you right.

en	Noelle tries to set up a trick shot against a wall.

en	Whoa! Geometry!

en	Be quiet. I'm concentrating.

en	Noelle hits the ball with a measured swing.

en	Instead of glancing off the wall at the intended angle, it just ricochets back the way it came.

en	Well done, Noelle! You're back where you started!

en	I HATE YOU! YOU SCUMBAG!!!

en	I STILL DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE THE HOLE IS!!!

en	Watch and learn, my friend.

en	Akarsha expertly angles her shot so the golf ball rolls up a hill, then drops straight into the hole.

en	That's how it's done.

en	My days playing this stage against my bro have finally paid off!

en	Days?! You said you only played this stage once or twice!

en	Noelle scowls, but Akarsha can tell from the way the corners of her mouth crinkle that she's fighting back a grin.

en	You liar! What do you have to say for yourself?!

en	Huh? Suddenly, I can't hear...My ears are failing!

en	Hawwo? Hawwo?

en	AKARSHAAAAA!!!!!!

en	Wario slaps his butt as the words "PAR" appear onscreen.

en	See? This is why Mario Golf is the best game in the world.

en	Noelle turns away so Akarsha can't see her face, but by now she's shaking with barely suppressed laughter.

en	I win! I broke her!

en	I'M GOING TO BEAT THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS OUT OF YOU!!!

en	Akarsha yelps as Noelle pelts her with slaps.

en	Halp! Murder! Murder!

en	So, Monopoly?

en	You got it.

en	Ya HA! I got Boardwalk!

en	Welcome to my Santa Cruz of Death. I'm using my entire savings to pile four houses on it.

en	Oh, no. If I land on it right now, I'll go broke.

en	Well, chances are, you won't.

en	Unloading all your money on a single property is pure folly this early in the game.

en	Diya rolls the dice and breathes a sigh of relief when she safely passes Akarsha's killer Boardwalk tile.

en	After a few spaces, her dog token lands on Min's property. She begins to shell out the rent, but Min stops her.

en	You don't have to pay me.

en	?!

en	I don't?

en	It's my house, so I'm in charge. You can stay there for free.

en	....

en	Not so fast. That's not allowed!

en	When you land on property owned by another player, the owner has to collect rent from you.

en	Akarsha flips open the rulebook and pretends to adjust an imaginary pair of glasses on her face.

en	Actually, it says here...

en	"The owner may not collect the rent if he/she fails to ask for it before the second player following throws the dice."

en	That's so confusingly worded.

en	Basically, it's sayin' if the owner doesn't ask for rent, the renter doesn't have to pay it!

en	Ha! So Diya CAN sleep at my house!

en	What kind of buffoon penned these rules?! If the renter and owner are in cahoots, the other players are at a disadvantage!

en	Unless the odd ones out form an alliance to counter it, too.

en	HmmMMMMM...Wanna be in {i}cahoots{/i} with me, Frenchman?

en	Not a chance.

en	Don't say I didn't ask ya.

en	You'll be singing a different tune once you land on my Killer Boardwalk.

en	Noelle's phone buzzes, and her face pales when she checks it.

en	Oh, great.

en	What's wrong?

en	I told my mom I'd text her when I got to Akarsha's house.

en	But I was having so much fun, it completely slipped my mind.

en	Akarsha catches a glimpse of Noelle's phone screen. It's filled with panicked texts from her mom...

en	{nw}

en	12:29 PM

en	Are you having fun

en	Hello

en	1:00 PM

en	Hello Noelle how are you doting

en	I meant not doing not doting :)

en	2:30 PM

en	You may consider to call us when you can

en	2:51 PM

en	Is everything okay ?

en	Where are you? You said you would text us, It's been almost two hours

en	2:55 PM

en	How come you're not picking up your phone?

en	We're about to call the police

en	Jesus...

en	There's four missed calls, too. I think we were all shouting so much, I didn't hear any of them.

en	Diya jumps in surprise as her cell phone starts ringing.

en	She stares at it with trepidation before fearfully pressing it to her good ear.

en	........

en	Diya frantically hands Noelle the phone like it's a hot potato.

en	Alright. I'll deal with it.

en	Noelle answers the phone and leaves the room with a sigh. Akarsha can faintly hear her side of a frustrating conversation...

en	A few minutes later, she returns to the group, her face sour.

en	We've cleared up the misunderstanding. I let them know I'll be here for a few more hours.

en	I'm sorry my mom called you, Diya. That was humiliating.

en	It's okay. Good thing she didn't report you missing yet.

en	I know she means well, but it's honestly irritating how often she wildly overreacts to perfectly harmless situations.

en	She has no friends or hobbies, so all her brain power is spent on obsessing over me.

en	Sorry we got you in trouble...

en	It's not your fault. You couldn't have known.

en	I should've remembered to text her once I arrived at your house.

en	Noelle's joints crick as she sits back down at the Monopoly board between Diya and Akarsha.

en	Is it just me, or are all the "cool" kids at our school just the ones whose parents let them do the most stuff?

en	Yeah, it's the girls who're allowed to wear make-up and hang out with their friends all the time.

en	That's not always true. My parents are pretty chill, but I'm still uncool.

en	I'm just unpopular cuz I'm weird.

en	Don't forget perverted and annoying.

en	I would like to add that you're a compulsive liar.

en	Geez, wow! I didn't realize everyone had their own theories for why I'm not popular...

en	A few turns of Monopoly later, Akarsha moves her top hat token to the Reading Railroad.

en	Whose is this?

en	Mine.

en	Diya, bromie, please...I have a starving family and eight children at home...

en	$25. Hand it over.

en	You're murdering the babes, Diya! How about $24? Just one dollar can save a life...

en	I like how since we found out it's possible to not pay rent, this turned into Akarsha begging and haggling with everyone to not charge her.

en	Wait, Diya, I'll roll you for it. Double or nothing.

en	So now this is a casino?

en	Diya assesses the thick stack of Monopoly money she's accumulated from not having to pay rent on Min's properties.

en	Okay. I'll try my luck.

en	Diya shakes the dice in her hands and drops them onto the board with a clatter. She got...

en	[diyaRandomNum]...There's no way I'll lose to that!

en	[diyaRandomNum]?! That's gonna be tough to beat...

en	[diyaRandomNum].

en	Yee, [diyaRandomNum]'s not too bad. I got this!

en	Roll the dice

en	Holding her breath, Akarsha rolls the dice...

en	[akarshaRandomNum]! WINNER!!!!

en	...

en	I live another day!

en	[akarshaRandomNum]...Alas.......

en	!!

en	$50. Fork it over.

en	I'll have you know little Timmy died of starvation last night 'cause of you.

en	His ghost is now haunting you...

en	Okay. Sure.

en	OooOOooOoO...Why did you kill me when I'm only a small child?

en	You're so annoying. I hope your next turn kills you.

en	If I'm so annoying, why do you keep hanging out with me?

en	Because I love to watch you fail.

en	It's Noelle's turn. She rolls a 12.

en	Noelle only moves her iron token a couple spaces before she starts to lose it. That's how Akarsha knows she's landed on Boardwalk.

en	Uh oh...Spaghetti-O's...

en	SHUT UP! YOU DON'T NEED TO RUB IT IN!!!!

en	She nearly knocks over all the houses Akarsha's piled up on the space as she slams her token down.

en	How much is it?

en	Oh, only $1700.

en	To Akarsha's amazement, Noelle dissolves into laughter on the couch — actual, honest-to-god laughter.

en	Dang! I gotta figure out how to do that again!

en	As Min rolls next, Akarsha hears the sound of the front door opening.

en	Oh, they're finally back from Taekwondo!

en	Her little brother runs into the living room, wildly swinging his new red belt in the air like a whip.

en	HOWL, ZABIMARU!

en	He flails his red belt, whapping the floor, couch, and everything else within a three foot radius of him.

en	OW! OW!!!

en	This is my bro Pratik. He's basically me but a guy.

en	I see you passed your "test"...

en	A voice booms through the house from the garage.

en	{i}BETI!!!{/i} HELP CARRY GROCERIES IN!!!

en	WE STOPPED BY COSTCO AND BOUGHT NACHOS FOR THE PARTY!!

en	YEH!!!!

en	Should we help?

en	Nah, he's talkin' to me. Be my guest!! Relax!!!

en	No, I insist. It is my birthday you're going through the trouble for.

en	Fine, hard to argue with that...Frenchman, let's go!

en	Akarsha hastily stuffs her socked feet into her mom's sandals and waddles into the garage with Noelle in tow.

en	Is Pratik your only sibling?

en	Naw, I have a big sis too.

en	But she's like, way, way older. She's in medical school already.

en	That {i}is{/i} a lot older.

en	I was definitely an accident. But I think I was so awesome that it reminded my parents how cool kids are, and then they made my bro on purpose.

en	That. Is FAR too much information.

en	So your sister intends to become a doctor?

en	A {i}neurosurgeon{/i}.

en	Like, good for her, but it's almost kinda frustrating how perfect she turned out. She's just as bad as you.

en	I can't even say my parents have unrealistic expectations 'cause my sister actually met them.

en	Akarsha's dad walks over from the trunk of the minivan with an armful of groceries.

en	Oh god, what is he wearing?!

en	Hoo hoo! So this is the birthday girl.

en	Thanks god you are here.

en	My dad always says "Thanks god" instead of "Thank god". I dunno why...

en	Well...It's my surprise party, so I don't have much choice in the matter.

en	Akarsha said you don't like surprises, so you might go home already.

en	Like my co-worker Carrot last week. When we threw her a retirement party, she only stayed for half an hour.

en	Your co-worker is called "Carrot"...?

en	Dad, her name is {i}Karen.{/i} I really hope you weren't calling her that at the office.

en	Akarsha's dad tries to clear a path through the heap of shoes by the garage door. Meanwhile, Akarsha and Noelle each grab a couple grocery bags from the trunk.

en	Your dad looks very...patriotic.

en	Yeah, he thinks being American is really cool so he likes to buy stuff with eagles and flags on it sometimes.

en	I see...Is he really into politics?

en	No, my parents don't know anything about politics.

en	Every election they have one of them vote for the Republican candidate while the other votes for the Democrat, so they cancel each other out.

en	Why do they bother voting if they don't care who wins?

en	They just wanna feel included, I guess? It's pretty silly.

en	Akarsha's mom smiles at Noelle as she steps out from the passenger seat.

en	Oh my god. She was sitting in the car the whole time fixing her hair and reapplying her lipstick...

en	No one cares, Mom!

en	I'm sorry we're late. We thought we'd be back before everyone came.

en	It's that stupid GPS's fault. It wanted us to go on all these strange routes.

en	If you'd just followed its directions all the way, it probably would've been faster.

en	No, I could predict there would be traffic on the 680. I would know, I've lived here for twenty years.

en	Speaking of driving, I have a great idea for an invention.

en	Cars should zap bad drivers.

en	.......Zap? As in, with electricity?

en	Just through the steering wheel. Not enough to kill them, but enough to hurt.

en	Steal my parking spot..."EeeeYAHHH!!!"

en	Akarsha's dad mimes being shocked with electricity.

en	..........

en	Dad, oh my god! Stop it!

en	With all due respect, that sounds like a terrible idea.

en	But everyone would learn so fast.

en	Hasn't Akarsha told you I'm a genius? Her smarts run in the family.

en	I should patent my car zapper along with my telephone idea.

en	Telephone idea?

en	It's the same thing except the telephone shocks telemarketers.

en	I'm dubious the patent office will approve either of those.

en	What, don't you think it's a great idea?

en	"Hello, will you buy our product? OOoouughh!!!"

en	Akarsha's dad shakes his arm as if being shocked again as he walks into the house.

en	What's wrong with you...

en	Akarsha's mom follows him inside with an exasperated expression on her face.

en	Finally they're gone! I thought I was gonna die of embarassment...

en	Noelle is still staring after Akarsha's dad, fascinated.

en	Your dad is such a character. He's so outgoing.

en	Oh yeah, he loves talking SO much. He never shuts up.

en	I feel like this explains a lot about you...

en	Really? Like what?

en	I see where you get your sense of humor from now.

en	Huh? No, my jokes are TOTALLY different!

en	You can't deny there are some similarities.

en	From my observation, parents have a lot of influence on their kids' personalities.

en	No way, I'm way funnier than my dad!

en	I'm an enigma. You'll never figure me out.

en	Actually, I think I already have.

en	For instance, your worst fear is earnestly trying at something and failing.

en	So even though you're perfectly intelligent, you use your goofy disposition to premptively make a fool of yourself on purpose.

en	I do not?? Give me an example.

en	When we play Monopoly you sink all your funds into Boardwalk. When we play poker you eat your cards.

en	When we play baseball you clutch your head and claim you're having a "psychic brain attack".

en	Hey, I just like providing fun for the whole family.

en	I doubt that's it. This extends to every facet of how you present yourself to the world.

en	You're insecure about your appearance, so you go out in this outlandish hairdo with this windbreaker and flip-flops outfit.

en	You're worried people won't like you, so you act like a circus clown.

en	Rather than risk rejection, you set yourself up for failure to feel in control of the situation.

en	What the...I feel weirdly exposed??

en	You're one to talk about fear of failure, Miss "I Argue With the Teacher That My Multiple Choice Answer Was Technically ALSO Right".

en	I would contend that makes me more adept at sensing that trait in others.

en	Sweating profusely, Akarsha lets out a nervous laugh...

en	Her read on me is scarily accurate?! No one's ever seen through me like this before!

en	How much attention is she paying to me??

en	Usually you don't watch someone that closely unless you like them.

en	Unless...???

en	Akarsha watches Noelle closely as they haul the food inside.

en	She can't help but grin as Noelle ascends the garage's concrete steps with the grace of a vacuum cleaner.

en	Suddenly, Noelle turns to her and gives her an unreadable look.

en	......

en	What?

en	Akarsha's heart skips a beat as Noelle reaches out to her windbreaker sleeve and plucks something from the fabric.

en	There was a grain of rice stuck to your jacket. It was bothering me.

en	Noelle holds up the offending grain of rice between her fingers.

en	Oh, that's an accessory. Put it back.

en	Akarsha feels a jolt of euphoria as Noelle rolls her eyes and lets the corner of her mouth quirk up for the briefest moment.

en	Ah, shit...No...

en	Not this shit again...Nooooo.......

en	Monday, before school

en	Akarsha daydreams about Noelle as she uses one of the library's computers.

en	I'm so fucked. I can't stop thinking about her...

en	We haven't even known each other for a whole year yet, but she already knows so much about me...

en	I bet we're closer than a lot of couples who really {i}are{/i} dating!

en	She can tell when I'm about to say something annoying before I even open my mouth.

en	She knows I have a big sister, which is like a rare Akarsha fact cuz she's so much older than me.

en	Heck, she's met my parents already...That's a couple-y thing, right??

en	The heck are you doing?

en	Gyah!

en	You scared me!

en	I said hi like, twice. You must really be out of it.

en	I-I was just focused on the computer!

en	Akarsha points to the screen to try to sell her point.

en	I'm editing my report card in MS Paint. I intercepted it before my parents checked the mail yesterday.

en	Watch this!

en	On the computer, Akarsha photoshops her B+ in English into an A-.

en	A-? Why not just change it to an A+?

en	Naw, A- is more realistic.

en	Now I just gotta print this out.

en	Don't tell anyone I did this, okay?

en	Who do you think I am? Noelle?

en	You're not even changing your actual grades, so you're not REALLY cheating.

en	You're right...I'm just cheating my parents' brains! Mind hack...

en	Akarsha pulls her new and improved report card from the tray. It's still warm from the machinery, like fresh laundry.

en	I'll do your report card too if you give me $20.

en	Nah, can't be bothered. I don't care what my parents think.

en	Wow. You're not worried about disappointing them?

en	Why should I be? They don't seem that worried about disappointing ME.

en	Dude, that's deep...

en	Even though Min gets horrifying grades, she's pretty smart in some other ways.

en	She DID manage to get together with Diya, after all. Maybe she has tips for this kinda thing.

en	Actually...Can I ask you a question?

en	Yeah, what?

en	Hypothetically...if you had a crush on a friend, what would you do?

en	You have a crush?! Who is it?

en	I can't tell you, it's embarrassing!

en	Is it someone I know?

en	Seriously, I'm not tellin' you! NO ONE can know.

en	Is it Diya??????

en	WHAT???? No, I'm not trying to get my throat slit by you.

en	Is it me???

en	No, but no more questions! I'm not exposing myself!

en	What happened to being a "love expert" or whatever when I was trying to kiss Diya?

en	Why don't you just follow your own shitty advice?

en	Admitedly, it's easier said than done...

en	Look, it's exactly like what you guys said when I was on that date. Don't overthink it.

en	Just be straightforward and tell them how you feel.

en	You sure?? They don't feel the same way, this could end up destroying our friendship.

en	Yeah, just do it.

en	You can even try one of the stupid fucking pickup lines you keep "practicing" on my girlfriend.

en	Okay, okay, I promise I'll stop doing that for real!

en	I just feel like hitting on my crush directly is a massive risk though...

en	Well, it worked out for me. You'll never know unless you go for it.

en	What's the worst thing that could happen? They reject you?

en	Getting rejected is a huge deal! It'll make everything so awkward!

en	I mean, yeah, but that's just a risk you gotta take.

en	You don't get it, this isn't just me being paranoid. This has literally happened to me before.

en	None of you went to the same middle school as me, so you don't know.

en	Not only did my crush start avoiding me, but she told the rest of our friend group and they stopped talking to me, too.

en	What the? That sucks.

en	Yeah, no kidding. I try not to think about it much.

en	Well, that wouldn't happen this time.

en	Even if it blows up in your face, you'd still have me, Diya, and Noelle.

en	Haha, right, obviously...

en	The bell rings.

en	Nah, being direct about it still feels too risky...

en	I'm not even sure Noelle likes girls.

en	Heck, I've never seen her express any kind of attraction to anyone at all. Is she just hella repressed?

en	In any case, I don't wanna embarrass myself...

en	The only safe way to do this is to seduce Noelle so hard, she's compelled to confess to me first!

en	That way, if it doesn't work, I can write off all the flirting as a joke.

en	There's no way this can go wrong.

en	(Use the mouse to interact!)

en	Examine bookshelves

en	Look at desk

en	Leave library

en	Min crosses her arms as Akarsha browses through the shelves.

en	I fucking hate libraries.

en	Wh.......Wha?? What's there to hate about libraries?

en	It's free books?

en	Well, I guess the books are okay, but librarians are the worst.

en	Why?

en	This one time when I was like seven, I looked up a bunch of bad words on the school library's computer.

en	The librarian saw my search history and got me banned from there for a month!

en	What words did you look up??

en	It was just a bunch of swears I was curious about! Like "damn" and "fuck".

en	I remember I searched "middle finger" too.

en	I love that you thought "middle finger" was a bad word.

en	Yeah, I was so innocent as a kid.

en	Hrm...I'm not sure "innocent" is the right word.

en	Is Noelle still fake-tutoring you to trick your parents into letting you out of the house?

en	She actually tutors me for real sometimes.

en	Wow, really?

en	I haven't failed a single test since we started!

en	She looks so proud, but not getting an F is a super low hurdle...

en	Alright, protect your hearing.

en	Min nods and covers her ears as Akarsha walks through the library scanners by the door.

en	The book scanner alarms go off!

en	The librarian looks up, sees that it's Akarsha, and impatiently waves her through.

en	That seriously happens every single time you walk through the scanners?

en	Are you {i}sure{/i} you don't have any library books on you?

en	Of course. There's even a photo of me taped by the door now because after the first few times they searched me, they confirmed I don't have any.

en	It almost feels like my backpack is haunted by the ghost of a library book.

en	How would that happen? Pissed off any books lately?

en	No...Unless maybe Noelle counts as a book...?

en	And because I annoy her daily the books are...mad at me...?

en	Are you hearing how crazy you sound right now?

en	Yeah, I'm embarrassed I even said that out loud.

en	It's probably just one of those things. Like my magic rosin.

en	Your what??

en	Never mind, forget I mentioned it.

en	The librarian gives Akarsha a death glare from behind the counter as the alarms go off again.

en	Is that really necessary? It's not like I can help it!

en	Here goes nothing! Sorry, librarian lady!

en	The book scanner alarms go off!

en	The librarian leaves the counter and begins powerwalking at Min and Akarsha!

en	Oh crap!

en	We are SPEED!!! RUN!!!

en	Akarsha and Min sprint out of the library in a panic.

en	As they escape, Akarsha trips over her own flip-flops.

en	AAUUGH!!

en	Akarsha throws her hands forward to break her fall onto the hard concrete.

en	MAMA MIA!! OW!!

en	This is SO typical! Why do these things always happen to me?

en	Shit, dude. You okay?

en	Akarsha stops sobbing for a second to assess the damage.

en	Oh. Actually, I'm fine.

en	Look at the locker room

en	Go to the bathroom

en	Walk to the courtyard

en	Return to the school library

en	I don't have gym until later in the day. And the baseball club doesn't meet til after school.

en	By the way, our baseball team is called...

en	The Bagels

en	The Chicken Nuggets

en	The Death Bagels

en	Semes

en	{cps=0}By the way, our baseball team is called...{/cps}

en	Bagels

en	That name was Diya's idea. We sound so friendly and tasty.

en	Chicken Nuggets

en	That name was Diya's idea. We sound so friendly and tasty.

en	That name was Noelle's idea. I bet the more time passes, the scarier our team name will be.

en	Death Bagels

en	That name was Diya and Min's idea. Personally, I think it sounds pretty corny.

en	That name was my idea. I'm glad our team is so cultured.

en	Right now, I need to go to first period and terrorize Noelle.

en	Ah, the public school girls restroom. Possibly the most disgusting place on earth.

en	You're going back to the library? The alarms will go off again.

en	So? I'm nothing if not an agent of chaos.

en	Ready or not, here I come!

en	The book scanner alarms sound as Akarsha and Min reenter the libary.

en	Sounds like the library ghosts haunting me are alive and well.

en	Again? You're kidding.

en	I've never been more serious in my life.

en	The blare of the book scanner alarm announces Akarsha and Min's return to the library.

en	The librarian looks up, sees that it's Akarsha yet again, and slams her fist onto the countertop with surprising force.

en	Oh, that librarian is definitely pissed now.

en	My life will probably be in danger if I go back again.

en	Maybe tomorrow.

en	Look outside the locker room

en	Go to class

en	Aight, imma head to class now.

en	Adios, bitch.

en	She's probably gonna go find Diya now.

en	I feel like she's chilled out a lot since they started dating.

en	I guess knifing people is less exciting than kissing your girlfriend.

en	Look at your reflection

en	Eavesdrop on classmates

en	Enter classroom

en	How is it that everyone else has bomb-ass hair while mine's all sad and thin?

en	What happened??? Gene catastrophe...

en	The other day I saw my side profile in a photo and was like, "wugh!"

en	I really go around looking like that all day?

en	Wish I could get plastic surgery...

en	Dat me.

en	Male student

en	Female student

en	I hate how my parents yell at me for studying late at night.

en	If I slept early instead of cramming, I'd probably fail! And then I'd get yelled at for not studying.

en	Ugh! That's so gay.

en	At our school, it's really popular to say "gay" when you mean "stupid" or "uncool".

en	So you hear it all the time. Whenever people don't like something, they go "that's so gay."

en	Noelle and Diya aren't here yet.

en	I managed to set up a special surprise the other day. Hopefully everything's still in place.

en	A few minutes later, Akarsha looks through the window. Outside, Noelle and Diya are approaching the classroom.

en	Yes...Come, my here, my sweet...

en	Suddenly, a water bottle whizzes through the open door and hits the floor with a loud smack!

en	It rolls across the classroom until it hits the wall.

en	Uh?!

en	So it's not saran wrap today...

en	Noelle peers suspiciously into the classroom from the doorway. She experimentally reaches one hand inside and feels along the doorframe, apparently searching for abnormalities.

en	What's wrong, Frenchman? Afraid to come in?

en	What did you do this time?

en	What makes you think I did anything?

en	Maybe the fact that you've done something every morning this month.

en	Two against one! Cheater! Cheater!!

en	That's what you get! You worthless pest!

en	Diya retrieves the sacrificial water bottle.

en	Meanwhile, Noelle haltingly walks to her desk with an arm outstretched ahead of her, bracing for all manner of assault, whether it be liquid, solid, gaseous, or psychological in form.

en	After thoroughly inspecting her desk, she apprehensively sits.

en	.....

en	.....

en	After a few tense seconds, Noelle seems satisfied that the act of sitting down didn't trigger anything.

en	Breathing a sigh a relief, she hefts a bulky laptop from her messenger bag.

en	Yes! She didn't notice the extra wireless mouse USB I plugged into her computer last Friday.

en	I have the mouse hidden in my pocket.

en	Diya takes a thin plastic folder from her backpack and flops it back and forth so it makes a wopwopwopwop sound.

en	............

en	Did you work on the PowerPoint?

en	I added a slide on sharks and dolphins as another example of convergent evolution.

en	Noelle scrolls to the slide in question. It's a solid wall of text with no images.

en	This is gonna put everyone to sleep!

en	Noelle's so confident that she's good at public speaking, but she has zero charisma or self-awareness.

en	She just drones on and on forever, oblivious that she lost the audience ten minutes ago.

en	I love her...

en	Wait. I already made a slide about that. Swimming.

en	Diya scrolls to the previous slide.

en	It features a photo of dozens of fish and dolphins swimming in the ocean, cryptically captioned "Good shape".

en	Good shape...

en	I hate to break this to you, Diya, but literally no one but you is going to understand this.

en	Neither of them are paying attention to me right now. Time to shine.

en	Jiggle the cursor

en	Close the PowerPoint presentation

en	Akarsha jiggles the mouse in her pocket as Noelle tries to edit the slide.

en	........

en	What was that?

en	What was what?

en	Didn't you see it? The cursor just jerked on its own.

en	Maybe it's lag?

en	I bet it's 'cause you typed too many words on one slide.

en	Even Bill Gates didn't see this coming.

en	That can't be it. I've fit more words than this on one slide before.

en	...You have?

en	Noelle moves the mouse again. This time Akarsha does nothing.

en	Looks fine to me.

en	How strange...

en	While Noelle is busy typing an essay-length caption, Akarsha clicks another textbox so she's editing the wrong part of the slide.

en	Akarsha swiftly moves the cursor to the X button and closes the document.

en	.........

en	What was that?

en	Think it crashed.

en	I bet it's 'cause you typed too many words on one slide, Noelle.

en	Even Bill Gates didn't see this coming.

en	Noelle re-opens PowerPoint and squints suspiciously at the slide in question.

en	That can't be it. I've fit more words than this on one slide before.

en	...You have?

en	Good thing we just saved. We didn't lose any significant progress.

en	While Noelle is busy typing an essay-length caption, Akarsha quickly closes the program again.

en	??!

en	SEE, THERE IT IS AGAIN! WHAT IS GOING ON?!

en	You've been hacked, Noelle!

en	Don't tell me...You fell for those pop-ups advertising hot single ladies in your area?!

en	As if! Look, it's moving on its own again!

en	Noelle clenches her mouse harder, as if that'll help her regain control of the rogue cursor.

en	Akarsha makes it drift toward the Control Panel...

en	Heheheh...

en	Akarsha wiggles the mouse in her pocket. Diya's eyes flicker to the movement of fabric on Akarsha's windbreaker.

en	......

en	Oh shit! Oh no!!!

en	Diya grabs Akarsha's wrist and yanks it out of the pocket, revealing the wireless mouse in her hand.

en	It was yoOOOUU!!!

en	Wait, I just happened to have a mouse in my pocket! There's no proof this is connected at all!

en	Diya wrenches the mouse from Akarsha's hand, but not before Akarsha uses her precious final moments to click on the Control Panel and change the mouse speed to the slowest setting.

en	Pathetic. I can revert your changes within moments.

en	You sure about that? Why don't you go ahead and try it?

en	Noelle tries to navigate back to the Control Panel. The cursor inches across the screen so slowly, the movement is barely perceptible...

en	AKARSHAAAAAAAA!!!

en	The bell rings! This concludes Noelle and Akarsha's daily morning scream fest.

en	Once everyone is seated, the morning announcements play over the intercom.

en	Morning announcements

en	The first practice session for Senior Bhangra is today after school in the gym. Don't forget your t-shirt order forms.

en	Our school has this tradition where the seniors do a bhangra dance at the end of Multicultural Week.

en	Guess that means we'll get to see Chryssa and Liz dance.

en	The Japan Club's first meeting is today after school in N6.

en	Unlike the Anime Club, besides discussing anime, we ALSO eat Japanese snacks and learn Japanese manners and language.

en	That doesn't sound like that significant of a difference...

en	Our school may not have a football or baseball team anymore, but it does have hella new clubs popping up all the time.

en	It's 'cause everyone wants to be able to put "founder and president" on their college apps.

en	Come to think of it...Didn't Chryssa and Liz start the baseball club during application season?

en	No way...

en	Well, good for them. Even if they had ulterior motives, it's been fun.

en	This Valentine's Day, the Muslim Student Association is kicking off their annual rose fundraiser.

en	For $5, we'll deliver a rose to your special someone with a message of your choice.

en	You can even make it a bouquet for $20. Order forms will be distributed in 3rd period today.

en	Hah, like anybody's getting me one of those...

en	Akarsha surreptiously glances at Noelle, who's sitting beside her.

en	To her surprise, Noelle is listening to the intercom as intently as if she were being graded on it.

en	Wait, maybe this is my chance!

en	I should act {i}really{/i} pitifully down about being single and drop hints that getting a rose would make me happy.

en	After seeing the love of her life (me) in such a miserable state, Noelle will feel guilty that she hasn’t gotten me one!

en	Akarsha sighs heavily and slumps in her desk.

en	What's the matter with you?

en	I always feel the the worst about being single on holidays where I have no one to celebrate with.

en	Like, Valentine's Day is supposed to be the happiest, most romantic time of the year, but it just reminds me of how no one's ever loved me...

en	I bet Diya's getting roses this year. Must be nice...

en	What is there to envy? Flowers serve no practical purpose.

en	They wither up within days and wind up in the garbage. What a waste of money.

en	Of course you would think so, you uptight spoilsport...

en	It's the thought that counts, though.

en	I, personally, wish someone would send me a rose...

en	Heh...

en	What? Did I say something funny?

en	Not at all.

en	Noelle goes back to reading her metamathematics puzzle book.

en	Hm. So that didn't go as expected...

en	Time to revisit my tactics. Improvise. Adapt. Overcome.

en	After the day's usual math lesson, the teacher brings out a stack of test papers.

en	Teacher

en	Alright everyone, clear your desks.

en	!

en	Aw, what, a pop quiz?

en	You know, I should've done that. But no, it's just a CAML today.

en	Oh, thank god.

en	The CAMLs are these Math League contests we do every few months.

en	They're 30-minute tests consisting of weird problems that don't have much to do with our current course material.

en	It's just for fun, so they don't affect our grades or anything.

en	Akarsha scans the 6 problems on her test.

en	Usually three of the problems are freebies you'll get right if you have a brain.

en	And then there's two you have to think about, and one hella tough one.

en	Better get to work...

en	On the way to lunch, Akarsha, Noelle, and Diya check notes on their answers.

en	What did you all get on the last question?

en	The one about the diagonal passing through the 2012 x 2015 unit grid.

en	I drew the whole grid the best I could. Guessed 3800 based on that.

en	Aghast, Noelle drops her lunchbox as she pulls it from her locker, but Diya manages to catch it before it hits the ground.

en	You DREW the grid?! There were thousands of units on each side!

en	Only roughly. I was running out of time.

en	Had one minute left and didn't know where to start.

en	The answer was 4026, right?

en	The diagonal goes through the first square at (0,0), and then another 2014 squares horizontally and 2011 squares vertically.

en	That's what I got too!

en	Yes! If {i}you{/i} got that, it's gotta be right.

en	Min gives them a weird look as she joins them.

en	The fuck's wrong with you...How excited can you get over a math problem?

en	Clearly you've never known the high of finding out you got the same answer as the smartest kid in the class.

en	Noelle preens a little at the compliment.

en	That's an exaggeration.

en	No, it's not.

en	No one else in our class got all six right last time.

en	Wait, you got all six?!

en	Don't they publish your name on a list or something online when that happens?

en	They do.

en	Dude, that's so impressive. The most I've ever managed was five.

en	Five is still perfectly respectable, though.

en	It means you're better at math than the vast majority of high schoolers. And that's including all the way up to grade twelve, not just our grade.

en	Yeah, I guess so...

en	It's seriously amazing that she's basically one of the smartest kids in the whole state.

en	We're so different, but at the same time there's so many ways we're alike??

en	We're so compatible with each other...We're so perfect for each other...

en	Min holds a door open for Diya as they walk over to their usual table.

en	After you, princess.

en	Thanks...

en	Hmm...Min always treats Diya like this even though Diya's strong enough to just smash a hole through the wall like the Kool-Aid Man.

en	I guess Diya finds it romantic that Min is protective of her and stuff?

en	Maybe if I try a move like that, Noelle'll fall for me!

en	Once they've sat down, Noelle struggles to open her water bottle.

en	Ugh!

en	Diya must not have opened it for her like usual this morning! This is my chance!

en	Here, I got this babe.

en	Akarsha snatches the bottle away from Noelle and tries to open it.

en	*grunts* Nrg! Shit!

en	Urk! This is surprisingly hard!

en	And they say chivalry is dead.

en	You disgust me.

en	Whuh?! I was just tryin' to help!

en	You were smirking condescendingly as you took the bottle from me!

en	Was not!

en	Was too. You were smiling weird.

en	Wha...was I?!

en	Noelle hands the water bottle to Diya with a huff.

en	Okay, that could've gone better.

en	Luckily, I've got one last trick up my sleeve.

en	Before fifth period begins, Akarsha schemes at her desk.

en	Acting sad 'cause no one was into me didn't work, so I should try the opposite tactic.

en	I'll make Noelle think dudes are falling for me left and right.

en	So if she likes me, she'll feel pressured to take action or else I'll be stolen from right under her nose!

en	I won't be on the market for long. I'm a limited time offer!

en	Akarsha goes over to annoy Noelle at her desk. Noelle puts down the thick tome she's reading to give Akarsha her undivided attention.

en	Yes?

en	Can I tell you something?

en	...I'll allow it.

en	"I'll allow it"?? Who talks like that? What are you, a judge?

en	I love you...

en	So yesterday, I was RPing with one of my online pals, Xx_ChibiAzn_xX, on AnimeCrazy.net. And he asked me to be his forum GF!

en	I turned him down, of course.

en	But I'm so popular, this happens all the time!

en	...Never mind. Forget I asked.

en	Huh?! She doesn't sound remotely interested!

en	Suddenly, a sharp tremor rattles Noelle's desk.

en	Quit shaking my desk.

en	But I'm NOT shaking it?

en	Noelle and Akarsha look at one another, then at their violently shaking surroundings.

en	{big=+20}THERE'S A GHOST?!?{/big}

en	YOU MEAN {big=+20}{i}EARTHQUAKE???{/i}{/big}

en	Oh, yeah, earthquake!

en	There's a commotion as Diya and the others crawl under their desks for cover as taught by years of earthquake drills.

en	Without thinking, Akarsha dives under Noelle's desk, leaving Noelle sitting dumbly in her chair.

en	AKARSHA!!! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO HIDE UNDER NOW??!

en	Oops! Why don't you squeeze under here, too?

en	Akarsha tries to make room for Noelle as she stiffly crawls under the desk.

en	Every single one of Noelle's joints pop as she crouches into place. They're so close, Akarsha can feel the heat radiating off Noelle's skin.

en	Is it just me, or is this like, really romantic??

en	Nah, I'm just overthinking it...I gotta look at this objectively...

en	Scowling, Noelle readjusts herself and brushes her hand against Akarsha's.

en	No way...Does this mean what I think it means?!

en	She must've done that because she secretly likes me! Confirmed!!

en	.......

en	.......

en	I think it's stopped.

en	Noelle clambers back to her feet in a hurry.

en	I can't believe you!

en	I could have perished because of your selfishness!

en	But you didn't! Talk about a win-win situation.

en	What're the odds of an earthquake happening right as we were talking to each other?

en	Maybe it's a sign from the universe that we're soul mates!

en	I mean, think about it. What's more likely, that this was a coincidence? Or that the world revolves around me, and it's trying to tell me something?

en	It's obviously the second one!

en	Akarsha comes home giddy with the private conviction that Noelle likes her back.

en	In spurt of reckless courage, she boots up the family desktop in the computer room after dinner.

en	Okay...I'm gonna confess my love to her!

en	I have a really good feeling about this!

en	{nw}

en	hey

en	do u have a minute

en	Why is your display name "Certified Brain Genius"?

en	uh becuase i am one? duh

en	WHAT DIFFERENCE IS THERE BETWEEN A GENIUS AND A "BRAIN GENIUS"??

en	IT'S A POINTLESS DISTINCTION!

en	no no they're obviously different

en	Did you change it to this just to annoy me?!

en	idk what ur talking about and i dont appreciate u questioning my certification -_-

en	we ladies need to uplift each other!!

en	no point in having 2 queens fight

en	QUEENS??

en	RIGHT NOW I SEE YOU AS NOTHING BUT AN ENEMY TO BE OBLITERATED.

en	ok can we circle back to this later?

en	thats not why messaged you

en	Why did you message me, then?

en	i have to tell yuo something

en	What is it?

en	i

en	uh

en	man this is hard to say

en	^__^;;;;;;

en	i kinda have a crush on you

en	Er...

en	What?

en	You're joking, right?

en	Akarsha's stomach drops as Noelle's flat response flashes on the screen.

en	Crap. That's not what I was expecting...

en	If she really liked me, she would've jumped at the chance to say she felt the same way!

en	I know {i}I{/i} would've...

en	Which means...I was overthinking all our interactions after all...

en	I'm not a certified brain genius anymore. I've made a grave mistake!!

en	Abort mission! Abort!!

en	uh

en	just kidding!!!

en	that was my brother xD

en	Your brother...?

en	ya he took the keyboard and typed that as a joke

en	i cant believe he did that o.O

en	like id ever say anything that crazeh! e_e

en	I see...

en	just forget this ever happened ok? my bros so random lolll

en	i gtg now bye!!

en	Akarsha powers the family desktop off, her heart pounding a mile a minute.

en	That was a close one...I somehow salvaged that and escaped unscathed...

en	Apart from my heart being broken into a thousand smithereens, I mean...

en	Akarsha dramatically throws herself onto the sofa in the living room.

en	Used to this, her brother offers her a piece of candy.

en	Want a Hi-Chew?

en	No, thanks.

en	Don't eat too many of those. They have dangerous oils in them.

en	Okay, Dad...

en	Her mom goes into the room Akarsha just left to switch off the light.

en	What is this — Diwali?!

en	Oops. Sorry, I was having a meltdown and forgot...

en	Want to watch a funny movie with us? It'll make you feel better.

en	What's the movie?

en	She's the Man. We just need to wait two minutes, it starts on TV at seven.

en	The movie kicks off with the teenage heroine making out with her boyfriend.

en	Ew. Gross.

en	I dunno...{w=0.35}Wish that were me...

en	We would've been so cute together......

en	We belong together! We should be dating!

en	I was hoping so bad Noelle could see that, too.

en	It just really hurts to know she doesn't feel the same way.

en	Oh! This actress makes a very handsome boy.

en	She would've tricked me.

en	She would've tricked you?!

en	Beti, do you know how to do this?

en	Do what? Disguise myself as a guy?

en	What kind of question is that? You're so weird.

en	It's a fun movie, but watching all the characters happily pair up after their wacky teen hijinks just makes Akarsha's chest ache even more.

en	Seeing the forlorn expression on her face, her dad pats her on the shoulder.

en	Cheer up.

en	If you really don't want to be a doctor, you can become a movie star instead.

en	What are you saying?!

en	I think it will be cool if Akarsha becomes a famous movie star. If she's rich, we can live in the mountains.

en	We can be like, in the wild.

en	Why would we want that???

en	You can do it, beti. I believe.

en	My parents have such high hopes for me, but all I do is waste the opportunities they worked so hard to give me.

en	I have literally nothing going for me...I'm legitimately such a waste of time and resources.

en	How do people manage to have their first kiss in kindergarten and stuff?

en	Why doesn't anyone wanna kiss {i}me{/i}?? Am I that unlikeable?

en	It feels like such a remote thing that I can't imagine it {i}ever{/i} happening to me.

en	I've never even held someone's hand or been in any kind of relationship.

en	At this rate I'm gonna go through my entire life without ever getting kissed.

en	What's even the point of me staying alive? There's nothing for me to look forward to.

en	Everything just feels so unattainable.

en	Once the end credits roll, she dejectedly texts Min on her phone.

en	{nw}

en	i read online that its healthy to wallow in sadness

en	for up to 1 hour a day

en	and that hour begins nOW YAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

en	WTF

en	AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

en	SHUT UP

en	AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

en	what happened???????

en	I CONFESSED AND IT DIDNT GO WELL TT_____TT

en	o shit

en	luckily the second i saw things were going south

en	i was able to backtrack n play it off as a joke

en	i said it was my brother pranking me

en	wait

en	hold on

en	you did it thru TEXT???

en	ya

en	why???

en	idk it seemed like a good idea at the time :(

en	and that way I could say it wasnt me if i chickened out

en	wtf

en	DO IT PROPERLY

en	IN PERSON

en	and deal with the consequences of my actions??

en	no thank u

en	well if your not sinsere about it, then what you get back isnt going to be real either

en	your like someone who went to vegas, spent 1 penny and got spooked and left

en	You need to take risks if you wanna win anything

en	too scawwy :(

en	coward

en	whats the point? i know theyre not interested in me anyway

en	weaksauce move

en	and i cant even blame them

en	who'd wanna waste time with a loser like me ;___;

en	what am i then motherfuker?? chopped liver?

en	IM wasting time with yuo right now

en	but u like wasting time with diya MORE

en	see??

en	*is die*

en	well its not a contest

en	ok but it kinda is??

en	idk like...having 1 person in the world think im worth loving would be nice

en	i feel like i've spent my entire life wanting people and being rejected while nobodys ever felt anything for me

en	like am i really that ugly and boring that no one would ever fall in love with me

en	im just a waste of space

en	seriosly stop saying shit like that

en	i was just kidding XD im so random

en	its not funny

en	xD

en	dont xD me you son of a bitch

en	i just wanna do normal high school things

en	like date and go to parties n stuff....

en	i feel like im missing out on this whole fun exp everyone else is having

en	look dumbass

en	theres probably like 3 couples in our entire grade including me and diya

en	bunch of socially stunted fob nerds

en	most of us arent even allowed to date until college anyways

en	great

en	so not only am i an undesirable weirdo but im not even special

en	not special is good sometimes

en	if your not special it means your not alone

en	ok yeah yeah i get it

en	u right

en	did you wanna play maplestory tonight?

en	i need a distraction to stop thinking about my epic fail OTL

en	sry i cant

en	juns using the computer right now

en	:/

en	how about we play through text then?

en	what do you mean through text

en	\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ ‘-‘_@_

en	its a snail

en	\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ ‘-‘_@_

en	oh ok

en	attack

en	ninja star

en	it's hitting you!!!!

en	-5 HP

en	HUH

en	WHY

en	use emoticons like me

en	oh

en	uh

en	*

en	wuts that supposed to be

en	your butthole??

en	WHY WOULD IT BE MNY BUTTHOLE?????

en	ITS THE NINJA STAR

en	SICKO

en	oh ok

en	22 damage

en	*

en	25 damage

en	\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ ‘-‘_@_

en	ITS COMIG CLOSER AND CLOSER AGAIN

en	=O

en	thats my fist punching

en	2 damage

en	=O

en	4 damage

en	-3 HP

en	what the..the snail should be dead by now

en	they dont have that much hp

en	F9

en	fine ur not damaged

en	($)

en	ok great

en	im gonna try doing the kerning city pq

en	yee good choice

en	Akarsha feels a bit better after talking to Min, but once she's logged off, the heartache in her chest returns.

en	That night, Akarsha reads the entirety of Azumanga Daioh for the first time on an illegal manga scanlation site in an effort to forget about everything.

en	It doesn't work.

en	The next morning

en	Diya's house

en	Akarsha cracks a weak smile as Diya answers the door.

en	Ayyy...Ready to walk to school together?

en	Diya gives her an odd look as they start heading down the sidewalk.

en	Are you okay?

en	Y-yeah?? Why do you ask??

en	You didn't send me a weird message this morning like usual.

en	Also, your eyes are red.

en	Oh, that's nothing! I got shampoo in them while showering.

en	You should get L’Oréal Kids. No tears.

en	Are you making fun of me??

en	Yeah.

en	Oh. All your jokes are so deadpan it's hard to tell sometimes...

en	It must be nice to be pretty. I wish I didn't have to be funny all the time to get people to like me.

en	It sucks being so pathetic that you fall hopelessly in love with anyone who pays even the slightest bit of attention to you.

en	Especially unattainable straight girls. God, I'm stupid...

en	I can't believe I was so desperate that I convinced myself she liked me back. Literally delusional...

en	Sigh...

en	At school, Akarsha nervously waits in the first period classroom before Noelle and Diya arrive.

en	I wonder how facing Noelle again will go...

en	A water bottle flies through the doorway and ricochets off the floor.

en	Coast is clear.

en	You don't need to keep doing that, y'know. I wouldn't reuse the same set-up twice.

en	Noelle cautiously sticks a long twig through the doorframe, her eyes narrowed at Akarsha.

en	Then what is it this time, you putrid worm?

en	Wouldn't you like to know?

en	Phew...She's acting like nothing happened last night!

en	She must've believed what I said about my little brother sending the message.

en	Thank god. Sorry, Pratik.

en	Now I just gotta ignore my feelings until they eventually die out.

en	I have a special present for you, Frenchman. Come closer...

en	What? No, keep it to yourself.

en	Don't be shy! I know you want your very special present!

en	I DON'T WANT THIS "PRESENT"! DON'T COME NEAR ME!

en	As Noelle enters the classroom suspiciously, she tries to give Akarsha a wide berth. Akarsha discreetly pulls her secret weapon out of her pocket...

en	HERE YOU GO!!!!

en	It's a spinning light toy Akarsha got from Disneyland in elementary school.

en	Noelle recoils as its rubber arms repeatedly whack her face.

en	GYAHHHH!!!!!!!

en	THOUSAND ENERGY BEAMS ATTACK!!!

en	I used to annoy my brother like this all the time.

en	AKARSHAAAAAA!!! I HATE YOU!!!!

en	Akarsha gulps as Diya approaches the crime scene and towers over her.

en	.....

en	C'maaahn, this isn't fair!

en	Just look! I'm so small, look how small I am compared to you!

en	Noooo, it's also my birthday, you can't be mean on my birthday!

en	............

en	Is that true?

en	She's lying. Her birthday isn't until April.

en	Akarsha yelps as Diya snatches the spinny toy out of her grasp.

en	Seeing that Akarsha's unarmed, Noelle menacingly starts walking toward her.

en	Hey, calm down!

en	I was doin' you a favor, testing your reflexes for you! Like at the doctor!

en	........

en	F-free! Free reflex test!

en	Akarsha breaks into a run as Noelle chases after her.

en	COME BACK HERE!! YOU CRETIN!!!

en	Oh shit, baseball practice actually made her faster!

en	Oh shit, she's catching up to me. Oh shit!!!

en	When Akarsha comes to baseball practice, she hears whispering in the locker room.

en	{i}(...So the plan is, we all pitch in?){/i}

en	{i}(If we split it up eight ways, it's only $1.50 per person.){/i}

en	{big=+20}But I don't see why I should have to pay.{/big}

en	{i}Shhh!{/i}

en	{i}(You have to pay because it'll be hilarious. She'll never guess who it is.){/i}

en	{i}(And here I thought we were trying to do a good deed.){/i}

en	{i}(Do you ALWAYS have to be engaging in some kind of psychic mind battle with her?){/i}

en	What're they scheming about? I want in.

en	Akarsha walks over to where the others are furtively huddled together. A hush falls over the team...

en	.........

en	Why, hello there, Akarsha!

en	We were just talking about...

en	...how Vampire Knight is getting an anime.

en	..............

en	We're acting so natural right now.

en	Okay, clearly they're up to something...

en	The question is, what?

en	After jogging around the track and stretching, [teamName!t] runs fielding drills.

en	After jogging around the track and stretching, the [teamName!t] run fielding drills.

en	While Akarsha takes a breather in the dugout, she watches Noelle haplessly flail about on the field.

en	Within moments, the object of her affection misjudges the trajectory of a fly ball and gets bonked on the head.

en	Ow!!

en	Baseball champion...

en	I would do anything for you...If only you'd let me...

en	Akarsha lets out a wistful sigh as Noelle performs her signature move, throwing the ball almost directly into the ground.

en	It sucks having a sad hopeless crush...I just want gorlfriend...

en	So dramatic. Konnichiwhat's up?

en	I'm just bummed 'cause I've never experienced love.

en	No one ever likes me back. I feel like I'm missing out on so much...

en	It's okay, being rejected is a part of life.

en	You should learn to love yourself. It's a lie that people can only be happy when they're in a relationship.

en	Ester glances up from the drawing she's scribbling on her sketchbook.

en	Those are surprisingly wise words coming from someone with zero love experience.

en	I learned that life lesson from Card Captor Sakura.

en	The main character experiences unrequited love even though she's a great person. That means it can happen to anyone.

en	Even our sugoi Akarsha-chan.

en	That does make me feel less alone. Thanks, senpai...

en	Ugh.

en	Ester vigorously erases something on her page, making countless grey eraser shavings rain down on the dirt beneath the bench.

en	Ester, what're you drawing?

en	A chapter title page for a webcomic I'm starting.

en	A webcomic? Like on SmackJeeves?

en	Akarsha peers over at Ester's sketchbook, but she recoils, looking bashful.

en	Don't look, I'm not done yet!

en	Akarsha manages to glimpse a spiky-haired character on the page before Ester angles her sketchbook away from prying eyes.

en	She's pretty good though...If she posted that on DeviantArt I bet she'd get like, two hundred views.

en	Is that from an anime?

en	Ester frowns, aghast.

en	No, it's just a regular guy.

en	It's like those iPod ads, see? He's wearing white earbuds, and I colored his silhouette in black.

en	Ester is the type of weeaboo who tries to hide the fact that she likes anime because she's embarrassed by it, but it's still super obvious.

en	I hate to break it to you, but even from his silhouette you can tell it's an anime guy.

en	It's probably his hairdo. No real guys have bangs that go down to their chin.

en	They should, though. Life would be way less boring.

en	Ugh. Guys with short hair are so hard to draw...

en	Akarsha turns her attention back to the field, where Diya and Min are passionately kissing.

en	I think they're trying to keep their relationship a secret, but they keep forgetting.

en	Do you have to do that in front of us?

en	Just you watch. I'm gonna rub my gay hands all over her.

en	..........

en	I'm so jealous...I wanna be in love too...

en	Someday everyone else is gonna get married except me, and I'll be the one sad single friend.

en	Me too...

en	Me three...

en	If that happens, we should all pitch in to buy a mansion and live as otaku together.

en	That definitely doesn't sound like the kind of life my parents were envisioning for me when they immigrated here....

en	But that sounds incredible.

en	Doesn't it? We could put up all our anime prints and display our figurines with no shame.

en	Speak for yourself. I don't have any of that stuff, my room is normal.

en	You don't have anything?? You've never been to an anime convention before?

en	Fanime is like, right there in San Jose...

en	Ooh, we should all go together this year! We can all cosplay the same series!

en	Yeah!! Maybe like, Soul Eater or Haruhi Suzumiya!

en	What, at Fanime? Admission is probably too expensive anyway.

en	Ester scoffs like she's not interested before furtively writing something tiny on the side of her sketchbook page.

en	She didn't write small enough...It says "Fanime"...

en	She's probably gonna Google it later.

en	Hey, all you slackers sitting down doing nothing! Get over here and practice!

en	Ya!!

en	Upperclassman

en	Valentine's Day

en	Akarsha scoffs as a few upperclassmen come in to deliver the goodies people ordered.

en	We should have a reverse Valentine's Day where we give annoying, terrible gifts to our enemies on purpose.

en	You mean, {i}what you already do to me every single day of my life?{/i}

en	Oh, true...

en	A few of their classmates receive ribboned roses, but someone comes in holding an entire bouquet...

en	Are you Akarsha? This is yours.

en	Huh????

en	Bewildered, Akarsha accepts the bouquet and notices there's a note tied to it with a ribbon.

en	It reads:

en	{i}Roses are red Violets are blue{/i}

en	{i}Love never crossed my mind Until the day I met you{/i}

en	{i}-Your secret admirer{/i}

en	Secret admirer? Who???

en	I can't believe it...Is this some kinda joke??

en	Akarsha looks wildly around the room in case her paramour is watching her reaction from afar.

en	But no one seems to be acting out of the ordinary except Diya and Noelle, who are beside themselves with amusement.

en	Someone sent {i}you{/i} flowers?

en	I told you I was a hot commodity! I charmed the pants off someone without even knowing it!

en	What's the note say? Let me read it.

en	Wh-why do you care? You jealous?

en	In your dreams.

en	I bet she won't show us because they misspelled her name as "Arkasha".

en	Why're you so mean today?! I'm gonna tell the teacher you're bullying me!

en	Maybe I can deduce who the sender is like a detective!

en	The poem is one hint. There's gotta be others.

en	Akarsha flips the note over. It's blank...except for a small dark smudge on the back.

en	Clue??

en	Maybe it's from food? Like blackberries?

en	Akarsha sniffs the note, but it's hard to single out any scent over the fragrance of the roses.

en	What're you doing.

en	Quiet, meanie!! I'm trying to crack the code!

en	You're interrupting my mind palace technique!!!

en	There's only two possibilities here. Either someone is secretly in love with me...

en	Or it's a prank. But it's kinda a lot of money to spend on a prank...?

en	It's either fake or real.

en	You don't say? Thanks for narrowing it down for us.

en	B-be quiet!

en	Flustered, Akarsha scans the room one more time for good measure.

en	She catches Diya looking away a beat too late, smiling to herself.

en	...

en	What're you smiling about?

en	Nothing. Just happy for you.

en	3rd grade

en	Diya, Min, and Jun wait at the horseshoe for their parents to pick them up from school.

en	Why does it always take Mom so long to get here?

en	I'm so hungry I would even eat a pizza with pineapple!

en	Mom should just let us walk home ourselves! It'd be way faster.

en	Especially if she buys us Heelys!

en	But if you did that, I'd have to wait for my mom alone. It'd be so boring.

en	Oh, I thought of that already. We can chat on walkie-talkies while I'm rolling away on my Heelys.

en	That sounds fun...

en	The three of them peer down the horseshoe at the long line of cars, hoping to catch sight of their rides.

en	My mom's car is tan colored.

en	They should make cars in better colors like sky blue or pink.

en	Yeah...I bet if they did, they'd sell a lot more.

en	It's 'cause adults are boring and have bad taste.

en	They should sell cars with pictures of dolphins on them. Everyone would want one.

en	Diya perks up as a beige Toyota drives into the horseshoe, but it's the wrong model.

en	.......

en	Did you hear about Barry Bonds? He's in trouble because he did steroids!

en	What're "steroids"?

en	They're drugs that make you really buff. It's cheating.

en	I don't see why they don't let you use them. If they're so good, everyone should use steroids.

en	Baseball would be more fun if everyone was super strong and super fast.

en	Suddenly, Min jolts upright and shouts as a silver sedan pulls up to the curb.

en	I see our car! Bye Diya!

en	Heat rushes to Diya's face as Min hugs her tightly before dashing off.

en	Bye...

en	Wait, that car has a side thingy under the door that ours doesn't have!

en	Min flings the car's passenger seat door open, revealing a stranger inside.

en	{big=+20}WHO'RE YOU??!!{/big}

en	Min hastily slams the car door shut and stomps back to Diya and Jun, who are both wheezing with laughter.

en	THAT WAS THE WRONG CAR!

en	I told you!

en	........

en	Diya, I think your car is over there, though.

en	!

en	Thanks. Bye for real this time.

en	See you tomorrow!!!

en	As Diya buckles up in her mom's sedan, she peers out the window, smiling a little when she sees Min waving frenetically at her outside.

en	How was your day at school?

en	Okay.

en	We had to write about an invention we'd make in class today.

en	What did you invent?

en	A better bed that makes it so your stuffed animals can never accidentally roll off it.

en	I thought of it because last night while I was sleeping, Horny fell on the floor.

en	H-horny?? Who's that?

en	My cow plushie. He's one of Snakey's older brothers.

en	He was all cold and alone for hours and I didn't know.

en	Maybe you should give "Horny" a different name, like Moo Moo.

en	Why? It'll be hard for him to get used to it.

en	You must have the most loved stuffed animals in the entire world.

en	What else did you do at school?

en	I tried to take an Accelerated Reader quiz on the Boxcar Children book I read.

en	But I accidentally clicked the wrong book. So it made me take the quiz of a book I never read before.

en	It didn't let you quit out? What bad design.

en	Yeah. My classmates all tried to help me, though.

en	Hayden read the book a year ago, but he could barely remember anything.

en	So even with everyone's help I got a 2/10.

en	Oh no!

en	Mr. Armstrong said he wouldn't count it for my grade, though.

en	That's a relief.

en	The boy waving at you earlier — was that Hayden? The classmate who helped you?

en	You mean Min? She's not a boy.

en	Huh? The one wearing a hoodie?

en	Yeah. She's a girl.

en	To Diya's surprise, her mom wrinkles her nose in disgust.

en	That was a girl?! She's a freak.

en	You should make friends with more normal girls.

en	Huh??

en	That's not very nice.

en	But it's true, she looks like a boy. Stay away from her or you'll catch it, too.

en	Catch what? It's not like she has a disease.

en	You're too young to understand. Only freaks look like that.

en	It's bad to judge people by what they look like.

en	You don't even know her. She's really nice to me.

en	I don't need to know her, there's clearly something wrong with her.

en	She's only acting nice because she has impure thoughts toward you.

en	What's that supposed to mean?

en	Even if she has problems, I can tell her and she'll fix them.

en	We're friends, so she'll listen to me.

en	You can't change people. Especially not weirdos like that.

en	If they're bad, they're bad. It's a waste of time to try.

en	If you can't change people, then how can she change me into looking like a boy?

en	You can't have it both ways.

en	You're normal, so you have to stay away from weirdos like that.

en	I don't care. She's my friend.

en	No, you can't be friends with her anymore.

en	If I see you talking to her again, you're in big trouble.

en	........

en	6 years later

en	After baseball practice

en	Min pushes Diya back against the locker room wall, kissing her again and again.

en	JSFDAKJJJK??!! DFJSKJHFJ!!!!!

en	Wow!!! This is great!!!!!

en	They break apart, both panting for air.

en	A pleasant shiver runs down Diya's spine as Min grins sharply at her.

en	Oh, you like this, don't you?

en	.......................

en	Diya is too embarrassed to admit it, so she just nods, her cheeks blazing.

en	You don't need to be shy.

en	It's just me.

en	I feel like I absolutely can't say it aloud though.

en	Sorry...

en	Min presses a kiss to her cheek and whispers in her ear, voice low. Diya can feel her smiling, her breath warm on her cheek.

en	It's okay, you're so cute when you're like this. I almost can't stand it.

en	................

en	It's so surreal dating a friend you've had a crush on forever.

en	Sometimes I get scared that us getting together was just a dream, and when I wake up we'll just be friends again.

en	But it's real! Somehow a miracle happened and now I'm her girlfriend!

en	Min holds Diya's hand as they wait for their rides home.

en	No one knows about us except the baseball club. And maybe the workers at the dessert place we had our first date at.

en	So we end up kissing in the locker room a lot because the lockers block the view, and you can hear if other people walk in.

en	But it's still fun. I love spending time with Min...

en	She can almost even make me forget I have a presentation tomorrow in Biology.

en	Assignments that make you talk in front of the class should be outlawed.

en	What's wrong? You look worried about something.

en	?!

en	You can tell?

en	Of course I can. What kind of girlfriend would I be if I couldn't even tell if something was bothering you?

en	You're like a mind reader. Psychic.

en	Nah, I just know you. You got all tense and quiet.

en	So what's up?

en	If someone's bothering you, I'll kill them, no questions asked.

en	You probably should at least ask one or two questions.

en	Killing people is wrong.

en	Okay. Then if someone's bothering you, I'll...be really mean to them.

en	So who is it?

en	It isn't anyone.

en	It's just that my group presentation is tomorrow. In Biology.

en	Oh, that PowerPoint you've been working on with Akarsha and Noelle?

en	Diya nods.

en	We're supposed to elaborate on what we put on our slides.

en	But I get so nervous in front of everyone that I blank out.

en	What's there to be nervous about? You know all the stuff, don't you?

en	Even if I know all the facts in my head, I can't improvise at all.

en	It's hard to string words together on the spot.

en	I always have to write out everything I'm going to say word-for-word beforehand, and memorize it.

en	Their conversation is abruptly cut short when a beige sedan turns the corner into the school.

en	My mom's here!

en	She picks me up after the baseball club if it ends late enough for her to be done with work.

en	I'll hide!

en	Bye!!!

en	Min roughly pulls Diya close for one last kiss before dashing out of sight.

en	!!!!!!!!

en	Diya tries to slow her shaky breathing to a normal pace.

en	I'm calm...I need to look normal...

en	Diya gets uncharacteristically clumsy after making out with Min, like a dog who's still woozy after surgery.

en	She staggers over to her mom's car as it pulls up to the curb.

en	I'm scared of how my mom will react if she finds out I'm talking to Min again. Let alone that I'm dating her...

en	So it's a secret for now.

en	Pop song

en	Diya reaches for the door handle, misses, and slams her hand directly into the side of the car.

en	!!!

en	What's the matter with you?

en	Nothing.

en	Diya hastily pulls the door open and gets into the passenger seat, trying to look natural.

en	..........

en	..........

en	How was your day at school?

en	Okay.

en	..........

en	..........

en	On the radio, a woman sings to a catchy beat.

en	{font=times.ttf}♫{/font} I'm curious for you...Caught my attention... {font=times.ttf}♫{/font}

en	{font=times.ttf}♫{/font} I kissed a girl and I liked it! {font=times.ttf}♫{/font}

en	What the...?? Did she really just say that?

en	{font=times.ttf}♫{/font} The taste of her cherry chapstick... {font=times.ttf}♫{/font}

en	{font=times.ttf}♫{/font} I kissed a girl just to try it! {font=times.ttf}♫{/font}

en	Is she allowed to say that on the radio? It doesn't break any laws?

en	Diya shifts uncomfortably in her seat as her mom frowns at the lyrics.

en	"I kissed a girl...?" What kind of terrible song is this?

en	Disgusted, Diya's mom changes the station.

en	............

en	...........

en	You know how in the movies, superheroes have to hide their identity to their families?

en	I'm doing that in real life, all the time.

en	............

en	............

en	The other day, I saw Akarsha and her mom at Safeway.

en	She was so outgoing! She even told me about the Biology project you're working on together.

en	I didn't even know you were doing a project until Akarsha said so.

en	Why can't you be more like her? I like knowing things about you.

en	If Akarsha was her daughter, she'd disown her for being bi. Not that she'd know that.

en	............

en	............

en	I never really know how to fill the silence when I'm with my mom.

en	I don't know what I can talk about with her.

en	She really loves me, but she comes from such a different time and culture that talking to her feels kind of unpredictable.

en	Sometimes, she'll surprise me by getting upset over something I didn't expect would cause problems at all.

en	So my safest bet most of the time is just to stay quiet.

en	It's annoying how she's raised me to be afraid of talking, yet expects me to magically turn out like a child who was raised normally.

en	That night, Diya tosses and turns in bed, anxious about her presentation the next day.

en	I wish I could time travel to this time tomorrow, after the Biology presentation is already over.

en	........

en	I need to stop thinking about this. It's making my mind race. I can't relax enough to sleep.

en	Diya checks her alarm clock.

en	It's midnight already. And I need to wake up at seven tomorrow!

en	I need to fall asleep right now! Or else I'll get less than seven hours of sleep.

en	Count sheep

en	Take deep, calming breaths

en	Imagine being hugged by Min

en	Diya squeezes her eyes shut and starts counting.

en	One...two...three...

en	Four...five...six...

en	Six...Giant pandas have six fingers...

en	And their thumbs are opposable like primates' thumbs. These similar features are called analogous structures.

en	...Shoot, I was supposed to be counting sheep.

en	What number was I on again?

en	Let's start over.

en	One...two...

en	Two...Birds and bats are two groups that evolved flight independently...

en	Diya keeps trying to count without getting sidetracked, but after an hour, she's more awake and frustrated than ever.

en	I looked up some breathing exercises that're supposed to make you sleepier.

en	Diya squeezes her eyes shut, inhaling slowly and steadily...

en	Now I'll breathe out on a count of one...two...three...

en	Four...five...six...

en	Six...Giant pandas have six fingers...

en	And their thumbs are opposable like primates' thumbs. These similar features are called analogous structures...

en	Shoot, I started thinking about the presentation again.

en	Let's start over.

en	One...two...

en	Two...Birds and bats are two groups that evolved flight independently...

en	Diya keeps trying to breathe without getting sidetracked, but after an hour, she's more awake and frustrated than ever.

en	Sometimes when I can't sleep, I fantasize that Min is hugging me and saying nice things to me.

en	Usually this works.

en	Diya hugs herself with one arm and squeezes her eyes shut.

en	Min is holding me really close, and telling me I'm going to fall asleep in her arms...

en	And she's stroking my side with her hand...

en	Hands...Primates have hands, too...

en	And their thumbs are opposable like pandas' thumbs. These similar features are called analogous structures...

en	Shoot, I started thinking about the presentation again.

en	Forget the presentation! Just think about Min.

en	Min is holding me really tight and saying nice things to me...

en	And we're all alone together...It's just the two of us...

en	Two...Birds and bats are two groups that evolved flight independently...

en	Diya keeps trying to imagine Min comforting her without getting sidetracked, but after an hour, she's more awake and frustrated than ever.

en	There's so much anxious energy pent up in my body, I feel like running a marathon.

en	Maybe if I release all that energy, I can finally doze off.

en	Diya frantically starts doing sit-ups in bed.

en	After a few sets, she switches to doing jumping jacks in the middle of her room.

en	Yeah! Become tired!!

en	After several minutes of frenzied exercise, Diya lies back down in bed, her heart pounding...

en	Phew. Hopefully that didn't just make me even more awake.

en	Diya wearily checks her clock again.

en	It's two in the morning! I need to fall asleep right now so I can at least get five hours of sleep!!!

en	Diya ends up lying awake for a few more hours...

en	Just as the sun begins coming up, she loses consciousness from sheer exhaustion...

en	After what feels like a few minutes of sleep, Diya's alarms go off.

en	....................

en	Diya hits all her alarms without even bothering to open her eyes.

en	I don't feel rested at all...Barely got any sleep.

en	Her morning routine includes lying in bed for ten minutes thinking about how tired she is.

en	{cps=0}Her morning routine includes lying in bed for ten minutes thinking about how tired she is. {/cps}

en	Do it

en	Nnnnnooooooooo...

en	I'm so anxious I feel like I'm gonna explode...

en	I don't have Biology till fifth period. So I'm going to be stewing in this dread for hours...

en	Ugghhhhhghghhhghhh...Ggggggh...

en	Ten minutes pass like this.

en	Finally, Diya drags herself out of bed and steels herself for the terrifying day ahead.

en	Akarsha messaged me. That normally means she's on her way to my house.

en	Check your computer

en	{nw}

en	ay diya

en	:^)

en	{image=diyaTheHedgehog.png}

en	????

en	What is that

en	i googled Diya the Hedgehog and thats what came up

en	Diya has gone offline.

en	..........

en	How can she act so normal on a day like this?

en	I wish I was all outgoing and good at talking like her...

en	Diya goes outside.

en	Yo! Ready to blow everyone outta the water with our amazing group presentation?

en	No......

en	Diya nervously strides off, forcing Akarsha to jog to keep up with her.

en	Hey, hold your horses!

en	Slow down! Some of us have average-length legs, yanno!

en	........

en	Miss long legs...

en	Or should I say Daddy Long Legs...

en	Don't call me that.

en	You're so cold to me, bro. I'm dyin' here...

en	Why would you die if you can't call me Daddy Long Legs. Weirdo.

en	So dark and cloudy today. Think it's gonna rain...

en	Ay Diya...

en	What do you think {incoherent}( ? ? ? ){/incoherent}

en	I wish real life had captions like on TV. No clue what anyone's ever saying to me.

en	What?

en	What do {incoherent}( ? ? ? ){/incoherent}

en	What?

en	What do you think happens {incoherent}( ? ? ? ){/incoherent}

en	............

en	Oh wait, sorry. I forgot about your ear...

en	Akarsha switches to Diya's other side so she can hear her over the sound of traffic.

en	What do you think happens to a Teletubby when its screen gets destroyed?

en	Nothing

en	It dies

en	Why...

en	{cps=0}What do you think happens to a Teletubby when its screen gets destroyed?{/cps}

en	Why would anything happen?

en	It's not like it needs the screen to live.

en	But the fact that it's called a Teletubby implies the television is part of its body, doesn't it?

en	That doesn't mean it needs it to live.

en	You could dye a bluebird pink and it'd still survive. It'd just be a pinkbird.

en	If you get rid of a Teletubby's screen it just becomes a Tubby.

en	Destroying the screen is a way bigger change than changing something's color, though. It's like, built into its stomach.

en	So? TV's not a living part with cells and stuff. More like hair or fingernails.

en	It's not painful to get haircuts.

en	Speak for yourself. I've gotten some extremely catastrophic ones before.

en	Okay...But you can't die from it.

en	...Or can I? Challenge accepted.

en	That wasn't a challenge.

en	It'd be like punching it in the heart or something.

en	Damn, that's dark.

en	You asked.

en	I dunno...Screens are so fragile, though.

en	If it's that important, you'd think the Teletubbies would've evolved a ribcage over it or something to protect it.

en	But they can't. They couldn't see what's on the screens if they were covered.

en	Must be like why our eyes don't have bones over them even though they're delicate.

en	We wouldn't be able to see.

en	Whoa, you might be onto something.

en	You should become a scientist. A Teletubby scientist.

en	I doubt the world really needs Teletubby scientists...

en	Where is this even coming from.

en	Have you been watching Teletubbies lately or something?

en	What? No!

en	It's called having a healthy curiosity about the world around us, my friend.

en	Doesn't sound healthy to me. What kind of person thinks of destroying Teletubbies.

en	They're so colorful and friendly. Messed up.

en	Wow, geez! I see you're not ready for my cutting-edge Dragon Tales theories, either.

en	As Diya and Akarsha arrive at school, Diya feels something cold and wet drop onto her shoulder.

en	It's raining!

en	Gah! I'm heading inside.

en	Akarsha scurries off as the rain picks up. Soon, torrents of water are pelting the ground.

en	I still need to get my things from my locker.

en	Use locker

en	I need to get my stuff from the locker first.

en	Noelle is hunched over in front of their shared locker and frowning at its contents.

en	Good morning.

en	We need to remove our books from the locker or they'll get soaked in the rain.

en	Oh, no.

en	Won't the roof overhang block it?

en	No, look at it. The wind's blowing the rain inward.

en	Yeah...We're even getting damp standing here right now.

en	Diya takes a mini travel umbrella from her backpack and opens it.

en	As Diya diligently holds it over the two of them, Noelle holds her daily water bottle out to her without looking.

en	Also, can you open this water bottle?

en	Take the water bottle

en	Diya holds the umbrella with one hand and grabs the water bottle with the other.

en	Don't have enough hands to open it...

en	Diya carefully balances the water bottle on top of Noelle's head as she continues pulling her library books from their locker.

en	......

en	......

en	Diya grips the bottle's cap with her index finger and thumb while pressing the bottle down on Noelle's head with the rest of her hand.

en	She manages to twist it open without spilling any of the water.

en	....!

en	I'm pretty proud of myself for pulling that off.

en	She closes the cap and gives it back to Noelle as she slots the last of her novels into her bookbag.

en	Thank you.

en	I've finished rescuing all my water-sensitive items. It's your turn.

en	Diya peers into her and Noelle's shared locker.

en	Diya opens her and Noelle's shared locker.

en	Get your school stuff

en	Look in Noelle's lunchbox

en	Take Valentine's Day card

en	Look at rosin

en	Close locker door

en	I'm ready to head to class when you are.

en	Wish I could just head home and go to bed...

en	Diya slips her books and binders into her backpack.

en	This is rosin for string instruments.

en	The first time Noelle showed it to me,{w=0.10} I tried to eat it.

en	Why do you have this, anyway?

en	You only play piano.

en	It's the same kind Akarsha uses. She plays the cello in her orchestra class.

en	Whenever she drops and cracks the one she's using, she leaves it in her locker, and I secretly replace it with an identical copy.

en	.....?

en	How do you get it in her locker?

en	I figured out her locker combination.

en	Can't she tell it's just new rosin?

en	No, I always scratch up the top and make it look worn, so it looks identical to the one she dropped.

en	This is the third one.

en	By now, she's convinced her rosin has self-healing abilities.

en	Noelle goes to such lengths just to mess with Akarsha sometimes...

en	I don't really know what to make of it.

en	This is rosin for string instruments.

en	It looks like you can eat it,{w=0.10} but you can't.

en	Out of curiosity, Diya checks what Noelle has for lunch today.

en	Rice porridge. Noelle really likes this.

en	I shouldn't eat it. I don't have much of an appetite today, anyway.

en	Deeper in the lunchbox, there's also a Ziploc bag of neatly peeled apple slices.

en	Thoughtful of your mom to do that.

en	Do what?

en	Peel the apple and slice it.

en	Most people just eat them whole.

en	I guess she has to show me she loves me somehow.

en	Since she lacks the emotional maturity to communicate it through words, she's left to express it through actions.

en	Funny, that sounds like someone else I know.

en	Are you insinuating I'm the same as her?

en	Maybe.

en	I wish I could deny it...

en	Does your mother do the thing too, where after you have an argument, instead of apologizing, she just silently leaves you a plate of fruit to eat?

en	!

en	I thought it was just my mom who did that.

en	It must be an immigrant mother thing.

en	This is waterproof, right?

en	If not waterproof, at least water-resistant.

en	Okay. Just checking.

en	It's the Valentine's Day card Min made for me this year.

en	Every time I see it, I feel happy.

en	You still haven't taken that home?

en	I'm paranoid my parents will find it if I do.

en	Min said a lot of stuff in it...Even if she were a boy, I don't think they'd be okay with it.

en	I see...

en	Guess I have to move it out of the locker or it'll get soaked and wrinkly, though...

en	Diya carefully slips it into her binder's inside pocket.

en	Speaking of Valentine's Day. How's Akarsha's investigation of her secret admirer going.

en	Awful. And by that, I mean wonderful.

en	She's utterly lost.

en	Her list of suspects includes a random guy in our History class, a sophomore she's never uttered a word to before...

en	...And even the lunch lady who once gave her two slices of pizza that were stuck together instead of one.

en	Wow.

en	We really can keep this up every Valentine's Day without her realizing it's us.

en	Yes, as long as we don't accidentally let it slip at some point.

en	Diya loves the sound of rain when she's indoors, especially the drum of water on metal.

en	Unfortunately, today she's so consumed with dread over her presentation that she's totally unable to enjoy it.

en	Her next few hours pass in a sleep-deprived haze...

en	Diya's stomach churns with dread as she finally walks into her Biology class.

en	It's here...The period of doom...

en	To her surprise, she finds Min leaning against her desk, waiting for her.

en	?

en	Why're you here?

en	You're about to do your presentation, right?

en	I thought I'd swing by and try to pump you up for it.

en	Oh. Thanks.

en	How do you feel?

en	I'm so nervous, my stomach hurts.

en	I even forgot to eat my gummy vitamins this morning.

en	Each day, Diya looks forward to eating two gummy vitamins.

en	Min gives her hand a reassuring squeeze.

en	It'll be okay! You're gonna kill it.

en	You're so cute, there's no way the teacher can give you a bad grade.

en	If the teacher really graded like that he'd be in jail.

en	Well, if I were in charge, I'd give you an A.

en	Anything I can do to help?

en	Can I have a hug? And a kiss.

en	Yeah! Of course!!!

en	Won't people see, though?

en	It's an emergency.

en	Min's face lights up, and she eagerly envelopes Diya in a tight, warm hug.

en	..........

en	..........

en	Min pulls her in for a kiss, but Diya rears back when she smells cigarette smoke on her breath.

en	Because Diya's so tall, when she doesn't want Min to kiss her, all she has to do is stand up straight.

en	Yuck. Were you smoking again?

en	Huh? Yeah...

en	You should stop.

en	It's bad for you. Didn't you ever see a D.A.R.E. presentation in elementary school?

en	They came to my class, and it was so scary I pledged not to do drugs or peer pressure forever.

en	You don't think it looks badass?

en	No. Dare to resist drugs and violence.

en	How'd you even start doing it?

en	Back in Florida, I mostly hung out with a group of guys who smoked.

en	And we'd set things on fire and do other dangerous stuff.

en	..........

en	I'm really glad she's over here with me now...

en	But those guys aren't here anymore. So why keep doing it.

en	It was a pain to get the cigarettes in the first place, since stores won't sell them to people under 18.

en	So it feels like a waste not to use them.

en	And I thought it'd make me look hot.

en	You look hot when your hair's all messed up from kissing me.

en	Not when your mouth tastes bad and I can't even kiss you.

en	Noelle scowls as she sits down at her desk.

en	You're seriously still smoking?! You need to get your life in order.

en	I don't need to hear it from you, too!

en	I don't even do it that often!

en	Aren't you going to be tardy for your class? The bell's going to ring in about a minute.

en	Oh, shit! I better run.

en	Go, I'll live. Probably.

en	Tell me how it goes later!

en	Min sprints off!

en	Seconds later, the bell rings.

en	D'you think she made it?

en	I couldn't care less.

en	Min is so cool. But I hope she stops smoking...

en	They say people don't change, but I hope that's not true.

en	It's too sad if it is.

en	As another group starts presenting at the front of the class, Diya wipes her clammy palms on her hoodie.

en	We're gonna get called up any minute now...

en	Diya, please try not to panic.

en	When you're not speaking, you can hide behind me if you have to. Just don't bolt off.

en	Okay.

en	Can I hide behind you too?

en	NO.

en	No fair! How come Diya gets to, but not me?

en	There's no reason for you to! We'll look like we're doing those dances where everyone's standing behind one person and waving their arms!

en	And you'd better not do that horrendous British accent.

en	Why not? It'll be a hit.

en	More like a hit on our grade. Accents aren't a proper example of divergent evolution.

en	But we need stuff to spice our presentation up. It's drier than the Sahara Desert.

en	So? This is a Biology project, not a circus performance.

en	Before Noelle can press Akarsha any further, the first group finishes their presentation to scattered applause.

en	Alright, it's our turn.

en	Come on, Diya, let's do this.

en	!!!!!!!!!!!

en	Diya feels like she's having an out-of-body experience as she follows Noelle and Akarsha to the front of the class.

en	As Noelle brings up their PowerPoint on the computer, Diya hides behind her and nervously looks out at the class sitting before them...

en	I should've worn clothes that blended in with the classroom better so no one can see me!

en	Like beige colored! I should've thought of that earlier!

en	It's over...It's curtains for me...

en	Hello, everyone. We've been tasked with reviewing the patterns of macroevolution.

en	The audience begins to nod off as soon as Noelle flicks to a slide with an essay crammed onto it in ten point font.

en	Let's begin with the obvious question...What is macroevolution? To understand this, we must first consider...

en	By the time Noelle is done droning through her last tome of a slide, half the classroom is asleep.

en	Akarsha shakes her head and sighs as she clicks to her first slide. It opens with an illustration of a finch's head.

en	Aight. So, divergent evolution...

en	An explosion sound effect plays as five more finches with different beak shapes blast onto the screen, jolting their classmates back awake.

en	It's when populations from a common ancestor adapt to different pressures and become more different over time.

en	Just like how yer average New Yawker tawks like dis! Different from ova heah!

en	She just switched it from a British accent to a New York one...

en	Oh, well. Maybe the teacher will think it's funny.

en	...................

en	You can let this slide, Noelle. Just hold it in until after the presentation's over.

en	ACTUALLY, accents don't count as divergent evolution. New Yorkers aren't another species from us!

en	They're not so different they can't produce fertile offspring with other humans!

en	But if dey keep tings up at dis rate, dat might change.

en	Dink about it. Would {i}you{/i} reproduce wit someone who tawks like dis??

en	Wh...what?! I don't see how that's relevant!

en	Just admit your example is invalid already!

en	Oh, yeah?

en	Akarsha clicks the mouse. A stock photo of a gravestone appears on the slide with the pinwheel transition.

en	What if dat was your gravestone? What then?

en	DID YOU ADD THIS TO THE POWERPOINT JUST TO USE AS A COMEBACK?!

en	The class giggles as Akarsha clowns through her slides, but Diya's stomach churns as they stare at the front of the room with renewed interest...

en	I don't wanna be here...I wish I could time travel to 30 minutes from now...

en	And wit dat, I pass tings ova to my buddy Diya.

en	.........!!!!

en	When Diya doesn't move from her hiding spot behind Noelle, Noelle steps to the side, exposing her to the audience's view.

en	Diya takes a deep shaky breath before quickly rattling off the speech she's mentally rehearsed hundreds of times over the past 24 hours.

en	{small}Convergent evolution is the independent evolution of similar traits in species that are only distantly related. For example, giant pandas have six fingers and their thumbs are opposable like primates' thumbs. These similar features are called analogous structures.{/small}

en	After barrelling through the slide in a matter of seconds, Diya quickly flips to the next one, her hands shaking from nerves.

en	{small}Another example of convergent evolution are birds and bats. Birds and bats are two groups that evolved flight independently...{/small}

en	She manages to zoom through the rest of the presentation in about a minute flat.

en	After their classmates give them a tepid round of applause, Diya follows Noelle and Akarsha back to her seat in a daze...

en	Well, at least that's over with...

en	It's over!!! I'm free!!!!

en	See? That wasn't so bad, was it?

en	Actually, it was.

en	Think I'll be quiet for the rest of the day to recover from that...

en	After school

en	To Diya's relief, the weather clears up just in time for the baseball club meeting.

en	"Sakura" goes up to bat, and Diya readies herself to catch Min's next pitch.

en	Besides Min's signature knuckler, the only pitch she knows is a fastball.

en	It's pretty mediocre compared to her knuckleball, so she rarely uses it except during practice like this.

en	Min hurls one of those fastballs to "Sakura"...

en	!

en	"Sakura" flinches as she gets drilled on the shoulder by the baseball.

en	Ow!

en	Shit, oops...

en	You okay over there?

en	Yeah, I'm good. I don't think that broke anything.

en	Walk it off!

en	At least if this were a game, you'd get to head over to first base as a consolation prize.

en	Wait...So getting hit is like a free pass to first base?

en	It's not free. It hurts!

en	"Sakura" walks off, rubbing her shoulder. Akarsha eagerly takes her place at the plate.

en	Min throws a pitch her way...

en	But instead of swinging the bat, Akarsha purposefully leans in toward the ball!

en	?!

en	It narrowly misses her, and Diya manages to recover from her surprise in time to catch it.

en	The fuck's wrong with you?!

en	I'm becoming a hit-by-pitch specialist.

en	If I can master getting beaned as much as possible, it'll guarantee I always make it to first base.

en	Why would you do that instead of just hitting the ball?

en	Hitting the ball is so fun.

en	Hit me! I know you wanna!

en	Stop making this weird!

en	Homophobic hate crime...

en	What???

en	The B in LGBT stands for Baseball. Just sayin'...

en	Yeah??! WELL I THINK THE B IS FOR BITCH!!!

en	Having lost her patience, Min beans Akarsha on purpose.

en	Owie!!!

en	.........

en	If you keep this up, the B in LGBT is gonna stand for Broken Bones...

en	After practice, Diya slings a big equipment bag over each of her shoulders and hauls them to the locker room.

en	I'm being so helpful.

en	I hope someone notices how many bags I'm carrying.

en	Wow, Diya, you're carrying two bags at once!

en	Thank you for helping!

en	.........

en	Diya happily heads up the hill with a spring in her step.

en	Say, Diya, do you watch The Bachelor?

en	Bewildered, Diya shakes her head.

en	What is that? A show?

en	I don't watch much TV except sports, Animal Planet, and the Discovery Channel.

en	So when people talk about movies and shows, I usually don't know any of them.

en	You should try it, we need more people to talk about it with!

en	My mom and I started watching it this season and we're obsessed.

en	What's it about?

en	Basically, thirty women try to date the same guy at the same time.

en	Each week, the guy eliminates some of them until finally, he proposes to the last one standing.

en	My mom would definitely never watch that with me. She'd be so scandalized.

en	Your mom likes watching shows like this?

en	Yeah, she's the one who got into it first.

en	She spread it to us like a virus and now we're infected too.

en	The way you put that makes it sound like a zombie apocalypse...

en	Wish I had something like that with my parents.

en	I feel like I have nothing in common with them.

en	They don't try to get you into the things they like?

en	Not really.

en	For instance, I initially got into baseball 'cause my dad is...well...

en	Alright, there's no nice way to put this. My dad's really weird.

en	There definitely could've been a nicer way to put that.

en	Whenever he drives, he makes us listen to radio broadcasts of Mariners games.

en	The Mariners? You're not even from Seattle.

en	Ichiro is an incredible player, though.

en	But he's a weirdo...The guy only decided to stay in Seattle because his dog told him to.

en	So? I would stay in Seattle if my dog told me to, too.

en	He does grow on you. They're all such strange lil' guys.

en	I think that's just your Stockholm Syndrome speaking.

en	Who knows, maybe it is.

en	As for my mom, her thing is Madonna CDs. I could sing every word of True Blue since kindergarten.

en	Isn't the first song about a teenage girl not wanting to get an abortion?!

en	I didn't say I {i}understood{/i} every word.

en	Maybe listening to all that Madonna did something to you as a little kid.

en	Excuse me? What was that?

en	I take it back! I take it back!

en	I have no clue what kind of music my mom likes. All I know are which songs she hates on the radio.

en	And she doesn't know what kind of music I like, either. Or my favorite movie, or favorite color, anything like that.

en	I've known her my whole life and we still don't even know basic facts about each other.

en	That's so sad. I wanna have a good relationship with my parents, too...

en	Diya listens to her teammates chat as she changes out of her baseball uniform.

en	Kyaaa! Don't look at my hairy legs!

en	I haven't shaved for like, two days.

en	You shave that often? I just do it when it starts looking gnarly.

en	Your hair's not all coarse and gross like mine.

en	I have to do it every other day or I start looking like a gorilla.

en	Girls are supposed to shave...??!

en	????????????????????

en	I've always wondered why no one's leg hair is really obvious except for mine.

en	That must be the secret...

en	Good thing I'm wearing long pants that cover up my legs.

en	Suddenly self-conscious, Diya inspects her arm hair...

en	Even my arm hair is pretty obvious. My hair's just all really thick and dark...

en	There's even hair on my fingers...Is that normal?!

en	Maybe everyone's secretly judging me when they see it...

en	After the club meeting, Diya gets into her mom's car with renewed determination.

en	How was your day at school?

en	Okay.

en	Did the presentation go well?

en	Think so. Just glad it's over.

en	When I grow up I'm going to find a job where I never have to talk to people.

en	Diya's mom smiles knowingly and shakes her head.

en	I'm the same way. I'm embarrassed of my accent, and it makes phone calls so scary.

en	Talking to workers in stores makes me so nervous, too.

en	Me, too. I wish we could write questions on a piece of paper and they have to write their answer back, too.

en	Yes! It'd be the best if you could slip the paper through an opening in the wall, so they don't even know what you look like.

en	Wow...I'm enjoying talking to my mom!

en	I guess it's only natural that we have some things in common. I forget that sometimes.

en	She used to do long-distance running in India, and she always encouraged me to play sports because it was good for my health.

en	Maybe I can ask her about something else that's been bothering me.

en	Emboldened by her success, Diya speaks up as they sit at a red light.

en	Can you get razors next time you go shopping?

en	Razors?! What for?

en	To shave. My leg hair is really long.

en	Diya's heart sinks as her mom wrinkles her nose with distaste.

en	Don't do it. Shaving will make the hair grow back thicker and darker.

en	That doesn't sound true. Pretty sure that's a myth.

en	No, it's true. Shaving is a terrible idea.

en	But all the other girls at school are doing it.

en	That's because it's Christian culture. Our family doesn't follow those rules.

en	Why do you want to shave so bad, anyway?

en	Are you trying to show yourself off to boys?

en	??? No...

en	You're too young. Who is it for?

en	Do you have a boyfriend?!

en	No.

en	Are you sure?? Look at me.

en	Good thing I can actually answer this honestly.

en	I'm not lying. I don't have a boyfriend.

en	Her mom scrutinizes Diya's face for a moment before turning away, seemingly satisfied.

en	Good, because you need to focus on school. The right time to date is in college.

en	That's when you'll be able to find a nice boy who meets all the requirements.

en	...Requirements? What requirements.

en	You know, just the regular ones.

en	Someone who's Hindu like us, doesn't smoke, and has high income.

en	...Yeah, I definitely can't tell her about Min.

en	What if I wanted to date someone different? Like a non-Indian person?

en	No, a white person wouldn't understand our culture.

en	Plus, whites do drugs and don't know how to save money.

en	Just remember no BMWs. No Blacks, Muslims, or Whites.

en	That's so racist...I don't even wanna know what she thinks of Korean people.

en	What you want is unrealistic.

en	How can you immigrate to a country where we're less than 1%% of the population and then expect me to marry the way you did in India?

en	It's not unrealistic, my friend Himaja's daughter did it.

en	You're not any less pretty or smart than she is! You can find a way too.

en	It's not that easy. I can't control who I fall in love with.

en	If I fall in love with someone who doesn't match your criteria, I'm not going to turn them away just for you.

en	No, that's not right. If you marry a waste fellow, what will other people think?

en	Wh...Why does it matter what "other people" think?

en	My opinion should be the most important one.

en	No, this is bigger than just you. You have to consider how it affects everyone, like your parents.

en	If you marry a white man, everyone will think you're a self-hating Indian, and your parents didn't raise you with correct values.

en	It already looks bad enough that we let you quit Carnatic music because you wanted to play baseball.

en	So you're asking me to give up my whole life in exchange for ten seconds of approval from some aunties??

en	I had to marry within my parents' requirements too.

en	Just because you put up with mistreatment from them doesn't mean I should put up with the same thing from you.

en	{i}Mistreatment?{/i} I turned out perfectly fine, how can it be mistreatment?

en	I don't think you turned out fine at all...

en	Your way of thinking about this, that's the way of thinking from Christian countries.

en	Indians aren't like that. They're not so selfish.

en	Well, this isn't India. I'm American.

en	What, you think you're white?

en	It doesn't matter where you are, you're still Indian. You have to honor your culture.

en	Why do I have to follow the rules of a country I've never lived in before?

en	As long as you're under our roof, you will. This is an Indian household.

en	...............

en	Could it be that my mom thinks people don't change...because SHE doesn't change?

en	It's like her opinions are frozen in time, from twenty years ago when she left India.

en	And they never shifted to match the world around her. They're just stuck.

en	They spend the rest of the drive home in stony silence.

en	The next day

en	.......!!!!!

en	Diya hits her alarms and flops back in bed.

en	Her morning routine includes lying in bed for 10 minutes thinking about how tired she is.

en	{cps=0}Her morning routine includes lying in bed for 10 minutes thinking about how tired she is. {/cps}

en	Ugghhhhhghghhhghhh...Ggggggh...

en	Suddenly, her bedroom door squeaks open.

en	I need to head out early today.

en	Here, I'll put your lunch into your backpack.

en	Diya's blood runs cold as her mom unzips her backpack.

en	!!!

en	She'll see the Valentine's Day card!

en	Diya bolts upright and snatches the backpack from her mom's grasp.

en	I'll put it in myself.

en	Why are you being so secretive?

en	I can't even look in my own child's backpack anymore?

en	I'm not a baby. I should get to have privacy, too.

en	Diya's mom sighs as Diya puts her bagged lunch into her backpack.

en	You know, it's really hurtful that you hide everything from me.

en	You're so quiet. I wish you would talk to me like my friends’ kids talk to them.

en	My friend’s son even tells them about the girls he likes. He tells them everything!

en	It makes me sad. I wish we had that kind of relationship.

en	You think I wanted it to be like this?

en	I didn't just decide not to talk to you all on my own.

en	What're you going on about?

en	How are you not able to put two and two together??

en	I want to be able to talk to you, too.

en	But I don’t feel like I can. Every time I open up to you, I regret it.

en	You always have some bad reaction to something I say.

en	Huh? Like what?

en	Like...like the time I told you about my friend, and you said I wasn't allowed to talk to her anymore.

en	What are you talking about? That never happened.

en	Yes, it did. After school, when I was in third grade.

en	Third grade?! You really go through life collecting pointless grudges from years ago?

en	How can you use something I don't even remember to argue against me?

en	How can two people perceive the same conversation so differently?

en	To me, it was one of the worst memories of my life, one that still affects how I act around her every day.

en	But to her, it was an uneventful car ride.

en	I need to give a different example.

en	You didn't only make mistakes in the past, you never changed.

en	Like yesterday, I asked you to buy razors for me and you lectured me about dating.

en	I'm your mom, I'm supposed to say no when you want something that's bad for you.

en	If your own parents won't tell you when you're doing something wrong, who will?

en	Of course you're supposed to stop me from doing really bad things.

en	But I feel like you think your only job as a parent is to lecture me every chance you see.

en	Sometimes I just want to have a normal, not-negative conversation.

en	What do you want me to do, just keep my opinion to myself and agree with everything you say?

en	If I were your friend, sure, I could do that.

en	But that's not my role. I'm your mother, I'm supposed to help you.

en	Tears well up in Diya's eyes from frustration.

en	Oh, great. Not now!

en	I hate how I can't argue with anyone without crying.

en	You think you're helping me, but all you do is give me anxiety.

en	I feel like every time I speak to you honestly, I'm punished for it.

en	So me speaking my mind is "punishing" you?

en	How can you not allow me to say what I think? How do you think that makes {i}me{/i} feel?

en	Both of them freeze as the doorbell rings.

en	It's Akarsha!

en	I can't let her see me like this!

en	Yo...

en	Diya flings open the door and darts past Akarsha.

en	Whoa!

en	Homie, wait up!

en	Diya ignores her and sprints down the sidewalk.

en	The frenetic slap of flip-flops on concrete behind her gets louder and louder until suddenly, a hand grabs her forearm!

en	*Wheeze* Gotcha!

en	!!!!

en	Diya reluctantly slows to a stop and lets Akarsha catch her breath.

en	*Gasp* *Wheeze*

en	....HA....HAH.....

en	............

en	What's with you today? Usain Bolt...

en	Got in a fight with my mom...

en	Diya wipes her tear-streaked face with a sniffle.

en	She gave up her whole life for me. I'm the person she loves the most in the world.

en	But we can't even have a normal conversation without hurting each other.

en	It's just sad.

en	It takes a few seconds for Akarsha to recover enough to choke out a response.

en	Bro...that sucks.

en	........................

en	Do your parents know you're bi?

en	Sorta?

en	We haven't really had that conversation yet, but they definitely know I'm a lil funky.

en	How do you think they'll react when you tell them?

en	I dunno...But they're pretty open-minded, so I think they'll get over it.

en	Lucky...

en	My parents will freak out if I come out.

en	But I feel like a bad gay person for hiding it.

en	Why?

en	Instead of trying to educate them, I'm living a lie.

en	Dude, it's not your job to educate your parents if it'll ruin your life.

en	The gays aren't gonna come arrest you.

en	It's not bad to, like, worry about surviving first.

en	................

en	Sooner or later we're gonna get caught, though. We're so bad at keeping things secret.

en	And if I wanna live with Min someday, that's going to be impossible to hide.

en	Especially since we're gonna move really far away.

en	Huh? Where are you going?

en	Don't know yet. But somewhere far from her parents, so she doesn't have to see them unless she wants to.

en	When we do that, my parents will notice I'm gone, too.

en	Ya, but by then you'll be an adult. They won't be able to stop you from doing anything.

en	But they'll still be really upset, and I don't want that either.

en	They'll get over it eventually.

en	Dealing with desi parents is like the five stages of grief. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

en	You don't know that. My parents aren't like yours.

en	Do your parents really love you?

en	Yes.

en	Then it's still the same. It might take ages, but they'll get over it eventually.

en	Like...in baseball speak, you're not tryin' to hit a home run off a single pitch. It's more like a nine inning baseball game.

en	You gotta be in it for the long haul and wear them down over time.

en	................

en	Is that the best I can hope for, though?

en	I wish I were closer to my mom.

en	But it's hard to feel loved by someone who doesn't really know you.

en	It's like our relationship was built on air. There's nothing there, because she's always loved a version of me that doesn't exist.

en	When they're waiting at a crosswalk, Diya takes the chance to dig a tissue out of her pocket and blow her nose.

en	It's not even like my parents are as bad as Min's.

en	They're not violent or abusive, and they try to support my interests.

en	My mom was never trying to hurt me. She just doesn't know any better.

en	In the grand scheme of things, I'm spoiled. I live in a nice house and my mom cooks me delicious food every day.

en	But it still hurts to think about the kind of parents I COULD have had.

en	Akarsha smacks Diya on the back as they near the school.

en	C'mon, dude, cheer up.

en	10,000 gay people are born every second.

en	In the time since we left your house, three million gay people drew their first breath.

en	That can't be right...

en	If people were born that fast, the population would grow by billions every month.

en	Where'd you get those numbers from.

en	I made them up for dramatic effect.

en	.............

en	Hey, Diya...

en	Do you think it's possible for a baseball player to mold her hair into a huge bowl shape, and use it to catch the ball?

en	{cps=0}Do you think it's possible for a baseball player to mold her hair into a huge bowl shape, and use it to catch the ball?{/cps}

en	Diya nods!

en	Why not.

en	Right??

en	It'd make fielding grounders way easier. We'd just have to lie facedown on the dirt and wait for the ball to roll in.

en	Maybe our whole team should grow our hair out and try this.

en	I feel like between this, the gene doping, and Min's steroids idea, the sport of baseball isn't ready for us.

en	Diya shakes her head.

en	Why not?

en	What do you mean why not. It'd look so dumb.

en	But it'd be convenient!

en	How would they fit the batting helmet over it?

en	They can mold their hair into the batting helmet shape when they're on offense.

en	What kind of weirdo would do that.

en	Akarsha grimaces as they reach the school campus.

en	I have this huge cramp from chasin' you earlier...

en	I'm all sweaty now too...

en	Not my fault. Get in shape.

en	I'm gonna go wash up and take a tinkle.

en	...Can you not say it like that........

en	Not say it like what?

en	The "tinkle" thing.

en	Too descriptive.

en	Unfortunately, Akarsha is already out of earshot and saunters off without answering.

en	I need to get my stuff from the locker first.

en	As she opens her locker, Min comes up behind her.

en	Good morning!

en	{font=tamil.ttf}காலை வணக்கம்!{/font}

en	{font=korean.ttf}사랑해...{/font}

en	........

en	Min taught me that phrase a long time ago. It means "hi" in Korean.

en	Maybe she's touched that I still remember it?

en	Diya laces their hands together.

en	I like teaching each other all these phrases.

en	It's like a secret code.

en	Yeah! We can even say romantic stuff without other people knowing.

en	Like spies.

en	Min brings Diya's hand to her lips and presses a kiss to her knuckles.

en	KGHSFDH?? FGFJH!!!

en	Min is so romantic...She's like a prince...

en	Suddenly, Diya realizes how close of a view Min is getting of her hand.

en	I have hair on my hands and fingers! She's going to see it!

en	Diya frantically wrenches her hand out of Min's grip.

en	Huh???

en	What's wrong?

en	...........

en	I guess Min likes me so much, nothing bad's gonna happen if I tell her.

en	There's hair on my hands...I didn't want you to see...

en	Min looks utterly dumbfounded.

en	...What???

en	They're hairy. My arms, too. When I wear short sleeves, you can even see it from far away.

en	Really? I never noticed.

en	??!

en	I thought Min of all people would've noticed. She spends so much time staring at me.

en	I'll show you, my leg hair is even worse.

en	Diya nervously rolls up one of her leggings to reveal her hairy legs.

en	I mean, yeah, I see it now...But it's just hair.

en	I'm glad you're not grossed out by it.

en	But it still might make me feel better to shave it.

en	I won't stop you, but you really don't have to...

en	You're drop-dead gorgeous with or without it.

en	Like, think about those poodles you like. The ones with curly hair.

en	!!!

en	Carpet dogs.

en	Yeah, whatever you wanna call them.

en	They have fur all over their legs, don't they?

en	Doesn't it look so bad and weird when people shave their legs bare?

en	Yeah...

en	How's your leg hair any different? It's just a normal part of you, it doesn't make you any less cute.

en	I guess that kinda makes sense.

en	It makes total sense! It's the other way around that doesn't make sense!

en	It really pisses me off when I notice all the crap the world tries to force on girls.

en	Min gets really fired up when she talks about this stuff.

en	Like this leg and armpit shaving shit, and making them think they have to like pink and have long hair.

en	If you have a brother like I do, the difference is really obvious.

en	It's all fake.

en	Min is so smart...

en	Thanks. I feel a little better now.

en	Good.

en	If anyone makes fun of you for it, I'll kill...I mean, be really, really mean to them.

en	No one's around right now...I really wanna kiss her...

en	Diya leans in, and Min catches her lips in a fierce kiss.

en	When they break apart, Min looks very proud of herself.

en	Notice anything different?

en	That was a really nice kiss? But I have no idea what she's talking about...

en	I got rid of the rest of my cigarettes!

en	You threw them away?

en	No way, I sold them to some junior for fifteen bucks.

en	That's not good...

en	Well, at least it's not me smoking them anymore.

en	That's true...Was it hard to quit?

en	I mean, it's not like I was addicted, so it wasn't that bad.

en	I was a little worried she wouldn't listen, but now that she did, I almost feel guilty.

en	Thanks...

en	...But I feel a bit bad I made you change just for me.

en	Huh?

en	You didn't make me do anything. I decided to quit 'cause I figured it'd make me happier if I got to kiss you more.

en	Noelle kept sending me these annoying as fuck studies gloating that she was gonna live longer than me, too.

en	Honestly, it was worth it just to make her shut up about it.

en	But still...If you weren't dating me, you wouldn't have quit.

en	I guess not?

en	But isn't that what people mean when they say a couple's good for each other?

en	Like, they bring out the best in each other.

en	Oh.

en	I guess people do say that too.

en	I'm happy you quit. Think I'm just not used to being listened to like this.

en	I mean, I'd be a pretty shitty girlfriend if I didn't care when something was bothering you.

en	I know you'd do the same for me.

en	That's true.

en	I can't believe that worked. I'm glad I said something.

en	........

en	But isn't it common sense? That you can't change people.

en	Huh? That sounds so cynical.

en	But sometimes it does happen. Sometimes you want someone to change, and they won't.

en	I mean, I guess it's TECHNICALLY true. You can't change people.

en	All you can do is tell them how they make you feel, and then it's up to them to change.

en	Some people will make that leap for you, but others won't.

en	Yeah...

en	I think I just need to make my peace with that.

en	I'll always make that leap for you!

en	Even if it was from a car to a truck while they're still driving really fast, like in The Matrix.

en	...That sounds scary. I hope that never happens.

en	But I wouldn't get hurt at all, and I'd look really badass doing it.

en	You already look badass doing normal stuff like pitching. Why this.

en	Diya's heartrate quickens with excitement as Min pulls her into another kiss.

en	Diya shudders as Min slips a hand up her shirt, sliding her warm palm across the small of her back.

en	GFKJGJK;LKK????????

en	Is this okay?

en	................

en	Min's hand is hot against her bare skin.

en	Once you get over the initial shock of it, it feels nice...

en	Want me to stop?

en	Diya shakes her head, hiding her burning face in the crook of Min's neck.

en	Min withdraws her hand, looking uncertain.

en	I'm not gonna do it unless you say you want me to.

en	I just need to spit it out...It's not fair to always make her guess whether I'm having fun or not.

en	Even if she's good at it, I need to help her out sometimes...

en	It's just Min, nothing bad's gonna happen...

en	...Please don't stop...

en	A wicked grin crosses Min's face, sending a rush of heat through Diya's body.

en	Good. Then I won't.

en	May I PLEASE get my textbooks?

en	You're blocking the locker.

en	!!! Sorry.

en	That evening, Diya is doing her homework when her bedroom door opens.

en	.............

en	.............

en	Her mom silently places a bowl of sliced mango on Diya's desk and leaves the room.

en	Diya nibbles on the fruit and continues working on her assignment.

en	.............

en	4th grade

en	Florida

en	Don't get too close to the water!

en	Oh, c'mon! What's the point of a field trip to a bayou if we don't even get to splash around in it a little?

en	I mean, there might be alligators in there...It's probably dangerous.

en	Min sullenly trudges along the edge of the bayou with the rest of her classmates.

en	I miss California...

en	We just moved here a couple months ago.

en	Before, the only white people I knew were Hayden and my teachers.

en	But now, everyone single kid in our class is white except me and Jun.

en	I can't believe Hayden was right! Our school in California really {i}wasn't{/i} anything like the rest of America.

en	This bayou has a lot of biodiversity. Does anyone know what that means?

en	Jun-seo raises his hand. Their teacher pauses awkwardly before nodding to him.

en	Er, sorry, how do you pronounce your name again?

en	Jun-seo.

en	Can you repeat that?

en	Yeah, Jun-seo.

en	She nods with her brows furrowed, still looking lost.

en	Uh...Is it okay if I call you John instead?

en	...Okay...

en	Okay??!

en	Looking embarrassed, Jun ignores her and answers the question like nothing happened.

en	Biodiversity is when there's a lot of different kinds of plants and animals living somewhere.

en	That's right, John!

en	A variety of animals thrive in this habitat...Let's see which ones we can spot from here.

en	Yes, Sarah?

en	Classmate

en	I see a fish in the water!

en	Min hisses to her twin under her breath as the lesson continues.

en	What was that?! Now the teacher's gonna think it's ok to call me Minnie or something!

en	If people start calling me Minnie Mouse, that'll be the absolute worst!

en	I don't think that's gonna happen...

en	It better not, I hate Minnie Mouse! She's weak and wimpy looking.

en	I bet if someone punched her in the gut, she'd just DIE.

en	I'll go make the teacher call you the right name.

en	No, don't! I don't wanna make a huge deal out of it.

en	But you SHOULD make a huge deal out of it! It's your name!

en	It's fine, John's close enough...

en	It looks like the Ant Walk is ready for us now. Everyone, follow me!

en	Their class continues down the trail, passing a group from another school. Many of the kids gawk at her and Jun with unabashed curiosity as they pass by.

en	One boy pulls his eyes into slits with his fingers as his friends giggle.

en	Random Boy

en	Herro!

en	Me no speak Engrish...

en	WHAT THE...

en	You wanna go, dickhead!? FIGHT ME!

en	Oh, he's mad! Me no rikey!

en	I DON'T SOUND LIKE THAT! BITCH!!!

en	Enraged, Min punches the kid in the face!

en	He topples backward! There's a huge splash as he lands on his butt in the shallows of the bayou.

en	Oof!

en	Min seizes his head before he can get up and dunks it into the muddy water.

en	Get him, gators!!!

en	Min, stop it!

en	Hey, get off him!

en	Half an hour later

en	Min sits seething in the backseat as her dad drives her and Jun home.

en	WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU!? ARE YOU BRAIN DAMAGED??

en	Now look, I have to pick you up in the middle of work because you couldn't behave yourself!

en	I was good...I don't see why {i}I{/i} have to be punished, too.

en	I didn't do anything wrong either!

en	Your teacher said you tried to drown a boy!

en	HUH?? THAT'S A LIE!!!

en	I was only holding him underwater so the alligators would bite him!

en	That's not any better...

en	Their dad curses and lays down the horn as a Honda changes into their lane.

en	{font=korean.ttf}개새끼{/font} = Son of a bitch

en	{font=korean.ttf}개새끼!{/font} HE CUT ME OFF!

en	The car lurches forward with squealing tires. Her dad is racing to catch up to the offending Honda, his eyes wild.

en	What's he doing?! He's gone nuts!

en	A horrible cold wash runs down Min's spine as her dad maintains his breakneck speed beside the Honda and lays down the horn.

en	AaaAAAH!

en	Jun screams as their dad violently swerves into the Honda, threatening to collide with them. The other driver is forced to veer off the road to avoid crashing.

en	What's wrong with you?!

en	He was at fault! I wasn't going to let him get away with it!

en	What're you, crazy?! You could've crashed!

en	IT'S YOUR FAULT FOR MAKING ME SO MAD IN THE FIRST PLACE!

en	IT'S BULLSHIT! HOW COME NO ONE ELSE HAS KIDS AS BRAIN DAMAGED AS YOU?!

en	Disrespect me again and I'll really make you regret it!

en	Min remembers the time her dad threw a three pound paperweight at her head because she cut her hair short, and goes quiet.

en	Fuming, her dad pulls over on the side of the road so he can focus on yelling at them.

en	Tomorrow at school, you say sorry to your teacher for causing so much trouble!

en	WHY SHOULD I HAVE TO APOLOGIZE?! I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG!

en	That jerk was asking for it! He was being racist and saying we didn't know English!

en	It doesn't matter what he said! What's gonna happen, you'll lose an arm if you don't hit him?!

en	Don't go crazy when things like that happen!

en	What about what YOU just did?! You just went ballistic five minutes ago!

en	Can't you be more like your brother?

en	Jun is so well-behaved.

en	You don't understand! You weren't there!

en	You think you're the only one who's had a hard time in the world?!

en	People wouldn't even hire me because of my accent! Who wants a manager who's an immigrant?

en	When I got rejected from job after job, what was I gonna do? Complain? Cry like a baby?

en	Why do I have to sit through this lecture, too? I didn't even do anything...

en	Be quiet, it's an important life lesson. Just listen.

en	If I got mad like Min-seo and beat up all the people who rejected me, you know what would've happened?

en	I would've landed in jail and you'd all starve to death!

en	But that's not what happened. Instead I just worked harder.

en	I got certifications, studied day and night, and got rid of my accent.

en	And then I was so much more qualified than all the white guys, companies were forced to see how skilled I was.

en	See? You have to be smart.

en	Wasting time whining about it is never going to solve anything.

en	This is you, whining!

en	Min's dad imitates her in a high-pitched voice.

en	"Wah, so unfair! No fair!"

en	"Wah! Wahhh! Crybaby!"

en	Someday I'm going to kill you...{w=0.35}Someday I'm going to kill you...

en	At home, Min and Jun hold an emergency meeting in their room.

en	This is an emergency meeting of the "I Hate Dad" Club.

en	Club President and Strike Force Commander Min will read out our agenda today.

en	Our agenda today is, COMPLAIN ABOUT HOW MUCH DAD SUCKS!!!!!

en	If he's so good at not getting mad at work, how come he gets mad at {i}us{/i} all the time?!

en	I mean...I feel like it's all connected.

en	Whaddya mean?

en	Maybe he bottles up all his bad feelings at work, so when we do anything, he blows up on us.

en	In his head, maybe it's okay for him to yell at us because he's our dad.

en	Well, he's not allowed to yell at me for getting mad when he's not any better!

en	I can't believe he sided with the teacher instead of me! Coward!!

en	I hate racists! They should all die!

en	I feel like he had a point about the fight you got into, though...

en	WHAT?!! You're demoted!

en	You can't demote me! I'm the Chief Demoter, remember?

en	Screw that! You're my own twin and you're betraying me?!

en	You were there too! You of all people should get how I feel!

en	It's your fault I got in trouble!

en	Dad's right that we shouldn't react like that to bullies. We should try to be the bigger person.

en	NO!!! THEY HAVE TO DIE!!!

en	If other people are bad, we should get to be just as bad.

en	Didn't you learn anything today?! We don't {i}get{/i} to be bad!

en	It'll just get us in trouble!

en	And when you talk back to Dad, it just makes him go crazy! When're you gonna learn?

en	He's just like Mom. How come no one will stand up against him except me?

en	What's your idea then, genius? Be a wimpy loser like him??

en	I dunno...

en	Maybe if we just laugh along, the other kids will wanna be our friends.

en	...........

en	5 years later

en	California

en	Min. Can you act?

en	I guess. Why?

en	Can you be in a video we're making? For English.

en	Sure, what's the video?

en	Diya reties her ponytail, but most of her short hair immediately falls out of the elastic and ends up framing her face.

en	Min gently tucks a curly lock behind Diya's ear, making her girlfriend blush as her fingertips brush her skin.

en	We have to make a video about current events.

en	So we chose saving the gray wolves.

en	Who's "we"?

en	Us and Noelle.

en	How come you guys keep getting these three person group projects?

en	My teachers usually do groups of four.

en	They {i}are{/i} four person projects. It's just that usually, no one else wants to be in our group.

en	Oh.

en	That's why we need more people to act out the skit we wrote.

en	Actually, if we just made a few simple cuts to the script, three people would be more than enough.

en	Your feelings on the subject matter are distorting your judgement.

en	No. We need three people for the wolf family alone.

en	There's no point in showing an entire family of wolves! Just a single wolf will suffice!

en	No. It's more sad if there's also a mommy and daddy.

en	Yeah, stop censoring our artistic vision!

en	I've never seen you two gang up on Noelle like this before.

en	It's because she's wrong about this.

en	If we're gonna make a video, it's our chance to create a masterpiece!

en	We can make it so funny!

en	...Funny? That doesn't sound like the same thing Diya's going for.

en	I want it to be like How to be Ninja.

en	What's that?

en	You haven't seen it?

en	No?

en	You have to watch it!

en	It's the funniest video I've ever seen! I found it on this website called YouTube yesterday.

en	I even converted it to mp4 online so I could watch it on my iPod!

en	Narrator

en	Second boy in video

en	Min puts in one of Akarsha's earbuds so she can hear the video. Akarsha takes the other.

en	In a living room, two teenage boys do cartwheels and kip ups to the song "Kung Fu Fighting".

en	Oh, they're both Asian? They look about our age.

en	Hey you! Wanna learn how to defend yourself?

en	Aren't you tired of bullies picking on you all the time?

en	Well, then...How To Be Ninja is the DVD for you.

en	Boy in video

en	A boy in the video bows.

en	Herro everyone....My name is Hanete wakuso shiseo tadashite teriyaki suzuki honda civic.

en	Herro...My name is Bob.

en	I dunno if I've ever seen two Asian kids like me starring in anything before.

en	And they're being funny and everything!

en	The first {i}resson{/i} in being a ninja...

en	Already, Akarsha is cracking up so hard at the kid's line delivery, the iPod is quaking in her hands.

en	Is to make loud, unnecessary sounds when you hit things.

en	Hoo! Kikiki YAH! Wah! Hooooo!

en	I've never seen a video like this my whole life! It's hilarious!

en	You must be able to transform into anything.

en	An animal...a tree...a fag...You must be able to imitate ANYONE!

en	After a kung-fu battle that culminates in one of the kids resorting to using fake gun, the bloopers play.

en	And we will be teaching {i}youuuuuuu...{/i}

en	The boys repeatedly dissolve into laughter over the accent they're doing.

en	They look like they had so much fun making this.

en	Right? It's so inspirational!

en	They're, like, our age, and they made such an awesome video.

en	If they can create something that iconic, so can we!

en	Must I remind you that this is a school assignment? That we're being GRADED on?

en	We're still following the grading rubric.

en	Are you? I didn't see "gun for an Academy Award" on there.

en	The script you two have written is wildly overambitious.

en	Nyeh!

en	Under the table, Akarsha immobilizes one of Noelle's feet by sandwiching it between two of her own feet like tongs.

en	Gotchu. Captured.

en	I'm not captured!

en	Noelle wriggles her foot free. When Akarsha tries to trap it again, Noelle retaliates by pinning one of Akarsha's feet against the leg of the table.

en	No fair, I'm wearing flip-flops while you have real shoes. You gotta go easy on me.

en	YOU CHOSE THE BATTLEGROUND! YOU DON'T GET TO COMPLAIN!

en	What the hell? They always act so demented around each other.

en	When you're done playing footsies, can we talk about what you guys actually need from me?

en	Akarsha and Noelle freeze, looking embarrassed.

en	What?

en	Hello? Because I'm acting in your project?

en	Can you meet us at the park this weekend?

en	Ya, that's where we're filming. There's a kinda woodsy lookin' spot at the edge of it.

en	Do I need to bring anything?

en	No, just you.

en	We're still working on the script, so we'll give it to you there.

en	We'll take care of the costumes, too.

en	"Sakura" and "Yuki" have a ton of stuff we can use, so they're gonna bring it all.

en	Cool, I'll be there.

en	The park

en	When Min gets there, she spots Akarsha waiting in the shade under a tree.

en	Where is everyone?

en	Noelle said Diya's mom just picked her up.

en	It's so annoying how Diya's mom has always been fine with Noelle but not me.

en	And "Sakura" and "Yuki" are running late 'cuz they couldn't find a hat they wanted to bring.

en	We don't need Chryssa and Liz til the fourth scene or so, so I told them they could show up whenever.

en	Wait, they're acting in it, too?

en	Ya, we pretty much ended up summoning the entire baseball club to help.

en	Min joins Akarsha under the shade.

en	So any progress on your crush?

en	Didn't I already tell you I got rejected?

en	You told me you half-assed a confession through fucking TEXT before chickening out and passing it off as a joke.

en	Well, I was flirting pretty hard before that happened. So either way, they should've gotten the message, at least subliminally.

en	Subliminally?!

en	Have you been listening to a thing I've been saying?! Go big or go home!

en	I literally can't even tell who it was you were flirting with.

en	Okay, I know, I know...

en	What's next? Confessing to them on April Fool's Day?

en	Actually, that's not a bad idea...

en	You've got to be kidding me...

en	When Diya and Noelle show up, Min runs over and presses a kiss to Diya's cheek.

en	...!

en	I love you.

en	{font=korean.ttf}사랑해.{/font}

en	I told Diya that phrase meant "Hi" a really long time ago.

en	Maybe I should come clean about it now that we're actually dating.

en	I don't want her to stop saying, it, though...

en	Noelle wearily hands Min her script.

en	While we're waiting for the others, you can at least familiarize yourself with your lines.

en	It's unseasonally hot out, so Min fans Diya with the script.

en	Who am I playing?

en	The Evil Hunter.

en	Whoa, sick!

en	So what do I do?

en	Are you illiterate? Just read the script.

en	I will, just gimme the SparkNotes version first.

en	To summarize, gray wolves are set to be removed from the Endangered species list.

en	I'll be playing a reporter. First, I'll interview an environmentalist, Diya.

en	Next, I'll interview you, an Evil Hunter.

en	Lastly, I'll interview a...family of wolves on their opinion.

en	During this last interview, the Evil Hunter kills the Wolf Pup, played by Akarsha.

en	You {i}really{/i} don't like this script, huh?

en	It's clearly biased.

en	It doesn't make sense to extend special treatment to wolves just because they're "cute" and "fuzzy".

en	It makes sense in my heart.

en	From an objective, numerical standpoint, their populations have recovered enough that these protections are no longer needed.

en	Humans have a thriving population, too. Does that mean aliens are allowed to hunt us for sport?

en	Min reads the script as they argue. It's physically battered and marked with edits.

en	They must've been fighting over this for hours.

en	Guys, wait, I have another idea.

en	I just saw a video of a guy setting a pile of leaves on fire, and it exploded.

en	Can we try to work that into the video too?

en	NO.

en	Diya slips her hand into Min's as Akarsha and Noelle argue.

en	.........

en	Looks like we have some time to kill before everyone else arrives.

en	Min looks around the park...

en	Throw rocks at dead tree stump

en	Look at dead tree stump

en	Search for rocks

en	Look at picnic table

en	Look at the dog

en	Look at playground

en	There's just sand here. No rocks.

en	I'm sad we're too big for playgrounds now. They should make playgrounds for teens and adults.

en	Yeah, all the scenarios we'd come up with while playing pretend were so fun!

en	My favorite was the one where we pretended we were runaways starting our own clan.

en	That one was so popular, some of the kids joining in weren't even our friends.

en	Sucks that the teachers made us stop because everyone was digging huge holes in the ground and making stuff out of mud.

en	Was that why? I thought it was because it got too big.

en	I remember like, thirty of us were doing it.

en	Maybe it was a combination of both? I dunno.

en	I didn't even dig anything. My house was just a bunch of pine needles I arranged in a circle shape.

en	You mean OUR house? We were married.

en	In the pretend world, I mean.

en	?????

en	We were?

en	I saved you from being kidnapped by bandits and I made you marry me as a reward.

en	You did the exact same thing as the bandits then.

en	No, I didn't! The bandits wanted you for bad reasons, but I wanted you for nice reasons ONLY.

en	And didn't you say this game was your favorite? You must've liked it.

en	...............

en	Realizing that Min's right, Diya is so embarrassed that she doesn't respond.

en	Dog Owner

en	Min scours the ground for rocks. Meanwhile, Diya is almost in tears watching a dog run in circles round the park.

en	Diya is almost in tears watching the dog run in circles round the park.

en	He looks like a banana dipped in chocolate and he doesn't even know it.

en	God, the way you think is so fucking cute...

en	The dog catches a frisbee with its mouth and brings it to its owner.

en	Bucket! Good boy!

en	Bucket...

en	Want me to ask if we can pet it?

en	No, I think I can do it. Thanks.

en	Oh, sure. Go for it!

en	Don't worry, I'll take over if they don't let you pet it.

en	Diya nods and hesitantly approaches the dog's owner.

en	She stands about a foot behind him, unnoticed.

en	....

en	.........

en	She must be psyching herself up to do it.

en	............

en	.....................

en	Can I pet your dog?

en	Wugh!

en	You scared me!

en	Sure, you can pet him.

en	Bucket happily rolls over on his back, exposing his belly.

en	!!!!!

en	Diya gives the dog a hearty belly rub as he blissfully writhes around in the grass.

en	Sweetheart/darling; used between lovers

en	{font=korean.ttf}자기야.{/font}

en	Do you wanna pet it too.

en	She's talking to me!

en	Pet the dog

en	Don't pet the dog

en	Min rubs the dog's belly with both hands. His rough fur is a little smelly.

en	When she stops, the dog looks up at her expectantly.

en	He's asking for more.

en	You're still petting him, too! He really wants a whole crew massaging him at once?

en	It's okay. I'm happy just watching you.

en	Diya keeps rubbing Bucket's belly with both hands, but he keeps looking up at Min expectantly.

en	He's asking you to join.

en	You're already petting him! He really wants a whole crew massaging him at once?

en	After a solid five minutes, Bucket still hasn't had enough pets.

en	It's okay, you can stop...I don't wanna keep you guys all day...

en	Oh, okay. Thanks.

en	Wait, have you seen any huge rocks around here?

en	Uh...How about the one over there?

en	He points at a slab of rock lying in the dirt.

en	Yeah, perfect!

en	Now we just need to find a rock for me, too.

en	This one's for me?

en	This one's for you.

en	Min squeezes Diya's hand as the guy walks off with his dog.

en	You did good talking to that guy!

en	I'm trying to get better at it.

en	Used to think I was just awkward because of my ear, but I think I partially picked it up from my mom.

en	She's old and still scared of answering the phone and talking to strangers.

en	I wanna be different.

en	Oh, I get that feeling. I don't want to be like my dad, no matter what.

en	That's why I'll never have kids. I'd never wanna do the things he did to me, to someone else.

en	You wouldn't be like him. You're not a bad person.

en	But I'm worried it's easy to do it by accident...

en	Min scours the ground for rocks. Meanwhile, Diya watches the dog running around.

en	I don't see any more rocks around here.

en	We should look somewhere else.

en	If I were in charge of naming that dog, I'd name him "Banana Dipped in Chocolate".

en	That's way too long!

en	His first name can be Banana. Middle name Diptin, last name Chocolate.

en	That's still the exact same length!

en	There's a decently big slab lying in the dirt.

en	We both have rocks now!

en	Let's go throw them at the tree stump!

en	Okay.

en	This rock'll work!

en	Now we just need to find one for me, too.

en	This one's for me?

en	This one's for you.

en	It's a dead husk of a tree stump.

en	Diya! Let's throw rocks at this tree stump!!!

en	I bet we can knock the bark off of it!!!

en	Okay.

en	They survey the ground for rocks to throw, but there's only dirt and twigs.

en	We should look around for big rocks.

en	Good idea.

en	It's a dead husk of a tree stump.

en	We don't have enough rocks to throw at this yet.

en	Diya and I each need one, otherwise it's not fair.

en	We still need to find some big rocks to throw at it.

en	Ester is seated at the bench, fiddling with a camcorder.

en	Oh, you're here too?

en	Yeah, I'm being the cameraman.

en	Akarsha kept insisting I'd be good at it 'cause I'm "artsy", so...

en	Did she do something to her hair? It looks way different than usual.

en	Wow, your hair's so flat today.

en	........Thanks...???

en	Ester gives her a weird look.

en	Meanwhile, Diya searches the ground for big rocks.

en	Ester raises her eyebrows as Diya and Min search the ground for big rocks.

en	Ester's playing with the camcorder settings.

en	What're you doing?

en	Looking for rocks.

en	Have you seen any.

en	There's a pretty big one over there.

en	Ester points to a large stone on the ground.

en	!!!

en	Thanks.

en	This one's as big as my fist!!!

en	Yeah, this'll work!

en	Work for what...??

en	YAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!

en	Min hurls a rock at the dead stump!

en	It hits it with a {i}thwack{/i}, causing a small piece of dry bark to fly off.

en	!!

en	Cool.

en	Yeah...She's so impressed by me!

en	I bet she wants to kiss me so bad.

en	Diya follows Min's lead and fires a rock at the stump!

en	It slams into the stump so hard, its top half explodes in a shower of bark shards.

en	WHOA!!!!!

en	THAT WAS SO BADASS!

en	Thanks.

en	She's the most perfect girl in the world!

en	Min has to hold herself back from grabbing Diya and kissing her senseless.

en	I wish we didn't have to hide that we're dating.

en	I get why we have to. But I wish I could just shout it from the mountaintops, that you're my girlfriend.

en	It's still true even if you can't say it.

en	But it'd be nice to say it so everyone knows.

en	Yeah...I know what you mean.

en	I wish we could go on more dates. I want to go everywhere with you.

en	The aquarium, PetSmart...Home Depot lights section...Airplane...

en	Airplane?? Why, do you like flying?

en	Not really. I like looking out the window and eating the pretzel packet.

en	And Southwest gives you a little stirrer with your drink that's shaped like a heart. But that's it.

en	We haven't done it together before though, so I think it'd be fun.

en	I wanna see how you react to it.

en	Me, too. I want to see your face when they give you the heart-shaped stirrer thing.

en	We should each ask for a different free beverage and share, so I get to try two drinks instead of just one.

en	Imagining it makes Min's heart feel like it's going to explode.

en	Forgetting her surroundings, Min surges forward to kiss her just as Diya does the same, causing their mouths to crash together unexpectedly hard.

en	Ough!

en	Sorry. Got too excited.

en	That was the worst kiss ever.

en	Let's redo it.

en	Wait, won't people see us?

en	Oops. I forgot.

en	Maybe we should lie down in the grass.

en	Huh? Why?

en	That way, it'll look like we're just wrestling.

en	Diya lies down, and Min gets on top of her and starts making out with her. It doesn't look anything like wrestling.

en	Diya clutches at Min's back as Min presses kiss after kiss to her lips.

en	..........

en	You're so cute. Do you know that?

en	Maybe a little...

en	Diya goes still underneath her, suddenly looking uncomfortable.

en	What's wrong?

en	A bug crawled under my shirt.

en	Diya sits up and unsuccessfully gropes around under her hoodie for the bug.

en	Every neuron in Min's brain misfires as Diya hikes her hoodie all the way up over her bra, exposing her bare torso.

en	Oohhhhhh........

en	I'm looking respectfully...I'm looking respectfully...

en	Don't know where it went...

en	Min is so distracted that it takes her a few seconds to notice the bug crawling on Diya's chest.

en	Oh, it's just a beetle. I got it.

en	She grabs hold of it just as Akarsha and Noelle come jogging up to them.

en	Everyone has arrived. We should get in costume now.

en	...!!!

en	Diya frantically pulls her hoodie back on.

en	Uh...Whoa...

en	I was just helping her, a bug crawled up her shirt.

en	...Where was it gonna crawl next? Down her pants??

en	What the fuck? That's not what was happening!

en	Look, the bug's right here!

en	Min raises her hand to show it to them, but it's gone.

en	............

en	It must've flown off.

en	I mean, I'm not judging. If I had a ticket to Boobs City I know what I'd be doing too...

en	But literally HERE, in broad daylight? Really??

en	Oh, for fuck's sake! We literally weren't doing anything!

en	Diya's face is still flushed pink as they walk over to the others, hand in hand.

en	..........

en	Hey, was she making you uncomfortable?

en	I can make her stop.

en	...No, it's okay.

en	Thanks for asking. I feel pampered with you.

en	Good, 'cause you deserve to be pampered.

en	The group gathers around "Sakura" and "Yuki" as they haul a pile of clothes and props out of a duffel bag.

en	Sorry we're late, I was turning my closet upside down trying to find everything.

en	Any objections if I play music from my phone?

en	Are you gonna play anime openings?

en	.........Maybe.........

en	Then yes.

en	How about K-Pop?

en	I just discovered this amazing group called Super Junior.

en	I don't know what that is. You can play ONE song.

en	Yosh!

en	She plays a song from her phone speakers and tries to untangle a Nerf gun from a coat belt.

en	K-Pop song

en	The people around me tell me...

en	{font=times.ttf}♫{/font} {font=korean.ttf}주변 사람들은 말해{/font} {font=times.ttf}♫{/font}

en	I’m too aggressive...

en	{font=times.ttf}♫{/font} {font=korean.ttf}내가 너무 적극적{/font} {font=times.ttf}♫{/font}

en	............

en	Oh, this isn't so bad.

en	Isn't it great? Korean guys are so much better than American guys.

en	How so?

en	They're all so beautiful and kind-hearted. Not smelly pervs like the guys here.

en	I need to find myself an Oppa...

en	This is weird...Should I say something?

en	I guess she doesn't mean any harm by it...She's trying to appreciate the culture.

en	Here, Min, this trenchcoat's yours.

en	It's my brother's Yoite costume. It's supposed to have a hat too, but I think he lost it.

en	Yo-eeteh...? The fuck is that?

en	From the amazing series Nabari no Ou, duh.

en	Wait a minute...Is this all anime stuff?!

en	I believe the correct term is "cosplay".

en	WHAT?!

en	Akarsha! I thought you meant normal costumes! Like Halloween costumes!!

en	You didn't ask, so...

en	WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU WEARING?

en	My baby wolf costume.

en	How do I look?

en	Like someone wearing cat ears. Is this really gonna come across as "wolf"?

en	Yuki, this would've been more convincing if you had fursuits.

en	Fursuits are so expensive, though. I might become a doctor just to be able to afford them someday.

en	Also, you guys don't have to call me Yuki anymore.

en	I realized a few days ago that going by a Japanese name in real life is kinda weird if you're not actually Japanese.

en	Me too, actually. Even if we love anime, it's a bit much.

en	It took you all the way til now to realize that...?

en	Well, better late than never. Thank god.

en	So what {i}are{/i} your names?

en	Grace

en	Sayeeda

en	Grace.

en	Grace?! What the...

en	And my real name is Sayeeda.

en	At least that one sounds {i}kinda{/i} like Sakura.

en	Akarsha, what does your outfit have to do with being a wolf?

en	You only need the ears and paws to get the point across.

en	So you're saying I should be naked?

en	NO, I'M NOT!

en	Diya holds up her "environmentalist" costume.

en	Where do I change?

en	I used the restroom over there. It's just the one family room, so you'll all have to take turns getting changed.

en	Unless, y'know, you want Min to "get more bugs off you"...

en	YOU FREAK WHORE!!! YOU'RE DERANGED IF YOU THINK I'M FUCKING HER IN A PARK BATHROOM!!!

en	One way ticket to Boobs City...

en	WHA— STOP CALLING MY GIRLFRIEND "BOOBS CITY"??!

en	WHY'RE YOU SO OBSESSED WITH THAT PHRASE NOW?

en	...I'll go now...

en	In the meantime, Min, can you help me pitch this tent? It's going to be the setting of your first scene.

en	Ugh, fine.

en	I can help, too. Since I don't need to get in costume.

en	Min helps Ester and Noelle carry the box with the tent in it.

en	I don't understand why Akarsha keeps making those crass jokes about you two.

en	It's not as if two girls can actually have sexual relations.

en	...What the hell are you talking about? Yes they can?

en	Are you dense? Humans weren't evolved for that.

en	The anatomy makes it impossible.

en	How's it impossible? You can use other body parts, like your fingers.

en	Fingers?! You must be mistaken.

en	Are we really having this conversation right now?!

en	No, it's true. I mean, girls' love manga is a thing...

en	...What...?

en	Did you think lesbians gave up sex for life???

en	....................

en	Is she serious?! How sheltered is she??

en	Noelle is so shocked that she doesn't speak for a while.

en	Ester wipes sweat off her brow and points at a clearing in the dry grass.

en	That spot over there might look nice on film.

en	Isn't it a bit close to the ravine, though? There's a steep downhill slope right behind it.

en	So? It's not like the tent's gonna teleport backwards after we've nailed it down.

en	Yeah, unless a typhoon blows us over I think it'll be fine.

en	Alright, I see that I'm outnumbered.

en	But don't say I didn't warn you.

en	Min hears rustling behind her. She turns around and sees Akarsha making a leaf pile.

en	Heheheh...

en	Wait, is she trying the exploding leaf thing?

en	AKARSHA!!! THAT'S NOT ALLOWED!!!

en	As Noelle chases after Akarsha, Min and Ester lay out their tent in the spot they picked.

en	She's so friggin' anal. She's probably sexually attracted to laws.

en	I bet she loses her mind whenever she sees jaywalkers.

en	She DOES!

en	It's like she thinks someone's gonna go "Good job Noelle, you're the best at following the rules!" and give her a gold star for it.

en	Min squints in confusion at the steps to set up the tent.

en	I can't picture this shit...Where do the poles go?

en	They criss-cross in the middle, see?

en	Here, just hold that end and stick it through the metal ring.

en	Like magic, the tent pops out into the third dimension.

en	Holy shit. You're like a camping progidy.

en	I mean, all I did was follow the instructions...

en	Now we just have to drive the stakes into the ground.

en	Min pounds each stake into the dirt with a large stone, enthralled that hitting something is actually constructive for once.

en	Fuck yeah!!!

en	Meanwhile, Ester takes her sketchbook out of her backpack and starts writing in it.

en	What're you doing?

en	Ester stops, looking embarrassed.

en	I'm writing down what you said earlier as inspiration for my webcomic. Like, for character dialogue.

en	I've started doing this whenever something interesting happens so I can remember later.

en	Huh? What'd I say that was interesting?

en	You said I was a camping "progidy." Y'know, instead of a "prodigy."

en	What's so special about that? They're pretty much the same anyway.

en	I dunno, I just thought it was a neat detail.

en	Obviously I'll only use it if you're okay with it, though!

en	I mean, sure, I don't really care.

en	What's it for, again? A comic?

en	Yep.

en	What, like Garfield?

en	Huh?? No, it's nothing like that.

en	It's still a work in progress, but basically...it's about a bunch of teenagers who have the power to shift into alternate dimensions.

en	It's kinda sci-fi-y, I guess.

en	Oh, so like a superhero comic?

en	No, there's no supervillains or anything. All their problems come from the way they use their own powers.

en	Like, while you're in the parallel universe, you're gone from your original universe, right?

en	But what if you get tied up with something while there, and can't come back?

en	That'd suck ass.

en	I wouldn't get to see Diya or my friends anymore.

en	Exactly! No one from the world you left behind would know why you disappeared, and you'd become a missing person there.

en	I always get so stressed out about that when reading Narnia and time travel stories.

en	I've never heard her talk this much before.

en	She must really be hyped about her webcomic.

en	...Anyway, a lot of miscommunication happens between the characters because of issues like that.

en	No offense, but I can't stand stories that revolve around misunderstandings.

en	It's so frustrating when the whole problem is literally just people being bad at talking.

en	If you hurt someone, it should be on purpose.

en	But those kinds of problems are the most realistic.

en	In real life, people hurt each other by accident all the time.

en	Like how?

en	You know how before our school became 93%% Asian, it used to have a football team?

en	They died 'cause Asians don't care about football, right? Same as the real baseball team.

en	Yeah. No one would go to the games.

en	As a last-ditch effort to help them last year, my math teacher offered us two points of extra credit for coming to a football game.

en	So I went, to help my grade.

en	But as soon as I got home, my dad yelled at me for going to a game instead of studying.

en	He didn't get that we had the exact same goal, me getting good grades.

en	Wait, what ethnicity are you?

en	Huh? I'm Black and Chinese.

en	And your dad's the Black one?

en	Uh...Yeah, he is?

en	I didn't know Black people cared about grades.

en	.......That's like...pretty racist of you to say...

en	Bewildered, Min completely misses the tent stake she was trying to hit.

en	Huh?! How is it racist??

en	Why would you assume Black people don't care about their grades?

en	I didn't mean it as a diss or anything.

en	{i}I{/i} don't care about grades either, it's not like I was looking down on them.

en	But...but why even bring my race into it like that??

en	I was just asking a question!

en	Didn't {i}you{/i} bring up race first? You were talking about Asians!

en	I'm Asian so I'm allowed to say that!

en	Sure, whatever. If I knew you'd be so fucking sensitive about it, I wouldn't have asked in the first place.

en	Wow...So instead of saying sorry, you're insulting me?

en	Wh—Why the hell should I apologize?

en	I wasn't even trying to be offensive! It's not like I purposefully called you the N word or something.

en	WOW, THANKS FOR NOT CALLING ME THE N WORD????

en	I'm just saying you're overreacting!

en	There's REAL racist people out there who hate minorities, and you're calling ME racist just because I accidentally made one little mistake?!

en	It's not just one little mistake! You say weird, ignorant stuff like this all the time!

en	No, I don't! Like what?

en	Like when you randomly told me my hair was flat!

en	What was I even supposed to say to that?? "Yours too"???

en	GET A GRIP! THAT'S NOT EVEN REAL RACISM!!!

en	You're seriously trying to explain what racism is to ME? A Black and Chinese person???

en	Look, I'm a minority too! Us even fighting is so dumb!

en	You being Asian doesn't mean you're not racist!

en	The worst racism I've EVER seen was when I went to China!

en	God, you're being so stupid!

en	Ester throws her stake down and storms off!

en	Dumbfounded, Min just stands there with her heart racing a mile a minute.

en	How did it blow up like this?! I wasn't even trying to start something!

en	Shit! Did anyone else hear us fighting?

en	Min nervously looks around, paranoid that her friends heard what happened.

en	It's hard to tell if they did...

en	Min frantically hammers the last stake in place, her stomach churning with a mixture of shame and panic.

en	She hears footsteps behind her, and nearly has a heart attack when she turns to see Chryssa walking over.

en	OH FUCK!!!

en	What if Ester told Chryssa I'm racist against Black people? She's Black too!

en	I don't want her to hate me! She might even kick me off the team!

en	Need any help with the tent?

en	Nah, I'm good.

en	I guess you could say it's...not tent to be.

en	I should be extra careful not to offend her...

en	Ha...ha...Great joke...

en	Thank you! I feel like not enough people appreciate my puns.

en	Having donned her "reporter" costume, Noelle returns to place a sleeping bag inside the tent.

en	Min, it's your turn to get changed.

en	Where did Ester go? We're about to start shooting.

en	I can't tell her Ester left because she thinks I'm racist!

en	Uh......She just randomly walked off.

en	What? How come?

en	Who knows? She's so weird.

en	In the park's restroom, Min quickly changes into her "Evil Hunter" get-up.

en	I'm going to be sweating buckets wearing all this in this weather.

en	Thank god they couldn't find the hat, or it would've been even worse.

en	Diya perks up when Min rejoins the group.

en	You look cool.

en	You should get a coat like that for real.

en	Normally, this would send Min over the moon, but she feels so sick to her stomach, she can't properly appreciate it.

en	Thanks...

en	It's me, your racist girlfriend...

en	Diya definitely wouldn't want to be with me anymore if she found out I was racist...

en	Do I look okay?

en	You look so cute in glasses.

en	Is this a character from something? It does kinda give off "nerdy animal lover" energy.

en	No idea.

en	Ester, I like your hair.

en	Oh yeah? Thanks.

en	Bun buddies.

en	Bun buddies...

en	They begin shooting the first scene in front of some trees.

en	Reporter

en	This is the Channel 2 News, reporting from Boise, Idaho.

en	Environmentalists have been in an uproar ever since the Obama Administration approved the delisting of gray wolves from the Endangered Species list...

en	Even replaying the conversation in her mind is getting Min worked up again.

en	I can't believe Ester had the nerve to call me racist!

en	When we were in Florida, kids used to call me and my brother Chinks, and tried to beat us up!

en	Why would I be racist when I hate racists more than anyone?! It doesn't make sense!

en	I wasn't even trying to insult her!

en	Like, good luck going through life getting offended by every tiny thing you see.

en	Right?! Are my standards just totally messed up or something?

en	Min stomps on a random twig and crushes it into tiny pieces beneath her combat boots.

en	.............

en	What's wrong?

en	Ugh. I'm just having a weird day...

en	Do you think I'm racist?

en	...??

en	No...?

en	How come?

en	You're good to me, and curious about other cultures.

en	Why?

en	No reason. Just checking...

en	Okay, we got it. Let's move on to the next shot.

en	Diya goes over to stand in front of the camera.

en	Ma'am, can you introduce yourself?

en	Environmentalist

en	{small}I'm an environmentalist with a degree in wildlife ecology. My research has led me to believe that...{/small}

en	Bro, can you speak up a little?

en	After a few takes, they manage to capture a halfway audible clip of Diya talking. They move on to the next scene...

en	Soon, it's time for the Evil Hunter's interview. Min reviews her lines before getting into place.

en	Okay, I'm set up. Action.

en	Next, I'm interviewing a hunter who's camped out in the Idaho wilderness.

en	Hello there. How do you feel about the removal of gray wolves from the Endangered Species list?

en	Ester could straight up ruin my whole life if she said something right now...

en	Evil Hunter

en	I...Uh...

en	...Yes?

en	Gimme a minute, I just woke up.

en	...It's the afternoon.

en	The sleeping bag I was sleeping on was full of rocks.

en	.......

en	Anyway, I feel ecstatic about the delisting!

en	I can't wait to kill tons of wolves!!!

en	Hold up, cut!

en	Ya skipped a line.

en	What line?

en	The part about how the delisting removed protections for wolves from hunters.

en	Oh, right.

en	Hello there. How do you feel about the removal of gray wolves from the Endangered Species list?

en	I feel ecstatic! The delisting removed protections for wolves in Idaho and...and...

en	Sweating profusely, Min tries to focus and remember her line...

en	.............

en	...Ma'am? Hello?

en	Don't call me ma'am.

en	Wha...Why not?!

en	I don't like it. I'm not a woman or something.

en	Are we talking about your character, or in real life?!

en	Cut! C'mon, don't break the fourth wall.

en	After Min botches their tenth try, Noelle looks about ready to explode.

en	Are you even trying right now? We're going to be stuck here all day because of you!

en	Shut up! I am too trying!

en	Why don't we take a little break? It'll probably help us all reset.

en	Yeah, let's go stare at the lake or something.

en	We can hide all our backpacks and stuff in the tent.

en	I guess it can't hurt...

en	The group trudges over to the lake. Diya sits down with Min by the water's edge...

en	Look at the lake

en	Study your lines again

en	Glance over at Ester

en	Ugh...I hate nature-y lakes like this.

en	Why?

en	It's nice here.

en	It just reminds me of shit that happened to me in Florida.

en	What happened?

en	I mean, it's pretty much the same as the other stories I told you.

en	I was just on a field trip that got ruined by racists.

en	So now places like this are cursed.

en	..........

en	What did you mean earlier? About not being a woman.

en	Do you mean age-wise?

en	Oh...It's hard to explain.

en	I've never really told this to anyone before. It's probably going to be confusing.

en	That's okay.

en	I don't really like being thought of as a girl.

en	But I'm not 100%% removed from it, if that makes sense?

en	Being called a woman or a lady is way worse. Like, disgusting.

en	I definitely don't want strangers seeing me to think "Oh, that's a woman."

en	...What do you want them to think?

en	...I dunno...

en	I'm still figuring that part out.

en	Diya tilts her head, perplexed.

en	............

en	Don't get me wrong, "girl" is my favorite gender! Like, you're a girl, and you're the best thing that ever happened to me.

en	I just only feel any connection to {i}being{/i} a girl in really specific situations.

en	No, I know.

en	Sorry. Just trying to wrap my head around it.

en	...Can I still call you my girlfriend?

en	Yeah! I like being your girlfriend.

en	And I like being lesbian. I'm not that into the "being a girl" part, but I relate super hard with the "no interest in men" part.

en	It's more stuff like being called "ma'am" or "Mrs." that really skeeves me out.

en	I know it doesn't make that much sense. Like, gender's not real in the first place, so...

en	No, it makes sense.

en	Feel like I already knew that before you said it.

en	You're okay with it?

en	To Min's relief, Diya nods.

en	It's very you.

en	It's kind of cool. You're like a gender outlaw.

en	Yeah! That's me.

en	I'm so lucky to have the sweetest, kindest, purest girlfriend in the world who has to be protected at all costs...

en	I definitely can't let her find out about the racist thing...

en	Min continues watching the clear, rippling water.

en	All of a sudden, Noelle yelps and turns indignantly to Akarsha.

en	Did you just throw a rock at me?!

en	Nope? Maybe it was the water.

en	The WATER threw a rock at me??

en	It was just a lil pebble, right? I bet the waves could've picked it up.

en	She definitely threw the rock at her.

en	Chryssa sighs from the bench she and Liz are sitting on.

en	Why is it that wherever we go, we end up babysitting people?

en	Do you think it's firstborn child syndrome?

en	You might be onto something.

en	My siblings are pretty immature, so it's usually up to me to make sure the house doesn't burn down.

en	What if we started acting really immature too? Then someone else'll be forced to pick up the slack.

en	How do you propose we do that?

en	I dunno...Maybe we should just start talking with no filter.

en	Instead of thinking about what we say, we just say whatever pops into our minds first.

en	Very interesting...

en	Min rereads the script.

en	When she reaches the end of the packet, she flips it over to make sure there's nothing on the back.

en	To her horror, the backside is covered with a dense array of numbers and numerical operations.

en	The heck is this?! It looks like a serial killer wrote on it.

en	Oh, it's just a puzzle I made up.

en	Using the digits 1, 2, 5, and 7 only once each, you create expressions using any operations that result in each integer from 0 to 100.

en	What in the actual hell would possess you to do that?

en	It's called curiosity.

en	When I look at a clock, I like to make the numbers do this.

en	When I look at a clock, it's 'cause I wanna know what time it is.

en	God, you're fucked in the head.

en	Ester is sitting with Grace and Sayeeda on a nearby log.

en	Should I try to talk to her?

en	That might piss her off even worse. I probably shouldn't.

en	I wish my hair would go prematurely grey. Having white hair would be so cool.

en	Me too...

en	Even though no one else would see it?

en	That's not true, I can show my hair to my family and other girls.

en	It's true, she used to charge other girls $20 to see her hair in the girls bathroom.

en	How'd you know? Did you pay to see it?

en	Yup.

en	If you're interested, Ester, I'll let you see it for a special discount of $10.

en	I'll pass.

en	You sure? Limited time offer.

en	Why's it limited time? Your hair's always gonna be there.

en	For all you know, I could be dyeing it a crazy new color every day.

en	It could be blue, purple, pink...And you'll never know unless you check!

en	Oh, crap. Maybe I should pay to see it again...

en	You're seriously falling for that?!

en	After the brief break, the group gets back to filming.

en	Take 11. Action.

en	Hello, how do you feel about the removal of gray wolves from the Endangered Species list?

en	I feel ecstatic! The delisting removed protections for wolves in Idaho and Montana.

en	Now it's legal for me to hunt them. I can't wait to kill tons of wolves!

en	When they finally get through the whole scene, Diya rewards Min with a quick peck on the cheek.

en	Good job.

en	I'm all sweaty and nasty right now, you don't have to do that.

en	You're not nasty. I don't mind it.

en	Noelle grumbles as she sits next to Akarsha at the picnic table and takes a sip of water.

en	I still can't believe you threw a rock at my face.

en	Hey, that is a GROSS exaggeration.

en	Wait, so you admit it was you who threw it now?

en	First of all, I LOBBED it. Second of all, I lobbed it at her neck, not her face.

en	WELL, IT HIT MY FACE!!!

en	Intent matters here! You're makin' it sound way worse than it really was!

en	Yeah, intent does matter! I didn't mean to hurt Ester's feelings either!

en	Min uneasily glances over at Ester. She's reviewing the footage on the camcorder.

en	..........

en	I wish the whole thing never happened...

en	Okay, we're good to start the wolf family interview.

en	Yiss!!!

en	I call being the Wolf Mom!

en	Wait, I wanted to be the mommy, too.

en	Well, I definitely don't want to be the dad.

en	It can be two moms. Adopted.

en	Wolf Mom and Wolf Mom #2.

en	Wolf Mom #2 definitely sounds like the inferior one, though.

en	There's gotta be a way to make them sound equal.

en	Like how there's always two versions of Pokemon, like Diamond and Pearl.

en	Does this really matter??

en	Hey, this is the scene where I kill Akarsha, right?

en	Aren't I supposed to have a gun?

en	Oh, I brought a Nerf gun you can use.

en	It's in the tent with the other stuff.

en	Okay, I'll go get it.

en	Min rummages through the duffel bag of costumes in search of the Nerf gun.

en	Wait, Min-seo, is the microphone in there too?

en	I dunno, look for it yourself.

en	Noelle sneezes as she steps into the dusty tent.

en	Achoo!

en	Shut up.

en	Shut up???

en	Noelle joins Min by the duffel bag.

en	Suddenly, Noelle frowns at her.

en	.........

en	What? You got a problem or something?

en	For one heart-stopping moment, Min's sure she's been exposed as racist somehow, but she soon realizes Noelle is just glaring at the dirt that she tracked into the tent.

en	You wore your boots inside?! You're getting dirt everywhere!

en	Oh, that's it?

en	It's barely anything!

en	You got a leaf on the sleeping bag already. See?

en	So brush it off! Who cares?!

en	I care! You were the one responsible, so {i}you{/i} should be the one to brush it off!

en	It's just one fucking leaf! Stop splitting hairs over nothing!

en	You're the one being difficult here! Just apologize and get the leaf off!

en	YOU REALLY WANT ME TO GET THAT LEAF OFF!? TAKE THIS!!!

en	Min grabs one end of the sleeping bag and swings it at Noelle!

en	It whaps Noelle in the torso!

en	HEY! I'M TELLING ON YOU!!!

en	{big=+20}GO AHEAD AND TRY IT, TURBONERD!!!!{/big}

en	Noelle seizes a handful of the sleeping bag as Min tries to land another blow!

en	YOU GORMLESS BRUTE!!!

en	THE FUCK YOU MEAN I'M WORMLESS??? TAKE THAT BACK!

en	Min yanks on the sleeping bag, hard! It slips from Noelle's grasp, sending Min hurtling backwards.

en	WHOA!!

en	Min loses her balance completely and falls backwards into the wall of the tent.

en	She hits the ground butt-first, pinning the fabric of the tent down with her weight.

en	The tent collapses, blanketing its occupants in nylon. Min feels herself sliding backwards down a slope...

en	THE TENT'S ROLLING DOWN THE HILL!

en	Min and Noelle blindly tumble down the hill with their limbs wrapped in tent, screaming all the way.

en	Min and Noelle

en	AAAAGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

en	Eventually, they crash into a large bush at the bottom of the ravine.

en	Min crawls out of the tangled mess, spitting dirt and twigs out of her mouth.

en	Pwah! Pwah!

en	Oh, how I despise you...

en	Noelle gathers the tent into her arms and tries to trudge back up to the park in her socks.

en	What happened to your shoes?

en	I took them off before coming into the tent, like a civilized person.

en	See, this is why keeping them on is better.

en	I win.

en	No, you don't! This situation would never arise under normal circumstances.

en	Look how much faster I'm walking than you.

en	See? Loser.

en	Min looks back and sees how far behind Noelle is.

en	She looks pretty pathetic dragging the tent through the dirt...

en	...........

en	Min reluctantly goes back and yanks the tent away from her.

en	...........

en	What's the matter with you today?

en	What?

en	Generally speaking, you strike me as someone who can't take criticism.

en	But you haven't blown up on me like this for months.

en	Did something happen between you and Ester?

en	WHAT?

en	NO, WHY?

en	During our scene, you kept eyeing her like she was going to bite you.

en	Oh, hell. If even fucking NOELLE can tell, I might as well be wearing a neon sign around saying what happened.

en	We sorta got in a fight.

en	She got all offended by something I said.

en	What did you say?

en	...I don't even wanna say it...It's so fucking embarrassing...

en	I kinda was like...I didn't know Black people cared about grades...

en	What?! Why???

en	I don't know...None of my classes ever had Black people in them...

en	So I felt like I was learning something new from the story she was telling me. I was just trying to express that.

en	So you decided to TELL HER you held a bigoted belief that only changed after a random anecdote she shared???

en	I wasn't thinking, okay?! It's easy to pick apart now in hindsight, but the whole thing happened in like five seconds!

en	I didn't even have anything against her! Or Black people in general!

en	C'mon, you know me. When I hate someone, I let them know!!!

en	Yes, I'm well aware of that.

en	So it should've been obvious I didn't mean anything bad by it!

en	When people do Asian accents or say weird stuff about Koreans, {i}I{/i} don't flip out!

en	You don't...?

en	That time we were walking around and got Konnichiwa'd, you were furious.

en	That was coming from a white creep, and it was clearly hateful.

en	But if it's just a joke, or something worded insensitively, it doesn't always mean the person ACTUALLY hates Asians.

en	I'm not sure I follow your logic here...

en	Are you saying that as long as something's not {i}intentionally{/i} hateful racism, it doesn't bother you?

en	Yeah, it doesn't. 'Cause I'm not a sensitive crybaby.

en	But if you had a choice, wouldn't you rather they not say those things?

en	Well, duh. If you could press a button and magically no one ever said that stuff again, that'd be cool.

en	...Then it {i}does{/i|} bother you?

en	Okay, yeah, maybe it would bother me a little, but I wouldn't make a huge stink about it.

en	If it bothers you, doesn't it make sense to complain about it?

en	If I were some weakass sissy, sure. But I'm not, so I don't sweat that kinda small stuff.

en	But we just established that you {i}are{/i} bothered by it.

en	You just deny it because in your eyes, it's weakness to admit you're hurt. Because of the tough guy act you have going on.

en	Noelle's got this insufferably smug expression on her face, like she's discovered a misprint in an exam that no one else has found yet.

en	I think I understand now.

en	Understand what?? You weren't even there.

en	You think Ester is overreacting because in similar situations, you do nothing.

en	When she told you your response was racist, you became enraged by her audacity to complain about things you suffered through in silence.

en	Admitting that you genuinely hurt her feelings would require the admission that you've been hurt before, too.

en	And your fragile ego cannot allow that.

en	...................

en	Shit...Maybe she's onto something...

en	In conclusion, Ester's right, you're wrong, and you're racist.

en	This sucks so bad.....

en	Covered in dirt and twigs, Min struggles to put the tent back up.

en	?!

en	Are you okay.

en	Not really. I feel like absolute dogshit.

en	Oh no.

en	I just wanna hide what I did.

en	I wanna dig a hole and bury the terrible truth where no one will ever find it.

en	What happened?

en	I don't really wanna talk about it.

en	............

en	At a loss for how to handle the situation, Diya quietly helps her pitch the tent.

en	...?

en	Oh no...

en	Huh?

en	Look.

en	Diya points to a malformed looking butterfly clinging to the tent fabric.

en	Oh, ew.

en	What's wrong with its wing? It's all crinkled.

en	Think it's stuck like that...That's so sad.

en	Maybe it's because of the false spring.

en	False spring?

en	It's when it's super warm, but it's still winter.

en	It messes up a lot of animals because they think it's spring when it's not.

en	Maybe the weird environment messed it up while it was forming.

en	Diya tries to get the deformed butterfly to crawl onto a twig. It's hard to watch.

en	Is that what I'm like? Because I grew up with racists and got taught the worst lessons ever?

en	I feel like I went through hell and came out the other side in the most monumentally fucked shape.

en	?

en	What do you mean?

en	Diya...You wouldn't ever break up with me, right?

en	? No.

en	What if I did something bad?

en	I mean like, really bad.

en	What did you do?

en	Are you SURE you wouldn't break up with me, though?

en	What. Did. You. Do.

en	Min tells Diya what happened, bracing herself for the worst...

en	...And that's why Ester is mad at me...

en	............

en	That wasn't very nice of you.

en	Sounds like something racist my mom would say.

en	Yeah, I know...

en	Poor Ester. Her comic sounds cool, too.

en	Do you hate me now?

en	I mean...It was bad. But at least you realize it.

en	Everyone makes mistakes.

en	Not everyone makes RACIST mistakes.

en	But it's not like people are born knowing things, either?

en	Everyone has blind spots.

en	How come you've never offended someone like I did, then?

en	I don't talk to people very much...

en	So most of the mistakes just happen in my mind.

en	Well...then how come Noelle doesn't offend people??

en	I mean...she was pretty ignorant about gay people before we started dating.

en	When people said the narrator of {i}The Great Gatsby{/i} was gay in our English class, she got all scandalized and argued against it.

en	She kept insisting there had to be another explanation. But I think she just was grossed out by the thought of it.

en	That's not as bad as insulting someone's entire race, though.

en	Not trying to say she messed up worse.

en	My point is she got better about it. She wouldn't do that anymore.

en	So I don't hold it against her. Just because you were ignorant about something doesn't mean you're bad forever.

en	I dunno...It doesn't undo the fact that I was racist to Ester already, and now she hates me.

en	Did you say sorry?

en	.........No.....

en	She might not forgive you. But you should at least tell her.

en	Min feels such anguish upon hearing Diya's suggestion that it takes her a moment to sputter something out.

en	But...But...No one ever apologized to ME!

en	To Min's horror, her eyes fill up with tears.

en	So many people did way worse things to me, and THEY never said sorry!

en	None of my racist bullies ever said sorry. My dad never said sorry.

en	Why is it only ME who has to say sorry, when what I did wasn't even as bad?

en	It's not fair!

en	Diya pulls her into her arms and hugs her very tightly, as if trying to squeeze all the grief out of her body.

en	Min leans into her warmth, letting her familiar touch and the steady rhythm of her heartbeat calm her down.

en	What happened to you wasn't fair.

en	But that doesn't mean you should be unfair, too. Or you'll just continue the cycle.

en	You can apologize even if they don't.

en	But it's not fair...

en	I want them to suffer. I want them to die.

en	If I just forget about them, that means they got away with everything.

en	That means they won, and I lost.

en	........

en	But isn't it losing {i}worse{/i} to let people you hate keep controlling your life?

en	It's like that saying. If you seek revenge, dig two graves.

en	Is it worth it? To hurt yourself in the name of fairness.

en	....................

en	Is that what I'm doing?

en	Crashing the car just to get back at them?

en	...The two graves are you and the person you got revenge on, by the way.

en	Not two different people you killed.

en	No, I got that.

en	You're right...

en	Why should I let those pieces of shit keep controlling me even years later?!

en	If nothing they did mattered, that'll show them!!

en	Yeah.

en	Yeah!!!!!

en	Min dashes off and finds Ester setting up the next scene.

en	What took you so long?

en	Everyone's ready to do the wolf death scene.

en	Can we talk first?

en	Ester gives her a guarded look.

en	That depends...

en	Sorry I was an asshole earlier.

en	I shouldn't have said that racist stuff about Black people, and the weird stuff about your hair.

en	Yeah, you shouldn't have.

en	You're right, I should've known better.

en	I know how much it sucks looking different from everyone else.

en	Ester lets out a sigh, looking exhausted.

en	You'd think people would know, but they don't...

en	It's like being kicked on both sides. I go through all the same stuff as everyone else at this school, but no one sees me as one of them.

en	Everyone thinks because I'm not "pure" Asian, I'm not as smart or I don't study as much.

en	Don't worry, I don't think that.

en	I learned my lesson. I'm not racist anymore.

en	Uh...Yeah, you are?

en	Huh......??????

en	You're literally still racist, all you did was apologize for one specific thing.

en	But...What else am I supposed to do then?!

en	Try to educate yourself and not say random crap about other ethnicities?

en	And say sorry the next time you're racist instead of being all rude and defensive.

en	Next time?! That makes it sound like this is gonna happen again.

en	Honestly, it probably will.

en	So...you're saying I'll ALWAYS be racist no matter what I do?!

en	Min looks so horrified that Ester gives her a pitying look.

en	I mean, literally everyone on earth is ignorant to some degree about SOMETHING.

en	For my webcomic, I tried to research albinos and double amputees the best I could, but I'm still not sure I portrayed everything right.

en	Double amputee...? What the fuck is going on in her comic?

en	No one's perfect. You just gotta do your best and learn from your mistakes.

en	Oh...okay...

en	But I hate thinking I'm gonna make a DIFFERENT mistake at some point and have to apologize again.

en	It's fucking mortifying.

en	I mean, it shouldn't be mortifying to admit you were wrong about something.

en	...I guess it shouldn't be...

en	Ay! Are we ready to party?

en	Yeah, let's do it.

en	So are we good for now?

en	I guess.

en	Can I still use the "progidy" thing you said earlier?

en	Huh? Yeah, knock yourself out.

en	Wolf Pup

en	Wolf Mom LeafGreen

en	Wolf Mom FireRed

en	Min hides behind a tree with her Nerf gun, waiting for her cue.

en	How has your pack helped balance the ecosystem here?

en	We prevent the elk population from exploding and overgrazing.

en	Before we were reintroduced, many biologists were concerned about eroding and plants dying off.

en	Unfortunately, many ranchers and hunters don't understand this.

en	In fact, the state of Idaho is planning to kill hundreds of wolves this winter.

en	This is where we always screw up and have to start over.

en	Every time Akarsha makes eye contact with Chryssa, she starts laughing.

en	Mom LeafGreen, I'm scared...Are we gonna die?

en	Holy shit. She finally did it!

en	Goo goo ga ga...

en	Noelle's eye twitches as she recites her next line.

en	Who is this...adorable little thing?

en	This is our wolf puppy! Normally mated pairs produce a litter per year, but we adopted her!

en	We love her soooooooo much!

en	I'm only four months old!

en	DIEEEEEEEE!!!

en	Min leaps out from behind the tree and shoots a flurry of Nerf pellets at Akarsha!

en	No!!! I only kill a very small number of cattle per year!!!

en	Urk!

en	Akarsha goes down, and Min continues shooting her ass with the Nerf gun.

en	Nooooo! Our innocent puppy!

en	MUAHAHA!

en	I'll be back to kill the rest of you!!

en	Min runs off-screen, leaving Chryssa and Liz crying very unconvincingly over Akarsha's body.

en	How could this happen? If only we were still on the Endangered Species list!

en	Noelle turns solemnly to the camera.

en	Today, I learned that delisting of grey wolves from the Endangered Species list would have devastating consequences.

en	...And that's a wrap!

en	FINALLY!!! WE'VE BEEN HERE FOR SIX HOURS!!!

en	And we may have just produced the worst video ever...

en	Relieved to be back in her regular clothes, Min looks around.

en	Seems like people are packing up.

en	Look in the tent

en	Sit at the picnic table

en	Look at tree stump

en	Walk to the lake

en	The tent flap's already open.

en	Min climbs inside. To her surprise, Akarsha's already there.

en	Shhhh, look!

en	She points to Noelle, who's sound asleep on the sleeping bag.

en	Zzzzzzzz...

en	Damn, she must've been pretty tired to just conk out like this.

en	Listen, I have the biggest brain in the world...

en	Akarsha gleefully lies down on the ground next to Noelle.

en	Help me braid our hair together.

en	I have short hair, dipshit. Do I look like I know how to braid hair?

en	I can't do it myself, it's too hard when I'm lyin' down like this.

en	C'mon, pwetty pwease...

en	God, when you talk like that I just wanna smash your head with a rock.

en	Min crawls over and grabs a lock of Akarsha and Noelle's hair in each hand.

en	It's easy, ya just gotta split it into three strands and alternate which one goes on top.

en	Like this??

en	Confused, Min just randomly twists their hair together.

en	The instant she lets go, the "braid" loosens and unravels.

en	Shit!

en	Noelle scowls in her sleep as Min tries again.

en	Akarsha!

en	Akarsha and Min freeze, but Noelle just turns on her side, mumbling to herself.

en	Zzz...Just because it's "suitable for all large primates"...doesn't mean you should eat it...

en	What is she dreaming about??

en	Ester sticks her head in the tent.

en	Can you hand me my backpack?

en	...Wait, what're you guys doing?

en	Psst! Halp...

en	Ester, do you know how to braid hair?

en	Ester assesses the situation for a moment before shrugging.

en	Okay, why not?

en	Thank you!!!

en	After a few minutes, Ester manages to weave Akarsha and Noelle's hair into one giant, messy braid.

en	You did it!

en	I wonder when she's gonna realize.

en	Noelle stirs on the sleeping bag. Her head gets jerked back by her hair, which is now bound to Akarsha's.

en	Mrph...

en	She blearily rubs her eyes.

en	Bonjour...

en	Noelle bolts upright, screaming.

en	AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!

en	What's wrong, Frenchman? Bad hair day?

en	AKARSHAaaaAAAA!!!

en	WHY?! GET ME OUT OF HEREEEE!!!!

en	Whoa, calm down.

en	CALM DOWN?! YOU LITERALLY ATTACKED ME IN MY SLEEP!!!

en	I mean, you can just unbraid it. It's not that bad.

en	Yeah, tons of people in the world have it way worse than you.

en	SHUT UP! I HATE ALL OF YOU!!!

en	She surges toward Ester and Min with an aura that can only be described as murderous.

en	Akarsha calmly lies back down, dragging Noelle down with her.

en	AAAAAAAAAAA!!!

en	I'll hold her back! Run!!

en	Nice knowing you, bye!

en	Bro, I will never forget your sacrifice.

en	Ester and Min make their escape.

en	Inside the tent, there's a muffled scream followed by a crash.

en	The tent stakes pop out of the ground as the tent rolls over and goes tumbling down the hill again.

en	Noelle and Akarsha

en	AAAUGHHHH!!!!!!!

en	Again?!

en	There it goes...

en	Min and Ester peer down at the bottom of the hill, where Noelle, Akarsha, and the tent have landed in a tangled heap.

en	..........

en	..........

en	..........

en	Suddenly, something dawns on Ester and she straightens up, her eyes shining.

en	I can use this!

en	In my comic! It totally fixes the part I was stuck on!

en	The hell kind of story are you writing where you can even use this?

en	Some kind of camping disaster?

en	You don't understand, it's perfect! I gotta write this down!

en	Isn't your sketchbook and everything down there though? Inside your backpack?

en	...Crap, you're right.

en	I guess I'll go grab it.

en	Ester sighs and heads down the hill to retrieve her things.

en	I don't really get it, but good for her.

en	Grace is trying to squeeze the costumes back into her bag.

en	Hey Min!

en	Do you know if your brother's single?

en	Oh, great.

en	Do you think you could introduce us?

en	I mean, I'm not sure he even likes girls.

en	Oh...Darn.

en	What exactly do you like about him?

en	He's so cute. He looks kinda like G-Dragon.

en	.......

en	Do you like my brother just because he's Korean?

en	W-what?

en	Can you chill out a bit with the whole Korea thing?

en	Sorry!! I just get so excited about K-Pop...

en	Liking K-Pop is fine, but just...be normal about it.

en	...Sorry...

en	You don't have to keep apologizing, it's annoying.

en	As long as you get it.

en	Okay, yeah. I'll be normal now.

en	Chryssa and Liz are staring at the decimated tree stump.

en	What happened to this? It looks like a cannonball hit it.

en	Beats me.

en	I should probably keep my mouth shut.

en	Well, I suppose it's not our problem.

en	Speaking of problems...What'd you think of your afternoon as an irresponsible person?

en	That was even more tiring than being responsible.

en	Did you see them knock the tent down the hill? Twice?

en	Did you see them knock the tent down the hill?

en	Yeah, I just ignored it.

en	Me, too.

en	We probably could've finished a couple hours ago if we'd just wrangled them like we normally do.

en	Yep...Man, I thought I was really onto something.

en	Min turns to walk away, but to her surprise, she hears footsteps running up behind her.

en	Wait, Min!

en	Min stops to let her catch up.

en	What?

en	I couldn't help but overhear some of what you were saying to Diya. At the lake.

en	Liz scribbles something on a scrap of paper and hands it to Min like a doctor giving a prescription.

en	You need to go on the internet.

en	The internet...?

en	Min scrutinizes the scrap of paper. It says "genderfork.com".

en	It's a blog you might like.

en	How the hell would you know what I like?

en	I'm trans.

en	HUH?

en	I mean, not that being genderqueer is necessarily the same as being trans...

en	But I'm here if you'd ever like to talk.

en	Have fun!

en	Liz pats Min on the head and leaves her standing there clutching the little scrap of paper in absolute shock.

en	I guess I should look that up when I get home...

en	Diya is watching the water.

en	When Min joins her, Diya tilts her head at her.

en	You said this place was cursed, right?

en	Min sighs and wraps her arms around Diya's waist.

en	Yeah...

en	Diya rests her forehead against Min's, her long lashes tickling Min's skin as she blinks.

en	What if we uncursed it?

en	Huh? How?

en	By making new memories. Together.

en	Diya hugs her tighter, squishing Min's face directly into her chest.

en	Oooh...........

en	It's so soft.............

en	I love you...

en	{font=korean.ttf}사랑해...{/font}

en	Min's mind is in such a state of disarray that it takes her a second to process what Diya is saying.

en	In a herculean feat of self-control, she manages to stop rubbing her face against Diya's chest and meet her gaze.

en	Wait...You know what that means?

en	Diya nods, her cheeks tinged pink.

en	It was in a lot of the K-pop songs that Yuki...I mean, Grace played.

en	So I asked her.

en	And found out what it really meant.

en	Sorry I lied to you...

en	No, it makes me happy you wanted me to say that.

en	Because I do. Love you.

en	Even now...Now that you know what an asshole I am?

en	...You think I didn't know that before?

en	I guess I {i}was{/i} always hitting and threatening people.

en	Then why do you still like me?

en	Because you're also really brave and resilient, and cool.

en	I feel like...The world tries to make people into certain shapes.

en	But you fight it on purpose. You try as hard as you can.

en	And I think that's amazing.

en	And subconsciously, I think I understood.

en	Understood what?

en	You're always telling me you'll protect me and kill the people who hurt me. Because you wish someone did that for you.

en	Min is stunned speechless. It feels like a curtain was suddenly pulled back on something shameful and hidden, exposing it to the blazing sun.

en	But Diya doesn't flinch away, just gazes into her eyes.

en	I love you.

en	Blinking hard, Min smiles back at her.

en	I love you, too.

en	Teach me how to say it?

en	{font=tamil.ttf}நான் உன்னை காதலிக்கிறேன்.{/font}

en	Man, that's a mouthful.

en	Nan unnai katalikkiren...?

en	{font=tamil.ttf}நான் உன்னை காதலிக்கிறேன்.{/font}

en	{font=tamil.ttf}நான் உன்னை காதலிக்கிறேன்!{/font}

en	5th grade

en	Saturday Chinese School

en	The first phrase is "mirror."

en	{font=traditional_chinese.otf}第一個詞是：「鏡子」。{/font}

en	Noelle copies down the unfamiliar characters on the board stroke by stroke.

en	What did it look like again?

en	{font=chunhua_chinese.ttf}鍺子{/font}

en	{font=chunhua_chinese.ttf}錢子{/font}

en	{font=chunhua_chinese.ttf}鏡子{/font}

en	Noelle writes it down, then checks it against the writing on the board.

en	I got it wrong...

en	Noelle writes it down, then checks it against the words on the board.

en	I got it right! Now for the next one...

en	The next phrase is "admit."

en	{font=traditional_chinese.otf}第二個詞是：「承認」。{/font}

en	You should already know "recognize."

en	{font=traditional_chinese.otf}「認」你們應該已經會了。{/font}

en	{font=traditional_chinese.otf}承{/font}'s meaning is "to bear" or "to carry"...

en	{font=traditional_chinese.otf}「承」的意思是「to bear」or 「to carry」……{/font}

en	This would be easier if Chinese words used an alphabet like most languages.

en	It infuriates me how you can't tell how a Chinese character is pronounced by the way it looks.

en	You're forced to learn every single word twice — how it sounds, AND what it looks like. It's wildly inefficient.

en	A couple hours into the lesson, a kid toward the back of the room raises his hand.

en	Teacher, how many Chinese characters are there?

en	{font=traditional_chinese.otf}老師，中文字總共有幾個？{/font}

en	At least 80,000.

en	{font=traditional_chinese.otf}至少八萬個。{/font}

en	80,000?!

en	Don't worry, most educated people only know about 8,000.

en	{font=traditional_chinese.otf}別擔心，有上過學的人平均也只認得八千個字左右。{/font}

en	8,000 is still a mindboggling number...

en	After school, Noelle does her weekly packet of Chinese homework at the kitchen table.

en	I've spent every Saturday since kindergarten tediously memorizing a few characters at a time, but it's barely even made a dent.

en	After all these years, I still can't even read a book or the newspaper.

en	At this pace, it's hard to imagine I'll ever be able to.

en	Noelle! What is this?!

en	Noelle looks up to see her Mom holding the sample packet of pads and tampons she got from school.

en	Oh, that's from the Sex Ed talk we had in class. The girls received a presentation about menstruation.

en	The school gave you this?!

en	Using a tampon is the same as having sex!

en	That's not what the teacher giving the talk said...

en	It's just a tool for absorbing blood.

en	No! You'll be able to feel it the whole time, and it goes into...

en	Her mom can't even bear to say it.

en	It's the same as having sex with a man.

en	The woman giving the talk said plenty of girls use it.

en	American girls get their periods so early because they're thinking sexual thoughts at a young age.

en	It's not natural. You shouldn't be thinking about these things until you're married.

en	After throwing away the immoral tampons, her mom goes off to the living room to watch a Chinese variety show.

en	It's hard growing up trusting very little of your parents' judgment.

en	My mom doesn't believe in mental illness, yet genuinely believes in superstitions like auspicious dates. And no amount of proof or argument can sway her.

en	Is Chinese society just decades behind the West? I've yet to meet a white person whose mind works this way.

en	Noelle glances over at the show her mom is watching.

en	Colorful words and cartoons fly across the screen as cheesy sound effects play.

en	So tacky...

en	It's one of those shows where they interview a panel of foreigners who can barely speak Mandarin.

en	Noelle cringes as silly "boing" noises are overlaid over the host's jokes.

en	They're just laughing at the foreigners for not understanding the questions they've been asked...

en	Why is this popular? It's so juvenile and embarrassing.

en	I feel like I'm losing brain cells as I listen to this.

en	Disgusted, Noelle returns to scrutinizing the impenetrable paragraph of Chinese she's supposed to be analyzing for homework.

en	What am I even going to use Chinese for? Watching drivel like that?

en	I have no interest in the backwards culture that produced my pathetic, narrow-minded parents.

en	When a commercial break comes on, she throws down her pencil.

en	I want to quit Chinese school.

en	Her mom whirls around from the couch, alarmed.

en	What?! Why?

en	I hate it! It always takes up my entire Saturday!

en	They assign so much homework every week on top of the regular homework I get from school.

en	Noelle's dad looks up disapprovingly from the newspaper he's reading.

en	Well, you can't quit. What kind of Chinese person can't even speak Chinese?

en	We'll lose face if you don't learn!

en	Other people will think we're bad parents.

en	Why does it matter what other people think?!

en	{i}I'm{/i} the one whose limited time is being sucked away by it! My opinion should be the one that matters the most!

en	No, you have to listen to your parents.

en	It's for your own good. You're too young to understand.

en	Almost nothing drives Noelle up a wall more than being told she's not old enough to understand something.

en	Stop treating me like a some feeble-minded little kid. I read at college-level already!

en	It doesn't matter, you don't have the life experience yet.

en	Some things you can only know from being as old as your parents are.

en	What, so just because you're older than me you're automatically smarter than I am?

en	Yes.

en	I don't accept that.

en	It's your culture. You can't just throw it away.

en	Yes, I can. It's a poorly constructed, archaic language.

en	That's not true. If it's so bad, how come it's worked for thousands of years?

en	You should take more pride in your culture.

en	What is there to be proud of?

en	I'm stuck learning the worst, most pointlessly complicated language in the world.

en	Exasperated, Noelle's parents exchange a look.

en	You're still going to Chinese school. We already paid for your classes this year.

en	Can I quit at the end of the year then?

en	If you still feel this way by the end of the year, fine. You can quit.

en	I can?

en	Huh?! No, she can't!

en	Think about it. If she goes to Chinese school with that kind of attitude, she won't learn anything anyway.

en	It's impossible to teach someone who doesn't want to be educated. We might as well at least save money.

en	Yes! The end of the year is pretty far away, but at least the end is in sight now!

en	Quitting Chinese school will significantly free up my schedule. I can probably read a few more books every week!

en	It'll be so worth it. When I'm older, I'll be so thankful that I quit.

en	Noelle is so elated that she doesn't even mind being dragged along to 99 Ranch with her mom, a trip she normally gripes is a waste of time.

en	As they browse the fishball aisle, her mom's Nokia rings. She quickly brings it to her ear.

en	Hello?

en	{font=chunhua_chinese.ttf}喂？{/font}

en	There's a pause. Her mom's face falls.

en	What is it?

en	Ah-ma = Taiwanese term for grandma

en	Ah-ma passed away.

en	Oh.

en	I know I should be sad...but I haven't seen my grandmother for years.

en	I've never had a real conversation with her before. It's like being told a stranger died.

en	Spring Break

en	Noelle isn't allowed to close her bedroom door, so she's on high alert as she uses the computer.

en	It sounds like my mother's busy washing vegetables in the kitchen. Here's my chance!

en	Noelle quickly searches "Homosexuality" on Wikipedia.

en	I skimmed this page once as research, after Akarsha started insisting Diya and Min-seo were romantically involved.

en	But I'm POSITIVE there was no mention of it being possible for two women to have sexual relations!

en	I would have remembered it!

en	Wikipedia page

en	Re-read the Wikipedia article

en	Click the "sexual intercourse" hyperlink

en	Click the "lesbian" hyperlink

en	Much of the page is devoted to the historic and modern-day oppression of gay men.

en	There's mentions of sodomy being criminalized, along with an image of Ancient Greek pottery depicting of two nude men embracing that Noelle scrolls past very quickly.

en	Wait, this might be something.

en	Anthropologists Stephen Murray and Will Roscoe reported that women in Lesotho engaged in socially sanctioned "long term, erotic relationships".

en	What exactly do they mean by "erotic"? They need to be more descriptive!

en	She clicks on the citation, but the source is a book called "Boy Wives and Female Husbands: Studies of African Homosexualities".

en	There's no way the library carries this book...

en	Click the "Lesotho" hyperlink

en	Noelle scrolls through the page, but there's no mention of the "erotic relationships".

en	This is a dead end.

en	I could try googling it, but it might bring up obscene results.

en	The link leads to a more general page called "Human sexual intercourse".

en	To Noelle's disgust, it features a painting of a man and woman copulating.

en	This is repulsive. I'd really rather not stay on this page for long.

en	Sexual intercourse commonly refers to the act in which the male reproductive organ enters the female reproductive tract.[[1][[2]

en	In recent years penetration of non-sexual organs or by non-sexual organs (fingering, fisting) are also sometimes included in this definition.

en	What on earth is "fingering"? Is this the finger thing Min-seo was referring to?

en	Click the "fingering" hyperlink

en	The page opens. At the top, there's a simple illustration of a naked woman stroking the genitals of another woman.

en	Noelle scrolls through the page.

en	Most this page just details historical lesbian relationships.

en	They lived such tragic, tortured lives. I hope Diya knows what she's signed up for...

en	Before the late 19th century, the word "Lesbian" referred to any derivative or aspect of Lesbos, including a type of wine.

en	In 1890, however, the term was used in a medical dictionary as an adjective to describe tribadism (as "Lesbian love"): sexual gratification of two women by simulating intercourse.

en	What on earth is "tribadism"? Is this the finger thing Min-seo was referring to?

en	Click the "tribadism" hyperlink

en	The page opens. At the top, there's a simple illustration of two naked women scissoring.

en	WHAT IS THIS???!?!!

en	This is...this is so risqué!

en	Noelle breaks into a feverish sweat as she reads the page as quickly as possible.

en	Then, in a panic, Noelle closes the tab, erases her web history, and shuts the computer down.

en	Min-seo was right...I can't believe it...

en	Should such erotic content be allowed on Wikipedia?! Anyone can read it!

en	I must destroy all evidence that I've visited that page!

en	Should I uninstall the browser? Delete my user profile? Perhaps set the computer on fire for good measure?

en	This better not awaken anything in me...

en	Noelle jumps in her chair when she receives a text.

en	Check your phone

en	{nw}

en	is it just me or does king dedede look kinda sexy in this drawing

en	{image=DeviantArt.png}

en	??????

en	anyone else?? hello???

en	anyone care to raise a hand

en	YOURE INSANE

en	WOULD ANYONE ELSE HIT IT??? HELOLO?

en	noelle???

en	(banging on your door)

en	if u would fuck king dedede (a penguin?)

en	ur braver than the U.S. marines

en	Diya has left the chatroom.

en	Min has left the chatroom.

en	welp

en	Why are you like this??

en	im so bored TT_TT

en	ive been stuck at home all day

en	Unfortunately for you, I can't entertain you for long either.

en	I have to leave for the airport soon.

en	oh yeah ur visiting taiwan right?

en	how long ru gonna be there again?

en	I'll be there for the entire week. My mom and I will return Sunday afternoon.

en	My dad is staying for an additional week there for business purposes.

en	can i still message u when ur there?

en	do u have to use a vpn or something?

en	No, as long as I have internet access, we should be able to chat like usual.

en	rly? but isnt there like hella censorship o_0

en	No, there's nothing like that in Taiwan. It's not as if I'm going to China.

en	right right

en	uhhh also

en	whats the difference between china and taiwan again ^_^;;

en	/shot

en	i mean i know taiwans an island

en	but is it like

en	You said you were shot, yet you're still talking like nothing happened?

en	its own country?

en	i have high pain tolerance

en	No, you don't.

en	anyway i tried to ask in geography class once and everyone started arguing

en	Everyone started arguing because it's a political question.

en	Whether Taiwan is a part of China or a separate country is an extremely controversial issue.

en	y tho?

en	To be honest, I'm not clear on the details.

en	As I understand it, the dispute is the result of a civil war that was never properly resolved.

en	huh....

en	so ru taiwanese? or chinese?

en	or both?

en	Well,

en	I went to Chinese school as a child.

en	And my parents told me Chinese folktales.

en	is that how it works?

en	just bc i speak english doesnt mean im english

en	To be frank, I'm floundering because I've never given it any thought.

en	lol oops

en	i didnt mean to give u an identity criss

en	*crisis

en	Even if I say I'm Taiwanese, hardly anyone knows what that means, even other East Asians.

en	hm

en	that kinda sounds like how most americans dont rly get desi identities

en	How so?

en	like, they think about it based on country

en	like ur pakistani, or indian, etc

en	but the countries werent split on racial lines

en	like an indian punjabi isnt rly the same ethnicity as an indian guju

en	but its all the same to nondesis bc they dont know the difference lol xD

en	Oh...You're right, I don't know the difference.

en	wait

en	WAIT I KNOW

en	the answer to what u are

en	What is it?

en	ur french

en	bc ur frenchman <3

en	THAT DOESN'T HELP ME AT ALL.

en	no?

en	NO.

en	Later that day, Noelle sits in the backseat as her dad drives them to the airport.

en	She feels a flash of rage when she sees a passing car sporting a "Proud Parent of an Honor Roll Student" bumper sticker.

en	Why would you brag about such an unremarkable accomplishment on your car?

en	You're {i}supposed{/i} to be on the Honor Roll. It's like buying a bumper sticker that says, "My child breathes air."

en	My parents would never even bother mentioning such a banal thing.

en	Noelle's mom squints at the airport signage as it passes them by.

en	Noelle, watch the signs for us.

en	Why me? I don't even know how to drive.

en	You were born here, you read faster than us.

en	Alright...

en	How is it that after living here for twenty years, they still haven't mastered English?

en	My mom can't even speak English well enough to carry a conversation with a stranger.

en	What have they been doing this whole time?

en	Which way is parking? Which lane?

en	Just follow the arrows. Turn right.

en	See? Even though I have a Ph.D, ever since you were in second grade, you could read highway signs faster than me.

en	Good thing we have Noelle with us. The signs go by so fast.

en	Noelle's dad scratches his head as she directs him through the airport's labyrinthian roads.

en	Where is it? It feels like we're just going in circles.

en	We're not, see that sign there? The parking's past the cargo area.

en	Do I turn here?

en	Noelle's heart stops as her dad starts to turn into a street labeled with "Do Not Enter."

en	IT SAYS "DO NOT ENTER"! KEEP STRAIGHT!

en	Oh!

en	Her dad swerves sharply to stay in his lane. Noelle massages her temples, her heart pounding.

en	I'm surrounded by illiterate idiots!

en	Why does it rest on me, a literal child, to ensure we don't drive into oncoming traffic??

en	They have endless energy when it comes to obsessing over my studies. Why can't they work on their own English instead?!

en	As the car rolls into a parking lot, Noelle jolts up in her seat.

en	Wait, this isn't the correct garage! Turn around!

en	Huh? How do you know?

en	That sign says "Premium Parking!"

en	"Premium" means something of exceptional quality; superior.

en	So? Isn't that good?

en	Not right now when we are looking for the regular, run-of-the-mill parking lot.

en	In this context, premium parking means special parking that's more expensive.

en	Oh!

en	Make a U-turn! We're going to miss our flight!

en	Noelle's mom sighs as the car makes a series of turns.

en	This would've been easier if you could talk to us in Chinese.

en	This would've been easier if your English was better, too.

en	Noelle crosses her arms in the backseat, fuming.

en	Why am I the one responsible for making sure we're not separated by a language barrier?

en	You were the ones who chose to move here in the first place.

en	Sixteen hours later

en	Taipei

en	Noelle and her parents take a taxi from the airport to an alley lined with parked scooters.

en	Ah-gong = grandpa

en	This must be Ah-gong's apartment. We're staying there for the week.

en	Her mom presses the buzzer.

en	We're here!

en	{font=chunhua_chinese.ttf}我們到了！{/font}

en	Come in, come in!

en	快進來、快進來！

en	After huffing and puffing up four stories of stairs, Noelle is drenched in sweat.

en	Da Ah-yi

en	Hey!

en	哈嘍！

en	Yay!! You're finally here!

en	耶！！ 你們總算來了！

en	Chun-hua, you've grown so big!

en	{font=chunhua_chinese.ttf}春花，你長大了！{/font}

en	Yeah, I must've been in elementary school the last time you saw me!

en	對啊！你上次見到我的時候，我還在念小學呢！

en	This must be one of my cousins.

en	Noelle, don't be rude. Introduce yourself in Chinese.

en	Hi marryone...I four Le-ying.

en	{font=chunhua_chinese.ttf}大嫁好……我四樂映。{/font}

en	My pronunciation is so atrocious, I don't know if they can even understand me.

en	What'd you say?

en	妳說什麼？

en	Lair am Le-ying.

en	{font=chunhua_chinese.ttf}窩是樂映。{/font}

en	Can I just talk in English?

en	Ah-gong doesn't speak English. He only knows Japanese, Taiwanese, and Mandarin.

en	Even the Mandarin, he's nearly forgotten.

en	他連國語都快要不會講了。

en	Da Ah-yi gestures at her daughter. She's wearing thick glasses and carrying a huge brick of a book.

en	Noelle, you speak English with Chun-hua.

en	She want go college in America, so she very happy practice speaking.

en	Yes! You can call me Literature!

en	Is that a name she chose herself...? Chinese people have such odd taste in English names.

en	That's alright, Chun-hua is fine.

en	We are the same ages, right? Who do you think is more tall?

en	Chun-hua eagerly stands back-to-back with Noelle so the others can judge.

en	Wait, you're standing on your tip-toes! That's cheating!

en	Huh? No, I am not.

en	Wow, you two are the exact same height!

en	They're both skin and bones. They really are cousins.

en	{font=chunhua_chinese.ttf}兩個怎麼都瘦得跟竹竿一樣。果然是表姐妹。{/font}

en	One U.S. version, one Taiwan version.

en	一個美版，一個台版。

en	Noelle glances at Chun-hua and realizes with a start that she's right.

en	It's like meeting a version of myself from a universe where my parents never went to America.

en	A stranger with my face.

en	You're SURE I'm not taller?

en	Yes, we sure.

en	{incoherent}( ? ? ? ){/incoherent}

en	{incoherent}( ? ? ? ){/incoherent}

en	That must be Taiwanese...

en	Chun-hua gives him an affectionate hug as Noelle awkwardly watches from the sidelines.

en	Meanwhile, the adults launch into an animated conversation in Taiwanese.

en	{incoherent}( ? ? ? ){/incoherent}

en	{incoherent}( ? ? ? ){/incoherent}

en	I wonder what they're talking about.

en	My Taiwanese is even worse than my Mandarin. I don't know a single word.

en	...Actually, wait, isn't "Ah-gong" Taiwanese?

en	They didn't cover it in Chinese school. Could it be a term exclusively used in Taiwan?

en	It's really a special sort of confusion, not knowing what language you're speaking.

en	Da Ah-yi leads Noelle's parents to the spare bedroom so they can put their luggage away.

en	This reminds me how I used to assume Japanese curry was a Chinese dish because my mom made it regularly.

en	If you have a distant relationship with your parents, your culture becomes a nebulous cloud.

en	Is it Chinese to believe pseudoscience? Is it Chinese to have an outdated and sexist worldview?

en	Or is that just my parents, in my particular?

en	How do I distinguish between things peculiar to my life and Chinese culture?

en	Chun-hua brightly takes a seat next to Noelle.

en	Anything you have questions about, you can ask me!

en	Ask about the area

en	Ask about her book

en	Ask about the photos on the wall

en	Tell me about the surrounding area.

en	Let's look outside!

en	Chun-hua goes over to the window and points as Noelle peers outside at the street below.

en	That way is my house. Me and my mom, we walk over all the time.

en	You must live pretty close by if you're able to come on foot.

en	Yes, we are only a few streets away from Ah-gong.

en	Every weekend, me and my cousins spend here.

en	That's so different from my experience...

en	When you are all settled, the 7-Eleven, we go and grab breakfast.

en	Breakfast...from 7-Eleven?

en	What, you've never had it? It's good!

en	It is...? It won't be all greasy?

en	No? They have fresh tea eggs, hot yams, oden...If you want a prepackaged breakfast, they'll heat it for you, too.

en	In America is it not like that?

en	No, American 7-Elevens are just junk food stores.

en	Chun-hua points at the train as it rushes by.

en	There's a train station near to us. We take it a lot.

en	You don't use the car to get around?

en	Not much. When we can't use the train, we ride our scooter.

en	What are you reading?

en	It's a Chinese translation of a Russian novel.

en	What it's called in English, I don't know.

en	「卡拉馬助夫兄弟們」。

en	Something something brothers.

en	There's brothers, and it's Russian...

en	The Brothers Karamazov?

en	Yes! That sounds correct.

en	I've read it before, too.

en	This is exciting! I've never met anyone else my age who's read it.

en	Did you like it?

en	The religious themes were of little interest to me, but I found some of its other ideas thought-provoking.

en	For example, it argues that humans are so deeply shaped by others that everyone bears some responsibility for the sins of everyone else.

en	Everything we do is the result of a huge, interwoven chain reaction of human interactions, and as a result, a crime is never truly one person's fault.

en	It's a societal failure.

en	To Noelle's disappointment, Chun-hua nods, looking lost.

en	.....I see.....

en	I guess what I said was beyond her English level. I need to scale back to a simpler topic.

en	Do you like reading?

en	I like reading.

en	Are you nerdy?

en	The sudden question baffles Noelle.

en	...Er...? Yes, I suppose so.

en	Good, me too!

en	On the wall, there's even a photo of me that...

en	...........

en	That...? That what?

en	Actually, I change my mind!

en	Don't look too much at the photos on the wall, they're embarrassing.

en	Are you SURE? There's really nothing else you would rather know?

en	Ask about something else

en	Tell me about the photos

en	{cps=0}Are you SURE? There's really nothing else you would rather know?{/cps}

en	On second thought, there is something else I'm curious about.

en	What else do you want to know?

en	Tell me about these photos.

en	Okay...If you're sure...

en	They go over to look at the pictures on the wall. The first one's of Ah-gong and Chun-hua at the park.

en	There's a small chestnut-colored warbler sitting on Chun-hua's arm.

en	That bird, at the park we found him abandoned.

en	It was because he fell out of his nest and broke his wing.

en	After it got better, we taught him to fly so he could go back to the wild.

en	I see. That's very noble of you.

en	It was Ah-gong's idea.

en	He's quiet, but he is so nice actually.

en	You seem very close to your grandpa.

en	"Your" grandpa? He's your grandpa, too.

en	Oh......that's right.

en	To hide her embarrassment, Noelle quickly moves on to the next photo.

en	It looks old. A swarm of children are building a sand castle as smiling adults look on in the background.

en	This is me, Wan-ping, and Wan-zhong.

en	Wan-ping and Wan-zhong are my older cousins. They're my uncle's children.

en	Wan-zhong's working right now.

en	Too bad Wan-ping is travelling right now. Or else we could have hung out.

en	Where is he visiting?

en	Japan. It's his honeymoon.

en	Honeymoon? Did he get married?

en	Yes? A month ago.

en	Oh. I had no idea.

en	In the picture, the people behind us is Jiu Jiu, Ah-gong, and Ah-ma.

en	We didn't knew it, but that weekend was our last one with Ah-ma.

en	I can't help but feel jealous they had {i}any{/i} weekends together.

en	While she was spending every Saturday with her cousins and grandparents, I was at school struggling to learn an entire language so I could even begin to communicate with them.

en	Chun-hua reluctantly gestures at the last photo, which she was clearly saving for last.

en	And this one is of me with all my anime figures.

en	H-haha!

en	Oh, so this is what she meant by nerdy.

en	It's alright, I have a good friend who's interested in this sort of thing, too.

en	Really? And she's American?

en	Yes.

en	She sounds cool. I want to meet her.

en	Y-you do?

en	Once Noelle turns away from the photos, Chun-hua points to a framed certificate hanging on the wall behind her.

en	You should look at this award, too. It's your mom's.

en	What? Really?

en	Yeah, in college she win a bunch of poetry contest. She was even in the newspaper.

en	I had no idea.

en	This is going to sound extremely mean, but I never suspected my mom had any sort of creative talent.

en	All I've ever known her as a strict, close-minded housewife.

en	Here, you should read her things! She's very skilled.

en	Chun-hua pulls a magazine out from a cabinet and flips it open to a page of poetry.

en	..............

en	See what I mean? Some people just have a way with words.

en	It's a big waste she quit. I guess there wasn't enough reason to keep doing it over in America.

en	Noelle stares blankly at her mom's poem.

en	I can't read any of it...

en	That evening, Noelle and her parents walk to the subway.

en	Here's our train. We should reach the night market in a few stops.

en	Ugh, I hate taking public transit. The trains are always filthy and poorly maintained.

en	As they board the MRT carriage, Noelle steels herself for the stench of vomit, urine, and cigarettes she's grown to expect from American subways.

en	But to her amazement, the car's shiny floors and seats look so squeaky-clean you could eat off of them.

en	It's absolutely spotless...

en	Pleasantly surprised, she sits beside her parents in a gleaming plastic seat.

en	Intercom

en	{font=chunhua_chinese.ttf}石牌...{/font}Shipai Station.

en	You can actually clearly hear what they're saying! It's not indistinct mumbling like on BART!

en	An LCD screen right across from her neatly displays the names of the previous, current, and next stations.

en	This is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen...

en	Her phone buzzes. Her heart leaps when she sees that it's Akarsha.

en	{nw}

en	{image=frysSmall.png}

en	...Why did you send this?

en	:(

en	I thought you liked me

en	Even if I hypothetically did like you why would I want to see this awful picture of you?

en	personally i think it's very hot and sexy of me to play video games against little kids at Frys Electronics and lose

en	Is that what you're doing?

en	nah im back home now playing the game i bought

en	its called Portal

en	dude youd love it

en	I don't play computer games.

en	NO YOUD LOVE IT TRUST ME

en	its not like other games where ur some guy shooting stuff

en	ur a girl and its a puzzle game

en	ITS IN A SCIENCE RESEARCH FACILITY

en	Oh?

en	ill give u the CD

en	just play it

en	I'll consider it after I return from my trip.

en	o yeah youre in taiwan

en	whatre u up to rn?

en	I'm riding the subway with my parents.

en	how is that?

en	i hope they arent giving you a hard time

en	Actually, ever since we've arrived in Taipei they've been in good spirits.

en	I've never seen my mother so relaxed before.

en	She must be happy to be back home to see her family.

en	oh dang!

en	thats good

en	We're on the way to the night market right now.

en	I feel paranoid that everyone can tell I'm a foreigner.

en	LOL i get what u mean

en	when im in india they can tell im american before i even open my mouth

en	just from the way I carry myself

en	Her mom sighs as Noelle taps out her response on her phone.

en	There you are, addicted to your phone.

en	...How am I addicted? Compared to other teenagers, I barely use it.

en	You spend so much time talking to your friends.

en	But friendships are only temporary. As soon as it's inconvenient, they'll all disappear.

en	After I moved to America for your future, not a single one kept in touch with me.

en	The only people you can trust is your family. And I was so far away from all of mine...

en	The life of an immigrant is a lonely one.

en	.........

en	Is she hoping I'm going to console her? Or thank her for making such a brutal sacrifice for my sake?

en	It was her own decision as a full grown adult to move here. It wasn't up to ME.

en	Her mom sighs heavily and stares out the window.

en	There's a message she's always trying to impart on me: I'm lonely because of you.

en	Noelle watches the scenery fly by.

en	After half an hour, the train arrives at their destination precisely on time.

en	Let's look for clothes. You need new ones.

en	But I have plenty of clothes already.

en	They all have holes in them! You should just throw them away already!

en	Noelle browses through a sea of clothing racks with her parents.

en	A hideous pair of beige pants catches her eye.

en	This would compliment many items in my wardrobe.

en	She turns it over in her hands, searching for its price tag, but it's missing.

en	I'm going to ask how much these trousers are.

en	Do you know how?

en	Are you serious? Of course I know how.

en	Miffed, she marches up to the stall's cashier and shows her the pants.

en	Stall Worker

en	Light I ask how much are these pants?

en	{font=traditional_chinese.otf}輕問這條褲子多少錢？{/font}

en	Two hundred NTD.

en	{font=traditional_chinese.otf}兩百塊。{/font}

en	That's only about seven dollars! What a bargain.

en	I waist buy this.

en	{font=traditional_chinese.otf}我腰買這個。{/font}

en	{font=traditional_chinese.otf}你說什麼?{/font}

en	Urk! I stumbled over the pronunciation!

en	This...I want to buy this.

en	OK.

en	Ashamed, Noelle doesn't dare speak another word as the cashier bags her purchase.

en	Excellent. Simply superb. After six years of Chinese school I still can't speak, read, or write Mandarin.

en	She finds her way back to her parents, who are just finishing up their purchase at the neighboring stall.

en	I'm hungry. Let's get dinner at the food court.

en	What for? There's food stalls all over the place.

en	We can just eat as we shop.

en	No, I wanna properly sit down somewhere and have a meal.

en	Noelle follows her parents down the flight of stairs to the underground food court. It's a bizarre space that reminds Noelle of a mirror maze.

en	They sit down at a stall and Noelle scans the menu, which is conveniently printed directly on the surface of the table.

en	Something chicken...Something something soup...

en	Noelle has to pick her dish based on the pictures, like a toddler would.

en	Do you know what you're getting?

en	I will order the oyster omelette.

en	It's seldom seen in America, so I should take the chance to eat it here.

en	As the stall worker comes over and takes her parents' orders, Noelle mentally recites hers, determined not to be rendered an inarticulate child again.

en	I know this. This is kindergarten level vocabulary.

en	I want oyster omelette.

en	{font=chunhua_chinese.ttf}我要蚵仔煎。{/font}

en	That sounds a tad crude, though. In English, I'd normally say something more like, "I'd like to have the oyster omelette."

en	What do you want to order?

en	{font=chunhua_chinese.ttf}你要點什麼?{/font}

en	{font=chunhua_chinese.ttf}我要蚵仔煎。{/font}

en	The woman jots her order down on a pad of paper, nodding.

en	Are you American-born Chinese?

en	{font=chunhua_chinese.ttf}妳是ABC嗎？{/font}

en	...Huh?? My Chinese was THAT bad?

en	I am.

en	{font=chunhua_chinese.ttf}我是。{/font}

en	I could tell! I guessed from your accent, so heavy!

en	Noelle's mom sighs as the woman walks off to prepare their meals.

en	All those years of Chinese school, wasted.

en	.............

en	Their food arrives within minutes.

en	Noelle tries a gooey spoonful of her oyster omelette.

en	It's delicious. You would never guess this only cost three dollars.

en	Really? Let me try.

en	Her parents each taste a spoonful of the oyster omelette and shrug, unimpressed.

en	This is below average. I've had way better ones around here before.

en	Yeah, this isn't really what it's supposed to taste like.

en	Well, I'm never here, so I couldn't have known that.

en	Annoyed now, Noelle takes another bite of the oyster omelette.

en	This is the best thing I've ever eaten.

en	I should find out what this place is called so I can find it again.

en	She looks up at the name of the stall, but it's in Chinese.

en	I can't read it.

en	I'd better savor it while it lasts. This omelette I can only taste once.

en	All too soon, it's over. Noelle sighs as they get up to continue shopping.

en	You should've tried harder to convince me to learn Chinese.

en	Are you serious? We told you not to quit so many times.

en	But you never properly explained {i}why{/i} it was so important not to.

en	All you did was give me condescending lectures about how I was too young to understand why it mattered, and how I'd be an embarrassment if I didn't learn.

en	English is our second language. It's hard to explain things to to you.

en	And it's true, you ARE an embarrassment.

en	{font=chunhua_chinese.ttf}阿姨好{/font} = Hello Auntie.

en	Last week I saw our neighbor's son Michael moving the lawn, and he greeted me in Chinese! {font=chunhua_chinese.ttf}阿姨好。{/font}

en	See, that's what happens when you listen to your parents.

en	Michael goes to Taiwan with his family every summer! THAT'S the reason he's more fluent, not because he was a superior child to me!

en	Why didn't we just visit Taiwan more often when I was younger? That alone would've made me more interested in learning.

en	I feel like I've been trying to understand Chinese culture by looking at it through a soda straw until now.

en	You think {i}we{/i} didn't want to visit Taiwan more too?

en	The airplane tickets are expensive. We have to save up for years just for one trip.

en	Oh.

en	But...Even so, you should have done more to show me that speaking Mandarin could be a positive experience.

en	Why do you always speak to me in English even though you can't fully express yourselves in that language?

en	If you'd conversed with me in Chinese from a young age, I would have naturally picked it up from daily use.

en	We thought you'd have an accent if we did that.

en	We were worried you wouldn't fit in at school.

en	But that's ridiculous!

en	There's no way I would have developed an accent when everyone else I interacted with spoke English.

en	I would have grown up bilingual without any ill effects.

en	Resigned, her dad shrugs.

en	Well, too late now. What can you do?

en	The last day of the trip

en	Noelle and her relatives visit the columbarium housing Ah-ma's ashes.

en	My mom visits this place every time she's in Taiwan.

en	Noelle follows her grandpa into the worship hall.

en	...........

en	We crossed an ocean to see my grandpa and I've barely spoken a word to him.

en	It's not out of lack of interest. He must have lived a fascinating life.

en	He's the only grandparent I have left.

en	But how do you gain access to the heart of a stranger? Where do you even begin?

en	"Tell me about yourself?"

en	Who says that to their own grandfather? It would sound like a job interview.

en	Even if I knew what I wanted to say, what am I capable of saying in Chinese?

en	Today is Sunday? I'm a student?

en	She watches Chun-hua take a lotus petal from a glass bowl and offer it to the giant Buddhas.

en	.............

en	Noelle, we're going to pray for Ah-ma. Take a flower petal from that bowl over there.

en	Can I pray in English?

en	If you have to.

en	Unsure what she's supposed to do, Noelle does her best to imitate her parents.

en	Hello, Buddha...I seriously doubt that you exist.

en	But I'm sure Ah-ma was a wonderful woman.

en	Chun-hua deposits her lotus petal in the bowl before the Buddhas, her eyes shining with tears.

en	I miss Ah-ma...

en	我想阿媽了...

en	.........

en	To Noelle's surprise, her aunt embraces Chun-hua like it's the most natural thing in the world.

en	They're so comfortable with each other.

en	Is that how mothers and daughters are supposed to be?

en	When I look at my mother, the first emotion I feel is stress.

en	Noelle deposits her lotus petal in the bowl and joins Ah-gong, who's waiting to the side.

en	He smiles awkwardly at her as they stand together in silence.

en	............

en	............

en	What should I do?

en	Try to build a relationship in broken Mandarin? Tell him "I like reading" and "My favorite color is green"?

en	Or do I let the moment pass me by? Say nothing and remain strangers?

en	Am I a terrible person if that's what I do?

en	Come on, we're going upstairs.

en	After an elevator ride, they arrive at the floor housing her grandma’s ashes.

en	Ah-ma's over here.

en	Noelle follows everyone down the hall to a one of the niches.

en	The only thing distinguishing it from the others is the tiny nametag on the door.

en	Not that I can read it...Even if I could, I don't know the names of any of my relatives.

en	And at this point, I'm too embarrased to ask.

en	Even Chun-hua's name I only know by sound. I have no idea what it looks like.

en	Noelle's dad points to the units beside Ah-ma's.

en	Your mom and I bought our spots, too.

en	Already? You're only in your fifties.

en	There's a limited number, so we made sure to reserve them before they were all gone.

en	I suppose my parents {i}are{/i} fairly old. They didn't manage to have me until their forties.

en	Going off of the average American life expectancy, they probably have around twenty-five years left.

en	*sniff*...

en	Noelle's mom wipes her eyes as they open the little door of Ah-ma's unit.

en	Will {i}I{/i} cry when my mother dies someday?

en	I'm starting to seriously worry that I won't. What kind of monster does that make me?

en	What kind of cold, heartless person cares so little about her own parents?

en	Is there something wrong with me? Do I just not form emotional bonds as deeply as ordinary people do?

en	When they get back to Ah-gong's apartment, Noelle and her mom begin packing to leave.

en	Are you all flying back tonight?

en	Actually, my dad will be in Taiwan for another week attending to business matters.

en	So my mother and I are flying back alone.

en	Aw, one week was too short.

en	As Noelle fits the last of her clothes into the roller bag, Chun-hua takes a seat, pulling a thick tome out of her backpack.

en	Noelle feels a twinge of sadness as she watches her cousin read her huge, academic looking book.

en	If I'd grown up in Taiwan, we probably would've become close.

en	Suddenly, a strange thought occurs to Noelle.

en	If I'd grown up here, would my personality been shaped into something more similar to Chun-hua's?

en	How much of my personality is just a product of being raised by an immigrant helicopter mother with no friends or family around to balance her out?

en	Would my mother and I have gotten along?

en	The magazine Chun-hua showed Noelle earlier is still out on the coffee table, taunting her.

en	I'm finished packing, so I have some time to kill before we leave for the airport.

en	Maybe I can translate the poem my mother wrote.

en	Noelle digs her emergency Chinese-to-English dictionary out of her backpack.

en	I was being a petulant baby in elementary school.

en	All I have to do is persevere and power through learning the language properly this time.

en	I'll simply look up each word I don't know, and burn its pronunciation and meaning into my memory.

en	Unfortunately, she doesn't know a single word in the poem's first line.

en	After spending 15 minutes pounding seven words into her memory, her enthusiasm evaporates.

en	This actually is incredibly difficult...

en	I'm not surprised that I have nothing to show for my six years of Chinese school. It feels like the knowledge is just washing over my brain like water over plastic.

en	Is my brain just not wired for this?

en	Could it be genetic? Even after living the majority of their lives in America, my parents haven't mastered English, either.

en	It takes another 15 minutes for her to finally overcome the first line of the poem.

en	At last! Onto the second line!

en	And I already know all these words.

en	Mirror flower water moon.

en	...........

en	It's total gibberish. Is it supposed to sound poetic mushed together like that?

en	Mirror flower water moon.

en	Noelle feels the urge to tear the magazine to shreds.

en	Perhaps noticing her hands quaking with barely surpressed rage, Chun-hua peers over Noelle's shoulder to see what she's reading.

en	What's wrong?

en	Nothing. I'm just translating one of my mom's poems.

en	Why don't you ask your mom for help?

en	I'd rather die.

en	Oh. Okay.

en	Maybe I can help instead?

en	Where are you stuck?

en	What's this supposed to mean? {font=chunhua_chinese.ttf}鏡花水月?{/font}

en	Oh, that's a...How do you call it?

en	A saying. Like the lesson of a story.

en	Flower in the mirror, moon in the water

en	It's short for 鏡子裡的花，水面上的月亮.

en	Pretty much, it means something that you can see but never grasp.

en	Like a flower reflected in a mirror, or the moon shining on the water's surface?

en	Yes. You can't reach your hand through the mirror and take the flower out, it's impossible.

en	You can only look, never have it.

en	I see.

en	So "Mirror Flower, Water Moon" is shorthand for something beautiful but unattainable.

en	Pretty much.

en	Da Ah-yi cheers as Noelle's mom manages to zip her bulging suitcase closed.

en	Ready to go to the airport?

en	準備好去機場了嗎？

en	Let's go.

en	{font=chunhua_chinese.ttf}我們走吧。{/font}

en	Noelle gives the half-translated poem one last despairing look before flipping the magazine shut.

en	Is that what I've been chasing after this whole time? A flower in the mirror?

en	If only I get straight As, I'll have a normal relationship with my parents.

en	If only I land a summer internship, I'll have a normal relationship with my parents.

en	If only I become fluent in Chinese, I'll have a normal relationship with my parents.

en	What if it was never possible from the start, no matter what I did?

en	Stranger

en	That evening, Noelle and her mom make landfall in California.

en	Instead of driving home from the airport, they take the BART back.

en	Noelle wrinkles her nose as she inhales the stench of vomit, urine, and cigarettes.

en	Dad's car is parked at the airport garage. Why not just drive it home?

en	We wouldn't be able to get gas.

en	It's not safe for women to pump gas. It's so easy for a criminal to grab you and drive away.

en	We live in one of the safest suburbs in the entire U.S....

en	Is that why she always has my dad pump the gas...?

en	Besides, I can't read fast enough.

en	When you're driving on the freeway the signs pass by so quickly.

en	Noelle reluctantly sits down on a filthy, worn seat with a suspicious brown stain on it.

en	The conductor mumbles something unintelligible over the intercom as the train stops at a station.

en	Six{incoherent}( ? ? ? ){/incoherent} Miss{incoherent}( ? ? ? ){/incoherent}...

en	A breathless man enters the train car just in time before the doors shut. His eyes frantically scour its interior.

en	Man

en	Does this train go to Berkeley?

en	It does not. This is the Fremont train.

en	Shit! I need to get off at the next station!

en	As the train continues onward, Noelle notices a puddle of liquid travelling down the floor.

en	What is that? Did someone spill their drink?

en	Passenger

en	AAAAAAHH!!!

en	FUCKING NASTY! THAT BITCH PEED IN HER SEAT!

en	What?!

en	Disgusted, Noelle recoils and keeps her feet as far as possible from the pee spreading down the floor.

en	SO FUCKING GROSS!!! FUCKING BITCH!!

en	{incoherent}( ? ? ? ){/incoherent} biohazard {incoherent}( ? ? ? ){/incoherent}...Please evacuate {incoherent}( ? ? ? ){/incoherent} at the next station.

en	What's he saying?

en	The urine is a biohazard. We need to get off the train at the next station.

en	Once the doors open, Noelle and her mom hastily drag their luggage off the train and onto the concrete platform.

en	Maybe we should've driven after all. I didn't know BART was like this.

en	We're still several stops from our destination.

en	Noelle and her mom wait on a bench for the next train home.

en	Nine car train to Fremont in six minutes.

en	Our next train will arrive in six minutes.

en	Okay.

en	Good thing I was here with you, or else I wouldn't know what train to take.

en	Exhausted, Noelle stares at the dark line of trees ahead of them. It's cold.

en	Why are we here?

en	Because the hobo lady peed on the floor?

en	That's not what I mean — Why did you move from Taiwan to America?

en	To give you more opportunities.

en	That doesn't make any sense.

en	Taiwan is superior to the U.S. by every conceivable metric. And it's not even close.

en	Taiwan has socialized healthcare, more robust public infrastructure, and one of the lowest poverty rates in the world.

en	Americans live shorter lives. Even worse, they're not as good at math and science.

en	Taiwan was different in the past. All you see is Taiwan now, but it didn't used to be this way.

en	And America was strong. We were scared China was going to invade Taiwan.

en	But they didn't.

en	In all this time that we've lived in America, nothing's happened.

en	That's true, but it COULD'VE happened.

en	But the plain truth is that it didn't...

en	You could have just stayed put. I could have grown up in Taiwan like Chun-hua and the rest of my cousins, and everything would have been fine.

en	But we didn't know that.

en	You think we had a crystal ball telling us the future?

en	Noelle's mom perks up as a train screeches to a stop at the platform.

en	Fruitvale...Dublin-Pleasanton train.

en	Is this our train?

en	No, it's not.

en	Noelle's mom settles glumly back on the bench.

en	You know how Chun-hua wants to study in America?

en	Yes.

en	I told her not to do it. It's not worth it.

en	I didn't realize how hard it would be.

en	You'll be far from everyone you know.

en	And your kids won't understand what you're talking about. You can't communicate with them.

en	I didn't know that if you have kids in America, your kids will be American.

en	That wasn't obvious to you...?

en	No.

en	...........

en	Noelle waits with her friends for the baseball club meeting to begin.

en	How was Taiwan?

en	It was amazing.

en	The subway system — it was so punctual and efficient! And the signage was so clear.

en	If you ever visit, Diya, you don't have to be afraid of getting lost or not hearing the announcements like you do on BART.

en	Everyone there meticulously organizes their recyclables, too.

en	If people fail to sort their materials properly, the government will fine them up to $200!

en	Wait, they do that in Korea, too!

en	Interesting. Perhaps Korea is more similar to Taiwan than I thought.

en	I bet Korea did it first, and then Taiwan just stole it.

en	WHAT MAKES YOU THINK THAT?!

en	Diya listens with a small smile as Noelle continues extolling the virtues of Taipei's trash-collecting system instead of describing any of the landmarks she visited.

en	You must've liked it there.

en	You're right, I did...

en	...........

en	What do you call it when you're grateful for the things your parents have done for you, but at the same time, you feel like they made critical mistakes that'll probably affect you forever?

en	Isn't that just life?

en	Oh...I suppose it is.

en	Dammit, my shoelaces keep coming undone...

en	Noelle glances to her left, where Akarsha is crouched over tying her sneaker laces.

en	WHY HAVE YOU TIED YOUR SHOELACES LIKE THAT?

en	This is the Silicon Valley, Frenchman. The land of innovation.

en	Didja get me any souvenirs on your trip?

en	No.

en	Huh?! Meanie!

en	I didn't get anyone anything. We had limited luggage space.

en	All we brought back were snacks that can't be found here, and dubious beauty products my mom wanted.

en	Dubious beauty products? Like what? Nail clippers with bombs in them?

en	Wh...Why would there be nail clippers with bombs with them?

en	All I meant was products with questionable value like skin whitening cream.

en	Wait, skin whitening cream? Like, to make your skin lighter?

en	Yes. Chinese beauty standards are all kinds of messed up.

en	It's been ingrained very deeply into people's minds that the lighter your skin is, the better.

en	That's just like in India.

en	Yeah, oh my god! I thought it was just a brown thing!

en	You guys have colorism, too?!

en	Oh, is it similar in your culture?

en	It's a whole thing! You have NO idea.

en	I would argue I do have an idea.

en	My mother even tells me not to spend time outside to avoid getting a tan.

en	Oh, my mom does that too. They have those dumb as fuck skin creams in Korea, too.

en	It's the same.

en	It's the same...

en	Yellow and brown parents...They match just like pee and poo.

en	What the fuck man...

en	.......

en	Akarsha, have you ever considered not speaking?

en	How mean! The second I open my mouth, you all jump to slap my balls...

en	DO YOU HAVE TO WORD IT LIKE THAT?

en	I'm tryin' to use more phrases with the word "balls" in it in my normal conversations.

en	WHY?

en	I dunno, I just think it'll add more flavor.

en	[teamName!t], assemble!

en	Team Global Warming gathers around Chryssa and Liz as they begin the meeting.

en	The [teamName!t] gather around Chryssa and Liz as they begin the meeting.

en	So we've got good news and bad news.

en	Good news, we have a game today!

en	Bad news...It's just the Niles baseball team again.

en	They're the only ones who would play us again.

en	Ah...That's not surprising.

en	We either win by pulling some weird shenanigans, or lose so badly we get mercied. There's no in between.

en	So most teams we play aren't exactly eager for a rematch.

en	We had to swear up and down you guys would be normal this time.

en	So y'all better not be weird.

en	Alright, we yakusoku...

en	What?????

en	That's how you say "promise" in Nihongo...a.k.a Japanese.

en	..............

en	Is everyone ready to go? The other team got here early.

en	Team Global Warming walks over to the field, where the Killer Whales are already warming up.

en	The [teamName!t] walk over to the field, where the Killer Whales are already warming up.

en	Thanks for being willing to play us again, guys.

en	No problem. Time for our revenge!

en	Yeah, right. We destroyed you guys last time.

en	Well, that was before our secret weapon joined the team.

en	Secret weapon?

en	We got a new guy who's pretty good.

en	Oh yeah? Where is he?

en	Jun-seo and Hayden look around amongst their teammates, but as the seconds pass, their faces grow more and more alarmed.

en	...I'm actually not sure...

en	Maybe he got lost on his way driving here?

en	Yeah, that seems typical of him.

en	It's fine, we can wait a few minutes for him to show up.

en	20 minutes later

en	No one came...

en	He's decidedly late at this point.

en	I can't believe this. Where the heck could he be??

en	Did you try calling him?

en	He didn't pick up.

en	Well, it's not like he can answer the phone if he's driving.

en	You guys are pathetic. Making up some guy to blame your loss on...

en	We're not making him up! He's real!

en	And we didn't lose yet?? Stop jumping to conclusions...

en	Is it okay if we start playing without him? If he turns up later, he can join the game then.

en	Yeah, sure...

en	Umpire

en	As the Killer Whales file into the dugout, Noelle starts trekking to her spot in right field.